Chapter 057 diary is so bitter and tired

1986?9?30 sunny

{God said: When a man asks for help, his spirit is flying.} Shen Zhou understands that not asking for collection and high-quality tickets is my own unsound mind, and God only has regrets. }

The flowers are so bitter, the months are tired, and there is no reason to carry lovesickness. 'Life is a lover, this hatred is not about the wind and the moon', missing!

On the National Day, the gentleman and I still think more about the ugliness of the motherland and where we are going.

After the National Day essay was sent, the new Chinese teacher, Mr. Qing, criticized me: 'It is not appropriate to use this kind of penmanship'. I didn't dare to give a lecture, so I finally escaped the hurdle, and my composition was simply a momentary note, which I tucked away in this notebook.

Yes, I am in a quiet mood, although I am not injured.

"What Ying, ah, this is just your name in the past, now I can't call you that, now I can only call you 'Bai Xue'. Ah, yes—I can only call you 'Bai Xue' (Bai Xue, is it shameful to be ashamed of Xue??)" These are the only two sentences left on the second waste manuscript of the second letter written by the gentleman to He Ying.

Our lovely gentleman, is his heart broken?

"Lotus Leaf Cup"?

I remember the year under the flowers, late at night. When I first met Xie Niang. The west side of the water hall is draped, hand in hand in the dark phase.

Melancholy dawn warbler waning moon, farewell. Sound insulation dust from now on. Now they are all strangers, and there is no reason to see each other.

"Good Times"?

The bun is more suitable for the palace style, the lotus face is tender, and the body is red and fragrant. The eyebrows do not need to be open, and the temples are long.

Mo leans into the country's appearance and marries a lover. When each other was young, they had a good time.

Liang Yusheng's "Double Flowers Compete for Heroes" has 'love for a long time becomes melancholy, and from now on vows will no longer be affectionate.' The world is shorter than **, and human affection is as thin as autumn clouds. It was in this state of mind that I ushered in the National Day when I was 19 years old.

1986?10?01 Sunny

On the National Day, I began to struggle again with an unrecovered body. Jot down some of the past that you haven't remembered.

I have three new books, "100 Qing Poems", "Selected Poems of Pei Duofei", "Selected Poems of Lermontov", what British hate poems, I can't let go of poetry because of her, although Gao Han can not sing for his girlfriend.

Our relationship with each other is somewhat ironic and awkward. Taking advantage of the gentleman's second letter, I gave her a third note. Whether she will have heartache I don't know.

I said she (He Ying): You seem to make many boys think that you have affection for him, but in fact, I know that you have never shown true love (true love) to anyone.

[Since the unforgettable first love, who can know how deep her true feelings are hidden? 】

We didn't read the previous letter to Lao Xiang, but this time she showed it to us, just because she had a double purpose.

She said: Xiao Chen [who else should I be] is very painful for my ruthlessness, yes, I admit in my heart that I am too ruthless.

She also mentioned that she wanted to repay Comrade Xiao Yang in a special way [I still don't know which of the three Yang Shengs I was referring to], because Xiao Yang regarded her as one of his qiē.

It seems that a person as strong as me can do without love, but Comrade Xiao Yang is absolutely indispensable to love.

The National Day holiday lasted for four days, and the gentleman and He Ying left in a hurry, and I was still alone. As soon as they got on and down, the gentleman didn't even bring the old slip I asked him to give.

I'm still on my own, staying at Stonebridge Middle School.

What Ying, what is the matter between you and the gentleman? The gentleman is in pain for you.

That time, the old man who repeated his studies in Hefeng Middle School found a companion and came to Shiqiao Middle School, and in the afternoon, a group of people went to the Tuojiang River, and then went up the mountain from the Tuojiang River. He Ying and the gentleman have fallen behind many times, and we (and Chen Shunjun, etc.) have to wait again and again.

The gentleman is definitely not insulating, he is definitely not a conductor, he is not there for the purpose of conduction, he does not pick us up, but puts me on the other side. On the contrary, he himself has already made some fortune into a battery. [Later, I felt this, this knot really can't be thought of, I still wrote a few sentences, without explanation, no one can know who I am talking about: (April 1987) / The charm of NdFeB / The rich expression of green iron / Between you and me gravitational field / Huge septum / Far from picking out hundreds of K / Superconductor / You go to earn dollars / I cāo hold a beggar company / Such a big traction / I didn't have a chance to get together]

"Gentleman, you've lost weight. I heard that. Since then, my hearing has not been good.

About another week later, she went to the men's toilet and found the gentleman who was cleaning: "Gentleman, let's go out for a walk, I have something to tell you, old place." About two hours later, the gentleman came back, and he just told me about it: "She's going to Chengdu." "[Chengdu is where her other Xiao Yang is] The gentleman is disgusted that she wants to go to Chengdu, but I, the person who should be disgusted the most, does not have the slightest urge to be disgusted, is the relationship between the two of us indifferent to the point of no trace?

