February 8th.

The sky was cloudy and the wind was slightly cool.

At dusk, the red glow penetrates the sky, and it seems to be raining.

Sitting on the terrace listening to the jingling of the wind chimes hung by Xiaoqing, I picked up the pen and wrote a summary of the year, which used to be written at midnight, but today it was advanced.

Today, I originally planned to make some food for Xiaoqing at home that she likes to eat, and then after a simple pass, like last year, it will take two days to write, but the idea is just an idea, so I started writing in advance.

Around one o'clock in the afternoon, right?

Speaking of which, my memory in recent years is a bit bad, and I have forgotten many things, so that many things this year only remember a rough idea, vaguely, like a dream, and when I wake up, I only remember an approximation, and I laugh in detail.

At noon, Xiaoqing called and said that she had asked a friend to celebrate with me tonight, but I really didn't want to go.

It's not that I don't like her friends, it's just that I don't like to be lively, and my usual work is troublesome enough, so I just want to be quiet with her on this day, and I have been like this for the past two years, why has this year changed?

Maybe it's because our relationship isn't as good as it used to be, right?

I asked, can I push it off?

Xiaoqing asked why, I said I want to be quiet for a day, He Yu will take a boat to the open sea early tomorrow morning, and it is not good to sleep too late.

Hearing my answer, she was silent for a while, and then said coldly whether she loved to go or not, and then she didn't go any further, because she still had to go to work, and I really didn't want to go.

Eventually, I wrote a summary of the year at home and decided to come back to them after 12 o'clock.

I know I'll be angry if I do this, but won't I be able to get a day of peace?

Why didn't you ask me first?

In three years, Xiaoqing should know my personality, maybe she wants more people and more lively, right?

But forget it, it's come to this, and being angry doesn't help things, so when Xiaoqing got off work, I sent her a text message, saying that there was something suddenly in the company, and I wanted to go back to take a look, and I'll go over when I'm done.

I know she'll see through this kind of lie, but I'm just giving both sides a reasonable step, and everyone knows that I'm a workaholic, and that's not too much.

Xiaoqing will definitely go to her friends after work, they are very important to her, I guess it is probably the same as Shuhuan and the three of them are to me, so the reason still has to be given.

I never remember a birthday celebration, Shuhuan, Yezi, and Shizi all know that I like to be at home quietly on this day, and they will only say happy birthday in the group, and they will unveil this day.

It wasn't until she was with Xiaoqing that she had a birthday, and she liked to celebrate her birthday, so let's have it.

I vaguely remember that the food she made last year was really not easy to eat, but it was nothing, just eat it.

A lot of things have happened in the past year, and I give myself a summary every year, a small diary is my habit, I don't know if anyone will see my words in the future, but I can't recognize these words when I want to see them.

Because I'm ugly and grassy.

Looking through the diary of the previous year, the problem between me and Xiaoqing is still not solved, she said that she always can't feel my love, but I really don't know what to do?

We talked at length several times, and each time it ended in an argument, and perhaps, as she said, our personalities were too far from the world.

Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have gotten to where she is today if I hadn't chosen her in the first place.

Are we just a couple of good friends?

I forgot to read a passage there, and I forgot what that passage was originally like, probably love will always make people blind, but there will be wind and rain, and it will only be love.

First love is always a bitter fruit, because you don't understand love.

I'm thinking, maybe it's because I don't understand love, so I created today's field, I asked Shuhuan, he said that the things of the two people, it seems to be the same, but in fact, every pair of men and women are different, and the opinions of outsiders can't be accurate, if he has to say a proposal, it is to break up.

Break up, I've wanted to talk about it several times, but every time the words come to my lips, it's silent.

Thinking about it seriously, I am indeed very different from Xiaoqing, I am a quiet person, and I prefer to hide in the two-dimensional world compared to the three-dimensional world.

Because there is everything good there, there are no worries, there is no need to think about work, there is no need to think about family.

Xiaoqing is a lively person, just like when I was young, play is an eternal melody, she can't stand the blandness, always say that it is a very distant thing.

I think the biggest difference with her is probably age, right?

It would be nice if I were younger, but unfortunately there are no ifs.

Next year, next year's diary probably won't be sunny.

I know, I know that our road has come to an end, and now it is just a lingering breath, it is I who is hanging on to that breath, and the original wish of the Buddha has been disappointed.

Oh, in fact, the ending has long been doomed, people like me will not find a home, only suitable for drifting on the sea, because in the end, I am a selfish person after all, if in a dilemma, I mostly choose myself.

Let's go a few days, try to break up with Xiaoqing in a few days, just like Shuhuan said, if you get together, if you don't, you will disperse.

In the era of coming and going, there has never been a lack of oxygen because of who has been lost.

As for the work year, it has been smooth, but there are more shops and the work is bigger, so that the right hand sometimes has cramps when tired.

However, there is still a shortage of manpower, and now more people just want to sit in the writing room, and sit for ten years like a day, and do not want to do heavy work anymore.

No wonder the chef said that when he and my generation retired, there would be fewer and fewer chefs, because sometimes it was really painful and the working hours were too long.

Speaking of which, the boss is already half Mediterranean, and has been looking for a hair expert lately, saying that he can still save it, but is it possible? Impossible, unless he quits the habit of scratching his head all the time when he thinks about things.

In the end, Shizi and Ye Zi left, and one went to Africa to become a doctor without borders, and his sister-in-law followed.

Ye Zi went to Europe to continue her drug research, it is said that there are big conglomerates developing new drugs, she went to look around, I don't know how well they are doing?

Although I see them complaining in the group every day, it's okay to think about it, otherwise according to their temperament, I'm afraid they would have run back a long time ago.

Shuhuan is still nearby, but he is getting busier and busier, so that it is obviously very close, but it is like the end of the world, and he has not seen each other a few times throughout the year, and the three rooms that belong to them, if Aunt Zhang does not come up to help me clean them once a week, I am afraid that they would have been covered with dust long ago.

I don't know when the four of us will get together again and laugh about the past, but I think it's going to be hard, they're going to be busy, and I'm going to be busy.

In the new year, looking at the night sky and the hour hand that is almost 12 o'clock in the evening, and looking at the phone that is not moving, I better go, if I don't rush over, it will be too late.

February 8, 34 years old, the tenth chapter of his life diary.