She couldn't quite hear what he was saying, but she knew that he had asked a lot of "whys", with resentment that she couldn't understand.

She didn't understand what she had done wrong to cause him to be so crazy.

There used to be warmth between them, but now they are full of violence.

Perhaps, unless she gives up herself, she will never understand Ji Chuan's love for her in her life.

He said that the thorn bird is a sad animal. The song is the most beautiful when the body is pierced into the thorns, and as the thorns go deeper, the song becomes more and more sad, more and more sad, until the blood in the whole body dries up, and there is no longer a sound.

Perhaps the same is true of his love, paranoid and stubborn, mad and desperate, until the bright red turns black, and he will not rest until he dies.

She saw stars falling on the dark blue lake, but they were silent and silent.

The fish was unaware of it, still enjoying the joy of fish and water, but she could see clearly.

I wish everything had stopped, and no matter how much the sea was surging, it would still be as calm as ever beneath the surface.

But the wind would not spare her, the snooping witness, and it swept her up violently, and then threw her from the sky, watching her panic and fear, watching her face twisted by weightlessness.

She was powerless to fight the wind and waves, and if she fell, she would be crushed.

He finally mercifully let her go, turned her over, and brought her face to face with him.

He stroked her cheek and stroked her wet body, "Do you know what I hate the most in my life?"

She looked at him silently, like a dying fish.

"It's desire. ”

His hand rubbed back and forth on her cheek, and his eyes were demonic: "I haven't told you yet......"

Jiang Yu suddenly became frightened, and she had a hunch that what he was going to say next was undoubtedly the pain of destruction.

"When I was 15 years old, I was raped by a perverted American couple...... They're still in prison. ”

"How could it be..."Jiang Yu couldn't believe his ears.

"They were friends with my adoptive parents and one day they tricked me into coming home and taking off my pants......"

"Don't say Ji Chuan, don't say it again!" she trembled and covered his mouth.

He smiled and kissed the palm of her hand, tears falling down her face, "Don't you feel disgusting? ”

"No, it's not like that..."Jiang Yu cried and shook his head.

"I was at a loss at that time, where did I know those things, I saw for the first time the body of an adult man and an adult woman, covered in golden hairs......"

"Don't say Ji Chuan, I beg you, don't say it again, okay!"

"It's hard to imagine being raped by a couple of men and women, isn't it? But it happened, and I was the poor man...... No one can understand my pain, no one can understand my grief. Including you, Jiang Yu, I love you the most. ”

She opened her arms around him, like a koala clinging to a tree trunk, and she stroked his hunched back, "I beg you to spare yourself, don't say don't think about it, don't remember! I didn't think you were disgusting, it was just my angry words at that time, I swear I didn't lie this time, how could I do anything to rub salt in your wounds?"

"Didn't you sprinkle salt, you're obviously a salt seller. Isn't it the greatest harm to me that I finally love you, the only thing I think about, the one I embrace with open arms, but always trying to run away from me?"

“… I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."She couldn't argue, she wanted to say something, but she couldn't bear to hurt him so fragile.

"If I was mean enough, I'd want to gain your sympathy. Compassion has enormous power, and it can even get a lifetime commitment from a person. But I don't want to, I want you to love me, love me like a normal person, instead of treating me as a sick person and watering the seedlings with kindness and compassion. ”

"I am selfish, cold, and insatiable, but I don't want your pity alone. I'm a good-looking person, and although I've long lost face in front of people, I still want to maintain a good image in front of you, although I'm almost collapsed now. ”

"Jiang Yu, can you understand?' I'm not a human defect, I'm just different'. ”

"You know, the thing that makes me saddest, sad to the point of madness, is that all along, whether you give me my hair or say you like me, it's just your condescending sympathy as an able-bodied person. You may not even be able to figure it out yourself, but I can see it clearly. Everyone, Ji Cheng, Esse... It's just sympathy for me, it's charity, just like giving cold rice to a lame and thin kitten and puppy. Am I not worthy of true love?"

"I'm sorry...", she found herself with nothing to say but "I'm sorry."

She suddenly understood a little, maybe everyone was self-righteous that Ji Chuan needed something, but they never really asked him what he needed, maybe everyone was self-righteous and was good for him, but never thought about whether he wanted it or not.

He pulled away and collapsed on the side of the bed, like a soldier who had finally collapsed on the battlefield, still wounded and bleeding.

