Liu Guonan claimed at first that he couldn't stand his mother's nagging and came to a psychological counselor for help. But the crux of the problem is her insistence that men are not good things and that she does not want to have normal romantic relationships with the opposite sex.

Usually for this kind of psychological conflict, the counselor cannot directly tell the other person "how to know men" and "how to get along with men" at the beginning, although cognitive and behavioral adjustments are the final result.

In fact, the question of "men are not a good thing" is extremely common in psychological counseling. In Ding Qi's three-year professional experience, this is the thirty-second case, which is almost an average of every month. However, the reasons for this perception, which in turn affects work or life, vary.

For example, sexual orientation problems, personality disorders, stress reactions caused by experiencing major emotional blows and traumatic shadows. There are also people who find it difficult to have normal romantic relationships because of social barriers, fear of contact, and poor social adaptation, but they make excuses for their avoidance behaviors and carry out autosuggestion, and over time they will also form this kind of solidified concept.

Liu Guonan's name is very masculine when she hears it, and it was her father who gave it to her. Because his parents wanted a boy at the beginning, but they gave birth to a girl, Liu Guonan had no choice for this. Since she was a child, she was not very confident in her feminine charm, or subconsciously thought that she was not so sexy and beautiful enough to be unattractive to the opposite sex.

This hint of inferiority leads to a strong sense of self-preservation. The feeling was unconscious, and she didn't even recognize it clearly. There are quite a few people who have this problem, and in most cases, the impact is not too severe, and it usually solves itself.

In Liu Guonan's college days, the six girls in the same dormitory, the other five all had boyfriends, and they all moved off campus to rent a house and live together, and in the end she was the only one left in the dormitory.

Many people often don't face up to their inferiority, maybe it's not that there are no boys pursuing her, but Liu Guonan's personality does cause boys to be difficult to approach. Under the strong contrast, "no boy likes me", and finally becomes "men are not good things", giving himself a reasonable explanation and making his cognition and behavior more solidified.

So her so-called men are not all men, but men who are likely to have sexual intimacy with her. Later experiences may have had a greater impact on her. That is, the five girls in the same dormitory, although they had boyfriends and rented a house outside the school to live together, but before and after graduation, for various reasons, they all parted. Although a little too big in terms of probability, it is also a common situation on college campuses.

Liu Guonan has always had a strong concern for the opposite sex in her heart, and she also has curiosity and desire for the relationship between the sexes, but she rejects this impulse emotionally, which leads to inner conflict.

As for the necklace with a sapphire pendant, it is only a factor that induces more serious psychological problems in specific scenes, and it also symbolizes that she cares a lot about what others think of her in her heart, but on the surface she insists on a certain stubborn concept, as if she is protecting herself.

Ding Qi looked at Liu Guonan in front of him, speaking from his heart, in a male eye, she was actually very beautiful. Both the skin and the figure are very good, if you pay attention to grooming and dressing, you can be a pretty attractive beauty. But Liu Guonan's outfit seems to be deliberately concealing these, intentionally or unintentionally, her hair is neatly combed, her clothes are also neat and clean, and she is not the same outfit for three consecutive consultations, but it feels a little difficult to describe.

The pullover with a sweetheart collar she wore today hangs down with exaggerated lace at the neckline, which just covers the curve of her chest and does not show the beauty of her waist. Jinghu, a southern city located on the bank of the Yangtze River, is still a little hot in September, and most of the young girls are still wearing bright skirts, but Liu Guonan is wearing a pair of half-new denim cropped pants today.

The only eye-catching thing on her whole body is the pendant on the necklace on her chest, a teardrop-shaped sapphire, which just sets off the whiteness exposed by the neckline, but it doesn't match the overall outfit at all. After three consecutive consultations, Liu Guonan changed three sets of clothes, but he always wore this necklace, which was actually not very compatible, so Ding Qi keenly noticed it.

In the midst of questions and presentations, the counseling session was quickly coming to an end, and it was time to agree on a solution to the problem.

Ding Qi smiled as gently as possible: "We have found the problem, and now we have to discuss a reasonable solution to solve your inner conflict." In fact, you crave attention, but you are afraid of the consequences of intimate relationships, and you are worried that you will be hurt, and the root cause is also a lack of self-confidence......"

