Human life is short, and it is short because we get lost in the cycle of repeating mechanical and meaningless work every day, and end up living in a mess. Human life can also be very long, because in just one year, you can experience all the feelings and events in life, as if there is some power in the dark that wants to put everything in this world on you.

I think that's what I've experienced over the past year.

In March, when I met Yukina Kogi, I felt that my life had been redeemed, but this redemption and dependence was too short-lived, and then, the emotions and relationships began to crumble, and there was a chance to repair it in the middle, but the general direction fell like the big history.

Then, now, I am faced with the choice of whether to re-opt for desperate salvation or to choose to struggle with the ideals I have shaped. There is no right or wrong between the two, from the point of view of deconstruction, both options are means of self-paralysis, feelings can lie, however, reason can also lie - maybe most of the time I will not admit the latter, but, when I met Kogi Senpai, I couldn't lie to my heart.

This is not a deliberate encounter, the kind of surprise on the faces of the predecessors from surprise to surprise to helplessness, and finally there is even a subconscious expression of avoidance frozen in my heart.

We all know that this is not the right moment for us to talk.

Of course, you can pretend that you don't see each other and miss it, but this kind of deliberateness is too difficult.

"That-"

Coincidentally, it makes people feel embarrassed to say in unison.

"What a coincidence, let's go for a walk together?" said Kogi Senpai-senpai with a smile and a gentle but unquestionable tone that I was once familiar with but now feels unfamiliar.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that anyway. ”

Kogi Senpai liked the riverbank near the school, and although the riverbank trees that should have been lush with foliage were only bare branches due to the arrival of winter, adding a touch of gloom to the overall atmosphere, but, often, as long as there is Kogi Yukina, this kind of place will be colorful.

The real Yukina is colorful, but at school, she synthesizes this colorful color into a transparent glass color. This is the only thing I feel from my heart that she is real.

"How's it going?"

"Well, it's so-so, nothing big happens. "Very formulaic answer.

"Sa, is that so?" However, this very formulaic dialogue ended somewhat perfunctorily, "Why would Kazuya lie?"

- Why lie?

I can't lie in front of Kogi Senpai, and countless times, I've realized it. However, just now I told a lie very calmly. Although this lie may be due to the answer of the formula, there is also a possibility that I am gradually closing my heart to the predecessors of Kogi Shu.

I set my eyes on my seniors, I don't know who told me before, maybe it's Kogi Senpai himself, human eyes can express the most sincere feelings. And now, that sad, surprised look is not deceiving.

"It's not lying—" I argued, not knowing whether it was to myself or to the person in front of me.

"—I know. ”

What do you know? How do you know something that even I don't know?

"I know, but, sure enough, there's no way around it, right?" Xiao Mu Yu also muttered softly, again, I don't know if the object of her words is herself, or the person opposite her.

There's no room for formulaic conversations, and there's only embarrassment and torment, and we all know that, so we all avoid talking to each other.

Perhaps, that's all it could be.

— or not.

"I'm sorry, Kazuya!" Just when I thought that this conversation that shouldn't have ended here, the senior spoke again.

"Excuse me?"

- Really, is there going to be a showdown at this time?

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that it would also bother your sister when I did that, I thought about many situations, and I was ready to apologize to many people, but only your sister's question, I didn't take it into account. ”

- So, isn't it about me?

Kogi Yu's senior eyes were sincerely on me, she didn't hesitate, she didn't dodge, she didn't lie, she was sincerely sorry to Sister Yui.

"If I had told your sister directly, she would have forgiven me, right? I know, Yui has always been so kind, but because she was able to predict this outcome, she didn't dare to say it. ”

- That's because you're a victim too, and whoever you are won't be angry with you, right? What's more, Yui

"So, the main thing to find me is to apologize to Sister Yui from me?"

"That's pretty much it, and it's still- can't it?"

"No, that's fine, if you don't want to know your sister's answer and just want to apologize for the act, no problem. ”

Of course no problem, that's too much of a problem, but is that all there is to it?

Was that look at the beginning a lie? Did you just forget what you said at the time? Or is it really a permissible thing to force yourself to wait?

What a joke are you kidding now that I am disgusted by my actions, and you don't say a word about your own efforts, but instead apologize to others!

"-So, is there a solution to the problem?" It was as if I had accurately calculated the time when my emotions were about to explode, and Kogi was the first to speak at the moment when I was about to speak, and I could only continue on the topic she said.

