When Su Qing escaped from the party held for her by Zuo Anyuan, the sky had gradually darkened, and the night fell from the sky like a huge palm, firmly pressing on Su Qing's head, and her mood was also pressed to hell. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 info She suddenly felt that she had worked hard to manage her marriage for five years, and at the moment when Zuo Anyuan knelt down to confess, it shattered like a soap bubble with a "poof", and then it disappeared into the air, clean and did not even leave a trace. She trotted all the way to the door of the hotel, and then she stood in a daze for a while, and then began to think about what she was going to do: when she came, she was picked up by Zuo Anyuan, and it was the time of the handover, and the hotel was located in a quiet and remote area, and there was no taxi at the door, she stood at the door in a daze, dazed and didn't know how to go home. At this moment, she was dressed in a beautiful and delicate dress, her hair was messy, and the makeup on her face was all gone, and she stood anxiously and sadly at the door of the hotel, and the guests could not help but look at this strange young lady.

"Take my car!" suddenly a familiar voice came from behind him. It's Sun Lili! Su Qingmeng turned around and saw her best friend, like a drowning person seeing a life-saving straw, she was grateful and didn't know what to do, she couldn't speak for a while, only pearl-like tears, which couldn't stop falling. Sun Lili didn't say anything, she rubbed Su Qing's shoulder, then took her hand and walked towards her parking space.

The two women walked forward with each other's support, shoulder to shoulder, pulling out two very similar figures on the night-shrouded ground.

"Where do you want to go?" Sun Lili slowly drove the car out of the hotel, she guessed that Su Qing was not willing to return to her and Zuo Anyuan's home at the moment, let alone face him so soon.

Su Qing shook her head, her mind was spinning rapidly, in this huge city, she couldn't find a place for herself to hide. Her mind flew back to when she was sixteen years old, when she quarreled with her father, and then came out of the house in a rage, and she was penniless, so she could only mingle in the bustling crowd, and hide her sad expression, and she walked and walked and walked a long way, and along the way she kept thinking, where could she go, where could she hide and cry secretly? She walked from dawn to dark, but she could not find a suitable place, and at last she was tired of walking, and her anger was gone, and then she went home in a huff.

Today, 32-year-old Su Qing seems to have returned to when she was sixteen, dazed, helpless, overwhelmed, homeless, and with nowhere to hide.

Her thoughts gradually rippled away with the irregular bumps and turns of the car, like a small pebble being thrown down on the calm water, and the ripples were now rippling in her heart, making her breath a little heavy.

That year, Su Qing was 14 years old, one day she and her cousin were playing on the sand outside the house, originally this sand was the territory of the boys, they always tried their best to get rid of the girls who wanted to play with them, but Su Qing was different, she was bold and spicy, and she was even taller than a few of the boys, so she didn't take these little bastards in her eyes at all, she naturally joined the ranks of boys, and played all slapstick games. It was the same that day, her younger brother pushed her on the sand, and then accidentally Su Qing fell down from the sand, and sat on the ground. The boys laughed on the sand, clapping their hands one by one, Su Qing sat on the ground with shame and anger, her face was flushed, she was about to get up and teach these boys a hard lesson, just the moment she got up, she suddenly felt a faint pain in her lower abdomen, this pain slowly changed from weak to strong, like a distant ballad, from the other side of the stream, the other end of the mountain slowly came, and then became clearer and clearer. She sat on the floor clutching her stomach, then adjusted her sitting position and slowly stood up. At this time, my cousin saw something strange from her expression, so he walked down from the sand, and when he walked behind Su Qing, he suddenly screamed, and at the position of Su Qing's buttocks, her white sweatpants were red, and he shouted: Su Qing's ass is broken, Su Qing's ass is broken, and he rushed into the house to find an adult.

Su Qing heard her cousin's scream, and hurriedly looked back at her buttocks, the pain from falling down just now had dissipated, only the lower abdomen was still faintly painful, she touched it with her hand, and the buttocks were really slimy, and there was a faint smell of blood on the four fingers. She stood at the door of the house in a daze, waiting for the moment when her ass shattered. After a while, Su Qing's aunt ran out with her cousin, she looked at Su Qing's buttocks, turned around and said to her cousin, "What are you yelling about, while playing!" and then she took Su Qing back to the house.

After about forty minutes, Su Qing changed into clean pants and came out, and his cousin stood at the door of the room and observed Su Qing's ass with concern, "It seems to be fine," the younger brother said puzzled. Su Qing's face was red, in the forty minutes just now, she got a message from an adult married woman that she would never forget, the blush on her ass was not that she broke her ass, but that she ushered in the most important thing as a woman: menarche. It was with excitement and apprehension that she welcomed the arrival of her important friend.

