I don't know how long I lay down, it was as long as a century, I got up and went to the toilet, my whole body was sore, my heart was tired, my body was tired, I sat on the toilet lid, my brain didn't receive any instructions to go to the toilet, but I just wanted to come and sit down, I pressed the button, the sound of water sounded in the silent night, rushed down, that second, I felt the back of my head shrink infinitely, the whole body shrank in a small back of the head, and then rushed down with the sound of water, to a dark world, at that moment, a dark thought came out, what is it like to die, I was distracted for a long time, I couldn't think of one or two, but I thought again, after I died, The studio will still be open tomorrow, the partner will still find a new partner, the bar will still be open, and the murder behind the warehouse will not delay it from opening the door, not to mention that I died in the distance, Xia will still find a colleague to sell wine together, everything will be the same, with or without me, I feel a tremble, what is the value of my life?

I don't dare to think about it, heaven and earth are unkind, and everything is used as a dog. I live too small, I think of a little girl living in my house, I can't die, if death is too ugly, tomorrow the first to see me must be her, and then frighten her.

I pressed the flush button on the toilet again, closed my eyes and listened to the sound of water, as if it had evacuated me, I walked to the sofa, lay down straight, lightning and thunder were thundering outside the window, and a lightning bolt pierced the sky, lighting up the living room, thunder roared, I looked out the window, the rain was very heavy, this was a summer storm, one second it was a quiet night, the next second it was a storm, I recalled that when I was a child, when it thundered, outside, my father always had to stretch out his calloon, thick and rough, like a frosted paper index finger into my ear, saying that this would not be afraid, but Dad didn't know, although it was isolated from the sound outsideBut the sound of his fingers rubbing against my ears would be amplified, and I would hear things like the whirring of the sea breeze in front of my house, and the sound of my own pounding heartbeat. At home, my mother always asked me to climb into the quilt and not raise my head, saying that she would call me when the thunder would not come, but by that time, I was already asleep.

I listened to the thunder, my heart ached, my nose was a little itchy, I was thirty years old, I was not a child back then, how could I cry my nose casually. Xia just pushed the door out and was startled to see me lying on the sofa.

"Brother, why haven't you slept yet?"

"Can't sleep. How did you get out. ”

"I have a dry throat, come out and drink some water. ”

"Your house is too dry, and the air conditioner is even drier. I said and lowered my head and handed Xia a bottle of water from the box, probably an unintentional little habit, I had already unscrewed the cap, Xia looked at it and hesitated for two seconds to take it, Xia's two seconds were as long as two minutes in my eyes, I then picked up a bottle of new water, handed it to Xia, and said, "One bottle is definitely not enough, drink more." ”

I lay on the sofa again, the rain outside the window was heavier, the thunder and lightning had disappeared, only the heavy rain remained, one by one flowing down the window, I really couldn't control it, tears had already poured into my eyes without my permission, Xia was still standing in the living room, I got up, opened my eyes wide, and tried to restrain myself and walk back to my room.

The damn gravity, as I walked over to Natsu and was about to enter my house, my tears fell, tears that I was trying to control.

"Brother, what's wrong with you. When Xia saw it, he was a little surprised and asked me in a low voice.

I didn't answer, I went to the house and lay down, Xia is a very good girl in my eyes, many years later, the society called this high emotional intelligence, why did she become so dull at this time, did she know, don't ask a man why he cried, this is a very embarrassing thing, if I don't answer, don't knock on my door, send a gentle word of concern.

The tears that fell just now wanted to be a switch, one drop attracted thousands of followers, tears rained down, this is the first experience in my life, Xia knocked on the door, opened a crack, and only let the voice float in, "Brother, are you okay?"

"It's fine. I whispered back, and I don't know if Xia heard it clearly.

"Is it really okay?" Natsu's voice drifted in.

"There's potato chips in the fridge, can you bring me a bag?" I held back my tears and tried to find someone to talk to.

