Later, whenever I saw her at the door of the Black Dance Hall, I followed her in. There are some things that you don't dare to do, but after you do it for the first time, you can do it easily, and everything is normal. I became like a regular visitor who came in and out a lot. Once, I saw Yingxiu inside, and he was picking his favorite in front of the row of dancers, but he didn't see me. I was afraid that he would see me, so I hid in a sofa in the far corner. There was always a smell of unknown things, and the dancers who were secretly in the leather business would lie next to me, blow softly in my ear, and secretly ask me if I needed better service. A few workouts in the ballroom made me act like love veterans, and I would slap their white thighs with my hands.

"Beauty. I said, "I'm still a virgin, I don't do this kind of thing." ”

"Then let you know how good life is for people who are not virgins. She touched my lower body and said with her mouth almost close to my ear. I opened her hand and redid it in a dark place, and I vaguely heard the dancer say three words: "neurosis".

During that time, the ballroom would arrange pole dancing performances at half-past twenty-one, which would take fifteen minutes. The dancers have no business at that time and will find their own places to sit. Once she sat in the chair next to me, and the flickering lights on the dance floor diffracted into the area where we were sitting. She was wearing the same skinny jeans and a white T-shirt, with a hot figure, and she was playing with her mobile phone with her legs crossed. We were only one position apart, and that was how Hai Linlin felt when she sat across from me in the library for no reason a few years ago, and I wondered if she had discovered that the "chance encounter" with her every day was intentional on my part. And this dancer sat next to me, and I wondered if she had noticed that I had been watching her, and deliberately sat down to warn me. But she was significantly more obsessed with her phone than she was interested in me, and I felt the need for me to get in touch with her.

The thought of dancing with her made me nervous, and a few times I looked at her, her face was pale from the light of her phone, but she didn't pay any attention to me. As the pole dancing time drew to a close, the pole girls circled the pole to thank the crowd around her, with a look of charm and breathtaking, and cheers, screams and whistles all around her. The dancer, who resembled Helinlin, got up and prepared to continue her work, and as she got up to move her chair, I also got up and grabbed her wrist, and I could hold her wrist so thin that I could hold it all. My heart was pounding, and for a moment I didn't want to talk to her, but to run away.

"Let's do a dance. I said.

She turned her head to look at me with a puzzled look, but then she smiled charmingly and grabbed my hand—her hand was soft and cold, and I felt as if I was grasping at the past time, and time was cold. As the lights dimmed, she took me on the dance floor, and I couldn't see anything, I didn't know where my hands were, and finally I lifted my hands and put them on her waist. She put her hands on my shoulders and we didn't say a word. I tried to smell her hair, tried to recover the smell of Helinlin who had been lost in the river of time, and I also thought of the fatal blow that Qiu Pei's same smell gave me. But the smell of this dancer is completely different, and even so, I am still nervous, and even worried that this dancer is Hai Linlin. I asked her to rest her head on my chest, and she asked me if it was my first time dancing, and I decisively replied no.

"Your heart is jumping out of your mouth. She said.

I asked her what her name was, and she said her name was Li Yan. I believe it. In the dark environment, I have always remembered Hai Linlin's appearance, and I hope to use this to feel Hai Linlin's presence again. I closed my eyes, making it even darker, and I hugged her waist tightly, thinking that she was Helenlin. But that feeling didn't come for a long time, I asked her phone number, and she didn't hesitate to tell me, and I remembered it just by saying it once. It wasn't until the black dance was over, the lights came on, and her head left my chest. I walked out of the dance floor with her, took out a ten-dollar coin from my pocket and handed it to her, she rubbed the surface of the money with her hand to distinguish the authenticity as usual, and then put the money in the pocket on the butt of her skinny jeans, without looking back, standing in the line of dancers, waiting for a new deal. She didn't care about me at all, and it was like the second time Hai Linlin saw me, I sat in the last row of seats, the pain of the old and the pain of the new life hit me together, I bent down and buried my head in my hands, and sighed deeply, a dancer in the leather business interrupted my train of thought by lying in my ear and talking.

A few days later, I picked her out of the row again, took her to the dance floor behind the black light, and asked her to bury her head in my chest, trying again to find the real Helenlin, but to no avail. I asked her what her name was.

"My name is Liu Fangfang. She said.

It's completely different from the name she said last time, last time she said her name was Li Yan, I believed it, but this time she said another name, and I knew that what she said last time was not her real name. The third time she said her name was Wang Yan, the fourth time she said her name was Zhang Lulu, and she still didn't remember me until the fifth time, and when she told me that her name was He Yanzi, I was a little angry in my heart. I told her I could guess her phone number, and she whispered yes, I'll guess.

I guessed it number by number like I guessed Hai Linlin's mobile phone number in the library a few years ago. When I was fully spoken, she looked up from my chest and looked at me for a long time in the darkness through the faint light diffracted from the front desk not far away.

"It's you. She said, "Why isn't your heart beating this time?"