"I eat him, not yours. She said to me. [Only I can understand this, because I will pay for her re-enrollment and the initial expenses after she goes to school.] 】

I did become sluggish, I was at the same table with the gentleman, and I was closer to the door, but every time she called someone, the gentleman heard it first, and there were a few times when I didn't hear it at all, so it can be seen that my own body is no longer interested in her. Almost every time she passed by the doorway, her gaze had turned to the gentleman when I stared at her.

There is not only one sentence in the world, "return the pearl to tears", but also write "make wedding clothes for others"!

After that, I finally reached the days when I was sick and in a bad mood. It's been so long, and he's still saying that kind of thing. That day, when I went to the toilet with the gentleman, he suddenly said to me, "I wish you loved what Ying very much." "I am a very persistent person and will not give up on my side.

On the day he said this, his love was also very bad, and he slept on the desk in four classes. After class, I went into the library, and at night I was distracted, muffled, reading novels, and I was blind for a whole day.

At that time, my condition was getting worse and worse, and no one cared about me, only when I was bleeding, the gentleman blamed me for "dying to save face" and "being too timid".

The gentleman is always exposed. Soon, He Ying had something to do with him alone for a long time, and the gentleman's love was good for a day and a night.

That night, the gentleman did not complain about the fact that he went to Chengdu for the time being, and he should not lie to people, and he should not go to Chengdu on the National Day, which means that she has returned to the old circle and embarked on the old road, which is a terrible act that has made our efforts for months in vain. People who really care about her will stop it no matter what. It's a pity that I didn't, and neither can the gentleman, so he went anyway.

The next night, He Ying refused for the first time that I asked the gentleman to hand over her food and vegetable tickets: "I said that you are troublesome, and that letter is also superfluous." ”

I had to face too many difficulties for her money and food, and this time I wrote not one but three letters, and it took me a lot of time [one to convince my parents to be reasonable, one to persuade her parents to be emotional, and the other to whom I forgot to give it].

All of a sudden, I became very vulnerable, and a gentleman said such things a lot a lot, and I wouldn't take it to heart. But I only listened to her, and I couldn't stand it this night. The gentleman's love is still not bad.

After another day, I already felt that I could not even go to class, and I decided to go out for two days, and by the way, I checked my illness, and I told the gentleman that I was already eager to leave immediately. In this lesson, we didn't listen to a word, we didn't read a word.

After class, we went out together, and the gentleman asked me if it was because of what Ying.

"I admit it, but it's not mainly for her, it's my own illness, rest assured, I'm not so much in love with people with heart disease, I'm really physically sick. "That guy never believed I was sick because of my illness. In fact, my condition has improved, but my mood is getting worse and worse. In the second letter to her, I said, "Don't think I'm in so much pain, don't forget that I'm sick, in fact, what do I have to hurt, how much do I have to hurt?"

We walked back in silence, and the desire to go out grew stronger and stronger in my heart. "May you love so much!" said the gentleman again. When he returned to the classroom, the gentleman seemed to be stirring something, and he crawled on his desk again, and rarely raised his head until the three classes after school.

I calmed down for a while and went to do the math questions that had just been handed out. Although I was in a bad mood, I finally handed in the test paper. I didn't pass this assignment. The gentleman did not turn it in. [A good study time, but we are entangled in these things, there is no very imbecile person, and the results of this period of time are all good. 】

At noon, in the afternoon, in the evening, and in the next few days, the gentleman's love was so bad that he had never been before, and repeatedly emphasized that he deserved to die, and he would die immediately! At one moment he wants to die by himself, and at another time he wants to duel with me for some reason. It's just that none of us who can't even care about ourselves can care about our friends very well, and each has its own pain, so let's go to the pain. 】

When we went to Tuojiang after class, he didn't look joking at all, and we discussed various ways to die. [If it weren't for my brother being dead, I would have to live, or if I hadn't made up my mind to do two things by one person. If it weren't for the gentleman's mother, who was so 'honest' that she couldn't even take care of herself, if it weren't for the fact that his third brother's physical defects couldn't have been, if it weren't for his second brother's poor personal conditions, we would really have gone all the way to the deepest part of the Tuojiang River, and death is the easiest thing in the world. 】

My mood is even worse, and the ups and downs of love are too great. In the past few days, the two of us have all spoken in a tacit dialect, sometimes I deliberately urge him to die quickly, sometimes I advocate dying together, and more often, I use cryptic words to say, none of us should be ruined because of a certain person.

Sometimes, I am so lively, so happy, so happy, so happy, and roaring as much as I want, how can I have a little bit of the reserved appearance that the strange woman said? Sometimes, I am so calm, so tranquil, so comfortable, and I look quietly at the lovely gentleman, the guy in my mouth.

In the end, I didn't go out to become. The gentleman also calmed down a lot because he had a meeting with He Ying, and I also hinted in a hidden word that I wouldn't mind anything.

What Ying, what is the matter between you and the gentleman? The gentleman is in pain for you.

[The diary of the National Day of that year was very long, to be continued]