Every question is scary.

But despite the lack of a clue, despite the pain of being in chaos all the time, everything that should be done, must be done.

They don't have the time and energy to wait for time to slowly calm things out piece by piece.

Or, something will move forward and at the same time dissipate some of the troubles. Of course or not.

In any case, things have to start first.

At Deesrear's training center, Duhamel watched as the doctor slowly pushed the drug from the syringe into her muscles, then took a slow breath and closed her eyes.

There was no one else around her except the doctors.

"This is the third time today. The doctor said.

"I know. She replied. Her expression was not at all as lively and perverse as others were familiar with, but an emptiness that seemed to have been drained of her soul.

In the days when she had to lighten her training due to a slight ankle sprain, Han Lu spent more energy studying this season's repertoire. She has to admit that the reason why she chose "Croatian Rhapsody" as the short program is entirely because she was deeply moved by Xu Haoyang who played this piece at that time, and when she recalled it countless times, she felt that there was an incredible power in it, not only the music itself, but also the unique power of the performer himself.

But it's a pity that because this power is a bit too special, Xu Haoyang can't easily express it in words, and Han Lu can't understand that point properly. Although Amy gave some suggestions on how to imagine, it had no obvious effect.

"Let's talk about it. Amy said, "If it really doesn't work, you can change the song." And then there's our Afternoon of the Faun...... Have you thought about what I told you last time?" she asked Han Lu.

“…… Open yourself. Han Lu reluctantly repeated.

This tone sounds like a lack of confidence. Amy smiled. "Huh?"

Han Lu didn't answer.

Amy's words, she has always been thinking about it, and at the same time always trying to practice it in different ways, but the results do not seem to be so ideal. She didn't know what her heart was like, and she didn't know what else was going on inside her besides "chasing victory".

In other words, "something that can provide a reaction" is not enough.

The reason why a work of art can have different effects in different people's hearts is actually because of the difference in each person's heart. Just like the color palette, if the art itself is yellow, then it will naturally take on different colors when it falls into the hearts of people who have different colors such as blue, red, green, etc.

But what if you don't have the color that others expect?

What is not is nothing.

What can't be done is what can't be done.

If that's the case, then what?

"Teacher Amy. ”

At this time, Xu Haoyang opened his mouth thoughtfully.

"Huh?"

"I was thinking that maybe there was no need to intentionally 'open yourself'. Xu Haoyang said, "Such words, in terms of feelings, are actually a reluctant result." ”

"What do you mean?" asked Amy.

"You might as well use your original state to collide with the music. Xu Haoyang said, "It doesn't matter if there are obstacles in acceptance and communication, maybe this kind of obstacle can be expressed as a special sense of beauty." Past...... There have been such examples. ”

Amy probably thought of who Xu Haoyang was talking about, it was more than 20 years ago, when a Russian men's singles player had a bipolar disorder, and his whole spirit was on the verge, but he had to play. In that show, his emotions and music can be said to be completely separated, and only the star part was contacted, but it was this star contact that made a performance full of strange beauty and won him a very high score. Nothing seemed to change the victory, though, as the athlete committed suicide by jumping from the roof of his apartment late one night, two weeks before the Winter Olympics, and his body was found by a neighbour walking his dog the next morning.

This example is too dangerous.

Amy thought so and didn't say anything.

She thinks Xu Haoyang has his own ideas. Moreover, she also noticed another point - Xu Haoyang expressed his opinion much more naturally than before. On a few occasions in the past, he had planned to choose his own repertoire, but if Amy or other coaches questioned it, he would immediately back off.

"Let's listen to the teacher. "He'll say that.

So this time, Amy decided to believe him.

"Yes. Amy said, "You're right, it's also a direction." ”

When the two of them walked out of the office together, Han Lu asked Xu Haoyang what he meant by what he had just said.

"Are you saying that what Teacher Amy said before was wrong?" asked Han Lu.

"It's not. Xu Haoyang said, "It's just that I suddenly thought of you...... For us, perhaps not following the traditional way of training our sensibilities for music is another feasible path. ”

"What do you mean?"

"What Teacher Amy said is actually a very ideal state. Just open your heart, and the music will come in naturally. I think it's a bit similar to saying to other people, 'Be confident, opportunities will come,' 'Believe in yourself, and you'll win.'" Xu Haoyang walked slowly, "However, the real situation is not so simple. Confidence is partly made up of victory, it's a matter of order, it's a ......," he paused, "it's not a matter of saying you can have it. ”

Han Lu listened silently.

"Frankly speaking," Xu Haoyang smiled, "In the past, I didn't think I could win at all. ”

"Huh?"

"Competition," Xu said, "after I got to the senior division, I felt like I might have run out of talent. At the beginning of an event, many people will regard talent as their own strength. But after the talent is exhausted, is the real strength exposed? ”

"What do you think?"

