"The story of Journey to the West, everyone knows it, right?" Zhou Tian, who was in the assistant's camera, asked the onlookers.

"Yes. The audience replied: "The TV series has been played hundreds of times, we have watched it hundreds of times, hehehehe......." ”

"The content of my stand-up comedy is the story of Journey to the West. Zhou Tian smiled and hugged his fists towards everyone.

Clench your fists.

It's a habit of the week.

Anyone who has watched Zhou Tian's cross talk knows that as long as he hugs his fist, it means that his cross talk has officially begun.

"Today we are talking about the story of Journey to the West, which is said to have four monks, in response to the call of the emperor of the current dynasty, set off from Chang'an and went to the west to learn scriptures. ”

The audience calmed down.

Listen carefully to Zhou Tian's cross talk.

"Of course, they first have to think about how to get to the west, some say, walk, some say, run, and some say, take a car. Later, the four monks, one did not take the car, the second did not run, and the third did not walk, but went by plane. Yes, yes, yes, I went by plane. The plane landed within a few minutes, why did it land? Because the plane ran out of fuel. Zhou Tian deliberately didn't look at the camera, but said to the audience in front of him: "When the plane landed, the great monk, that is, the master, was in a hurry." Because of the matter of learning from the scriptures, it has a time limit, so the sooner the better, if the matter is delayed, no one can afford this responsibility, so after the plane landed, he asked the monkey, that is, Sun Wukong, to find oil. ”

Wukong complained, "Where am I going to find oil?"

Eight precepts.

That is, Zhu Bajie.

At this time, he interjected, "Brother Monkey, this is not simple, where do you see the gas station?"

Speaking of gas stations.

Tang Seng wondered, "Why did this plane just fly and refuel?"

"The fuel tank is small, the size of a soap box, and you can add five dollars at a time. The monkey replied.

Countless viewers in front of me.

They all laughed.

But they laughed.

Even the audience who watched the live broadcast couldn't help laughing, and some even held their stomachs and laughed.

Boy.

Small fuel tank.

It's the size of soap.

You can only add five dollars at a time.

It's also too small, wow.

The audience laughed.

Sunday's cross talk continued.

"Add it once, five yuan, fly two miles, then how long will it take? When will we be able to go to the west and obtain the true scriptures?" Tang Seng was worried.

He didn't think it would work.

to find someone to discuss.

So the four masters and apprentices combined.

We'll have to ask for directions.

Ask how to get to the West Heaven.

How to go smoothly.

How can I get to the west as soon as possible?

How not to get stuck in traffic.

One word.

It made the audience laugh again.

Your uncle's.

You're flying an airplane.

Is there a traffic jam on the plane?

Monkey as driver.

Pinch the brakes.

The plane stopped.

Goku down.

Take a look.

Ho!

What kind of place is this?

Why is it so wild!

Then I saw an old man hoeing the ground, and I hurried over.

He thought it was a foreign country.

Just dragged a sentence in English.

“Hi， hello，ho are you？”

The old man turned around, "What are you doing?"

Okay!

A mouthful of stubble.

It's been a long time, it's the Northeast!

"Uncle, how are you going to go to the west?" the monkey asked.

The old man in front of him was happy and said: "I have lived for such a long time, and it is the first time I have seen a monkey that can speak human words, it is too rare, take a photo first, and then post it to Moments." ”

With this baggage, Zhou Tian took out his mobile phone, took a few selfies with a click, and then posted them to Moments.

Audience below.

There was a strong applause.

"Uncle, how do you go in the west?" the monkey asked again after the uncle finished taking a selfie.

"It's simple, you just take a knife and swipe it around your neck. The old man smiled.

"Where is that?"

"Lingtie Village!"

Okay.

Went the other way around.

Ran to the east.

No way.

Let's go back.

This time, I added more than 100,000 times of oil and returned to Chang'an.

Arrived in Chang'an.

Bajie pondered: "Master, this is not right, let's go like this, when do we have to go? The fuel tank is too small, we have to change to a bigger one." ”

The monkey couple thought that Bajie's idea was good, so they agreed, and then they suddenly saw Zhu Bajie's big lunch box.

Zhu Bajie was not happy.

This is my rice plate.

It's not a fuel tank.

But there is no way, he can't resist this guy, besides, who let you use such a big lunch box?

That's it!

That's it!

Suddenly, it was loaded.

