The daughter is in love, but the mother is anxious, because the daughter did not choose a love partner according to her mother's plan, nor did she plan to arrange her future life according to her mother's plan. This made the mother very frustrated, and even wanted to prevent her daughter from falling in love, and then wanted to force her daughter to arrange her future life according to her own plan.

This kind of thing makes people feel very confused, the slogan of "marriage autonomy, freedom of love" has been shouted for 70 years since 1949, and it has been shouted for 100 years since the "May Fourth" Movement in 1919.

I'm afraid this has to start with the mode of marriage and family operation of modern people. Although we have entered a new era and embraced new ideas, we are still living according to the old ways. Marriage is still considered to be the marriage of a man to a woman, the new family is still considered to be a continuation of the man's family, and the woman is still considered to have entered the life of the man's family. Therefore, in the process of arranging marriage and forming a new family, the man has to take on the responsibility of buying a house, buying a car, and giving the woman a dowry. After marriage, the man and the woman do not divide the property, and all income is in principle jointly owned and controlled.

However, in practice, the family income is not jointly managed, but is controlled by the stronger spouse. The party who controls the dominance of the family can control not only his own income, but also the income of the other party. Once a person has at his disposal your income, he can control your life. Therefore, in the traditional family model, family life is always dominated by the stronger party. The stronger party plans family life according to their own wishes, and the weaker party is required to live according to their own plan. This interference by the stronger spouse in the life of the weaker spouse extends from the husband and wife to each family member, and the stronger spouse in the husband and wife in turn plans the life of the children.

This kind of behavior of asking others to live according to their own wishes is disrespectful to others and will bring about aggression and harm. Because everyone's will is free, and he has the right to live as he wishes. And people who ask others to live according to their own wishes will also fall into the mistakes of life because of this. You're going to include other people in your life plan, and then you end up without your own life, and when they leave, your life becomes an empty shell, and you're going to be anxious and crazy!

When the daughter grows up, she will inevitably fall in love and get married, have her own family and her own life. It doesn't make sense to interfere, but the traditional way of life has caught us in this paradox. If we want to get out of this misunderstanding, we must start from the root of the problem and return the right to dispose of the individual's income to the individual. When a person no longer controls other people's income, he will no longer include others in his own life, will he really have his own life, and will accept others to leave him to live independently.

Some people may ask, how can we live such a life? In the AA family, the status of family members is truly equal, and the family can be said to be the product of equal cooperation between husband and wife, and both husband and wife have the same rights and obligations in the family. Everyone's married life can be divided into two parts, one is the family life jointly run by the husband and wife, including family expenses, housework distribution, children's education, etc., and the other is the individual's own life, including work, career, hobbies, social relations, etc. In such a family, it is only the responsibility and obligation of parents to raise their children, and when they grow up, they can pursue the life they want, and parents will neither interfere with their children for the sake of their own life, nor will they sacrifice their own life for their children. (For the specific operation measures of the family AA system, please refer to "On the AA System for Couples Again")