Ever since I was a child, I was so curious about everything, everything was unknown, everything was so interesting, and I always asked my mother, "What's that?" What is this? Why is this happening?

Some of the questions I had answered, some of which I never answered, and some of which I still don't know, and some of which my mother patiently explained to me, even if I later felt that she was not necessarily right.

I have loved to look at the sky since I was a child, the sky was so blue, and the night and the stars were so bright and shining. At that time, the sky was only clouds, and I was not short-sighted, and I could still open my eyes to the sun.

I asked my mother:

Why are the suns bigger than the clouds, the stars bigger than the moon, and they look so small. Mother said:

Because the sun is farthest away, the stars are farther away. So it looks small. The clouds are at the top of the mountain. So it looks big, so that when you go to the top of the mountain, you can touch the clouds.

At that time, I could already understand that things in the distance looked small after all. I also want to climb to the top of the highest mountain to see if the clouds are like cotton as everyone says.

I asked my mother again:

How do you know that the sun is farther away than the moon, and there is not such a long rope to measure it?

My mother said that she didn't know either, so I asked my father because he knew more, but my father didn't come back until the Chinese New Year, and I hadn't seen him for a long time, and I had forgotten what he looked like. But at that time I didn't dare to ask my mother what my father was like, and every time I asked, she would beat me.

At that time, I would go to the cabinet and dig out the two pictures of my father and remember what they looked like. It seems that it was only after the age of five that I could remember my father even when he didn't come home for a year. I will never forget it again, and I will remember it again.

Some questions are vague and unwilling to answer, or she is simply perfunctory and deceitful. Like when I asked her where I was from. She said I was made of his own flesh, but she didn't say how to do it. My grandmother told me that I picked it up on the side of the road, why did they say it differently.

At that time, my aunt and uncle went to my hometown for two years, and they also picked up a younger brother, and they all said that they had picked it up, and I believed it for a while.

Later, my mother became pregnant again, and then my younger brother was born, so I probably knew how I came here, and I never slept with my parents after my brother was born, and my parents and family didn't care about me so much after my brother was born, and I was often beaten and scolded by my family because of my younger brother, which made me hate my younger brother very much when I was a child.

Because my brother always cries at every turn, he often wakes me up in the middle of the night, and every time I scold my brother, my parents always scold me, saying that I was like this when I was a child, but I can't remember it at all! At that time, I naively thought that I was not like my brother when I was a child.

Later, I learned why my uncle and aunt went back to their hometown, why we couldn't see anyone for a year, so I let my cousin live with us, and why my grandmother treated me better than my cousin when I was a child. Because every time I get biscuits and fruit that are bigger than hers, and I have more meat than hers when I eat. Of course, my younger brother took my original position, but I couldn't willingly let my younger brother go, and my sister has always been so good to me.

The situation of my uncle's family was that the "running" family planning that often appeared in the countryside at that time, although the ethnic minorities in our place could have a second child, but the feudal ideology of preference for sons over daughters was also very serious, although I still don't know what feudal thinking is.

If both children are girls, then they will definitely try their best to have another one, if it is not a boy, they will find another way, and they will continue to give birth until they are boys, so I have a lot of families around me that are several girls, a boy, boys are not baby, I met several female classmates called Zhaodi (Di) when I was in school.

In our village, there are several girls in the next few villages, and they have been trying their best to run family planning, just to give birth to a boy for countless families. The hatred of family planning workers is like the hatred of Japanese devils in TV dramas, I have also experienced several times that the family planning working group in the town went into the village to arrest those families who had super children to do sterilization, that scene, that kind of hateful look I still have some fear when I think about it.

Why does the country do the right thing, but it has to resist, why can't the pot be opened at home, and it still has to run around, it must give birth to a boy, even if the fine for overbirth is more and more every time, and it can't be repaid in the future, why is it so irresponsible for girls, why is there such a thought, maybe this is the complexity of human nature!

Aren't you afraid that your children will do the same to yourself when you are old? Although it is natural for children to honor their parents, love and hatred are not for no reason.

Grandma has always said that her mother has all kinds of problems, such as carelessness, lavish spending, ruined family, etc., but she never said anything about this, because my mother gave birth to two boys. But my aunt was not so lucky, and the relationship with my grandmother was even worse, and I didn't usually talk much, because the birth of my cousin made the family have to face a lot of problems, and I was fined a huge amount of overbirth, and the family conditions were not good, I still remember that I couldn't eat biscuits for a long time, and the frequency of eating meat was much lower. At that time, my grandfather was still a teacher teaching and educating people in the school, and he was also affected by this.

My mother once told me that her greatest luck in marrying into our family was that she gave birth to two boys, and my father always respected her like a guest, never quarreled, but it was not so important. But in my opinion, this is also her greatest misfortune, our brothers have broken her heart for so many years, and I know how much she wishes she could have a daughter who is as sensible as her eldest sister.

Just like the slogan that has been painted on the wall of the village for decades: "To get rich, have fewer children and more trees", the financial pressure on families with more children is indeed very great. Just like my uncle's family, the financial pressure on my three children to go to school is far greater than that of my parents. As my aunt said, I can't be happy to see my cousin and cousin go to college, because the college tuition fee is so much compared to rural families, and my cousins are already in middle school, and the expenses are not small.

But fortunately, my cousin and cousin studied and were also very self-reliant, just like my cousin, trying to save money, earning their own tuition and living expenses, which saved my uncle and aunt a lot of thoughts, unlike me and my younger brother, who lost their families, did not study hard, and kept creating various problems for the family.

Our family's financial situation in the nearby village is relatively better, and the pressure is also great, not to mention other more difficult families. I have seen too many girls go to work after nine years of compulsory education or even after the college entrance examination, even if their grades are very good, but there are several younger siblings in the family, and their parents can no longer afford to continue schooling.

I don't know when this will disappear completely, although it is becoming less and less common now, and of course the patriarchal mentality is still serious.

As I grew older, I gradually realized how lucky I was, but I didn't pay attention to it, because I was still "young", although youth is my biggest asset, but often everyone doesn't know how to invest when they are young.