Liu Guonan suddenly interjected: "I heard that you men, after getting a woman and tricking her into bed, as soon as the novelty passes, you will feel bored and not exciting, and then you will gradually lose interest, isn't it?"

Liu Guonan's speech has become much more casual, and he has inadvertently classified Ding Qi as a "man". Ding Qi reacted with a wry smile: "Regardless of whether there is such a fact in reality, this statement just reflects your psychological problems. And what we want to solve is your inner conflict, now negotiate a consultation plan, set a small goal first, okay?"

Liu Guonan: "Set a small goal first? This is so familiar! Isn't it said by the tycoon Huang Jianlin?"

Ding Qi smiled again: "Setting a small goal first is also a commonly used term in psychological counseling. ”

"Ah, that's the case!" Liu Guonan asked with interest: "Then do you think that Huang Jianlin will also go to psychological counseling regularly and often hear this sentence, so when he was interviewed, he inadvertently quoted it?"

Ding Qi: "If there is no factual basis, you can't talk nonsense like that. Regardless of Huang Jianlin's problem today, let's set our small goals first. When you go back, I hope you can do a little homework, fill out a form by yourself, and then try to do as much as you can on the form...... I look forward to your feedback and feel free to come back for advice. ”

After the consultation, it was time for the mental health center to close, but Ding Qi's day was not over. He went to the school again and came to the office of the vice dean of the tutor Liu Feng, and Liu Feng was reading the file alone. Ding Qi took out his phone to search for nearby food, then asked the instructor to choose and give some suggestions in due course, introducing which restaurants are new or what new dishes have recently been introduced.

Tutor Liu Feng didn't go home today, so Ding Qi ordered takeout in the office to solve the dinner. Ding Qi already knows the tutor's tastes very well, and he can make the tutor very satisfied every time. During the short period of waiting for the takeaway to arrive, seeing Liu Feng close the file, Ding Qi neatly cleaned up the materials on the table and the sundries on the coffee table, and made a new cup of tea for the tutor.

Many classmates and colleagues are very envious of Ding Qi, but there are also some people who always have a trace of disdain when talking about him behind his back, thinking that Ding Qi is mainly good at stammering and fart, and serving Liu Feng, a teacher and leader, very comfortably, so he gets so much care and support.

It can also be seen from this that Ding Qi is very good at being a man and is quite likable, otherwise Liu Feng has brought so many students, why does he value him the most and have the closest relationship with him? And Ding Qi himself never thinks that his attitude towards his tutor is deliberately stammering and flattering, it is a kind of respect and gratitude from the bottom of his heart.

What he does for his mentor, even the small details of his daily life, feels natural.

Ding Qi met Liu Feng when he participated in a clinical internship in psychiatry in his third year of undergraduate. At that time, Liu Feng appreciated him very much and gave him a lot of encouragement and guidance. Ding Qi stayed in school after graduating from his bachelor's degree to study as an on-the-job graduate student led by Liu Feng, and then met his daughter Jiajia at Liu Feng's house.

Liu Feng did not take the initiative to match his daughter Jiajia and Ding Qi, but it was precisely because of Liu Feng's relationship that Ding Qi had the opportunity to meet and contact Jiajia, and the two developed into lovers on their own. And Liu Feng is also happy to see it come to fruition and has a praising attitude towards it, everything happens so naturally, and it seems to be a matter of course, all arranged by fate.

Ding Qi is just a college student from a remote third-tier small county, and he can be appreciated by a "big man" like Liu Feng during his time in school, and he also has a young and beautiful daughter of his mentor, which is really smooth sailing and enviable.

Did Ding Qi seize the opportunity to meet Liu Feng and thus achieve his goal of changing his fate? No one can say clearly, and it may seem like it to outsiders, but this is not a bad thing. In Ding Qi's eyes, Liu Feng is not only a respectable teacher, but also a loving father, even if he does not have a good relationship.

During the meal, Liu Feng asked with a smile, "I heard that when you were in class today, you actually told ghost stories?"

I don't know who made the small report so quickly! But this was also expected by Ding Qi, and he replied very shyly: "This is the case that you collected and sorted out the tutor, and I told us back then, and I used it in my teaching, who made me your student!"