Su Qing still remembers the feeling of nervousness, worry and excitement, that memory is like a fruit on a tree that is about to ripen, it looks so tempting, but it is sour and indescribable to taste it. She forced herself to put her thoughts back and not let it fly around like a broken kite, and she said to Sun Lili tiredly, "I'm not going home, take me to the old place." ”

Sun Lili's car silently drove into a secluded alley, at the end of which there was a three-story blue brick building, with a red cross standing on the pointed roof, this is a church called "Sishan Hall", the ancient building is more than 80 years old. This is the old place that Su Qing said, she and Sun Lili wandered around here by chance, and were immediately deeply attracted by this quiet ancient building, although neither of them is religious, but after visiting this church, both of them are filled with a sense of tranquility and peace, if they don't worship, there are not many people in the church, the two like to sit on long benches, no one speaks, enjoy this moment of tranquility and comfort, and then they often come here to chat, or just to see.

Su Qing dragged her tired steps to the church, she found a nearby place to sit down, Sun Lili sat quietly beside her, for so many years, they have maintained a quite tacit understanding, especially when the other party is in a bad mood, they definitely don't break their thoughts on the side. They just have to wait for the other person to speak, and then listen attentively.

But today is different, Su Qing didn't speak for a long, long time, Sun Lili couldn't help it, in her opinion, Su Qing today should be happy and joyful, her husband held a grand party for her to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary, he made the most emotional vows in the world to her, these words she almost never heard from Qin Dabao's mouth, if her own life is like a cup of very light tea, then Su Qing's day should be a cup of mellow and strong wine, she just looked at Su Qing from the audience, not to mention how envious she was, just because Su Qing wanted to be a Dink and Zuo Anyuan wanted a child, she was so desperateSun Lili couldn't understand that as a mother of two children, Sun Lili tried to dispel Su Qing's fear of her children.

"When I come home from work now, as soon as I open the door, I will rush to my arms and call my mother, which is actually a good feeling. Sun Lili said softly.

"Having a puppy has that effect as well. Su Qing choked back her words.

"Su Qing, it's just a child, and it's not a flood beast, why are you so afraid and repulsed? Zuo Anyuan wants to have a child, it's human nature, you don't need to be so excited. ”

"He broke the promise between us, he even cheated on me all the time, I kept checking with him if he was happy not to have children, he was conclusive and now he looked like he was sincere, I'm a victim, okay?"

"What's wrong with the kid?"

"It's too noisy, I can't finish my heart, I can't stand it!"

"But there is also infinite happiness, when you hold the soft body, when you breastfeed her, when you feel that she is more and more like herself back then, how wonderful that feeling is, do you know? Su Qing, you are not an arbitrary person, why are you so extreme and indifferent to children?"

Su Qing's glasses gradually moistened, she lowered her head and tried not to let Sun Lili see her tears, and after a while, she said, "Then why do you want to divorce Qin Dabao now?"

Sun Lili's head "buzzed", yes, her relationship with Qin Dabao has deteriorated in the past few days, and even put the entire Qin family on the opposite side of herself, what is this because? Isn't it because of the unborn child in her belly? This is a pain in her heart, she didn't expect Su Qing to hit it to the point, this sentence is bitter to a certain extent for Sun Lili, she never expected that Su Qing would come to pinch her weakness!

Sun Lili was so choked that she couldn't speak, and she often asked herself, if the child was so good, why would her life be a mess?

After a while, Su Qing seemed to realize her excesses, she was sitting next to her best friend, she was just trying to comfort and explain herself, why use her pain as a shield? Su Qing hurriedly said: "Lily, I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry". When this sentence floated in Su Qing's ears, Su Qing was sixteen years old, she looked at the doctor blankly, she didn't understand what the doctor meant by "mediastinal uterus", but she deeply remembered that her mother's hand covered her mouth and burst into tears.

When she ushered in her first period with excitement, nervousness and excitement, she could never have imagined that the flower that bloomed like a rose on her white sweatpants that day would be the beginning of her nightmare.

The first menarche only lasted for three days before it ended, and during these three days, Su Qing's lower abdomen had been feeling pain, the first day it was still faint, and the next day this pain began to start strongly, this intense pain lasted for two days, and disappeared without a trace with the end of menarche. Her mother told her that this is called menstrual cramps, and unmarried girls will have pain, and it will be over. She even thinks it's a pain that you have to endure as a woman, glorious and great. About half a year after menarche, her menstruation came again, and for up to two years, Su Qing had to be attacked by this sharp pain every month, this pain began to spread from the lower abdomen, sweeping Su Qing's lower body like a tide, she even felt that the veins in her thighs began to jump due to the pain, in those days, she couldn't go to school, she always arched herself into a shrimp, lying on the bed and rolling around counting the days.

