"Light ......"

After this call, his voice suddenly became hoarse, as if something was blocking his throat, and he couldn't say a word, so he could only look at me quietly.

In fact, at this moment, not only he was at a loss, but I was also a little at a loss.

I've never been a person who likes it, let alone complains, and then I ask for benefits after being beaten, it's not so natural, and I can't swallow such benefits, if it weren't for the fact that I was asked like a witty word just now, these words, my experience, I probably brought them into my coffin, and I wouldn't say them at will.

Who knows, as soon as he said it, he heard it.

I was a little helpless, why was he heard?

What am I doing? I sued behind my back? and directly sued people in the face.

Thinking of this, I chuckled, but I didn't know whether to laugh at myself or what, but when he heard my laughter, it was like a death row prisoner hearing his sentence, and immediately even his breath tightened, and his hand holding me harder.

"Lightness. ”

He called again.

At this time, I slowly lowered my head and looked at his face half-lit by the moonlight.

His face was still the same as before, not thin but angular, the contours of his eyebrows and eyes were still flying, he was still a very handsome man, and he did not become indifferent because of the passage of time, the dissipation of love, and he became the father of several children, on the contrary, time gave him more favoritism- Although I know that in his identity, even if he is seventy or eighty, gray-haired, and even full of fat, he will not lack women's love, but he is still a man with great attraction to women.

How long has it been since I've seen him properly?

He looked at me for a long time, and felt some wandering gaze from me, and did not immediately recall my mind, but looked into my eyes, and after a long time, he called me softly again.

"Lightness. ”

This time, I smiled softly in my heart.

It's okay to let him hear it.

It's better to talk about it.

If there is any concealment between me and him, and any involvement, maybe it will entangle our future, from the beginning, maybe it should be like now, I tell the truth, he listens to the truth, even if he really kills me in a fit of rage, isn't death a relief I have prayed for?

So, I said softly, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I said this, but he fell silent.

The dark night made many things hidden, but it made the silence between the two people clearer and more dignified.

I don't know how long it took before I heard his hoarse voice in such silence, and it slowly sounded-

"In my life, in fact, the person I believe in the most is you. ”

“……”

"But I'm most afraid to believe you. ”

“……”

I am the one who believes the most, but I am the most afraid to believe me......

I listened to this incoherent and inconsistent sentence, but I couldn't help but laugh bitterly.

His eyes were heavy and he looked at me, "Do you understand?"

I shook my head at first, but after a while, I nodded my head anyway.

I understand.

I understand all the contradictory feelings.

I have also experienced such a mood and such a contradictory struggle - at that time, I loved him, but I was also afraid that I would fall in love with him wholeheartedly and unreservedly.

Everyone knows that the person who falls in love with your heavy makeup, wealth and status, and power behind these masks is true love, but no one is willing to take it out lightly, he can't let it go, and I am the same, because people like us seem to be very deep and unpredictable, but this beating thing in the chest is softer than ordinary people, and it can't be hurt in any way.

It is also because our injuries are often more fatal than ordinary people.

So, he covered it up, and I covered it up.

He thought I was a fake, and I didn't believe he was real.

So, I remembered what he said to me after I left the cell in the cold palace and was taken by the Queen Mother into the Linshui Stupa - "What, aren't you crazy?"

He had already guessed that I was the person who Xichuan "paid tribute" to the imperial court, and he had long been conscious, I was a woman who came out of the Hongyan Building, with the smell of blood on my body and an unknown number of lives in my hands.

What's more, I assassinated him in front of everyone, and even stabbed Nangong Lizhu.

Looking at my indifferent eyes, his chest rose and fell violently, as if he wanted to say something impulsively, but he was suppressed by himself several times, I felt his desire to speak and stopped, slowly raised his eyes to look at him, and saw his red eyes, and there was an illusion of bleeding tears in the moonlight.

After a long time, he said, "At that time, I did think that you were pretending to be crazy, because you lost your son, and because you hated me and hated her. During the time when you lost your memory, I asked people to check, and the more I checked, the more I found that your identity was not ordinary, I couldn't believe you, and I was even more afraid that I would get close to you again. ”

“……”

"I've really thought about it, so I'll kill you......"

“……”

"You're free, and I'm free. ”

I smiled faintly: "Then why don't you kill me?"

“……”

He looked at me for a long time and said, "I have only one you." ”

“……”

"The nations of the four seas, for thousands of years, there is only one you. ”

“……”

"I'm not afraid to kill you, I'm not afraid to kill anyone. But I am afraid that in the future, there will be no more you, and I will never see you again. ”

I laughed again.

Yes, death is death, and it's not the same as being locked up. Shut me up, don't think about it, don't read it, but as long as I think about it, when I think about it, I can still take the time to go to the cold palace to take a look, even if I am crazy, it is still there, but death is different, the bones decay little by little, and the memory dissipates little by little, even if he is really rich all over the world, if he wants to see me again, he can only dig up a dry bone.

So, he left me, and he also left memories that I couldn't dissipate for more than two years.

What can I say?

If it weren't for his kindness at that time, how could I have found my son later, reunited with my daughter, and spent those happy times? How could I see Liu Qinghan again in the annex, and how could I know that there is another way of love.

The night was cold, even if his hand was tightly squeezed in the palm of his hand, there was an indescribable chill slowly seeping into the skin, until in my heart, I gently forced, slowly pulled my hand out of his hand, this time, he did not hold on to me like any before, but in the sweat, let me pull out my hand point by point.

