It's so uncomfortable, I have a fever again, I feel weak, I don't know if it's a recurrence. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 infoActually, it's all my own fault, I'm where I am today, it's all because of my own reasons.

The book has been interrupted for more than a year, and it was resumed in March, but it has been updated very slowly, with an average of less than one update a day. The editor has made two big recommendations and added some new readers, but they are still insignificant compared to the readers who have lost more than the break. I don't seem to be inspired, I don't know if I'm too lazy, I write so slowly, I don't know how to write, I can't write anything after sitting in front of the computer all day, so I look at Weibo, play games, and even indulge in games for days in a row, escaping reality.

The editor also talked to me last week, and he said that this book actually has a lot of potential, there are so few updates, and the new subscriptions can reach five figures, so I need to work hard to update, and if the number of updates goes up, he will also promote it vigorously. I'm also very guilty, many readers have been waiting for me to update for more than a year, and last year there was a reader who rewarded more than 3,000 yuan, which was supposed to add more than a year to him, but it was interrupted for more than a year. This year, I don't know how many readers left disappointed and never left a message in the book review section again, and I have been running away from it.

I told the editor that day that I would try to increase the number of updates. But then I not only didn't increase the amount of updates, but also stopped updating for two days, I can't seem to write anything, it seems that my inspiration has dried up, I used to be in a hurry, I could write 3,000 words in 40 minutes, but now I only write a few hundred words a whole day. I seem to be scrapped.

Last week, I was obsessed with Hearthstone, and then I learned the hard way and vowed that if I opened my desktop computer before June 1st, I would be a dog!

Yesterday morning I went to the library to write for two hours, but I only wrote a few hundred words, so irritable, after I got home, I played Overwatch, and I played until the evening, and I didn't write a word, and I opened Word at ten o'clock in the evening, but I wrote a few words and turned it off irritably, and continued to play the game. It may be that after playing a game for a day, I have been nervous, my stomach hurts, and I have been playing interferon for two years, and there are already digestive side effects, so it may be gastrointestinal bleeding.

The day before yesterday I had finished the last injection, it could not be a concomitant reaction to interferon, yesterday I was very irritable and went to bed, but I couldn't sleep, I always felt that I was wasting my life, wasting precious time, and I had a good future, all of which were wasted by myself. The more I think about it, the more I sulk, I can't sleep, I slap myself, knock my head, I don't know what I have in my head, why it became the way it is, why I can't write, why am I so lazy, addicted to the game, thinking about life is desperate, I didn't fall asleep until one o'clock in the morning, and at this time it was supposed to be the time for the liver to rest, but I was sulking and manic, which would cause liver depression and aggravate the condition, so I got up and turned on the computer again, turned off the network, and vowed to update the four chapters of 12,000 words today。 Later, I listened to music for an hour before I finally fell asleep.

I got up this morning a little tired, my parents and sisters went to work, and I was the only one at home, and I went to the library at 10 o'clock, ready to complete the update goal of 12,000 set last night, and specially took a glass and made a pot of Pu'er tea sent to me by a book friend last year, wanting to create well. But after I went to the library, I wrote for two hours in a row, only a few hundred words, I don't know what happened to me, why I couldn't write it, I vowed not to finish this chapter and not eat lunch, and then I wrote until more than 12 o'clock, only wrote 1000 words, I had to break my promise, go to lunch, out of the library, I slapped myself in hatred, knocked my head hard, what are you thinking in the head of this waste person, why can't you write, you are hopeless, you have been like this all your life, die early.

I didn't want to go home to eat, I went to the Hunan restaurant outside to eat, and I specially ate my favorite garlic sprouts fried meat, but I had no appetite, sitting on the chair began to feel a tiredness, I had to do it on the recliner, eat slowly in a lazy posture, in order to divert attention, I opened Weibo to pass the time, unconsciously ate for half an hour, after eating, began to feel uncomfortable, as if people with cirrhosis are not suitable for eating garlic sprouts, whatever, eat all.