Liu Feng: "You asked the students present to raise their hands twice, and analyzed in class why there were so many more people raising their hands the second time than the first time, which was very well integrated with the teaching content. But what about those three ghost stories...... At the beginning, I was teaching a small course for graduate students, and the teaching content was also different, and it was not very relevant to the topic of your lecture today, and the quotation was rather stiff! We should not add inappropriate interesting content in order to deliberately cater to students. ”

Ding Qi said very modestly: "Mentor, you can also see it, I also feel a little like this, after all, I can't use it as freely as you." ”

Liu Feng smiled again, and joked with an allusion: "You are indeed a little tender, just analyze and summarize it in time, and you don't always need to praise me." Ninety-nine of the hundred tall hats you brought into the house are left. ”

Ding Qi: "There must be a learning object for summary reflection, in fact, there is no way to tell ghost stories in class, and it is in line with the requirements of the school leadership team's recent rectification......"

Liu Feng smiled bitterly and waved his hand to interrupt him: "I know about this, so I won't evaluate it, just complete your teaching task well." ”

Jinghu University is listed in the 211 and 985 projects and is one of the national key universities. In recent years, the central government has vigorously strengthened its anti-corruption efforts, and several school leaders have been dismissed one after another. The new leadership team of the school put forward the requirements of strengthening teaching management, and put forward various rectification suggestions for many students who are absent from class.

For example, the most controversial one is, like many units, install a fingerprint attendance system at the door of the classroom, and swipe fingerprints before and after class instead of roll call. This obviously unrealistic proposal was, of course, rejected.

The interval between each class is only a short ten minutes, and many students have to rush to other classrooms after class. In addition, the school is not a company, the students are not employees, and the campus is extremely mobile, and the same group of students has to take different classes in different classrooms every day, and there are many temporary changes.

If this type of attendance system is installed in every classroom, the cost of investment, the database that needs to be maintained in real time is very large, and it is very impractical.

However, the majority of faculty and staff are basically talking from a different perspective when they discuss it. For example, many teachers at Jinghu University, which has a major in psychology and mental health, study behavioral prediction, and they point out that students who do not want to attend classes can skip classes at all, and only need to go to the classroom door at the specified time of class and end of class to have their fingerprints pressed.

Some teachers pointed out that even if students can enter the classroom, it cannot prevent them from sleeping in class, which is the so-called "keeping people, but not hearts". These opinions were made in a serious manner during the discussion, but in private they were told as a joke.

This unreliable suggestion was rejected, but there were other guiding opinions, such as going deep into the vast number of students to investigate, what are the main causes of skipping classes and sleeping in class, and according to the results of the investigation, targeted rectification should be carried out in the teaching process.

Of course, the original intention of doing this is good, but in the eyes of a psychology professional like Ding Qi, the results of the questionnaire can be thought of almost on the heels. Because the subjects of the survey are the students themselves, the questionnaire is designed in the form of "do you often skip class or sleep in class", "what are the reasons why you skip class or sleep", and so on......

For the identity of the person being investigated, this implies a critique of moral attribution. Not many people are willing to take the initiative to admit that this is due to internal self-factors such as boredom in school, laziness, playfulness, playing games, falling in love, etc., and most people tend to attribute the phenomenon to external causes. Unsurprisingly, the main conclusion of the survey was that the lectures were uninteresting, too boring to be engaging.

Since the school leadership team decided to do such an investigation, there must be corresponding measures, so they issued rectification suggestions to all teachers, asking everyone to make the teaching process as interesting and interactive as possible, and cultivate students' interest in learning.

In fact, whether it is quality education or skills education, the process of learning a lot of knowledge is bound to be boring, which cannot be avoided, and it is impossible to blindly pursue fun.

One of the important goals of educators is to cultivate students' awareness of the learning process and the purpose of learning itself, and to cultivate their learning ability and corresponding volitional qualities. And this, from the perspective of educational psychology and developmental psychology, is basically completed at the primary and secondary school level.

What is a person's identity, what is he doing, and what should he do? This kind of problem is the same everywhere, it is the coordination of cognition, emotion, will, and behavior, and it is necessary to correct it at any time. As for the school's suggestion, although he knows that this is not the fundamental solution to the problem, Ding Qi is also trying to make the course more attractive.

During the meal, the teacher and the student chatted and gossip, and Liu Feng said with a smile: "I heard that a young lady came recently, insisting that men are not good things, but designated you as a man for psychological counseling, and refused to refer her. A referral is when a counselor deems him or her inappropriate or limited ability to refer a client to another counselor.