Zhang Yan went downstairs, he didn't know where to go, he felt so confused that Nanning was so big, but it seemed that there was no place for himself.

He is so scared, afraid of himself like this, and hate, he is very Zhang Zhongxing, and he also hates himself for being cowardly, otherwise he would have died with Yangyang just now, leaving Zhang Zhongxing with nothing.

Zhang Yan didn't know when he started to become so full of resentment, like the hatred when his mother divorced his father, and he didn't know when he became so terrible, and his heart was full of bad thoughts.

Walking out of the community, Zhang Yan walked along all the way, walking forward, and some thoughts of despair and death were swirling in his mind: "What is the meaning of living, what is the meaning of living." ”

Mom and Dad don't want to be themselves, Dad is obviously so rich, but why does he always delay the alimony until the end, he can go to Nanning without resigning, why he wants to abandon himself, Zhang Yan can't understand. As if he was superfluous, the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he became, clutching the pain in his chest.

"The past has been uneven and has come up again, and I really feel a little bit of love from my parents. ”

Until he walked to the skating rink, colorful lights were shining in the field, playing dynamic DJ sounds, one by one like light swallows flashing in front of him, very relaxed and happy. She was dressed in denim and a T-shirt, tied in a ponytail, and with big eyes, she lazily streaked across his eyes.

The girl enjoyed the pleasure of watching in front of everyone, and kept fiddling with this trick, rowing round and round, Zhang Yan grabbed the barbed wire of the skating rink, and looked at the girl in front of him stupidly, I don't know how long he stood there, the sky was getting dark, and the girl was gone, and his mood gradually calmed back.

Even death requires courage, but he doesn't even have this courage, he can't do anything without any use, and his heart is so tired, so tired.

In this unfamiliar place, Zhang Yan didn't know where to go, he went around or went back, presumably now his father and the vixen had returned!

If I said it, I didn't want to explain all this, at that moment just now, I really wanted to die with Yangyang, and after a hundred, I didn't have seven emotions and six desires when I died.

The first thing he said to Zhang Zhongxing when he got home was: "I'm going back to Baise." ”

Unexpectedly, my father agreed very happily this time, and I don't know what Yangyang told them, but Zhang Yan didn't want to pay attention to what he was talking about, and after taking the child support given by Zhang Zhongxing, Yangyang, who was about to turn around and leave, poked out half of his head and said softly: "Brother Xiaoyan, are you going back to Baise?"

Zhang Yan looked back at her, thinking that she was still a child after all, an innocent child, Zhang Yan walked over and squatted down: "Brother Xiaoyan almost hurt you, I'm sorry." ”

After saying that, Zhang Yan got up and walked towards the door, and he didn't think that his father would say goodbye, and Zhang Zhongxing didn't say anything about sending himself or something.

Just walked out of the gate of the community, took the bus on the way back, and a familiar figure passed by, tied with a black ponytail, Zhang Yan leaned against the window and looked back at her, she would never know, it was she who saved her life in the skating rink At that time, she was really dazzling, like a light, shining on himself and making him feel that he couldn't die, everything in front of him was dark and confused, illuminating the road ahead of him.

And to his surprise, they will meet again later, she said, she will be by his side, even if the whole world does not want him, she will be by his side, never separated.

Just like Situ Xuan said: "Her appearance in your world is all destined, and it is also a catastrophe to be experienced." ”

"Have you all forgotten? Even if she's light, it burns. ”

Zhang Yan, who came back from Nanning, resolutely did two things.

One is the grandma who loves herself, only the grandma will not abandon herself, and the second is to plan for her future.

He doesn't want to be looked down upon by others in the future, and it is Xu Li: "Her eyes can really kill." ”

In the year after graduating from junior high school, Zhang Yan continued to ask for alimony with a cheeky face like a debt collector, and every time he saw Xu Li's cheap look, he really didn't feel good at all.

I want to go to work to earn money, even if the salary is small, and I don't have to live under other people's faces.

Yang Ru'e was silent for a long time, and glanced at Zhang Yan: "Xiao Yan! Although I am divorced from your father, he will always be your father, not someone else, you have to communicate with him more, even if it is father and son, the relationship between the two will fade after not contacting them for a long time." Yang Ru'e said with anger in her eyes. ”

Zhang Yan asked himself in his heart, have you forgotten all the pain on his body? No matter how much he and his father move around, they will not be able to return to the way they used to be, because the blow and pain that his father gave him are too great.

It was also in the year of his graduation that his mother came back from Nanning and told Zhang Yan that she wanted to take him to Nanning.

She proudly said that her business in Nanning is quite good, and she has bought a house in Nanning: "Xiangmihu Community"

Zhang Yan heard a wave of despair in his heart when he heard this community, why can't his mother forget the father who backs him, the community lives opposite his father's community, maybe he will meet each other when he goes out one day.

