Open yourself and you'll be confronted with this kind of thing.

A sense of restless floating, not knowing where you're going, what you're going to get, what to grab.

She once watched an interview with King Koil, and remembered that one of the methods she likes to use when determining her performance style is to immerse herself in the music and see how the music can react to her own ingredients.

It's something she never tried to succeed in.

She didn't like the feeling of being out of control.

I don't like the feeling of surrendering myself to emptiness.

But now, it felt like it was hovering around her all the time. There was a line of defense in her mind that was slowly being torn apart, and then someone walked in, and she didn't know what they were going to do inside, and it was a terrible feeling.

After the joy that had never been experienced in the past disappeared, it was replaced by a violent uneasiness.

The greetings, hugs, cares, and careful comforts of her teammates are all a heavy pressure on her.

It was bad, she knew it, but, just after returning from Nagoya, she knew that she had exposed her very unbearable side in front of many people, which made her look like a little girl who needed to be comforted by someone else - she didn't like it very much, and she really didn't want anyone else to see her that way.

There was no way she could restrain the speed at which this uneasiness swelled inside.

Even, when she found that she had completely adapted to the temperature and strength of Xu Haoyang's hand when she was practicing, she also felt a deep fear. In the past, although she had thought that pairs skating would be a completely different sport than what she had experienced in the past, she never imagined that it would ask herself to surrender herself to such an extent.

It's not just the body, it seems that even the heart has to be handed over to the partner together.

It's horrible. She felt.

She couldn't help but think of her time as a solo player, she didn't have to think about anyone's opinions, she didn't need to consider other people's feelings and thoughts, and no one would bother with her joys and sorrows, nothing that made her satisfied and happy except for victory.

And at this moment, she was scared. Fear of this unfamiliar emotion that gets out of control in the body.

In the afternoon practice, Han Lu and Xu Haoyang practiced a quadruple jump with an inner loop after throwing, which they had only completed in training, but had never succeeded in an official competition. This action is also expressly forbidden by Liu Bofei, because it is too difficult and will cause a lot of burden on the bodies of both people, even if it successfully falls on the ice, the pressure on the knees is very great.

Therefore, when Liu Bofei entered the ice rink and saw the two of them practicing this move, he immediately stopped them sternly.

"What's going on?" Liu Bofei asked, "I forgot what I said?"

The two men stopped.

"You," he pointed at Han Lu, "you don't want your feet again?"

"Give it a try. Han Lu said.

- Now she must, she thought, she desperately needs such a difficult move to calm her mind, to use her body pain to dispel those bad uncertainties and regain what she feels like as a figure skater.

How she felt in the past.

The feeling of being able to find her footing.

But she couldn't say these words to Liu Bofei.

"Because before Duhamel and Eric did double four. Xu Haoyang said, "I also want to try it." ”

"They are them, and you are you. Liu Bofei said, "Are you the same as them? You don't want your waist anymore? Partner with Han Lu, and immediately learn this problem?"

"I proposed it. Xu Haoyang said, "I want to make it more difficult to try." ”

"Difficulty goes hand in hand with expressiveness. Liu Bofei said, "I've already said in the past, your expressiveness can't support your difficulty score at all, what's the point of you simply mentioning the difficulty?" he looked at Han Lu, "You still don't understand?"

Han Lu listened, and then suddenly sneered.

"It's just a fall. She said, "If you fall once, you accidentally play big and hurt badly, and you finally have something to say?"

"Do I have something to say?" Liu Bofei felt that this sudden implication was unreasonable, "Do you think I like this?"

"I don't know if you like it or not. Han Lu said, "What's wrong with falling once? Which athlete doesn't fall? Just because you fell once, you can use this to prove that what I did in the past was wrong, you are right, you say you don't think so?"

"These are two different things. Liu Bofei said, "I never admit that your idea is right. ”

"Yes, now you have a reason, a very good reason. She patted her leg, "This foot is your bargaining chip, and every time I don't do what you want, you sacrifice it and tell me the price of not listening to you." Isn't that what it is?"

"Are you healed and forgot the pain and started to go crazy again?"

"Crazy, right, maybe, I've been crazy for a day or two, and you don't know it. ”

The voices of the two men grew louder and louder, and finally the other team members stopped their practice and turned their eyes to this side.