"Since it is a business, it is necessary to be honest. I said, "I danced with you five times, and you changed your name five times." ”

She moved her hand from my shoulder to my ass, grabbed it lightly, and blew softly in my ear saying that she had many names, but only one phone number. Then he asked me why I didn't touch her and why I was different from other men.

"I'd like to treat you to dinner. I said.

"Why did you invite me to dinner?" she said, "You don't even touch me." ”

"I should have asked you a few years ago. I said, "Now make amends." ”

I danced with her seven times, asked her out three times, and she finally said yes, and said it was the first time she had agreed to a dance partner's request for dinner. We waited until the dance hall closed, most of the buses were out of service and the streets were sparsely populated. We found a night market stall, and she said that she likes to eat barbecue, and asked for 80 skewers of meat at a time, and said that she had a lot of food, so I didn't mind. She seemed to be hungry, and she ate heavily, without stopping, and her mouth was stained with oil, water, and chili peppers. After eating the chicken wings with her hands, she would lick her fingers, not minding that there was a strange person of the opposite sex sitting across from her.

For the first time, I looked at her and analyzed her carefully, and she looked more like Hai Linlin in the light of the night market stalls than in the ballroom. I carefully recalled the memories of painting portraits of Helen Linlin, because after a long period of painting, I developed the habit of carefully observing the proportions of other people's facial structures, and this habit gave me a special skill, even if it was a stranger, as long as I made a little observation, I could draw their portraits from memory, and there would be almost no mistakes. Especially my impression of Hai Linlin, whose portrait I painted for a whole week, I even remember how many lashes she had. This dancer's face is indeed very similar to Hai Linlin's, and you can still see the difference if you look closely. The eyes of the two are almost identical, but the distance between her eyes is a little smaller than that of Hai Linlin, and her eyebrow bones are more straight. revealed a similar temperament to Hai Linlin, which made me think of her as Hai Linlin for a while, but I knew in my heart that she was not her after all.

She had just finished eating a chicken wing, her hands were greasy, the corners of her mouth were stained with chili peppers, and she was sucking her fingers with her mouth, and her fingers were as slender as Hai Linlin's, and the ten fingers of both hands were not stained with nails. She saw that I was looking at her, and we looked at each other, and I didn't speak, just stared at her.

"It's like you're looking at someone you've known for a long time. She licked the greasy on her hands and said, "Did you know me a long time ago?"

I didn't answer her, I asked her what her name was, and she said that one of the five names she told me was true, and let me guess which one. I guessed Liu Fangfang, who is the same name as Hai Linlin, and she wiped her hands clean and said that I guessed exactly right. But a few times later, she said other names again, and I never asked her real name again, and they were all referred to as Liu Fangfang.

The meal lasted until one o'clock in the morning, and the streets were almost devoid of pedestrians. She asked me if I often picked up girls like this, deliberately delayed until late, and then let the girls not go home, find a small hotel to have a passion for one night, and said that men are all this routine. I told her that it was the first time I had eaten so late with a girl, and that I had never spent the night with any girl, and that the worst time was when I pressed a girl on her bed and kissed her.

"Yo. She said, "Then you're still a virgin." ”

"It's true. I said.

"No wonder your heart is beating so fast. She said.

Because of the lack of a job and financial reasons, my life was once again seriously troubled, and three meals a day became a problem. Fortunately, a friend introduced three temporary painting jobs, and I painted for five days, and the painting remuneration solved my urgent need. Once, after dancing with a dancer who resembled Hai Linlin in the dance hall, he found that he only had five yuan left on him, and it was the only five yuan. She said don't think that if you get acquainted with her, you can give me a 5% discount on the dance fee. I told her that I really couldn't make ends meet, and I didn't know what to eat the next day. She thinks that I am scheming on this matter, deliberately owing her dance fees, and hopes to use this as a breakthrough to try to develop to the point where I can dance with her without spending money in the future. In view of this, she sternly warned me that she would never be friends with her dance partner, and that she would not let her owe her a penny, and that she would never want to dance with her again until I paid her back the five dollars. For a short time, I kept eating and drinking at Yingxiu's place until the prepaid blonde hair for the three paintings came down. I went to the dance hall to find her and paid her back the five dollars I owed her.

"Now. "Everything can start all over again," she said. ”

That day, I danced five tunes with her, and in the third track, I put my hand on her ass for the first time and felt the soft curves of her ass. She was taken aback and whispered in my ear that she thought that virgins would never and would not dare to do that. I pinched it hard—just like she had pinched me, only harder than hers. The pain made her cry out in the shadows and tunes of the black dance, saying that I was better than any other man who danced with her, but I didn't know how to pity the jade.

I have been looking for the past that has left me from her appearance, hoping that everything will become more and more real, looking for the feeling of Hai Linlin in her, hoping that even for a moment or a moment, I will treat her as the real Hai Linlin. In the twenty days of contact with her, it cost more than 400 to dance, and more than 1,000 to invite her to dinner and go out, but nothing has changed fundamentally, no matter what time it is, I know that she is just a woman who looks like Hai Linlin.