I'm very tired, I just went for a walk outside, the sunshine of the city is very quiet, I can't see the young people walking, I can only see some old people and children, the two extremes of age, young people have their own things, older than me are at work, younger than me are in class, they are all writing the history of this era, I have nothing to do outside of history. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

Passing by an old alley, I saw an old woman sitting on a wooden chair, she sat quietly in the alley, casting a long shadow in the sunset, her old face was reflected in golden yellow, the wrinkles on it were like the carved lines of a sundial, in the sunset represented year after year, I passed by her, she looked at me, peaceful and silent.

I thought, when I was as old as her, sitting on this wooden chair, in the sunset, what would I remember?

Time always flies, unconsciously how many years have passed, when I was a child, looking up at the sky, looking at the clouds flowing in the blue sky, thinking about how time is so slow, when is the holiday! When can I go to a very big city! Go to those beautiful places, occasionally there are planes flying by, just I saw it, the little face is full of surprise, staring at the plane in the blue sky for a long time, motionless, dreaming of catching the plane down to play, what a simple idea, like a pure white cloud above the blue sky, without a trace of flaw.

It's been a long time since I've looked up at the sky, and occasionally I look at it, it's hazy, I can't see clearly, I don't feel anything, I think the process of growing up is a process of loss, slowly losing all kinds of feelings, they are abandoned on the road behind you, abandoned in the wilderness, exposed to the sun, evaporated, weathered, and disappeared cleanly, without the slightest trace.

It's been three months since I came to Shanghai, but it's just these three months, I have lost the feeling of going to class, the feeling of school, the feeling of losing the dormitory, the feeling of desertion, all the feelings are gone, all the people who have crossed paths are gone, there is an empty place in my heart, I open the diary and want to write something, I can't write it, the feeling in my heart has been lost, what else can you write? Just like this article now, I can't understand what I'm writing myself, it's messy, it's complicated, I don't know what to express, what I'm going to express?

What can I express?

No!

The only thing you can do now is to continue to move forward, abandon one feeling after another on the road behind you, go to the unknown tomorrow, walk into the barren years, until one day you find that there is no longer any emotion to throw out, so you can't walk anymore, so you are like that old woman, sitting on a wooden chair in the sunset, thinking about something.

At that time, I thought about what I abandoned along the way......