At the end of 93, in the small county town that was not developed, Xu Yao carried the cloth bag sewn by his sister on his back and walked in the dirty alleys, flanked by mottled old houses, rusty water pipes, and a garbage can at the door of every house, exuding a faint smell.

He and his sister live in an alley, the location is poor, the rent is not expensive, these days, in such a small county, there are very few people who go to the city to work and rent houses.

Xu Yao came to the door of his house, took out the key, and opened the door.

A small house of only 30 square meters, separated by a curtain, separated by two rooms, one for each sister and brother. My sister's room had only one bed, and the clothes were stored in boxes.

Xu Yao's "room" has an extra desk and a table lamp, and when I bought him a table lamp, my sister was distressed for a long time, but she still gritted her teeth and bought it.

The rice is made in the corridor, and the family builds a small earthen stove, a pot, and cooks with raw coal, which is simple and simple. A better family has already bought a gas stove, but Xu Yao and his sister don't have this condition.

Usually at this time, my sister should make a fire in the corridor to cook, and Xu Yao, who came home from school, would go to do some handmade products, which was an extra private job that my sister took on outside after work, and she could earn a few more yuan a day.

"Sister?" Xu Yao shouted when he entered the room, and his sister was not in the room.

Maybe she found some kind of work outside, she often does this, walking around the county every day, and then all kinds of work, only what can earn money, what a man can do, she can also do.

Xu Yao put down her schoolbag and saw a bag of unfinished handmade products next to her sister's bed, she should have come back and gone out to buy vegetables?

He was in a good mood today, because of the test results in school, he won first place unsurprisingly.

The teachers liked this plainly dressed student very much, diligent, hardworking, and conscientious, saying that he was a good seedling who could be admitted to the university.

At that time, the teacher was so simple, I couldn't wait to dig out my heart and lungs for the students, and I met a motivated reading seed, which I liked more than my own son.

At that time, the female classmates were also very innocent, they liked academic bullies, and they liked motivated boys, even if Xu Yaochang was very ordinary, but there were many girls who handed him love letters in private.

is different from the later love letters, the love letters here are very subtle and introverted, first write a modern poem by a certain celebrity, and attach at the end: What do you think of this poem? Then he handed it to the boy he liked, and if the boy was interested in the girl, he replied and secretly put it in her drawer the next day.

Come and go, and the story comes.

Eighteen-year-old flower season, love is young, immature, but also beautiful. After this age, no matter how much you fall in love, you can't find that feeling.

But Xu Yao was disdainful of the girl's hints and love letters, as if he was standing on a stone statue in the rain of flowers, watching the petals fall colorfully, and he was too lazy to reach out to pick up one of the beautiful petals.

He has no capital to fall in love, let alone interest, the rural baby only knows how to bury his head in reading and live up to his sister's expectations.

Moreover, his lilacs drifted to Shanghai with the wind, and he originally wanted to take the Fudan exam, but in his freshman year of high school, Lilacs got married.

Married to a red guy in Shanghai.

Xu Yao didn't slow down for a long time, and once wanted to beat someone when he heard that the Shanghai market.

He is too silent, too low-key and too restrained, and always suppresses the emotions he likes in his heart, but what is the value of liking without saying it?

On the day of the wedding, Xu Yao went, and the fare he got from his sister was very expensive, so expensive that he almost cried.

At the wedding, his lilacs were beautiful...... No, that's not his lilac anymore. It's the flower of the man who was the teacher.

Xiao Lan was very happy to see him, happy from the bottom of her heart, and gave Xu Yao some comfort.

The girl I like, she is a daughter in my heart, and I am glad that I am not as light as a feather in her heart.

The man looked at his new wife with a smile.

My wife said, "This is my younger brother from my hometown."

Reality dealt Xu Yao a heavy blow, and at that time he asked himself in his heart, it turned out that it was just his younger brother.....

There was a sudden throbbing pain in his heart, but he still didn't cry.

But when I really cried, it was after the wedding banquet, Xu Guang's kid said: Is your sister's problem because of your sister?

Xu Yao cried, and then he beat the kid to cry too.

Xu Guang was born a little earlier, and now, he must have comforted Xu Yao in a different sentence, such as: Ah Rong doesn't cry, stand up and stroke.

Xu Yao sat on the bed, making handicrafts and imagining. My sister's hands were covered with frostbite and blood in the winter.

Before I knew it, it was getting dark, and my sister still didn't come back.

Xu Yao decided to go downstairs to look for it, he closed the door, left the residential building, and around the corner, he saw his sister talking to a man in the twilight, the two of them held hands, and the man's face could be seen faintly.

He was a calm and serious young man, and when he talked to his sister, his eyes were full of smiles.

At the same time that Xu Yao saw him, the young man also saw Xu Yao, Xu felt that the young man's eyes that came out of the corner were too sharp, and he was stunned.

After this stunned, my sister found out and turned her head to look at the young man's gaze.

My sister's face changed slightly, she whispered a few words to the young man, and turned to face Xu Yao.

"Who is he?" asked Xu Yao.

"Friends..... Friend, did me a favor. Xu Ru explained simply, without saying more, and diverted the topic: "My sister is late when she comes back from something, is Ah Rong hungry?" ”

Xu Yao looked at the young man's back, walked farther and farther, and disappeared into the night.