However, when my hand finally broke free from his shackles, he reached out again and covered mine.

No gripping, no clamping, just squeezing on my hand.

I took a breath, subconsciously raised my head to look at him, and saw his eyes looking at me persistently and hotly, as if something was expanding in his body, and even breathing carried a sense of oppression.

He said, "Why didn't you ask?"

"Ask what?"

"Ask—ask—"

The words were what he said, but at this moment, even he himself was a little unable to speak, and the sound of his heart beating like thunder came from his chest to my body.

He said, "I want to tell you everything, but why don't you ask?"

“……”

I thought about it for a moment and smiled faintly, "Okay, I'll ask." ”

“……”

"Your Majesty, when did you know that the thing that I went crazy about was not pretending to be myself, but being designed?"

His expression froze.

I didn't wait for his answer, or even for him to come back to his senses from that momentary suffocation, so I smiled faintly: "Actually, not just now, right?"

“……”

"You only just found out that I was lynched and secretly murdered in the cold palace, and you just found out how I survived from the cold palace. But the truth of my madness, in fact, you didn't just know. ”

“……”

"Before Jieyu Yuwen was killed with a cane, you had people search the palace, and you also found some medicines, medicines that can make people crazy. ”

“……”

"At that time, you already knew, didn't you?"

“……”

He held his breath, his face was so pale and bloodless that it looked like ice without a trace of heat in the moonlight, and the hand that was on the back of my hand became cold in an instant.

For the first time, he avoided my gaze.

He lowered his head, as if he didn't know what he could say or do, but stubbornly put that hand on the back of my hand.

The palm of the hand is completely cold.

I don't know how long it took before he said in a dumb voice: "You hate me?"

I shook my head lightly: "Actually, I don't hate." I just want to sue sù陛xià, I don't hate, because I understand that feeling very well. ”

“……”

"Over the years, apart from the decree, I have not cared about the news of Your Majesty himself. ”

“……”

"It's not hate, it's not fear of knowing, it's just -- it's none of my business. ”

“……”

"I say this because I want to tell me that I know the difference between 'love' and 'not love'. ”

“……”

"It's not the person in your heart, no matter how heartbeat, then it's the feeling that I've ever had, but it's still nothing compared to her. ”

“……”

"When you love her, spoil her, believe in her, and don't even want to accept the fact that she is not good, because she is the person you love, the person who loves others, and she is born to protect her shortcomings. ”

“……”

"No one can resist this kind of nature, even people like you will choose to lie to themselves. ”

“……”

"Me too. ”

I looked at him with a smile, only to feel that my eyes were hot for a while, my nose was sour, and the tears that slowly welled up blocked my throat, and my voice was so sour that I could hardly speak, I could only laugh and say vaguely: "When I love you, I have been deceiving myself - you will be good to me; you will not let me wait for you like other women; I don't have to compete for favor, I can get your favor, I am very ...... to you"

“……”

"But before I fell in love with you, I knew it wouldn't be possible. ”

“……”

"It's because it's impossible that I've been resisting you and refusing to accept you. ”

“……”

"But after I fell in love with you, I deceived myself like that. ”

In the darkness, there was a snapping sound, I don't know what it was, but I felt that his face in front of me was blurry for a while, and awake for a while, and he heard the sound on the back of his hand, and felt the hot and cold wetness on the back of his hand, and looked up at me, those eyes seemed to be tormented in hell, and the tearing pain was clearly written in front of my eyes.

He called to me: "Light ......"

I said so many words in one breath, and at this time, I was even slightly out of breath, and sat there weakly gasping for breath. I don't know how many years these words have been held in my heart, and I don't know which corner of my heart has almost rotted and rotted, and I should have brought them into the coffin, but finally today, at this moment, they all sued him.

It's okay, it's okay to talk about it.

I don't owe him, and he doesn't have to owe me.

Just like what I said to Miaoyan just now - love is not a shameful thing, and I am not ashamed that I have fallen in love with this man unashamedly, no matter how much shame and pain he has given me, but when I am in love, I am happy, and when I count those profiteers with him in Yangzhou, my heart is satisfied; I am proud to listen to his generous speech at the cold wind banquet and the clear water banquet; and even in the harem, I am happy when I am hugged by him and fall asleep in his arms every night.

It's just that these are all memories.

Memories are memories, and the pain and happiness in memories, no matter how vivid they are, have no power.

At this time, I felt him slowly let go of my hand, and those hands slowly reached out to me, wrapped his arms around my thin waist, he leaned into my arms, hugged me tightly, and buried his head in my arms.

His breath, his heartbeat, every time, reached my skin, my blood, through my clothes.

I could even feel him shiver slightly.

It was as if the soul was also suffering some kind of torture, which made him painful, but unspeakable.

This time, I didn't struggle, let him hold me so tightly, let him hold me like a lonely child, holding on to my soul's life-saving straw.

The night, in such a painful embrace, passed little by little.

I don't know how long it took for me to hear his muffled voice, a low voice.

"Lightness. ”

“……”

"If I say that now, isn't it too late. ”

“……”

"In the half of my life, I only clearly know that I am in love with her and have loved her. Other people, how to love, how to fall in love, I really don't understand. ”

“……”

"I also thought I didn't have to understand. ”