, the fastest update of the latest chapter of Fang Wai: The Vanishing Eight Gates!" "Doctor Ding, I still like to call you Doctor Ding." In fact, I didn't come here to change my opinion of men, but mainly to know, how can I change my mother's opinion of me, and don't always force me to go on blind dates and deal with people?"

The speaker was a young woman, her shoulders not very relaxed, her elbows up, her hands on her thighs at each side, her legs together, her back not leaning against the sofa, and her head slightly tilted forward when she spoke.

This is the third counseling conversation between Ding Qi and the client, and the first two meetings have not made breakthroughs, which are partly related to the client's obvious resistance and strong sense of self-preservation.

During the "ingestion meeting" of the first meeting, Ding Qi told her that she did not need to call herself Dr. Ding, because the relationship between the counselor and the client is not that of a doctor and a patient. But the other party insisted on calling it that, out of respect and acceptance, Ding Qi let her go.

The so-called intake interview is that the counselor starts from the first reception of the self-helper, and through listening, questioning, reflection, guidance and other techniques, determines the apparent and potential goals of the help-seeker, finds out the possible psychological problems of the other party, and collects and organizes relevant counseling file information. And today, the person who asked for help has passed the stage of intake talks.

Ding Qi did not smile, but showed sincerity and concentration, and said in a gentle and patient tone: "We must not only change our opinions, but also change our practices, and the focus is not on your mother, but mainly on yourself." At first you don't think you have a psychological problem, it's just that your mother is troubled. After counseling, you also realize that there is indeed a conflict in your heart and that you are troubled in your life. That means we're making progress in our talks, right?"

As he spoke, Ding Qi "opened" page after page of records. It's not on the coffee table, it's in the mind, like a notebook or computer document –

Name: Guonan Liu

Gender: Female

Age: Twenty-seven years old

Profession: Graphic designer in the new media industry

Place of birth: This city

Education: Bachelor's degree

Marital status: unmarried, no previous marital history. According to his mother's introduction and his own statement, he has no stable relationship history. Judging from the content of the interview, there should be no sexual experience so far.

……

Problems and Initial Diagnosis: The help-seeker insists that men are not good. Her mother was deeply worried about this, and arranged blind dates for her many times, and persuaded her that she should find someone to fall in love and marry. The help-seeker was tired of his mother's nagging and was troubled by it. When her mother introduced the client, she hinted at concerns about her sexual orientation.

The help-seeker did not seem to have taken the initiative to seek help, but had been repeatedly requested by his mother for psychological counseling. However, she is willing to use psychological counseling as an attempt to solve the problem, and she has had three consecutive interviews, and the last two times she came alone on her own initiative, indicating that she still has a subconscious expectation of asking for help, not a superficial rejection.

Her original self-proclaimed purpose was not to solve her own psychological problems, but to avoid her mother's nagging, so that there was an excuse for her mother not to force her to find a partner. Although no chromosomal abnormality tests have been performed, the preliminary diagnosis shows that the client does not have homosexual tendencies.

In lesbian sex in general, the active party is usually a problem of sexual role perception, the passive party is usually a problem of sexual object selection, and the opposite is true for men. The help-seeker does not have a bias in the perception of sexual roles or the choice of sexual objects, she just insists that men are not good things, and the psychological state shown by her words and deeds is completely based on the cognitive identity and choice perspective of women.

The help-seeker has a clear understanding of his or her own point of view, his or her current situation, and the distress he or she is facing, but sees it as a personality. And her personality concept conflicts with the ideas of the people around her, and she feels troubled, showing the coordination of mental activities, and is also in line with the personality characteristics of introversion and pursuit of perfection.

Psychotic symptoms can be basically ruled out, and no psychotic characteristics have been observed, and there are psychological problems, but they belong to the category of mental activities of normal people......

It's a bit hard to imagine that these are the contents that are "opened" in the mind, just like a clear book flashing quickly, and the systematic memory induction and information organization are completed in a quiet way. But this is not a special function, just a quality that an excellent psychologist should possess after long-term professional training, which seems to be a "supernormal ability" that is different from ordinary people.

Mastering this ability requires a state of intense concentration and long-term skill training. Theoretically, this is a skill that a good counselor must master, but everyone has different talents, different levels of concentration and effort, and of course the level of mastery is also different.

Ding Qi is undoubtedly extremely talented and hardworking, and his professional skills are almost at the highest level. Mentor Liu Feng once gave this technique a name that has not yet been recognized in the industry - Heart Book Technique.

In the process of psychological counseling, unless the consent of the other party is obtained, the counselor is not allowed to make on-site records, especially in the initial ingestion conversation, and try not to make a record, so as not to arouse the doubts and disgust of the help-seeker. This requires the counselor to be able to accurately remember what the client said during the hour-long meeting, and grasp the core elements in the scattered words and summarize them, all in the mind.

