"Do you remember the edict I found with you back then?"

As soon as he opened his mouth, he suddenly returned to more than ten years ago, and I was also in a trance, but that year, the events of that day were still clearly engraved in my mind.

Probably because it had too deep and far-reaching impact on my later life.

I said, "Yes." ”

Pei Yuanxiu looked at me and said softly, "At that time, do you know what I was thinking in my heart?"

I shook my head.

He said, "I thought, why don't you just leave it at that." ”

“……”

"I have long known that I am not the orthodox royal family, and that edict of succession let me know that I have no hope at all. I just wanted to be in your eyes, not to be discarded, not to run away, but to accept that fact calmly and leave. I wish I was that kind of person in your eyes. ”

“……”

"I wish you could come with me. ”

I lowered my eyes.

He still looked at me, his eyes did not relax in the slightest, and said: "Actually, at that time, I knew that there was already a relationship between you and the third child. You go down to Yangzhou together - I have thought of it a long time ago, and I also wanted to prevent you from following him down to Yangzhou, but in the end, my father still favored him. ”

“……”

"So, you rejected me. ”

I said lightly, "I rejected you, not to follow him. ”

He looked me in the eye: "But after all, you followed him." ”

“……”

This time, I had nothing to say.

Yes, after all, I followed Pei Yuanhao.

Even at that time, I refused to go with him and stayed in the imperial city to wait for a just day of amnesty, all so that one day I could get rid of that false identity and leave the palace to pursue the life I wanted, but at that time, I didn't count what happened later.

Now, I kind of understand what Yan Qingchen said just now.

Nothing is controllable.

The best ability of a person is not to control it, but to solve problems one by one when they arise, but unfortunately at that time, I believed too much that Pei Yuanhao would let me go, and I didn't have the ability to confront the emperor.

So, fiasco.

I said calmly, "Yes, I followed him after all." ”

He said, "Do you know what I thought at that time?"

I shook my head.

"I have long known that you have affection for him, and I also know that with his heart, he will not let you go lightly. So I expected this result a long time ago, and I also thought that I could accept it calmly. ”

“……”

"But I found that I couldn't accept it. ”

“……”

"I can't even be calm. ”

I was silent for a moment, then said, "It's not just me." ”

He didn't deny it, there was a burning feeling in his eyes, and he stared at me tightly: "Do you know that a person who was originally the crown prince and Jiangshan Sheji was at his fingertips for him, lost everything overnight, he is nothing, his identity, status, power, and even the proof of his own existence have disappeared, that feeling?"

“……”

I didn't speak.

But actually, I know that feeling.

Just like when I left Xichuan and went north to Beijing.

I was uprooted, all the qiē that once belonged to Yan Qingqing, suddenly had nothing to do with me, after I changed myself to the identity called "Yue Qingying", I became a complete stranger in the past, I saw people in the palace to salute, and when I saw the emperor, the prince, and the concubines, I had to bow down, which was not inappropriate for those ordinary girls...... For me, too.

Except every night, I would dream of when I used to live in the main house of the Yan family.

I will also remember that even in the days of poverty, my mother still led me to live a peaceful and dignified life.

Therefore, I used the money I carried with me to buy off my grandmother and them, and transferred me to the Inner Pavilion, not only to better hide myself, but also so that I would not have to grovel to people every day.

I think I'm not a person who can't afford to let go, but that kind of gap is not something that everyone can accept so lightly, Liu Qinghan will say, from thrift to luxury, naturally, from luxury to thrift is difficult.

I said softly, "I understand. ”

Pei Yuan cultivated: "You may not understand everything. ”

“……”

I glanced at him and nodded.

Yes, he is the crown prince, and the eldest lady of the Yan family is different after all.

Moreover, men's obsession with power and status is also different from that of women.

He said, "I thought I could just care about that qiē, but it turned out that I couldn't. ”

“……”

"I thought I could let you go, but it turned out I couldn't. ”

“……”

"I know what life you lived in the palace, I know that Pei Yuanhao forced you to commit suicide, do you know what I thought at that time?"