Zhang Yan didn't want to go, he didn't want to accompany his mother to struggle in the abyss of his father, and besides, he didn't want to leave Grandma anymore when he came back to Baise.

When everyone abandoned him, it was she, this gray-haired grandmother, who accompanied him and cared for him and encouraged him. Zhang Yan also tried to escape from his mother, but finally lost under his mother's tears. He resigned himself to packing his bags.

On the day he left, Zhang Yan deliberately didn't talk to him, and Grandma tried to touch his head, but he still took a step back and dodged. He knew that Grandma was looking at him sadly with sadness in her eyes, but he still turned his face away and got into the car.

At the moment when the car was about to drive, he looked through the glass at the old man with a cane outside the window, and the sun illuminated the old man with a little camel, and he saw the old man chasing slowly with a cane, and waving his hand.

He didn't care about the speed of the car at the time, he opened the car door like crazy and jumped down, his hand was worn out, and he fell into the mud, he hugged his grandmother and asked hatefully: "Why, why don't you keep me, why don't all of you want me, and drive me away, do I really make you annoying and annoying?"

"No, Grandma didn't," Yang Xiujuan said in a panic.

He felt sorry for his grandson, and he couldn't see him hurt, so he looked at Yang Ru'e, who got out of the car, and said, "Otherwise, let Xiaoyan not go!"

"Mom, you have to think about Xiaoyan's future and future, what good university can you have in Baise?"

After speaking, Zhang Yan still got into the car and walked with his mother.

In the car, my mind was full of grandma's sentence: "Otherwise, let Xiaoyan go." He knew that Grandma still loved him very much......

Mother's words were like a basin of cold water, splashing Zhang Yan clean. She sat on the other side of the chair with her face turned away. The mother and son do not interfere with each other and neither is close to anyone, even if they are the closest people to each other.

Yang Ru'e's words made Zhang Yan deeply understand that love is accompanied by harm.

He was loved by his grandmother so lawlessly, otherwise the grandmother he loved so much would have to break her heart if he was leaving so much.

Zhang Yan's heart hurts, he is disgusted with what he did just now.

Zhang Yan's guilt was that when he received a call from his grandmother, his mood eased a little, and his grandmother on the other end of the phone still shushed and asked for warmth, Zhang Yan responded well, he hated himself, hated himself for hurting someone who loved him and loved him. He clenched his fists and his eyes red.

"Nanning. "This is the first time he has come to see his father, and it is also the first time that his father has left his first mark on him," Zhang Yan stood in front of the two-meter-wide floor-to-ceiling window in his mother's 36th-floor house that night, quietly looking at the bustling city.

posted a post on Weibo: "I have come to this strange city again, where there is no care, no love, and no sincerity. "Although both parents are in this city, one only has his sister in his eyes, and the other is full of revenge.

When he arrived in Nanning, Zhang Yan realized how much his mother had changed: "This society is like a mentor in life. "In the past, my mother went from a small clerk who kept to herself from 9 to 5 to a strong woman in the mouth of others. She acts as an agent for a clothing brand, dresses up every day, and then goes to run the business and meet customers, so busy that she can't even see the shadow.

Zhang Yan has been in Nanning for more than a month, he has not eaten a meal she cooked, and he has not seen her go home on time like before, every time he comes home, it is late at night, he smells of wine, and his mouth still says from time to time: "Come to Mr. Zhang to drink..............

Zhang Yan leaned on the head of the bed, listening to the moving music in his ears, until his mother's room gradually became quiet, and he could sleep peacefully. Zhang Yan sometimes wonders if she can light a light for her mother and let her know that someone is waiting for her, but Zhang Yan didn't do it, and Zhang Yan didn't know why she would become so ruthless.

Zhang Yan lives with his mother, and he doesn't see how close the two are, but Yang Ru'e is too busy, and Zhang Yan also locked himself in the bedroom to do his homework as soon as he got home. Both of them seem to want to change their relationship with each other, but it still has no effect, and in the end, they gradually get used to being alone like this without disturbing each other.

The whole high school was spent like this.

And Zhang Zhongxing, living in the adjacent community for three years, Zhang Yan has not told him in Nanning for three years, what can he do, nor has he been looking for him, but occasionally he will be seen taking his daughter to play, Zhang Zhongxing also called Grandma, Grandma said that Zhang Yan had gone to Nanning when he was in high school, but he still never saw his father come to find him.

Zhang Yan thought, just like he is gradually getting used to not having a father now, and it is also like his father is gradually getting used to not having his son. Even close relatives will get used to not having each other. Not to mention that he hates him. Hate him for turning his mother into another person, hate him for destroying this family with his own hands.

After the college entrance examination, Zhang Yan waited for the results at home.