The information content can contain various forms and documents, which means that the counselor fills in various forms and documents in his mind while the conversation is going on, which is a very professional skill. In the subsequent talks, it is necessary to apply the summarized information in a timely manner and give reasonable feedback to the help-seekers.

It is often only after the meeting is over and the client has left that the counsellor can record this information so as not to forget it. Before the next consultation, it is important to refamiliarize yourself with these records, which are usually not available in the field during the formal meeting, but are presented and used in your mind.

What should be noted is that the psychological counselor should not be distracted in this process, and should always keep an eye on the content of the meeting and the response of the person seeking help, and the information in his mind should be constantly organized and used for feedback, which is carried out at the same time as the meeting. Although Ding Qi is still very young, he can already be called a master of "Heart Book Technique" in this regard.

The temperature and light in the consultation room are comfortable, but there is no superfluous furnishings that could cause distraction and anxiety for the person seeking help. One long and one short, two sofas and a coffee table, there is no notebook and pen on the coffee table, only two paper cups.

The pen can also become a kind of hurtful murder weapon on special occasions, and it is better not to appear if it does not appear, and even if it appears, it cannot be placed within the reach of the person seeking help. The door of the counseling room is soundproof, but it cannot be locked, all to prevent some accidents, and it is also the counselor's self-protection.

Patients who can be found to be mentally abnormal through simple observation and questioning are usually sent to a psychiatric department for diagnosis and treatment, which is theoretically not the target of a psychological counselor, but it is also necessary to take precautions. At least most of the people who come here for help, many of them have mental or emotional problems.

While Ding Qi was sorting out the "Heart Book", Liu Guonan replied: "I didn't think I had a problem or my problem, but after talking to Dr. Ding twice, I also felt that there were some problems that needed to be solved, and I did have troubles...... Dr. Ding, many people around me think I'm sick, don't you think so?"

Ding Qi replied solemnly: "You already asked this question when we first met. I told you right then that you were not sick, at least medically, you had no neurotic or psychotic symptoms. You are a normal person, but normal people also have psychological problems, and sometimes they are in a state of mental unhealth, which will affect people's lives. ”

Liu Guonan nodded with satisfaction: "Well, Dr. Ding is very professional and can stick to his own point of view, that's how you analyzed it with me last time...... In that case, how can I stop my mother from bothering me?"

Dingzi: "What we have to solve now is not your mother's problem, but your problem. Now it seems that there are two main aspects of your inner trouble, one is that your mother's nagging and suspicion make you too annoying, and she insists that you have something wrong with you and do not want to talk to someone. The second is your own point of view, insisting that men are not a good thing. And through my observation, your implication is that associating with men will cause you harm, right?"

As he spoke, Ding Qi couldn't help but think of Liu Guonan's mother. It took a lot of effort for him to make the aunt understand that the psychological counseling center was not an institution like a community marriage agency.

Liu Guonan replied: "Let you summarize it like this, it seems to be the case." But the second one is my own problem, and it has nothing to do with anyone else!"

Ding Qi: "For the first question, the goal of counseling is to help you adjust your cognition and behavior, so as to adapt and adjust the way you get along with your mother, so that the conflict of ideas is no longer troublesome, so here, it is still your problem. …… As for the second question, since men are not good things, what do you think of your father, and he is not a good thing either?"

When he said the latter words, Ding Qi tried to keep his tone as soft as possible, observing Liu Guonan's reaction. And Liu Guonan's reaction was very fast, and he immediately replied: "My father is very good, a good person." ”

Dingqi: "But this doesn't match the concept you insist, he is also a man, and you say that men are not good things." ”

Liu Guonan: "I don't regard him as a man, my father is my father, it is impossible to be my man, in my concept, the so-called man should be ......" suddenly paused when he said this.

Ding Qi felt that he was about to grasp the crux of the problem, and immediately responded: "I try to help you summarize, in your concept, a man who only has a gender meaning is not a man, and it is a man who has the potential to have an emotional relationship with you?"

Liu Guonan nodded and said: "Yes, it is impossible to have that kind of relationship with me, I don't care if he is good or bad, male or female." ”

Ding Qi emphasized again: "The relationship you are talking about refers to the emotional relationship between the sexes. There are two main kinds, the men who are interested in you or the men you might be interested in, they are not good things! As for the other people, even though their gender is also male, they are not in the scope of your evaluation, is that true?"

Liu Guonan said thoughtfully: "It seems to be like this, but since men are not good things, how can I be interested in them?" The process of psychological counseling is often repeated like this, and many things may feel "stupid" to ordinary people, but people with psychological problems do not think so, they will feel that it is very serious and important.

