"You ask me what I want, it's simple, free. You can also understand that all I want is a feeling of being at home. ”

"Comfortable?"

"Hmm. For me, it doesn't really make a difference between living and dying, it's just a different way. It's just that I don't know if I would have felt the way I do if I had done something else, but I know that since I can feel this way, then I have the ability to pursue the feelings I want. And all I want is 'to be comfortable'. - Whether I live or die, as long as I can have this freedom at all times, I have nothing else to ask for.

"And everything I did when I was alive was just to be able to maintain this freedom at all times, not to be disturbed or even deprived by external forces. - After all, as long as this body/body is alive, I have to be limited by many external influences because of this. In other words, the body is also a part of the living 'me', this is providence, not my choice, and if I want to be at ease while living, I must take into account the basic needs of the body, and naturally, because the body will be limited by many external influences, so that the whole of 'me' cannot do everything at will—I need to be restrained, I need to weigh, I need to always grasp the 'degree' set by God that I can come and go freely, and I cannot surpass it, and I cannot go beyond it. Otherwise, the cost is often worse than death......

"But the good thing is that although I can't decide how I exist, I can't decide my birth, I can decide my death, I can decide whether to end this life while I still have control over my body.

"This is a gift from God, and the only luck I have in this life - I can't decide my own life, but I can decide my own death. It is precisely because of this that I am able to face the unpredictable path of life that I have to face while I am alive.

"I can't control what happens, but I can decide how I want to feel the 'scenery' along the way. It's just that I don't passively feel, but I take the initiative to find the resources and strength I need in order to maintain my inner freedom at all times.

"This is the only way to do my best to ensure that my life is not easily disturbed by others. This is the basic rule of survival that I must abide by as a living 'human being': if I want to not be hindered, I can only achieve it with the support of a strong force. Otherwise, even if I do not interfere with others, it is difficult to guarantee that others will not interfere with me or even attempt to harm me for their own selfish interests.

"I know, they can't be blamed for that. After all, it's part of human nature, and you and I are no exception. But even so, there is a difference, the only difference is, what are you and I using this greed for?

In fact, no matter how greedy a person is, if he does not have the support and echo of the thousands of equally greedy souls behind him, no matter how capable he is, he will not be able to exert such a great influence by his own personal strength. - Qiu Yueze is like this, Gao Liwen is like this, and so are the emperors of the four great families, as well as Yunxiang and Jiaoguo...... Even we in the Medical Valley are the same—except that the Medical Valley is not coveted by the other forces.

"Besides, if I were them, if I had the same intentions as theirs, then perhaps I would have done more than them. So, it's really hard to conclude in one sentence: who is right and who is wrong?

"But fortunately, I still have the right to end my own life—at least, while I still have the ability to control this body. So, if I try my best and I still don't get the free life I want, under the rules of survival that I had to follow while I was alive, then when I'm really desperate, at least, at the end, I can end my life as a 'human' by ending it in time while I still have control over it. So that I can die in the last bit of 'freedom'.

That's why I say that what I want and what you want are fundamentally different.

"I want to be at ease, I don't care about the length of life. Even, no matter how long or short life is, as far as I am concerned, as long as I am comfortable, a moment is a lifetime, and a lifetime is only a moment. There is no difference between them.

"And the only thing I can't control is the irresistible providence that created this body, gave me no choice to exist in the form of a 'human', and had to abide by the many rules of existence because I was a 'human'.

"The only thing God has given me is that I can choose how I want to feel what it means to be 'alive' for me, but for God, how I feel, how I want to maintain it, and what it means to me—none of that means anything to me.

"In the eyes of God, there is no difference between me and the sand and stones, the grass and the trees. That's why I say that for me, it makes no difference whether I live or die. Because in the eyes of God, whether I live or die, I am like those plants, trees, sands and stones, from birth to death, from existence to death, I have always been a part of it—this has never changed, so naturally there is no difference.

"But even so, even if my life has no meaning to God, 'meaning' still has its irreplaceable value for me: its only value is that it can always lure me to live well. So, if I want to live, I need meaning, and I need meaning that meaning brings to me—that I want to live from the bottom of my heart.

"For me, at least as a human being, I knew I wanted to be free, I wanted to be at ease all the time. This is what can tempt me to live, the only value that life can bring me, and the only meaning of my life.