"I used to think so. ”

"So you ...... at that time," Han Lu recalled the first time she watched the video of his match.

"At that time?"

"No, nothing. ”

"I guess I danced pretty badly before. Xu Haoyang said, "I think so myself." Some people on the Internet said that I had mixed up the figure skating ring into a public institution, and I was waiting to get a coach to do it after I retired. ”

"Why did you choose a double in the first place?"

Han Lu suddenly asked this question.

She wanted to know – she really wanted to know – she wanted to know why, ever since she switched to the pairs, she wanted to ask the athlete who chose this event.

The physical condition is particularly suitable for pairs, those who have been eliminated from the single player, and those who have been chosen voluntarily.

Which one is Xu Haoyang?

"I don't remember. Xu Haoyang said, "We are probably different from you." In the beginning...... We actually obey the assignment of the coach, both physically and characterly. This one is for a single, that one is for a double, and that's all. ”

"Character?"

"Perhaps," Mr. Xu said, "my personality may be more suitable for partnering with others." I'm not good at making decisions, and probably not ......," he hesitated, "and I'm not good at taking responsibility alone." ”

Also, he partnered with Jiang Xin at that time, and he thought that he could partner with her all the time.

"Because Jiang Xin is also there?" Han Lu asked.

"......" Xu Haoyang was silent for a moment and nodded. "There's a reason for that. ”

"You ...... at the time," Han Lu asked, "Is that the relationship?"

"It's not. Xu Haoyang said.

"No, it's not. ”

"To be exact, I unilaterally thought it was. "But she didn't think so." ”

“…… I see. ”

And now too.

He thought.

It was he who unilaterally wanted to change his relationship with Han Lu, however, she didn't seem to think so.

"Do you like her?"

"Ever. He said, "I don't like it now." ”

"That's it. ”

"I'm ...... now"

As if he knew what he was going to say, Han Lu didn't let him continue.

"Because she broke up with you, she doesn't like it anymore?"

"It's not. He said, "Not only." ”

"Would you have skated a solo without her?"

"Probably. "But this assumption doesn't make much sense." I'll admit, I liked her at that time, for many years, and I made a lot of decisions because she seemed stupid now, and maybe she changed my whole career. But ......" He slowed down again, he suddenly wanted to say these words, these words that had never been said to anyone, these feelings, he hoped that Han Lu could understand.

"But that is also me, just like the person I am now. I think that as long as you accept the facts and accept the time, you can always move forward. ”

“……”

"But ......," Xu Haoyang said, "Having said that, the next time I see her on the field, I will definitely beat her." What the hell is wrong with me! Who does she think she is!"

Han Lu was amused by this cold god turn.

"Makes sense. She said.

"By the way, I'm going to ask you a very naïve thing. Xu Haoyang said.

"Huh?"

"Do you believe in aliens?"

“…… Huh?" Han Lu froze, "Aliens?"

"Don't look at me like that!" Xu Haoyang had a look of wanting to die, "...... I knew I wouldn't ask. ”

"Well, I really don't know. Han Lu said, "It's better to say, I don't seem to have thought about this problem......

“…… I should have thought of ...... you didn't think about."

"I heard about UFOs when I was a kid......

"I used to play a web game when I was a kid — not as a kid, when I was in my early teens. "At first, what appears on the page is a window, and then you slide the mouse wheel, and the window becomes a building, and the window you just see is actually a family in an apartment building." Then, you continue to scroll the mouse, and the page becomes a community, then a city, a country, an earth, and finally the solar system, the Milky Way. At that time, I felt very small, and at the same time, I also had a different feeling. ”

"Who prescribes our lives, who prescribes what is right or not?" he continued, "and who prescribes the rules of safety, who prescribes how one must live, what are the right feelings, what are the right emotions?" Perhaps, people are actually bound by their own rules. ”

"There's one quote I particularly like. He said, "'Actually, I'm not convinced I exist. I'm all the writers I've read, I've been all the people I've ever met, I've been all the women I've loved, I've been all my ancestors, maybe I want to be my father'. ”

“…… I'm all the people I've ever met. Han Lu repeated.

"So I find the music very fascinating. Xu Haoyang said, "It seems to contain all emotions, all possibilities, all roads to the future, and in that place, you can become any person." ”

"I wanted to experiment with a possibility with this season's show. "Before they knew it, they had come to a complete halt. Xu Haoyang looked at Han Lu, "You are yourself, you don't need to do anything deliberately, you don't need to change for anyone, you don't need to do anything to get close to the so-called 'right'." Because ......," he said, "when you find a path, let others pave it for you." ”

"I want to experiment with that. He said so.