Ding Qi finally smiled: "The so-called interest is not necessarily like or dislike, but a kind of emotional investment." You will pay attention to them, consciously or unconsciously, and invest in a strong emotion. For example, if you insist that a certain man is not a good thing, this is the emotion of attention and investment in your heart. ”

Liu Guonan: "It seems that this is really the case, such as Dr. Ding, I didn't care if you were a man at first. ”

Ding Qi: "I suggested for the first time that if you are very disgusted with men, you can refer you to a female counselor, but you said that there is no need for that, it turns out that there is such a reason. ”

Liu Guonan: "Actually, even if I don't think you're a good thing, I don't want to change to a woman to do consulting...... Men generally think I'm hard to do, but women generally think I'm sick. ”

Ding Qi corrected at the right time: "This is just the individual people you come into contact with, and you think they think they think of you, don't expand this individual, self-perception infinitely to everyone, we can't think like this." ”

Liu Guonan: "Dr. Ding, I told you earlier that I didn't want to come at all, it was my mother who forced me to come, and that's not exactly the case. When I say that, I just hate my mother's nagging every day, and I can't help but want to do it against her. I also wanted to try it with a psychiatrist, but I didn't know if it worked. ”

Ding Qi said earnestly: "Well, actually, I noticed it too. You come to the so-called psychiatrist, on the one hand, you want to prove that you are okay through the doctor, and on the other hand, you are also very conflicted and have expectations. You've been holding this view since you were in college, and your mother has been nagging, but it hasn't affected your work and life too much. Why are you suddenly trying to find a way to solve it now, I'm afraid it's not just because of age?"

Liu Guonan's shoulders finally flattened, and he said with some concern: "Actually, my mother has been nagging all these years, although I listen to it a little annoying, but it's not good, after all, it's my mother, she can say a few words if she wants to." But recently, I suddenly feel very unbearable, sometimes my heart beats so fast, I often have insomnia at night, and when I go to a crowded place, others look at me a few times, and I also think they are talking about me, according to Dr. Ding, it really affects my life......"

Ding Qi's expression became solemn, this help-seeker is indeed very "difficult", he keeps a lot of psychological distance from others, and he has a strong defense in his subconscious, and he has not told the truth until now, which is a situation that has not been confided in the previous two consultations. He asked very seriously: "You said that in a crowded place, when someone looks at you a few times, you 'feel' that they are talking about you, but do you think they are really talking about you?"

Liu Guonan lowered his head and said, "I know they may not be talking about me, it's just that I think too much about myself, but I always can't help but feel like this." As he spoke, he unconsciously reached for a sapphire pendant on his chest.

Ding Qi breathed a sigh of relief, leaned forward and said: "Since you can have such a self-understanding, the problem is not too serious, but if you don't make adjustments and continue to develop, I'm afraid it will lead to more serious problems." Do you recall well, when did this start?...... I would like to ask you more, why did you wear the same necklace all the time you have changed into different clothes these three times?"

This kind of asking two questions in a row, and the second question is obviously off topic, is a taboo in the counseling conversation, but Tinzi is keen to observe the details and thinks that there may be a connection.

Liu Guonan's expression was suddenly startled: "Doctor Ding, you are really amazing! I remembered that after buying this necklace, it felt wrong."

At that time, I was shopping in the mall with three girlfriends and three classmates from college, and I saw this necklace at the counter. We all tried, and I was the last to try. The three of them liked it very much, but they didn't want to buy it because it was too expensive, and the salesperson later complimented me on wearing the most beautiful one, so I bought it.

When I went to work after wearing this necklace, I always noticed that my existing colleagues always looked at me a few more times, and I always felt a little panicked when I went to crowded places......"

Tintzy: "In that case, why do you keep wearing it?"

Liu Guonan was slightly stunned: "Why don't I wear it? It took more than 8,000 yuan! What does it have to do with me if others don't discuss it?"

Ding Qi smiled: "But you feel uncomfortable when you wear it, and it is precisely because of this discomfort that you are unwilling to take it off, right?"

It's a very contradictory mentality, but it does happen to people, and Liu Guonan replied with some hesitation: "Yes." His expression became a little confused as he spoke.

Ding Qi thought for a while, and then suddenly asked: "Liu Guonan, do you think you are beautiful? Compared to the other women around you, do you think you are attractive enough to the opposite sex?...... If you trust me, don't be afraid and answer truthfully. This question may be a little private, but the counselor will keep it strictly confidential. ”

In the third consultation meeting, Ding Qi finally opened Liu Guonan's inner world and made a breakthrough. Liu Guonan, with a somewhat aggrieved and somewhat confused look, told a lot as soon as he opened his mouth, and under the continuous guidance of Ding Qi, he finally found the root of the problem.

In Ding Qi's "Book of Hearts", the situation about Liu Guonan becomes complete and clear-