Start Again2015-2-2719:27Read(2614)

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I haven't written anything for a while, especially a diary, a few years ago I would write every day, sometimes several a day, but the older you get, the less you can express, and you won't feel sad about some little things. Writing, fun, and www.biquge.info at best this is maturity, and at worst it is numbness. Maybe it's because what I want to express is so deep that I can't put it into words, and even if I barely put pen to paper, I can't really write what I want to say.

The long winter has finally passed, but the first snow has fallen in Shanghai, and this spring snow has come very reluctantly, with only a few small snow particles, mixed with wind and rain. I picked up my umbrella and went to the library, and this was the only place that could calm my mind.

Since when did I go to the library every day? It seems like half a year ago, when I was very impetuous, impatient to do anything, my mind was in chaos, I was hopeless about the future, I was about to go crazy, maybe I would kill myself one day.

I haven't written much for half a year, and I have stopped completely, no longer paying attention to the book review area, no longer being happy for the praise of readers, no longer feeling sad for the angry scolding of readers, and no longer anxious about how to write next and how to round the foreshadowing. In short, everything stopped, and in the hesitation it gradually stopped longer and longer, more and more thoroughly. Instead, I came to the library every day to read books, and over time, my mood was adjusted.

Sometimes, we walk on the road for so long that we only know how to move forward, but we forget the direction, and we can't reach the destination. In fact, stop and take a look, or close your eyes and take a nap for a while, you will go further. I suddenly remembered what I said before - "True perseverance is not to never stop, but to start again no matter how many times you stop." ”

Looking back on the past, the root cause of my troubles is that I can't control my heart, and all kinds of interference from the outside world make me have all kinds of desires, and I am sandwiched between inside and outside, so my troubles continue to arise, my thoughts are vigorous, and life is worse than death. I used to think that desire is a good thing, it keeps me going, but now I know that desire does make us move forward, but this kind of forward movement is blind, and it is inconsistent with our original direction, so we will never go to the original destination.

In fact, all the troubles are self-inflicted, and there is something wrong with one's own heart, and if you can be indifferent, there will be no troubles. It's just that I can't control my heart, and even if I can control it temporarily, it's easy to lose control again due to external interference. During this time, I didn't go on Weibo and QQ much, let alone read the book review area, isolated from the outside world, and was quiet for a while.

Relying on this method, my mind did calm down, but it was only a low-level method, like walking on thin ice. Small hidden in the mountains, big hidden in the city, the real hermit, even in the hustle and bustle of the world, can be quiet and inactive, they are truly in control of their own hearts. And I haven't even been able to do it now, as long as I'm still in contact with the outside world, then sooner or later my heart will become impetuous again.

How terrible the outside world is, everyone can disturb you and control your heart. When you want to study hard, your classmates will ask you to go to an Internet café all night, and your books will be opened and closed; after you ruthlessly chop your hands, Taobao's Double 11 will come as promised, and your bulging wallet will go down again; after you insist on losing weight for a month, someone will invite you to a big meal, and your deflated belly will bulge again; when you have just washed your hair, your male god will call you to cancel the date, and your expectation will turn into disappointment; when you muster up the courage to be an excellent person, your goddess suddenly ignores you, and all your courage turns into sulking; after you finally quit sex for more than a hundred days, a shameless bastard sends you a beautiful seedand you fall again...... Every day, every second, everyone, will interfere with you, your mood, your efforts, all because of them. But their interference is unintentional, they just think it's commonplace, it's something everybody is doing, and you can't blame them. If you want to blame, you can only blame you for not being able to control your heart!

A great life is a life of constant rebellion against oneself. The outside world will constantly interfere with you, make you have all kinds of desires, make you slack off, make you aggressive, make you crazy, and make you despair. If you want to be strong, you have to try to control your heart and constantly resist, but when you resist, you will be tortured and struggled all the time. This process is too painful, some people are daunted, some people give up halfway, only great people can persevere.

Those great people must be the ones who really control their hearts, and they turn all kinds of interference from the outside world into holy water that washes away the dirt of the soul, turn all kinds of desires into flames that burn away the impurities of the soul, turn all kinds of negative emotions into positive energy, and temper a heart to be inviolable.

Today, I still can't control my heart, and I still hide in my own world, afraid of contact with the outside world, afraid of being swayed by the outside world as I used to be. But human beings are social animals, how can they not be in contact with the outside world? Human growth requires constant struggle, and only by experiencing storms again and again can we become stronger.

It's safe for the boat to be parked in the harbor, but that's not what shipbuilding is for, and I'm going to set off again.

Huang Huayi

February 27, 2015