"This is the real difference between me and you.

"Although it is true that on the surface I am also fighting for wealth and power, I need them not to have them, but to use them to ensure that the comfortable life I want is not easily disturbed by others.

"Wealth and power are only means to me, one of the many means of realization that I need to operate simultaneously in order to maintain this 'freedom' at all times, a means which, though necessary, can only be a supplementary effect. — At least, it is not possible to live without it while I am alive, but I cannot only have this means, much less regard it as the main one—in fact, the importance it occupies among the many means which I have, and with which it operates, at most, and not more than thirty percent, without which the feeling of 'ease' which I really want cannot always be maintained.

"And the ideal state I want is that worldly means like this should not be more than 10% important at most.

"So, the reality right now is that I'm still a long way from where I'm going to go. Either way, my ultimate goal is to maintain a feeling of 'ease', so I don't need endless wealth and power. On the contrary, it is enough if I can get enough to help me resist the disturbances of others. And, the further I got, the less I need it.

"Still, I'd like to talk to you about a deal that might allow you and me to get what we need at the lowest price:

Although I don't know what the ultimate goal of Gao Liwen is to want so much power and wealth, I know that his ultimate goal must be fundamentally different from mine, but even so, he should be similar to me in terms of attitude towards power and wealth: power and wealth are just a means to achieve his ultimate goal, not his ultimate goal. Only, unlike me, this means is the primary means by which he achieves his ultimate end, not the auxiliary. And, as he gets closer to his ultimate goal, the proportion of such means he needs will be, and even the illusion that the need for power and wealth will be a 'bottomless pit'. But that's also a problem that Gao Liwen wants to solve in the future, and it has nothing to do with me, and I don't need to worry about him.

"And the reason why I mention this is to say, in fact, when you provoked me just now, I asked me if I dared to believe your words, and I want to return the words to you now: If you dare to believe me, then whether you can really understand what I just said or not, you can believe that as long as you and Gao Liwen do not hinder me, I will not be your enemy. Even, if the help you can give me will be far greater than what Fu Wenxuan and the Fu family behind him can give me, then I can't give priority to helping you. - I remember, Gao Liwen has always coveted the power of my little uncle. And in this world, the only person who can say that my little uncle can be moved is I'm afraid it's just me.

"Furthermore, in the final analysis, what I want and what you want are not the same kind of things in the first place. If the main means of attachment between you and the forces are too similar for what they want, it is inevitable that there will be a violent conflict, and it will be to the extent of 'you and me'...... But I'm different, as long as you want, between me and you, in fact, you can avoid getting in the way of each other. We may even be able to achieve mutual benefits.

"This is an opportunity, why don't you think about it?"

Amu was stunned for a long time, looking at Gao Ran intently. It seemed to be digesting the words and thoughts she had just said that were enough to shake his heart upside down. At the same time, he also began to vaguely realize in his heart that Gao Ran might really be different from them, otherwise, why he had never thought about her thoughts, let alone understood them, but it inexplicably made him feel that although her ideas were unbelievable to him, they also made him believe in the feasibility of the proposal she finally said. - Although he couldn't understand why she wanted to live like that, at least he roughly understood the literal meaning of every word she said, and thought he wouldn't be too far from what she really wanted to say.

He pondered for a long time before replying with a slight wavering: "I can't do this......

Gao Ran immediately blocked his words, and hurriedly persuaded: "You just tell Gao Liwen what I just said, if what he wants is really what I think, then he will definitely agree." That doesn't bother you, does it?"

"How do you know that he will believe what I say?" Although Amu had basically been shaken from his original intention, he still asked this sentence at the end, not to test anything, but to convince him to finally believe in her completely.

"Well, since that's all I have to say, I'll tell you straight. Although I am not sure of the true relationship between you and Gao Liwen, I know that your relationship must be extraordinary, and even the kind of intimate relationship that cannot be made public—especially not to let the Fu family know. Yes and no?

"The reason why I asked you directly is to give you a chance to be honest with me and seek cooperation, but if you don't know how to cherish it, then I believe I will soon know the secret between you. But then, since we are not allies, your secrets will be a great weapon for me to use against you. - Or do you want it to be?"