I'm going to take you back from all the others—from that woman's, you won't be anyone's groom, I'm not going to be anyone's wife, from the guy who was with Jacob in the night, I'm going to duel and take you away and you have to hold your breath - Tsvetaeva, "I'm going to take you back from all the ages, from all the heavens"

Xu Zhaoyue liked this sentence very much, and even copied it on the title page of the diary.

It's just that the "wife" in the short paragraph of "I won't be anyone's wife" was changed to "husband" by him, Qi Hengfei once glanced at him inadvertently, and laughed at him for being childish and more serious than a poem.

Xu Zhaoyue retorted like a scoundrel

"Anyway, this author passed away and I don't know, can't I change it casually?"

Qi Hengfei asked him why he liked this sentence, and Xu Zhaoyue said very seriously: "Don't you think this poem is particularly like it was written for us?"

Qi Hengfei remembered that when Xu Zhaoyue was about to go to Shanghai to go to college, he confessed his sexual orientation to his family and was beaten by his parents. I couldn't believe that my proud son had such a strange sexual orientation, scolded him for being a pervert, thought he was disgusting and wanted to beat him to death. His father dragged him to a psychiatric hospital for treatment, and Xu Zhaoyue knelt on the ground and hugged his father's leg and refused to go. His mother locked him up in a fit of rage, only gave him three meals a day, didn't let him go out, didn't let him touch his mobile phone, didn't let him see Qi Hengfei, and even Qi Hengfei came to kneel down and pleaded for mercy, but his father beat him and blasted him out of the house. At that time, Xu Zhaoyue was crying in the room and hammering the door to let Qi Hengfei go, Qi Hengfei held back tears outside the door and endured his father's fists. The corner of his eye was broken and bleeding, and Qi Hengfei didn't seem to feel pain, and finally his mother threatened to call the police to let Qi Hengfei leave.

Xu Zhaoyue looked at the bruises on Qi Hengfei's arms from the window, and staggered away in despair. Xu Zhaoyue's heart hurt as if she was being screwed.

Xu Zhaoyue was crying for herself and Qi Hengfei at the same time, what should he do? Xu Zhaoyue felt that he and Qi Hengfei could only do this? He felt that there was no time when he could not see the future than now.

After two days, Qi Hengfei did not appear, and Xu Zhaoyue was worried in her heart whether she was seriously injured, or if the relationship between them was really as fragile as the book said. His mother brought him food, saw Xu Zhaoyue's soulless appearance, and thought that his son would make such a fuss and be poked in the back by outsiders, and couldn't help but ridicule him

"How could I give birth to such a shameless son as you, and your face will be lost by you. Knowing that you would be such a person, I strangled you to death when you were just born. ”

Xu Zhaoyue lowered her head when she heard this, and her bangs, which had not been cut for a while, just covered her eyes.

He said, "...... Mom, I'm sorry. "Because I hadn't drunk water for two or three days, I cried hoarsely the day before yesterday, and my voice was unusually hoarse, like the moaning of an old man before he died.

"Oh, I don't have a son like you. With that, his mother gave him a disgusted look and walked out of the room, the door closing very loudly. Zhen's door frame was trembling, and suddenly there was a small puddle of water stains on his pants, which looked particularly abrupt on the light-colored jeans.

Xu Zhaoyue raised her head and stared at the door crying silently. It was the quietest cry in a long time, and a strange smile appeared on the corner of his mouth as he cried, as if with some kind of determination. Xu Zhaoyue wiped away her tears fiercely, picked up the food she put aside, and devoured it, and didn't even taste his favorite wine-stuffed meatballs.

Xu Zhaoyue ate cleanly and glanced at the bowl in his hand.

Suddenly slammed the bowl to the ground, shouting, "Mom and Dad, open the door and let me out!" Xu's father and Xu's mother heard their son shouting again, and they both entered Xu Zhaoyue's room.