This situation lasted for two years, and Su Qing's mother even thought that her daughter was hypocritical and had such a big reaction to menstrual cramps. It wasn't until one day that she saw a huge blood clot slipping down her daughter's lower body, and her daughter's pale face became distorted by pain, that she decided to take her to the hospital.

Su Qing was lying in the B-ultrasound room, the cold couplant dripped on her lower abdomen, making her unable to withstand a shiver, the doctor's probe swiped around her abdomen, like a figure skating athlete, sometimes spinning, sometimes staying, she had no way to see the B-ultrasound screen, she could only look at the doctor's face nervously, the female doctor was expressionless, and from time to time reported some simple data and professional terms to the assistant, when she said to Su Qing, she fell on the little girl's face, she asked: Are you sixteen years old this year? Su Qing nodded.

"Doctor, am I going to get an injection? If you can, let me hang up the saline or take medicine, the injection is very painful. Su Qing begged.

The female doctor shook her head: "No need for injections, just go to the doctor with the list." Hey, that's a shame. ”

Su Qing took the B-ultrasound list, she happily ran to her mother, she said that the doctor said that I don't need injections. In the examination room, she didn't listen to what her mother and the doctor were talking about, and the doctor deliberately broke her away and talked to her mother for a long time, and then she only saw her mother covering her mouth with her hand and bursting into tears.

On the second day of going to the hospital for a check-up, Su Qing took a nap in the bedroom, and in a daze, she heard her father and mother arguing. She heard her mother crying silently, and her father thundering violently. She heard her father say, "Crying, crying, crying, you know crying! Crying has a fart!" Then her mother's intermittent voice: "Can I stop crying? The mediastinal uterus is a malformation of uterine development! The doctor said that the probability of her infertility is as high as 70 percent, and many people have repeated miscarriages even if they are pregnant! She will not be able to have children in the future, and she will not be able to form a family, so why should you let me not cry!"

Is this talking about herself? Su Qing's heartbeat suddenly accelerated, and she sat up from the bed with no sleepiness all of a sudden, although she was only sixteen years old, she could already understand most of what her mother said just now. She pinched her thigh hard, thinking it was just a nightmare. The thigh immediately ached, but Su Qing did not wake up because of this, she continued to hear her mother's crying voice: "How can I tell her, how can I explain to her, it is my fault that I didn't give birth to her!

"If you can't open your mouth, you have to open it! Can you hide it from her for the rest of your life? Tell her early that she can't have a child, let her be mentally prepared, and I will raise her in the future!" the father shouted in a low voice. Then he wanted to say to himself: "A woman can't give birth to a child, isn't this the same as an ox plowing and not moving the field, and a donkey not being able to pull and grind, it's a waste!"

Su Qing couldn't hold back any longer, she rushed out of the door and yelled at her father: "You are the waste! You are the waste! Who said that I want to have a child, I am not better alone!" At this moment, despair, fear, unwillingness, and shame hit Su Qing, and at the age of sixteen, she still had no way to fully understand what it meant to not be able to have children? But the last metaphor of her father was deeply embedded in her heart, a waste, and her tears burst out of her eyes.

When she was sixteen years old, Su Qing quarreled with her father for the first time, she came out of the house in anger, and shed dry tears in the bustling crowd, she found that she had nowhere to hide, just like her deformed womb, which could not be covered up, and there was nothing to be done, it was like a poisonous snake, crossed its knees in her abdomen, and the deep mediastinal line inside divided it into two parts, and her life was cruelly drawn to another state, another possibility.

Su Qing remembered Sun Lili's words again: "How wonderful it feels to have a child...... That wonderful state and happy moment After Su Qing met Zuo Anyuan, I don't know how many times I have been fantasized, no one will be as eager to have a child of their own as Su Qing, but ...... Sun Lili's words made Su Qingwan's arrow pierce her heart.

Sun Lili didn't answer, Su Qing's sorry didn't matter to her, once the hurtful words were spoken, it was like a sharp sword piercing the chamber, and pulling it out again would only hurt one more time, but she didn't know, some injuries could be said, and some could never be said or explained, it was a pain that could not be said and had nowhere to be said. She only heard Su Qing mutter: "Actually, it's me who is wrong, I deceived Zuo Anyuan, but I just want to make my life easier." ”