I sat at the wooden table under the willow tree at the very end, and the people who sat down were old people, they knew each other, and they had gathered together to chat, and I leaned against the willow tree behind the bench, and closed my eyes to enjoy the blazing sun, and when I closed my eyes, it was not black, but red, and the color of a big red lantern hanging high. I'm very warm, I thought, I'll go back to the office after eating to catch up on sleep, it's so happy, although today is a funeral, but I feel the warmth I haven't felt in the light for a long time.

There are more and more old people sitting next to me, I didn't open my eyes, but I smelled a smell that only old people can have, this smell is not the smell of sweat, as long as people get old, it will be emitted, no matter how you wash it, you can't wash it off, there are more and more people chatting, this smell is getting stronger and stronger.

There was an old man sitting next to me, panting for breath when he spoke, and I always felt that I couldn't breathe in the next second, and I listened to the sound of humming in his lungs, which made me worry about it, and the more I listened, the louder it became, until finally the whole world was left with this sound of gasping for breath. I opened my eyes to chat with him, I was startled, he was drinking from a teacup in both hands, and I suspected that I had opened my eyes and had not adapted to the world, which was suddenly transformed.

The old man's hands were all deformed, and the first and second joints of his fingers were so misaligned that he couldn't hold anything at all, so he had to stretch out his hand and drink from the water glass.

When eating, I stood up to pick up vegetables for him, and chatted with the old man, he made money when he was young, he pushed the cart and moved bricks every day, and his hands were deformed, and he said lightly, I really didn't dare to talk deeply, I wasn't sure if I would cry, recently my sentimentality was not only haunted at night, but also clinging to me during the day. The old man said that his lungs had been sick for a long time, and that he could breathe for a day, and that the oxygen in the hospital was really not breathable.

I ate the food, didn't continue to chat, they were all talking about their own affairs, their legs and feet are not good, the joints hurt again, it may change in a few days, I feel an indescribable depression, they talk about the problem I am also paying attention to, I can always hear the sound of my knees colliding, I am flustered, I told myself not to pay attention to the chat, eat seriously.

I stared at the table where I ate, I don't know where I borrowed it, the paint on it has been mottled, the place where I used it is slippery, the whole table is pasted with a plastic film, but it can't hide the background color of the grease twist on the table, the old man holds chopsticks to pick up the vegetables, eat it in his mouth, his joints can't be flexibly manipulated with chopsticks, the meat that is clamped up can't be smoothly sent to his mouth, it falls on the table and is grabbed by him with his hands and put into the bowl, there is a sound of sucking and sucking everywhere, this sound is three-dimensional around my ears.

I clamped a pig's trotter to the old man next to me, the old man took it in his hand, bit it down, sucked and sucked is sound like an old man's music, kept scratching my heart, something was suffocating in my heart, all the tendons were turned out, how to be uncomfortable.

They ate so happily, the old people I hadn't seen for a long time, I don't know whose funeral they would meet next time, they chatted so hotly that I couldn't interrupt their happiness, I leaned against the tree with my legs close together and listened to them chat, chatting and chatting, and I fell asleep.

The suona sound of the funeral woke me up, and everyone began to follow the team with sad faces, and the noisy crowd disappeared instantly, leaving only the faintly audible suona sound floating in the distance, Yang Fan finally understood what had happened, and cried loudly.

I stood at the gate of the courtyard, the yard wafted with the same smell unique to the elderly, Xia stood in the courtyard, looked at me, and squatted in the corner with me, I asked Xia sentimentally, "Do you smell a special smell?" ”

"What a taste. ”

I looked up at the bright, flickering sunlight in front of me, took a deep breath, and said I didn't know what it was.

Natsu took a deep breath, exhaled again, and said, "It's the smell of aging." ”

I stopped breathing, that's what I wanted to say, it was the smell that I didn't dare to breathe any more in my lungs, got up, and left the yard. When I went out, I looked at the trees in the yard, it was only August, but the leaves were already turning yellow and crumbling, I lowered my head and hurriedly walked, and hurried back to work in the company.

Xia stood behind me, breathing normally, and said, "It's useless to smell it, why do you want to do so much?"

"You should really be crying, no one can be sadder than you. Xia stood behind me, pointed to the funeral procession and said, they were still eating and drinking in the first place, and they could wipe the oil off their mouths in the next second, and they cried in an earth-shattering voice, "What are you doing, don't look at some things It's useless to understand, and it's even more useless to know." ”

I stood at the gate of the courtyard, and none of the people who came to the funeral were sad, except for the two closest relatives of Uncle Yang, and the people walking behind the coffin, who were either chatting with the people on the side, or watching aimlessly.

"It's all like that. Xia said in a familiar tone.

In the afternoon, I sat in my office seat for an afternoon, didn't think about anything, just waited quietly, looked at a tree outside the window, looked at the shape of the tree when I finally closed my eyes, I rubbed my nose, and went home.

When I got home, Xia hadn't come back yet, and Xia's schoolbag was on the sofa, and my curiosity was too great, so I locked the door and put my hand into Xia's schoolbag.

I saw the diary that Jia Ru said, with a password lock, I tried from zero to zero, the password was opened suddenly, and the things in the diary fell down with a bang, it was five hundred yuan, and there were a few letters.

The first page of the diary is Xia's name, address, and Jia Ru's contact information and address, and there is a sentence at the bottom, saying, if you see it, I have already left, please take the money away, notify the owner of the phone number on it, kowtow to you, if she doesn't answer, please notify the police, kowtow to you again.

I haven't seen such a fun title page, I can't help but laugh, Xia said that she has never been afraid of death, it turns out that she has already arranged everything for herself, Xia's diary was torn off in half, the diary was remembered from two years ago, that was her first diary.

It reads: Beat your sister's job, damn, I'm only eighteen years old, why should I stay in the factory for the rest of my life.

I flipped back, Xia's diary was really rough, the vocabulary was full of violence, she worked part-time two years ago, and the money from the part-time job was used in these two years of study, she was really desperate, she studied the ordinary three-year course in two years, Xia kept fighting for herself in the diary, she didn't believe anything, let alone her life.

I looked through Xia's diary, and almost all of them were swearing, sometimes just writing a date, and then writing a damn sentence from the back, and it was over with a smiley face.

I flipped back, Xia Zai's diary a year ago, this diary is extraordinarily long: Xia Xun, you are not allowed to think crookedly, what if you like him, blushing is a fart, you have to take the university exam, take the university exam, you have to get out of here, get out of here, never come back, there is everything outside, nest here for a lifetime, only the qualification to come out and sell, in the end will only die in bed, not allowed to like him, not allowed to think about him, not allowed, not allowed, not allowed.

Xia wrote an exclamation mark at the back of the diary, and a whole page was written.

Later, Xia wrote: Why do you have strange feelings in your heart, why do you blush, why you dare not see him. Xia Xun, you're done, you're finished, you're completely finished, you can't get out of this place anymore.

I looked at Xia's diary and laughed, she urged herself to study hard over and over again in the diary, scolded herself over and over again, and copied several poems on the side, every sentence was a young girl's heart.

A month later, Xia forced herself to hate the boy, and Xia said sorry in her diary, saying that when I grow up and have money, I will treat you to a good meal.

I laughed and turned to the last page, and there was only one sentence on the last page, a question mark: Sister, why do you have a strange feeling?