"Xiaoyou, stop." Ah Feng forcibly grabbed my hand.

When Ah Feng did this, I had no strength for a long time, I didn't do it for anyone, I just wanted to vent all the unhappiness in my heart.

"You can't do that." I didn't say anything, I tortured people like this, and I didn't adapt to listening to the screams of others, but I am a person who loves and hates clearly, and I will not be soft in the slightest to those I hate.

The cup in my hand slid down, and the sound of glass breaking was particularly harsh, I thought that such an venting would make my heart a little less bitter and resentful, I was wrong.

When the past scenes slipped by, it was like a knife stabbing me in the heart again and again, and I almost suffocated in pain.

I've been in happiness for a long time, and it's as if the pain of the past has disappeared with time, but in fact, it's not.

Sadness is just hidden in a corner of my heart, as long as I touch it a little, it will still jump out, I am not a person who will shed tears when I think of the past, those old wounds have left me scarred.

After thinking about it countless times, that is, when I recall it, I feel a little uncomfortable, but when I torture the two people who bullied Xiaoya, my heart hurts very much.

Like the man who tortured my childhood, my heart is more ruthless than a femme fatale, get out. Hot tears, once again because of the unbearable past, I don't know how many times I have cried about this matter, I am so uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I am going to die.

I left in a hurry, probably because Ah Feng was afraid that those two people would die and was dealing with the rest of the matter, so he didn't follow.

I had been like a walking corpse, going to the first floor, trying to keep a normal face, at the bar, and my voice was hoarse, "Here's a case of wine." ”

I didn't ask for anything, and I didn't notice any changes in the bartender, and soon he handed me two bottles of very low alcohol content.

"Didn't you hear me say a case of wine?" If it weren't for the loud music, I guess my voice would have been heard by the whole audience, and the loud music made me unable to stay here for a minute.

I'm thinking, where am I going? I can't stay here! I can't stay here! I thought about it over and over again in my head, and my body followed suit, hurrying, staggering through the crowd, out of JK, a huge city, I didn't know where I was going.

On the road, I was crying uncontrollably, and now, no one cares why I'm sad, no one will scold me for being unproductive.

As I walked all the way, I finally came to the door of Joy without realizing it, and I lifted my tearful face to look at it, and carried it in with slow, small steps.

"The wine with the highest degree, the private room that no one will disturb, the speed." I walked in, pulled a waiter and said.

Now it can be said that Xinyue is already JK's, I have nowhere to go, and I can't escape, I want to stay alone for a while, so let's be here.

"Sister Xiaoyou, here, I'll take you there." The waiter's voice trembled a little, and he looked like he was afraid of me, am I really scary now?

I followed him into a private room, and then someone brought wine. Sure enough, enough to satisfy my amount, I closed the door for me when he let him out, and when he was gone, I started to buy drunk.

At first, I was still sober and knew why I was sad and sad, and why I hated men who touched women casually, but later, I couldn't tell anything.

Tears and wine are mixed together for a particularly bitter taste.

"Smack." I smashed a wine bottle to the ground, and only this kind of venting can make me feel better.

It's been a long, long time since I've been so sad, and I'm just drinking with my bottle.

"Actually, I don't want to be a bad woman, I'm not a bad woman, am I?" I must be crazy to speak into the bottle in my hand, and then I can only say to the bottle.

Some words, that is, unspeakable suffering, always have to find a place to talk to themselves or other inanimate objects. In the eyes of others, maybe I'm either drunk or crazy now, only I know that I'm more sober than ever.

"I don't want to be such a woman, but what can I do, I hate, I hate him, I hate him. Ah, I hate him. "Half of the wine on the table was hit on the floor by me, and I went crazy with impunity, and my mind was full of those scenes that made me want to kill when I remembered it.

"I was only a teenager, what could I do then? What can I do? "Who am I questioning? Who can I question? It was a lifelong wound in my heart, and I don't want to talk about it.

Who would know how unbearable a bad woman like me can have a past that makes her difficult to let go.