"Give. "Xia handed me the potato chips, I sat under the bed, cross-legged, leaning my head behind my back, weakly tearing open the bag, only took one bite, my mouth was full of spices, and put it aside, I could no longer feel the wonderful taste of eating potato chips as a teenager.

"Xia, sit down and talk. I made room for Natsu, who took two steps back and looked at me with open eyes.

"Then go to sleep. "I saw Natsu's reaction, let her go to sleep, I guess she doesn't understand my situation either, 'empathy' is a word that is difficult to find a companion.

"Brother, what's wrong with you. Xia hesitated for a few seconds, but sat down. I gave her a pillow from the bed, and my bed was full of doll pillows, which I had added in the past few months, and there were all kinds of cartoon characters, and I never expected that I would like this.

"It's fine. After I finished speaking, I rubbed my eyes, in fact, I didn't want to speak, and I didn't want Xia to speak, just to have someone sitting next to me, accompanying me, and making me feel that there was still someone around me.

"Brother, do you do this every night? I couldn't sleep like this last night. ”

"No, just recently. ”

"Why don't you take a look tomorrow? ”

"I'm done. The doctor said it was fine. ”

"Something has happened to you. Xia hugged the doll, sat next to me and asked me, there was a person next to me who was different, and I gradually quieted down.

"No, it's just insomnia. ”

"No, I remember the last time you said you had something to do with you to work at our bar. Xia has a good memory, I nodded, "Then is there anything I can do to help you?"

I shook my head again, thought for a long time, and asked Xia, "Xia, what do you think it feels like to die?" ”

"What?" Natsu was frightened, took a few steps back, holding a pillow in his hand in front of him, Natsu thought I was a perverted murderer, too, my melancholy and gloomy tone was indeed scary.

"No, I'm just asking you, I'm scared you to death. ”

"Brother, are you sick with something? ”

"No, it's just thinking about it. ”

"Philosophers can't think of an answer, and I don't know if you ask me. Besides, people who know what it's like to die can't be said. ”

"Whew. "I let out a long breath and took the exhaust fumes out of my body.

"Don't think about this, there is no answer to this kind of thing. Xia sat next to me and persuaded me to sleep, how could I sleep, staring out the window.

"Can you get me a bottle of water? and go back to sleep." ”

Xia stood up barefoot, gave me a bottle of water, and sat next to me, I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't know where to start, I remembered Xia's book, and asked Xia to borrow a book to read.

"Isn't it uncomfortable for you to read this kind of book at this time, and the more you read it, when I'm in a good mood, it's uncomfortable to read. Xia said in his mouth, unwilling to give it to me.

"Didn't you say you couldn't read it, the writing was average, and it was uncomfortable to look at. ”

Xia raised his head, lowered it again, and said, "I understand." ”

"And then. ”

"There's no then, it's just that you can understand it. ”

"Then why did you say you couldn't understand it at the time?"

"Because you don't think it's good to say it first, I'll follow what you said. ”

"You have too many lies. ”

Xia listened to me quietly and didn't refute it, and she realized that her words were sometimes just a joke.

"And what kind of person do you think I am?" I was curious about what I looked like, and I never asked anyone that question.

"Good man. ”

"What a good way. ”

"I thought you called me to your house for a reason, but it turned out that I was thinking too much. ”

"That's the good guy. ”

"Also, also, you've always been very soft-spoken, very good. Xia added.

"Gentle, is that the right word?" I laughed, how could I still be more and more motherly.

"No, it's just that you've always been calm, you know, without any temper. When I thought you should be angry, you weren't even angry. What is this called, what is it called," Xia stretched out his finger, excitedly unable to think of a word to express, "I just think you have a good temper, good temper." ”

I smiled, my good temper was just because I had been tired lately and didn't want to talk much.

"Look, it's nice to laugh, smile a lot, don't think about messing around. ”