Speaking of this, Zhou Tian made a move to load the fuel tank.

His funny appearance instantly amused many people.

Because I changed a fuel tank, I could add more than 20 yuan of fuel at a time, "Dudu Dudu...... Toot toot ....... ”

The plane got up again, flew for more than half a year, and refueled more than 20,000 times.

Laughed.

The audience laughed again.

Boy.

Add more than 20,000 oils!

How dare you say it.

On this day, the monkeys arrived at the Flame Mountain, and the flames were 8848 meters, and they couldn't fly over. The master and apprentice are combined, can you let the princess of the iron fan take the fan and fan it for us? Sun Wukong is the brother-in-law of the princess of the iron fan, and if he goes to set up porcelain, maybe he will do it, so a group of people will send monkeys to see the princess of the iron fan.

Princess Tiefan was waiting to cook Tang monk's meat to eat, and when she saw Sun Monkey coming, coupled with the matter of the red child, the two of them fought.

Where is the Iron Fan Princess's opponent of Sun Wukong? More than a dozen rounds, the strength of the opponent is not enough, defeated, then the magic weapon to serve, she took out the banana fan, a hard fan, four masters and apprentices, even people with planes, luggage rolls, lunch boxes, a fan to fan back to the Tang Dynasty.

"Hahaha...... Hahaha....... The audience laughed after hearing Zhou Tian's statement.

Because it was fanned back.

Therefore, the four masters and apprentices began to sum up the lessons and lessons, and after summarizing for more than half a year, they came to the conclusion that women cannot be offended.

Although women can't be offended, but this true scripture is still taken, after the study of four people, it was decided to take the Datang No. 6 super-large fuel tank spaceship, full of horsepower, around the Flaming Mountain, until the west to learn the scriptures.

This spaceship, without refueling for a day, makes four people happy.

When I arrived at a realm, I didn't know the four brothers.

Tang Seng also asked: "Where is this?"

Wukong scratched his head: "I don't know, it's all soil, it's a pit, it shouldn't be the West Heaven." ”

Bajie took a big flag, "Tang monk, come here." ”

Syllable!

And he was planted on the ground.

Later, more than 1,300 years later, on this day in 1969, there was another spaceship in this place! A man came down from above, holding a small Star-Spangled Banner in his hand, and said with words in his mouth, "This is a small step for me, but a big leap for mankind!"

So.

About the moon landing.

In fact, we Chinese are our ancestors.

Back to the book, the four masters and apprentices got on the Datang 6 spaceship again, and then went to the west, and when they returned to the atmosphere, Zhu Bajie accidentally stepped on the brakes.

At that time, the gate line jumped.

Bang dang.

The spaceship fell.

The four masters and apprentices looked at it like this, and there was a city gate in front of them, and the gatehouse read: "Western Heaven Elysium." ”

The four of them cried like this, they were crying with joy, they finally came, they finally came.

wiped the tears on his face and went to Leiyin Temple to see the Buddha.

As soon as they arrived at the door, a group of people hula suddenly surrounded them, and everyone said in a gossipy voice: "Master, do you want a plate?"

"The Diamond Sutra, the Lotus Sutra, the Nine Yin Sutra, the graphic version, the video version, the photo version, the high compression, the high definition. ”

"One, a hundred at the top of the Buddha. ”

Tang Seng had a blank face, "Give me all the retreat! We take the true scriptures, not piracy, and we resolutely crack down on piracy." In this world, the Buddha's copyright fees can't be collected, disciples, hurry up and go inside. ”

Inside, when the Buddha saw the four people in rags, he was very surprised and wondered: "Where did you come from to ask for food? Why did I, a dignified Leiyin Temple, come here to ask for food? What happened to the people at the door? Why didn't you stop them?"

Seeing that the Buddha had misunderstood, the four of them hurriedly explained, "Buddha, don't misunderstand, we are monks who came from the Tang Dynasty in the East to learn scriptures, I'm really sorry, it's too late, because the fuel tank is too small." ”

"What? The mailbox is too small?" Before the four of them finished speaking, the Buddha was unhappy and interrupted the words of the four masters and apprentices, "Hasn't it been passed a long time ago?

The four masters and apprentices, you look at me, I look at you, I am very puzzled.

The Buddha pointed to the computer on the table, "Isn't this a little bit, and all the scriptures will be emailed? ”