I heard his teeth grind as he spoke the last few words, and the sound made me shudder.

I, of course, do.

During the time when he was caught by Butu and taken to Shengjing by Luosh, he sued me with a qiē.

He's almost going crazy.

At this moment, I clearly heard his heavy breathing, each sound was like several heavy impacts, hitting my soul hard, and when I looked up at him, I could even feel the pain in his eyes.

I immediately lowered my head, avoided his gaze, and said, "I know, Losh has sued me for everything." ”

His heavy breathing finally eased a little at this moment.

But his gaze did not relax a little, and he still looked at me burningly: "At that time, I made up my mind to get back the one that belonged to me. ”

“……”

"Whether it's this country or you!"

“……”

"But after that night in the imperial city, I also understood a little, he thought deeper than me and did more ruthlessly than me, so he won, won the world, and won you. If you want to regain the qiē that originally belonged to me, if you want to regain you, it is not an overnight thing. I need to think deeper than him, do it harder than him. ”

When he said these words, his voice was still very calm, even a little indifferent, but every word in these words, I know, is contaminated with a strong smell of blood, even after so many years, that scene is still surging in my mind.

I said, "So, after you failed in Dongzhou, you immediately went south to Jinling, and in Jinling, you hibernated for so long, planned for so many years, and secretly manipulated Shen Gongyi, until the emperor took down their group in the Juma River Valley, and you took that opportunity to take Jiangnan." ”

He said, "Yes." ”

In fact, I have known these for a long time, and even if some of them are not known, I can guess them somewhat.

But this is the first time, he clearly told me about the year, those clouds and mountains and foggy years, suddenly became clear in front of his eyes, and what Huang Tianba once said, this person who has been hiding in the fog, like a mystery, finally let me see more clearly at this moment.

I was silent for a moment, then said, "What are you talking about now?"

He looked me in the eye and said, "I want you to know that I did that qiē for a reason." ”

I also looked at him and nodded, "Yes, of course for a reason. It was for these reasons that you killed the real Yue Qingying, instructed Gu Ping to kill Pei Yuanzhen on her wedding night, took advantage of the opportunity of me going to sea to find a good word to find the Fu Lang machine artillery, and even sent someone to intercept and kill Qing Han on the execution ground......"

"Lightness,"

After he called my name, he didn't speak again, but looked at me deeply, looked at me for a long time, and finally lowered his voice and said slowly: "One will be a success." ”

One will be a success......

It's the same sentence again.

This sentence has always been the best explanation, all the conspiracies, those means that cannot be declared, those bloody killings, behind this sentence seem so righteous and strict, maybe for men, this sentence can cover up all the past.

There is nothing that cannot be sacrificed until it is accomplished.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

His expression was very solemn, especially when he heard my laughter, the whole person seemed to tremble, and he subconsciously stretched out his hand to me: "Light-"

Just as his fingers were about to touch me, I immediately retracted the hand that was on the table.

His hand froze in front of me.

I raised my head, met his somewhat hurt eyes, and said lightly, "You'd better not move, Uncle Fearless is outside." ”

The lights in the room cast both my shadow on the doors and windows, and the people outside could clearly see every movement of the two of us, and he hesitated for a moment, but finally slowly withdrew his hand.

And I put my hand back on the table.

The two of them seemed to be broken off for a moment, and when he raised his head to look at me again, his eyes finally calmed down, and he said, "Can't you forgive me?"

I couldn't help but hook the corners of my lips again, revealing a faint smile: "Yuan Xiu, the two of us, be fair." ”

“……”

"You just said that you convinced yourself before doing everything, so before you do it, you should also think very clearly, what would happen if I knew the truth. ”

“……”

"You killed my friend, used the people I care about to kill Pei Yuanzhen, and used my concern for Miaoyan to find the Franco machine artillery......" When I said to the end, my voice was trembling slightly: "You can't do that qiē after you want me to act as if I don't know anything, and you want me to return to you so obediently." ”

“……”

"You can't take everything. ”

He looked at me, his dark eyes seemed to be oozing blood, his throat stalked, and he said in a deep voice: "What I want most is only you!"