There are powerful people in the group who have sent three Jin Yong jokes to rewrite, and I didn't see it at first 101, and I thought it was so good at writing that I was original. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

Later, when I took a closer look, I saw the draft of the imitation, which was amazing! Really, Master Jin's jokes were so brilliant when they were used casually. Of course, this brother's pen power is also amazing!

If you didn't say it, send it out for everyone to see, so that you can learn from it.

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Rewrite:

At this moment, I suddenly heard someone behind me shouting: "Brother Zhang, wait for me!"

Zhang Yan was overjoyed, turned around, and saw Guangfang Tianjun rushing to arrive, and shouted: "Brother Zhang, I've thought about it, you can take me to see the Duobao Immortal." Li Momo said happily: "That's it, you don't know how hard people think of you."

Guangfang Tianjun nodded and said: "After you leave, I think about Brother Zhang's words, the more I think about it, the more worried I become, if I don't go to see her, I am afraid that it will be difficult to worry about her in the future, and it will be difficult to cultivate." There is a saying that I have to ask her in person. Zhang Yan and Li Momo were very happy when they saw that this trip was worthwhile.

Seeing that Zhang Yan really invited Guangfang Tianjun, the Duobao Immortal was really overjoyed, and the Duobao Immortal's heart was pounding, and he couldn't say a word.

Guangfang Tianjun walked up to Duobao Immortal and said loudly: "Duobao, does the promise you gave me at the beginning still count?"

Duobao Immortal was stunned, he never expected a thousand-year reunion, he opened his mouth and asked about the promise of the year, not only his heart moved, he almost shed tears, and replied with a trembling voice: "Count, of course, I've been waiting for you!"

Guangfang Tianjun saw the appearance of the Duobao Immortal like this, and his heart cried, he grabbed the Duobao Immortal, and said solemnly: "Then I will tell you today, I am back and will never leave again." ”

When the Duobao Immortal heard this, he could no longer suppress his joy, and two tear stains crossed his cheeks, and his mouth only made a whining sound. She had been waiting for this sentence for a thousand years.

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Na Sanxiu said: "You have already heard of the violence of the demons outside the sky, so there is no need to say more. That year, the mad demon Tianzun of the Outer Heaven Demon brought 100,000 evil demons to invade my Guangfang World, and the Daode Heavenly Monarch was seriously injured before and was powerless to resist, but fortunately the Heavenly Dao True Man fought hard against the enemy...... "Li Momo heard the name of "Heavenly Dao True Man", and his expression moved. Listen to the one-eyed monk continue:

"That mad demon Tianzun thought that the army was overwhelming and could be captured, but how could the monks of my vast world be afraid of a battle! Like I'm just a minor monk in the distant realm, I also fight hard to kill the enemy, and do my best to kill the demons. My blind right eye was struck out by an evil spirit. All the monks looked at his face and saw that he was indeed blind in his right eye, and they could not help but be in awe.

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I only heard Li Momo say: "Tell your head to come out!"

Zhang Yan saw that she was dressed extraordinarily, and knew that she should not be messed with, although this woman's tone was offensive, but it was not easy to have a seizure, but she just smiled and said: "I'm sorry, Fairy Mo, the head of the sect has been in retreat for many days and has not seen guests for the time being." ”

Li Momo said again: "Okay, then call your senior brother out." ”

Zhang Yan smiled again and said, "I'm really sorry, our senior brother has gone out of the world for the past few days to make an appointment with the world of Qingtai Mountain." ”

When Li Momo heard this, he waved his horsewhip, and with a "snap" sound, he struck a false blow in the air, and reprimanded: "Bold, three months ago, we made a post according to the number of courtesies, and now we are coming to the door, one is in retreat, and the other is going out." Could it be that this is the hospitality of your Evil Heaven Sect?"

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Original:

At this moment, I suddenly heard someone shouting behind me: "Brother Yang, wait for me!"

Yang Guo was overjoyed, turned around, and saw Zhou Botong rushing to arrive, and shouted: "Brother Yang, I have thought about it, you can take me to see Aunt Ying." Guo Xiangxi said: "That's it, you don't know how hard people think of you." "Zhou Bo Channel:

"After you left, I thought about Brother Yang's words, the more I thought about it, the more worried I became, if I didn't go to see her, I wouldn't want to sleep again in the future, I had to ask her in person. Yang Guo and Guo Xiang were very happy when they saw that this trip was worthwhile.

Ying Gu and Yi Deng were really overjoyed when they saw that Yang Guo really invited Zhou Botong over. Aunt Ying's heart was pounding, and she couldn't say a word.

Zhou Botong walked up to Aunt Ying and said loudly: "Aunt Ying, the child we gave birth to, is there a whirlwind on the top of his head?"

Or are they two Xuan'er?" Aunt Ying was stunned, she never expected to break up with him when she was a teenager and meet again in her twilight years, so she asked such an irrelevant sentence when she opened her mouth, so she replied: "It's two Xuan'er." Zhou Botong clapped his hands and exclaimed:

"Well, that's like me, what a smart baby. Then he sighed, shook his head and said, "It's a pity that I'm dead!"