I was only fourteen years old, a fourteen-year-old girl, in my own home, insulted by a man.

I clung to my flesh, I wanted to tear every inch of my skin off, I wanted to change my body, I hated my body.

I didn't feel the pain, and I knew that my arm had been scratched by myself because of the lingering sensation of burning.

I crawled on the ground and banged my head against the floor, "Why, why don't I die." ”

I hated myself, I hated myself for not having the courage to end my life, I hated all the filthy people in this world, including myself.

I picked up a piece of glass and scratched my arm one by one, my body hurts, my heart doesn't hurt so much, I don't hurt myself, I just want to make myself feel better.

The things I wanted to forget, flooded back in my mind over and over again.

I was thinking how nice it would be if I had amnesia so that I could accept all the good things with a clear conscience.

It's not so much that I care about Ah Feng having someone else in my heart, but that I feel that I don't deserve such a good love as Ah Feng. How many years ago, I was a person who didn't deserve love, if Ah Feng knew about my past, would he still be with me? Every time I think about it, I get scared and hate it.

I poured myself wine violently, and I remembered that back in the day, I had to be like a thief when I took a shower at home, and I was not at ease when the door was locked.

At a time when a girl was supposed to be happy and happy, I was tormented by my heart, and I could have lived my life in peace and happiness, but it was that neurotic man who plunged me into eternal darkness.

I wanted to escape, so I was going to get farther and farther away from home. I want love, but every time I think I'm unworthy.

A gust of wind blew in through the window, and instead of sobering me up, it made me even more drunk, and walked towards the window.

When I opened the window and looked at the small crowd below the sixth floor, I really wanted to jump from here and never be tormented for the rest of my life.

"Why? Why can't I kill, why do I have to live so tired. "I know in my heart that I'm not the saddest person in the world, but I'm not the strongest person in the world. In my eyes and heart, my grief is a big thing, a sorrow that I can't accept, and a pain that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It's not like I didn't want to kill him, but I can't. I have family to take care of, and sometimes, I really want to leave everything behind and take my life out of selfishness. But I can't do it, I can't leave my parents behind, I can't end my young life, there are many people and things in this world that I can't give up.

I often reassured myself that everything would be fine, and I said this more than once or twice, if I hadn't always believed that the future would be better, I would have tortured myself to death.

"Xiaoyou, what are you going to do?" I don't know when, Ah Feng has already come, and when he pushed open the door and saw me lying on the window looking down, he said in a panic.

When I heard Ah Feng's voice, my heart became even more sad, there was a few meters behind me, and I was the man I loved the most, but I didn't give her the best version of myself.

How nice it would be if I could act as if nothing had happened, how nice it would be!

I can't forgive myself for giving up on myself, and I can't forgive myself for turning myself into a bad woman.

"Ah Feng, I hate myself, I hate me." I leaned on the window weakly, looked back at Ah Feng, crying and talking, my tears were about to run dry, and at this time, I didn't even have the heart to beg for forgiveness.

"I know, I know your helplessness, and I know you don't want to be like this, Xiaoyou, I'm here no matter what happens."

"Nope." I shook my head, tears kept flowing, and I said over and over again, "You don't understand, you won't understand, you never will." ”

"Nope." I roared, and the wind behind me grew stronger, blowing my hair, and the long hair floated to the front, sticking to the blood in my arm, covering half of my face, and it must have looked ugly and ugly.

However, no matter how ugly it is, it will not be as ugly as my past, and the things I suppress in my heart are unspeakable wounds.

With Ah Feng, I feel unworthy, not with Ah Feng, I am unwilling, I will feel that the focus of my life will be lost.

He is already living in my life, how can I let go of it, I can forget it.

"You come down first, Xiaoyou, tell me if you have anything to say, tell me if it's okay." Ah Feng said cautiously, and I watched him move slowly and slowly leaned towards me.

I didn't think about jumping from here, I just couldn't stand the inner torture, I still shook my head, looked at Ah Feng, and kept crying.

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