Dad Xu slapped Xu Zhaoyue hard, and pushed him hard into the wardrobe with a "bang". Xu Zhaoyue struggled to crawl with tears in her eyes, and said to Xu's father: "Parents, if I beg you, you can let me out" Xu's mother stood aside with a face full of disgust, "You shut up for me! I can't even let you go out to meet that man if I die! What kind of evil did our old Xu family create to give birth to such a shameless seed as you." Dad Xu said with a look of hatred: "You'd better stay for me and wait for me to contact the hospital." If you dare to make trouble with me again, I'll break your legs and make you lie in bed for the rest of your life!"

After speaking, Dad Xu walked out of the room.

Mother Xu looked at the mess on the ground and snorted: "It's really a sin." He picked up the broom that had been placed at the door and hurriedly cleaned it up, as if there was a virus in the room, and he didn't even want to stay for a moment, and when he left, he re-locked the door.

Xu Zhaoyue sat on the ground along the wardrobe, lowered her head and smashed her tears to the floor. He hunched his knees, buried his head in his knees, hugged himself tightly, and wept and murmured

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry......"

After a long time, Xu Zhaoyue raised her head. A group photo came out under the mattress, a group photo of the class graduating from high school.

This is the only photo of him and Qi Hengfei now, after he came out of the closet to his parents, Xu's father and Xu's mother confiscated everything in his room. But all the group photos of classmates who looked at some close ones were taken away, and this group photo was not taken away because Xu Zhaoyue accidentally forgot it on the bed and was stuck in the crack of the bed.

Qi Hengfei and Xu Zhaoyue in the photo are standing in the last two of the last row, and Qi Hengfei is still as cold and serious as ever.

Just the day before taking a group photo, he and Qi Hengfei quarreled over a trivial matter, Qi Hengfei felt that there was no need to care about the trivial matter, but Xu Zhaoyue felt that Qi Hengfei was not so concerned about himself. Xu Zhaoyue originally planned to let Qi Hengfei apologize to him for a day or two, but who would have thought that when the cameraman shouted "one, two, three", Qi Hengfei suddenly held Xu Zhaoyue's hand.

Both restrained and domineering, Xu Zhaoyue chuckled unconsciously.

Qi Hengfei in the photo is not only too hot in the sun, but also because of the small movements in public, his ears are red, Xu Zhaoyue caressed Qi Hengfei's face in the photo. The greedy depiction of Qi Hengfei's appearance seemed to engrave him in his bones.

At that time, Xu Zhaoyue was busy making up for evil, busy working part-time, and busy falling in love with Qi Hengfei.

Xu Zhaoyue knew what her cultural class had become, and she took Qi Hengfei to make up for the class in the library at noon every day. In order to make Xu Zhaoyue work hard, Qi Hengfei also specially stipulated that there would be punishment if the score of the test paper was lower than the target score. As for what kind of punishment it is, it all depends on Qi Hengfei's mood.

Now that Xu Zhaoyue thinks back, what impresses him the most is not the math test papers that tortured him for more than half a month, nor the English that he forgot to memorize. Rather, it was the two sparrows jumping in the sunlight and Qi Hengfei, who knocked him on the head with a ballpoint pen to make him pay attention.

Xu Zhaoyue put down the photo and got up and walked to the bed, reaching under the bed to find something.

Suddenly, Xu Zhaoyue found what she was looking for - a fragment of a porcelain bowl.

He deliberately brought his parents in for this small piece of debris, and between the pushes of Xu Zhaoyue and Xu's father, he quietly kicked a piece of debris to the bottom of the bed. Xu Zhaoyue held the fragments, and the sharp edges and corners pierced into Xu Zhaoyue's palm, and the bright red blood slowly flowed down from the fingers. Xu Zhaoyue didn't seem to notice the pain. I'm thinking about something very serious and heavy with my eyes closed

I don't know how long it took, Xu Zhaoyue opened his eyes, his face was full of pathos and forced calmness, and he let go of his palm. The blood had stopped flowing out, and the blood between the fingers had solidified into a dark mark.