"We discussed the solution to this matter, and the key was a few facts identified in the fake news, including the fact that Xue Xia and her sister helped each other. If these things can be denied, this matter has a chance to be resolved, and my sister, including my seniors, will not be so slandered. ”

"So, is it possible to deny these crucial facts?"

"It should be possible, and the senior of Biqigu put forward many constructive suggestions. ”

Again, I lied in a calm way that disgusted me too. It is possible to grasp the false facts of the news and attack them, but it is very difficult to really combat these false facts, as the previous performance of evasion under the snow and the performance of my evasion have shown this.

And this time, it seems that Xiao Mu Yu's predecessors can't see through my lies.

"Is that so? That's great!" she said with a heartfelt smile, "Actually, I'm okay here, after all, I'm about to graduate, and I can live a little more freely." However, your sister still has to stay in school for a year and a half, including her classmates under the snow, and if you keep carrying such a name, school life will be very sad!"

"Well, so this issue must be solved. ”

"That's good, I believe in Kazuya, and Kazuya never disappoints me, doesn't it?"

Never, won't it disappoint you?

Do you really think so, Kogi Senpai?

Now, this bad me, who avoided replies because of my stubbornness and inexplicable secondary disease, is it also the one who doesn't let you down?

If you can't see through my lies, then can't I see through your lies either?

I can't stand that.

"Is that all the seniors want to say?"

"That's all you want to say, right?"

The eyes are subconsciously avoiding, just like me, senior Xiao Mushu, you are also a very bad liar when facing the problem of straight balls.

"Really, is that enough?"

"Really, that's enough, I already think it's okay. There's nothing else to say. ”

"The attack on the seniors is much more serious than what you just said to me, right? After all, this is the situation where the former Miss General Wu Gao was slandered as a compromise for the sake of power and some small selfish interests, and this will break the good impression of Xiao Mu Yu's predecessor in the hearts of many people!"

In a way, this is worse than the image damage caused by confession.

"Ah, well, oh, this!" I saw that the senior's expression changed from panic to confusion, and then to relief, just like my reaction just now, at first I mistakenly thought that the other party was going to ask more important questions, but when I found that the other party said something was not what I was worried about, I immediately seemed relaxed.

"It's okay, it's a little bad, but no one cares about these things after graduation, right?Even if someone cares, is it important what kind of impression it leaves in the eyes of the vast majority of people in this school? The perfect goddess-like Yukina Koki and the Koki Yukina who cooperates with authority because of some petty profits are not the real me, so what's the difference between the two?"

Kogi Yu's senior said endlessly, very convincingly, but it was precisely because she was so convincing that she could show her mixed feelings of uneasiness and relaxation.

Usually, she doesn't explain too much, even if there are thousands of explanations, she knows what I will believe and what I don't believe, and there is never any need for superfluous reasoning between the two of us.

However, she is now reasoning, which only proves that she is only hiding her uneasiness.

However, it is precisely because of this that the mood of Xiao Mu Yu's predecessors has reached Oh!

Although, perhaps, that wasn't your original intention to have this conversation with me—at least not the one you told me.

However, I still feel your feelings.

Like me, I feel uneasy about what is happening in reality, and I am panicking about the uncertainty of the future.

Because I think so, I'm more able to empathize.

It's true that I'm sorry for my sister, and it's still true that I'm worried about my sister and the future under the snow. However, it is also true that I am embarrassed by the environment I find myself in, and the panic that I am slow to give an answer is also real.

Two true feelings, one told to me through your words, and one implied to me through your reaction to what you said to me.

The reason why you don't want to express the latter two feelings to me is because you don't want to worry me, right?

Even at this time, do you want to show the same tenderness as your sister?

Of course, I liked it, and I was addicted to it for a while—but it was based on the fact that I felt that I was entitled to it, and that it was not bothering in itself.

I don't like to blindly enjoy one-sided handouts, which is a dignity that I don't want to lose at any time.

If this kind of tenderness brings pain to Kogi Yu's seniors, then I need to eradicate this pain for her.

Really, I'm really a fool! Why didn't I realize this before?Yui-sama's gentleness has a price, why do I think that the gentleness of Kogi Sao's predecessors has no price?

"Senior," I shook the hand of Kogi Senpai, "the problem can be solved, and all the problems can be solved." I like the gentle lies of my predecessors, but, if possible, I hope that the future seniors of Kogi will not be forced to show a false but gentle smile with lies in front of me!"

Why is family special? Because family actions and emotions cannot be inferred rationally. However, in fact, this is not only limited to family members, but also important people. If you bind yourself with reason in front of important people, then reason is a lie, the so-called true lie.