I went back to the library and searched for whether I could eat garlic sprouts with liver disease. The result is not suitable to eat, more than 60 grams is not good for the condition, alas, I don't know if I just ate 60 grams, an egg is almost 60 grams, I should overdose.

After that, he started to have a fever in the library, and he didn't have the heart to continue writing, so he sat for an hour, and finally fell asleep on his desk. After waking up, it was not relieved, I could clearly feel the fever, that feeling was very familiar, it was this feeling when I got sick two years ago, the whole person seemed to be wasted, and I was feverish, but I felt a chill, and then the whole person has been chaotic, and it was time to take medicine, but there was no cold boiled water, so I had to swallow it hard, and it seemed to be stuck in my throat again, and then after the water was cold, I drank a few glasses of water.

Then I sat for a while, turned on the computer and began to write, at this time there was no state than in the morning, I don't know what I was writing, I wrote a word in a mess, and then deleted it and continued to write, I swore last night that I would write 10,000 2 today, and now it's only more than a thousand words, and then I stopped writing, the more I thought about it, the more desperate I became, thinking of the treatment of the past two years, and now I just stopped the needle and there are signs of this, I don't know if it's a recurrence, I don't know what the reason is, I don't know if it's because I played a game for an afternoon yesterday and caused me to be too nervous, gastrointestinal bleeding, or I didn't sleep well last night, it could be any kind of reason。

What if there is a recurrence, will two years of treatment be wasted? Interferon is already the best treatment option, and even this does not work, what hope is there for the future? Open Baidu Liver Disease Sticker, look at the rest of the patients, there is a patient who has been treated with interferon for three years and finally cured, I envy him, but he is infected the day after tomorrow, and I am mother-to-child transmission, there is almost no hope of cure, and I have reached the point of cirrhosis, if it can be controlled and not worsened, but now I have a fever again, that feeling is very bad, like two years ago when I was just sick as painful, as if I was going to die.

Later, I barely wrote more than 2,000 words, and by 5 o'clock in the afternoon, the library was closing. I didn't finish the goal I set last night, so I had to go home.

Along the way, the walking dead returned home, it seemed that he would fall down at any time, and when he got home, he wanted to find a thermometer to see if he had a fever, but he didn't find it, so he had to give up, lay on the bed to rest, slept for a while, or didn't improve, it seemed to be more serious, he had no appetite to eat at night, he barely took a bath, and continued to lie in bed, until now, he used an ice pack to cool it down, and sent the two thousand words written during the day, and then opened the space to record this bad day. I don't know what to write, whether it's keeping a journal, complaining, or venting.

In fact, I've reached this point, it's all my own harm, a long, long time ago I knew that staying up late to write is not good, sooner or later something will happen, and I have repeatedly vowed to write during the day, but I play games during the day, and I always stay up until midnight to finish writing, and finally get sick.

After the onset of the disease, I sometimes stayed up late, feeling that I couldn't control my desires, and when I had lazy thoughts, I would disarm and surrender and be enslaved by myself. I have known for a long time that a person's life is a life of rebellion against oneself, and that the greatest enemy is not others, but oneself. Successful people should be their own masters and control themselves, but I became my slave and lost to myself.

I know what to do to be good for my condition, but I don't do it, I do something that is detrimental to my condition, and then I deeply regret the pain, I am like a waste person, and my soul in my body has rotted.

I hope time runs out quickly, I hope I can get sleepy right away and go to sleep, I hope I'll be up tomorrow morning.

I went to the hospital the day after tomorrow to check it up.

I don't know what the future holds, whether it will relapse, how long I can live, but ******, I don't have any choice, just go on like this, die and die, I admit it.

Maybe it's a temporary depression, depressed mood, I've been in this state before, I hope it will get better tomorrow!

Cheer up, man!

Huang Huayi, May 25, 2016.