Xu Zhaoyue picked up the blood-stained fragment and leaked out the wrist of her other hand. The bruises, purple blood vessels are clearly visible through the white skin, slender, fragile, as if they were cut off. Xu Zhaoyue trembled and put the sharpest part of the fragment to his wrist, and as long as he did, the blood in his veins would flow all over the sheets.

"Wow" The sound of being hit by a pebble sounded in the window, and Xu Zhaoyue was stunned and wondered if she was having auditory hallucinations. But another "ooh" sounded to prove that it was not an auditory hallucination, and Xu Zhaoyue threw away the debris and ran to the window.

It was really Qi Hengfei standing downstairs, Xu Zhaoyue opened the window and wanted to get closer to Qi Hengfei.

Xu Zhaoyue cried silently by the window, Qi Hengfei raised his head and looked at Xu Zhaoyue quietly, his eyes didn't dare to blink for a moment. For fear that he would miss a glance, Xu Zhaoyue would disappear.

I don't know how long I watched it, Qi Hengfei took out a small bag of things from his jacket pocket and threw it at Xu Zhaoyue.

Fortunately, Xu Zhaoyue's family lived on the second floor and caught it steadily, and Qi Hengfei retreated and motioned for Xu Zhaoyue to go in.

Xu Zhaoyue was reluctant, and watched Qi Heng's running figure leave the sight. He picked up the paper towel on the table to dry some of the uncoagulated blood on his hands, and then took a wet tissue to wipe the blood off the bag.

Xu Zhaoyue opened the bag and found that there were two boxes of stomach medicine that she had taken before, a piece of chocolate that she liked very much, and a note, Xu Zhaoyue opened the note, which read: "Eat well, if you don't want to eat, don't starve yourself." Pack up your things and wait for me tomorrow night at half past twelve. ”

Xu Zhaoyue guessed the purpose of Qi Hengfei letting him pack his things, starting from tomorrow night.

They have nothing but each other and nothing else.

Xu Zhaoyue packed up two sets of clothes, and the money she saved from her three-year part-time job in high school, as well as the group photo.

Although Xu Zhaoyue was still very nervous in her heart, she still pretended to be calm and tried her best not to show her flaws in Xu's mother, but fortunately, Xu's mother didn't want to look at him at all, and no matter how lame her acting skills were, she wouldn't show her stuffing.

At half past twelve, Xu Zhaoyue was already waiting in front of the window, he looked out the window, and the empty moonlight on the street set off the deserted street to be extremely silent. Xu Zhaoyue waited anxiously for Qi Hengfei, for fear that something would happen to him on the road.

Suddenly there was a sound of dragging an animal in the dark, and Xu Zhaoyue leaned out and looked forward to the arrival of someone.

Qi Hengfei didn't know where to drag a wooden ladder, and he leaned the wooden ladder against the wall. Signaling Xu Zhaoyue to climb the ladder down, Xu Zhaoyue hurriedly picked up the backpack that had been prepared a long time ago, sat on the edge of the window and climbed down the stairs, and when there were still four ladders from the ground, Xu Zhaoyue suddenly stopped. Qi Hengfei, who was holding the ladder, thought that Xu Zhaoyue was in trouble, so he lowered his voice and said, "Don't be afraid, be careful, we still have time." I saw Xu Zhaoyue cautiously turn around and condescendingly face Qi Hengfei, Xu Zhaoyue waved her hand and signaled Qi Hengfei to take two steps back.

Qi Hengfei didn't know so he still did it obediently, and Xu Zhaoyue, who had been crying for so many days, finally smiled, just like when she smiled at Qi Hengfei under the plane tree.

I saw him, and he jumped down hard to pounce Qi Hengfei into his arms.

Xu Zhaoyue said in Qi Hengfei's ear in a hoarse voice: "I miss you so much." ”

In an instant, Qi Hengfei's eyes turned red. hugged the lost baby who had been lost and thought about day and night, as if he wanted to integrate him into the bone marrow.

"Well, me too. ”