"What are you looking at!?" Liu Bofei scolded, scaring most of them back.

However, Zhang Lei and Zijun still glanced at each other, and then walked over. Zhang Lei coaxed Liu Bofei with haha, while Zijun carefully pulled Han Lu's arm.

"Coach Liu, Coach Liu. Zhang Lei followed Liu Bofei's back, "Don't be angry, don't be angry, you are really practicing double four...... To tell you the truth, Zijun and I are also experienced, but I just can't practice...... You said that if this is practiced, how great it will be for us to win a grand prize, right?"

"Shut up. Liu Bofei glared at him, and then looked at Han Lu, who finally stopped talking. "Listen, no matter what you think - you can think whatever you like, but no, you can't do it. ”

Han Lu's lips moved, and she wanted to say something more, but the quilt Zijun pulled her sleeve again, signaling her not to say any more.

“……”

Han Lu glanced at Zijun, and at the same time saw Xu Haoyang, who was standing next to her without saying a word—the source of her anxiety. She thanked him for not saying a word, and thanked him for not standing up for his responsibilities at this time, otherwise she didn't know what would happen to her.

After Liu Bofei retreated to the sidelines, the tense air on the ice rink did not seem to have eased.

"Try it for three weeks?" Xu Haoyang asked tentatively.

“…… No. Han Lu took a deep breath and shook her head while shaking off Zijun's hand that had been holding her arm. "Let's practice separately. ”

After saying this, she didn't pay attention to anyone else, but walked to a corner by herself.

"It seems to be ......" Zijun smiled softly, "Sister Han Lu has always been so noisy with Coach Liu before. It's okay. ”

"Hmm. Xu Haoyang responded like this on the surface, but there was something indescribable in his heart that slowly rose.

He didn't know Han Lu's past, but he probably understood that the current she was different from the one who was always invincible in the past, but whether this change was consciously voluntary - or was it the result of last resort.

If you don't change yourself, you won't be able to move on.

If you don't want to leave the ice rink, if you don't want your pride and everything you depend on to survive disappear, you have to change yourself.

However, what kind of scene is the current situation that seems to be full of peace and hope—a situation where everyone else feels that there is nothing bad and there is no problem, in Han Lu's own eyes?

This place, the sport, and herself, were originally the result of her "retreating to the next best".

So, for such a long time, in these two years...... What was going on her mind?

What are you thinking about in the deepest part of your heart that you haven't shown to anyone?

He didn't know.

"Do you want to go ......?" Zijun gestured with his eyes.

"Forget it. Xu Haoyang shook his head, "She shouldn't want me to go over." ”

Quadruple toss and quadruple twists are the most difficult moves in pairs skating, and there are only a handful of pairs players in history who have managed to do both.

However, at the very beginning, Xu Haoyang was cultivated as a seeded player who would impact high difficulties.

Because his strength and explosiveness are beyond the level of his peers, he can easily meet the required standards of height and distance, and as long as the physical condition of his female partner is sufficient, he may be able to increase the technical difficulty to achieve high scores.

However, now that his female companion is Han Lu, no matter what, Liu Bofei doesn't want to see her repeat the same mistakes. He is an athlete himself, and he understands what happens to an athlete's overused body in the end, lockdowns, surgeries, return to training, endless pain...... They are the ones who walk on the tip of a knife.

After retiring, the after-effects of overtraining are likely to consume them.

For the sake of victory, for medals, and sacrificing his body to such an extent, Liu Bofei has never agreed with this cognition that has almost become the consensus of the world sports world.

However, the players don't necessarily think so.

The answer is simple, at least for Han Lu, the first twenty years of her life—the first thirty years, there was nothing else in her life except for victory.

This question is a dead knot.

Liu Bofei stood on the sidelines, looking at Han Lu who was practicing alone, as if he felt that he saw her again ten years ago, the stubborn, stubborn, little girl who only believed in what she believed.

He sighed deeply.

At this time, a staff member walked in, he looked around the ice rink, seemed to hesitate, walked to Liu Bofei's side, and whispered something.

Liu Bofei's face changed suddenly.

"Han Lu. He strode up to Han Lu and put aside the argument just now. "Get out of here. ”

"What for?"

Han Shu...... Your mom is in the hospital right now. We drove over. ”

“…… What?"

"Hurry up!"