Original Sin 2015-8-3116:04 Read (4157)

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Previous|Next: Two diaries

I've missed a lot of things, I've had a lot of shortcomings, I've always run away from a lot of things, I've let a lot of people down, I've been through countless partings, I've seen people leave, some of them are readers who have cheered for me, some of them are friends who have given me advice, some of them are people who have been in love or have not had time to fall in love, I often feel lonely and lonely, I understand that it is my own work. Pen Fun Pavilion wWw. ｂiquge。 ｉｎfo

I have no patience with my parents, more harsh than treating strangers, I have been impatient and perfunctory to them, but I feel deep self-blame and regret afterwards, but the next time I continue to speak coldly to them, especially my father, he is almost sixty years old, he has worked hard for most of his life, many times I want to know my situation, but I always don't give him a good face, yesterday when he was injected he asked me about my condition, but I impatiently murdered him a few words, today he has been looking at me with a lot of words, want to talk to me but don't know where to start, he went to work, I heard him call my cousin downstairs about me, the words revealed deep worry。

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know what I'm doing every day, I'm living in a cage, and I'm seeing the darkness in my mind. The key to the cage was in my own hand, and I could open it every now and then to get some fresh air and sunshine, but I would soon get back into the cage and lock myself up. Sometimes I am numb, sometimes sober, I miss the simple childhood, and the simple hometown of childhood life, growing up has made me gain a lot, but I have lost more, now I am on the verge of nothing, I watch a person go away, watch a person forget me here, I have fallen too much, look around, only I am left in the vast wilderness, I don't know when I will keep up with the pace of those who have gone forward, and they will get back on the road.

I want to bless everyone who is either around me or on the horizon, I want my parents to stop worrying about me, let them live a good life, I want to let myself not go on like this, I want to become the perfect me in my imagination, I want to write the best novels for readers I have never met, I want to be their distant and close friends, I want to go to see them in one city, I want to ride a bicycle to Beijing, to see the Forbidden City in the golden sunset. I haven't done what I want to do, I've thought about it countless times, but I'm always willing to crouch in that cage, I hold the key, I always encourage myself again and again, and let myself down again and again, capricious.

In fact, life is very good, but I made it very bad, obviously there are not so many things, I want to be cranky, under the calm surface, there is a turbulent heart, the tide of darkness is surging in the depths of my thoughts, I am happier than countless children, but I regard these as pain, I flapped my angelic wings, but I walked on the road to hell.

Youcancheck-outanytimeyoulike，Butyoucanneverleave.

Huang Huayi, August 31, 2015