The weight on her body instantly decreased, and she felt that her breathing was much easier, but there was a panic that the oxygen was about to run out, and her chest was empty, like stepping on cotton, and she fell down without paying attention.

Ji Chuan lay on his side, his chest heaving and his breathing heavily, and he used his arms to block the dazzling light shining from the ceiling.

Jiang Yu felt Ji Chuan's abnormal body temperature at this time, she originally thought that it was just love that made his body hot, but now it seems that this is not the case.

She reached out to probe his forehead, but his hand was grabbed and kissed by him, "I hate lust, but I am full of lust for you." This is what I hate about myself the most, and what I hate about you the most. ”

So his tenderness for her is always mixed with a hint of violence, and his feelings for her are always mixed with a hint of hatred.

His voice was weak, already nasal, as if it had suddenly deteriorated, "Jiang Yu, this world is too dirty, and so am I." I want you to be spotless, but I can't do anything about it.

They all say that keep the original intention, keep the original intention, but what is the original intention? You say that I used to be clean and frank, but human beings have been pleasing others since infancy, so what is purity? Is it the primitive animal instinct?

I prefer to believe that the plots in those scripts, the birth of each individual human being, are in the mortal world. If you can cross it, you can return to heaven and become a truly pure immortal who has no desires and no desires. If you can't cross it, you will stay in this turbid world, go through birth, old age, sickness and death, joys and sorrows, seven emotions and six desires, and wait until one day after enlightenment, you will become an immortal.

You say, will a despicable person like me be sent to the boundless hell? ”

Jiang Yu put on his clothes, "According to what you say, I should be sent to the eighth layer of iceberg hell first, and then to the ninth layer of oil pot hell." ”

Ji Chuan chuckled, "You have studied thoroughly." ”

"I'm very interested in the myths and stories of those demons and monsters, and I also believe in this thing. Jiang Yu leaned over and looked at Ji Chuan, he now had a sickly beauty, and the aura around him was gradually weakening, "Ji Chuan, you have a fever." ”

"Are you sure?, isn't my body hot for you?" Ji Chuan's voice was a little hoarse.

"I'll pour you some hot water. She didn't look at him either, and left with that.

On this day, what Ji Chuan said brought her too much shock.

She realized that she really needed to reflect on what she had done.

In fact, she had to admit that she felt very weak when Ji Chuan said that she was condescending to sympathize with him.

It's the kind of heart that has been exposed.

And Ji Chuan's past......

I thought that being molested by a teacher in a welfare home and being bullied by classmates at school was already a very miserable thing, but I didn't expect that he would have this even more tragic experience.

All mental and psychological illnesses are not groundless, and there must be deep roots in them.

Just like Ji Chuan.

He is a man who has been tortured by fate, and the way he returns his hands is all reflected in his attitude towards others.

It looks warm as spring, but it is actually cold as winter.

…

"Mo snuggles me, I am used to cold, I am determined to become ice, Mo snuggles me.

Don't come near me, I'm in flames, all trees are burning, don't come near me.

Come hug me, I'm warm, I'm cool, come hug me.

Please sustain me, I am old, I am like a sick beast, please sustain me.

You wait for me, I pass away, he is like me, he is like me. ——— "David" Mu Xin

…

Waiting for the boiling water to boil, she looked for antipyretics from chest to drawer.

He was very neatly organized, and some of the tools and pills were arranged in small boxes.

She hesitated to cook a pot of porridge, but for now she asked him to take medicine and lie down.

went upstairs with a water cup and a medicine box, and as soon as he entered the door, he found Ji Chuan curled up on the bed, a big one of 1.9 meters, and it looked like a small one, fragile.

His eyes were closed, the corners of his eyes were still dry with tears, and his lips were crimson, blood-colored, chapped.

The beauty is delicate, and she has a unique style when she is sick.

"Ji Chuan, get up and take medicine. Jiang Yu softened his voice.

His eyelashes fluttered, and he never got up.

"If you don't get up, I won't care about you. Jiang Yu put the water cup on the table and made a loud noise.

After that, he sat up obediently.

"Come on. She took the glass and handed it to him, then took two pills for him and placed them in the palm of his hand.

She saw that his eyes were a little aggrieved that she wanted to talk about it, and she thought of the tragic past he said today, and her heart couldn't help but be a little soft.

"After eating, I went to bed. Jiang Yu said soothingly.

After taking the water glass, she wanted to turn around and leave, but one hand grabbed her wrist, and she turned around: "Don't worry, I won't leave." ”

“… Never leave. ”