Aunt Ying was full of joy and sorrow, and she couldn't bear it anymore and cried out loud. Zhou Botong patted her on the back and comforted her loudly:

"Don't cry, don't cry!" said to Yilan again: "Emperor Duan, I stole your wife, and you refused to save my son. ”

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The Hubei guest said: "You have already heard of the cruelty of the Mongolian Tartars, so there is no need to say more. That year, the Mongolian army of more than 100,000 attacked Xiangyang, and the defenders commanded Lord Lu was a mediocre and incompetent person, fortunately Guo Daxia and his wife fought hard against the enemy......" The young woman heard the name of "Guo Daxia and his wife", and her expression moved. Listen to the Hubei guest continue:

"The hundreds of thousands of soldiers and civilians in Xiangyang City are also trying their best to die in the city, and none of them flinched back. Like the villain, he was just a small merchant with a cart, and he also moved earth and stones, and exerted all his strength to help defend the city. The big arrow scar on my face was shot at the Mongol Tartars. Everyone looked at his face and saw that there was indeed an arrow wound the size of a teacup under his left eye, and they couldn't help but be in awe.

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Sure enough, I heard a woman's voice say, "Shopkeeper, prepare two spacious and clean upper rooms." The shopkeeper smiled and said, "I'm sorry for your old age, the small shop has already been full, and I can't make room for it." The woman said, "All right, then one will be ready." The shopkeeper said: "I'm really sorry, when you come, the small shop can't be invited, but today the guests are really full." The woman waved her horsewhip, struck her in the air with a "snap," and reprimanded: "Nonsense! If you open an inn, what kind of store do you open if you don't have a store? So saying, he burst into the hall.

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Comments:

The reason why Jin Yong's writing is so expressive is that 101 summarizes some characteristics based on the above three paragraphs.

1. The characters have many psychological activities, so that the reader feels that each character has his own psychological motivation for doing things, and it is easy to express emotions. For example: Yang Guo was overjoyed, and Aunt Ying and Yideng were really overjoyed when they saw that Yang Guo really invited Zhou Botong over. Aunt Ying's heart was pounding, and she couldn't say a word.

2. The narrative is mostly from the perspective of the characters, take the second paragraph as an example, it is the perspective of an audience listening to the lecture, so it is interspersed with descriptions of the demeanor of each audience, which is easier to substitute for the scene at that time. For example, when the young woman heard the name of "Guo Daxia and his wife", her expression moved.

3. The supporting role plays a proper foil, in the second paragraph, the Hubei guests are talking about the defense of Xiangyang, and we readers cannot understand the hardships of defending the city of Xiangyang, so we have to rely on the reaction of the supporting role to feel it indirectly. For example: "Everyone looked at his face and saw that there was indeed an arrow the size of a teacup under his left eye, and they couldn't help but be in awe." ”

4. The characters speak mostly from their own perspectives, and cannot be puppets of the author. For example: "A small trader who is just a cart like a villain also carries earth and stones, and exerts all his strength to help defend the city." The big arrow scar on my face was shot at the Mongol Tartars. This is to see the big from the small, through the narrator's mouth, to show the hardships of Xiangyang's defense of the city, with his personal feelings and emotions.

5. Language, movements, and demeanor are natural and fluent.

For example, at this moment, I suddenly heard someone shouting behind me: "Brother Yang, wait for me!" (It is not written that I heard Zhou Botong shouting directly, but "listening to the voice is Zhou Botong" is placed in the back to make up for the decoration, giving people the feeling that they really heard people shouting in the back first, and then contemplated that it was someone.) ）

Yang Guo was overjoyed, turned around, and saw Zhou Botong rushing to arrive, and shouted: "Brother Yang, I have thought about it, you can take me to see Aunt Ying." (Here Yang Guo is first overjoyed, and then turned around, which is in line with the characteristics of people's thoughts walking in front of action, and then from Yang Guo's perspective to see Zhou Botong's words and deeds.) ）

Guo Xiangxi said: "That's it, you don't know how hard people think of you." (The three of them were present and pointed out the reactions of Yang Guo and Zhou Botong, so naturally Guo Xiang's reactions should be interpolated here, so it is appropriate to put them here.) ）

Zhou Bo Channel:

"After you left, I thought about Brother Yang's words, the more I thought about it, the more worried I became, if I didn't go to see her, I wouldn't want to sleep again in the future, I had to ask her in person. (Then point out the reason why Zhou Botong went to the appointment, because this is the reader's question at the moment, why did Zhou Botong suddenly change his mind?)

Yang Guo and Guo Xiang were very happy when they saw that this trip was worthwhile. (Finally, the mood of Yang Guo and Guo Xiang was pointed out again, and the reaction to Zhou Botong's words and deeds was very smooth.) ）

In short, if the narrative is to be as natural, smooth, and accurate as Master Jin, the first key is to enter the play, learn to integrate into the plot, and carefully figure out how to express a plot from the perspective of each character. The next step is to focus on the natural expression of the character's emotions, as well as the logic of the writing, which conforms to the stimulus-response pattern.

Well, this post is about the "character scene interaction" in the "narrative skills", let's understand it more!