Chapter 37: A Brief Chapter of the Dead Dream

Look, what did we gain and what did we miss out on this life's unswerving love?

Is this a dream or is it awake, if it is a dream, then why is it heartache, why is it sad, why is it unforgettable? The feeling from the five senses, the touch from the skin, the perception from the heart, the illusion from the soul, why is everything so real. Vanity, prosperity, falling leaves, abhorrtion...... Then look at everything!

A dream!

The drizzle is longing, is it a longing from the earth or an indulgence from the sky?

One step at a time, is it to shorten the distance between each other, enter each other's hearts, and stay here forever, or pass by, gradually drift away, and finally become strangers?

I don't know and don't understand any of this. But I know...... Yes, my thoughts are brought by the wind, and I try my best to forget, forgetting what I should forget, but I can't forget, which makes me distressed and tired, and I am irritable about it. Perhaps, only to leave this world that needs to breathe, and to end a lifetime of life and sleep forever!

Death!

When I drank the soup in Meng Po's hand when I passed through the Nai He Bridge, maybe I would be able to be free and no longer be bound by any emotions!

Extrication!

What a distant word, I didn't expect that I didn't even have the courage to free myself... Pitiful and pathetic and even hateful, I have lost my tenderness for this, I have fallen silent for this............ That's all I know, this simple but not harmonious, even ridiculous truth......

A dream!

It was so dark in front of my eyes that I couldn't even see anything in front of me, it was just darkness, endless darkness!

After a while, the door opened, and several people walked in from the outside. I didn't see them clearly because my eyes weren't adjusting to the light!

"Kill you!" said angrily from my mouth, with a hatred I had never felt before, "Kill you!

Why? Why do I say such things? Why do I hate these people so much?

I don't know, I really don't know!

At this time, the image in my mind slowly disappeared, and I slowly fell asleep!

…………

Wang Wanling, 19 years old, is a freshman at a university funded by Yang Meixin's parents' group. But what did I study, what did I study, and I didn't even understand what it meant to go to university! Or did I want to be recognized by others for the sake of an academic degree?

I don't think it's necessary for me to do this!

I wanted to be recognized by others, which was what I used to think. But now, there is no need ~ there is no need for this!

It's more appropriate that I'm no longer who I am, or that I'm not the same person I used to be. Yes, I was denied by the original world, and the original world did not need my existence, because for it I was superfluous, worthless and unnecessary garbage. No, maybe it's not even garbage, at least garbage existed in the original world...... And I, who have been ruthlessly erased from the original world, am a person who is not even as good as garbage in the eyes of the original world and has been completely denied by the original world......

I like to smoke and drink alone, and every time I get drunk, dizzy and vomiting, I go back to my place and fall asleep as a bad student. I like to fight, I always rely on self-righteous justice to teach some arrogant guys, most teachers and students like to roll their eyes at me and taunt me, they hate me but they are afraid of me.

I like this, because numbing myself in this way seems to prove that I exist, and it seems that more classmates care about it.

At least I think it makes sense for me to exist in this space of the world.

I often got into fights, and at that time I was just naïve and willful thinking that what I was doing was right, and the arrogant guy should be taught a lesson, and only those who are strong enough to fist enough can be the master of this world, and only then can they be qualified to dominate the weak. So I scarred myself every time, thinking that in this way people would recognize me and admit that I paid attention to me.

But everything happened beyond my expectations, no one cared about me, no one recognized me, they all hated me, hated me, feared me, counted me down and wished I was dead. Isn't it ridiculous? Isn't it self-deceptive?

But I'm not angry about it, because I deserve it! Poor people must have something to hate, and maybe I'm one of them.

But God is not thin on me, and at this time she appeared, giving me a ray of light!

She is the only one of the opposite sex in the world who is willing to accept me, she cares about me, loves me, and approves of me! For this reason, I like her very much, and I give her all my world.

I'm crazy, I'm happy, I'm proud, I tell her everything about me, and she listens silently!

I confessed to her, and she gladly accepted.

But I don't know that I'm hurting her, causing her to be looked down upon, causing her to be snubbed by her classmates, causing her to lose a lot, I don't know that almost all her injuries are brought by me, and I destroyed her originally bright and perfect future......

All the mistakes should have been borne by me, but God has brought all the punishment to her!

Heaven is very unfair, the merciless God mercilessly deprived her of her life without the slightest doubt, and pulled her out of my life, I don't know who to hate and blame! I only know that God is very ruthless, I only know that God has taken away my lover......

The wind ~ whistled by with a familiar feeling. It brought thoughts into my world, but I didn't take them with me when I left. Did the wind forget to take it away or did it deliberately stay, and now this thought is planted in my heart like a seed with magical power, slowly taking root and sprouting, refusing to leave, let alone pulling it out. I'm afraid, afraid to see this seed of longing grow into a towering tree, and then I will definitely collapse because I can't stand it......

It's just that I don't know what my thoughts are, and why should I be sad for them, so sad for them? I try to pray, to pray for Heaven's salvation, to pull the so-called thoughts out of me, even if it costs everything I have, even if it costs my life.

But~ I was denied, at least I thought my prayer was denied, because the more I tried to forget, the deeper the thoughts sinked into my heart, and I was in pain.........

(End of chapter)