Since then, Xu Yao has never seen a young man again, and his sister is nothing unusual, working as usual every day, with hard work.

.......

In 1994, two events happened that year, each of which brought the small family to ruin.

First of all, due to the bursting of the real estate bubble, it set off an extremely terrible economic crisis, and it is difficult for people who have not experienced that era to imagine how terrible that economic crisis was, it was a direct collapse of the economy, far better than any subsequent economic crisis. In fact, it collapsed once as early as 90, and in 94, the two crises were superimposed on each other, promoting and expanding each other.

Bang!

The bubble collapsed, and I don't know how many people died.

Although the crisis was stabilized in a relatively short period of time, its impact during this time was very large.

The aftermath of the small county town is not too big, but the life of the citizens has indeed become tight all of a sudden.

As a result, Xu Ru began to be unable to earn money, and her life was unsustainable.

The second thing is that Xu Ru is pregnant.

That day, Xu Yao was still in the sea of questions at school, preparing to sprint for the college entrance examination.

My sister called the head teacher's office and said that she was sick and hospitalized.

Xu Yao rushed to the hospital and learned from the doctor that his sister was pregnant.

A bolt from the blue.

"Don't work too hard, your body and bones are important, go home and take care of it. The doctor complained to Xu Yao and said, "You are her husband, why don't you know how to care about ...... at all?"

The doctor hadn't lied yet, and her sister, who had come back to her senses in a daze, interrupted in embarrassment: "He's my brother." ”

Xu Yao developed relatively early, and when his peers had fluff around their mouths and were excited about the hair in his crotch getting thicker, he looked like an adult, at least not like a high school student.

The doctor was also embarrassed and asked, "Then your husband." ”

Silence.

The siblings were silent.

Back at home, it was as if nothing had happened, my sister sat on the edge of the bed doing handicrafts, and Xu Yao sat at the table writing test papers.

"Smack!"

The ballpoint pen pressed heavily on the table, and the sound was not loud, but Xu Ru was startled, and her hand trembled obviously.

Xu Yao stood up, his face gloomy, he looked directly into his sister's eyes, and asked, "Who is that man?" ”

Xu Ru didn't speak, Xu Yao didn't speak, his eyes widened, and they gradually turned red.

"Ah Rong, don't worry about ......"

"It's not that man, it's not that man. Xu Yao said loudly.

He was responded to by his sister's silence.

All of a sudden, it was like igniting a barrel of explosives.

"You have been lying in the hospital for so long, and he didn't come, did you not contact him, or did he refuse to come?" Xu Yao took his sister's hand and walked out the door: "Go and call, contact him now." ”

"I'm not going. My sister said.

Xu Yao was stunned, exploded in an instant, and he yelled: "You have no shame, we are poor, but we can't be without dignity, no matter how poor we are, we must know how to love ourselves." If a woman doesn't even cherish herself, then she has nothing. ”

"What are you going to do now, pregnant with a child, can you raise it. When you unbuckled your belt, did you think about what you would do in the future, whether you want to marry or not, you know that your life has been ruined. ”

In the dimly lit room, the teenager was hysterical, his face flushed, and his eyes were crazy.

That day, he said many, many excessive things.

Every sentence is like a knife stuck in my sister's heart.

Xu Yao was crazy, he hated, hated that man, and hated his sister for not loving herself.

My sister sat on the edge of the bed, her head bowed, and wept.

She is a woman after all, a weak woman, life has made her stronger, even more desperate than men in some aspects, but in front of her brother, she cried helplessly and lowered her head.

Many years later, whenever he thought of this scene, Xu Yao would tremble all over, and his body and mind would throb from the inside out.

"I remember every sentence very clearly, and every sentence is imprinted in my heart. I hated myself back then, I was so selfish, I never thought about her feelings, I didn't think about how wronged she was at that time, how helpless she was, how much she longed for someone to help her, just like a person who was stuck in the mire, longing for someone to lend a hand, but my younger brother stepped on her hard. Xu Yao cried bitterly.

He lost his father at the age of two and his mother at the age of four.

My sister raised him with hard work, a teenage girl, and the rough cocoons on her hands look like a man who has worked hard for many years.

My sister worked hard for him to study, and the breakfast every day was porridge with three steamed buns, why three steamed buns, that was the food left until noon, steamed buns with pickles, she ate them for many years.

From refusing to give him away when she was a child, to growing up, she had nowhere to meet and never married, leaving all her time to her younger brother and all her hopes.

But the younger brother didn't understand her.

Qin Ze looked at this man silently, at this moment, he had stripped off all his coats, successful, serious, and beautiful......

He squatted in front of his sister's grave, like a broken child, crying like a fool.

A regret is a regret because it is destined to be irreparable.

You cry so much, you cry heartbreakingly, you hate yourself at the beginning, and you wish that going back in time can make up for your past mistakes, but life will never give you a second chance.

So, you're desperately trying to get my nephew back.

Want to make up for your mistakes, want to soothe the pain hidden in your heart, cramping day after day?

"What happened later?" Qin Ze asked in a hoarse voice.