But I also have a disadvantage, that is, my teeth are not very straight, and I have two tiger teeth in the front. But my two tiger teeth are just a little bit taller, which doesn't affect the beauty at all. Also, I am relatively thin, as a height of 1.73 meters, I weigh less than 120 pounds, which is really a little thinner.

However, if a girl has such a height, such a weight is just right. So, for a while I was thinking, why didn't God let me be reincarnated as a woman.

There is also a very coincidental legend about my beauty. My father told me about this.

My father told me that he went to work in Jianhe that year, and when he came back, he had me. One day, my father dragged my mother, who was pregnant with me, to the market in a cart. My mother sat in the car and looked around when she had nothing to do. As he was looking, a man walked by the side of the cart.

Just because the man was so handsome, my mother couldn't help but exclaim, "This person is so beautiful." When the man had heard my mother's words and walked past them with a red face, my father counted her down.

My mother disagreed, and said, "Isn't it okay to praise others for their beauty?" My mother was a sincere person, but she just told the truth, not because she liked him. My father was jealous.

The following year, my mother gave birth to me. When I was four or five years old, she felt that I was much prettier than the passer-by. Is this a coincidence?

My mother complimented others on being handsome, but she didn't know she was pregnant with a son who was much more handsome than him.

However, in addition to being confident, I also felt desolate from time to time. You say you're handsome, but what's the use of no one appreciating you? What else can you do but Gu Ying to pity herself?

At this time, I can't help but think of Lin Daiyu in "Dream of Red Mansions", and think of her "Funeral Flower Yin": Flowers are flying all over the sky, who has pity for the red incense? -

When can it be bright and fresh, it is difficult to find it once adrift - the green light shines on the wall and the people fall asleep, and the cold rain knocks on the window and is not warmed - try to see the spring remnants of the flowers gradually falling, which is when the red face dies of old age. Once the spring is full of red and old, the flowers fall and people die without knowing.

Yes, as written in the poem: when can the bright and fresh beauty be found, it is difficult to find it once wandering. Can a person be beautiful for a lifetime? No, people will grow old slowly. Once it comes to the time when the red face dies, will anyone still like him?

No, by that time, he was just an old bachelor. I was thinking at the time, isn't my current situation somewhat similar to Lin Daiyu?

To whom should I confide my tenderness? To whom should I tell my heart's thoughts? To whom should I pour out the rich feelings I possessed in that nature? That is to say, I had the same lovesickness as Lin Daiyu at that time.

And, for a while, I would often compare Lin Daiyu to Lin Daiyu, and I would usually find the common ground between the two of us.

As the saying goes, hard work pays off. After looking for a while, I really found it. I know from "Dream of Red Mansions" that Lin Daiyu's birthday is the 12th day of the second month of the lunar calendar, and I am the 14th day of February, and we are only two days apart.

However, in order to be like her, I changed my birthday to February 12 in my household register. And I also found that Lin Daiyu and I also have a lot of similarities in personality.

That Lin Daiyu is sentimental, so am I; Lin Daiyu is gentle and affectionate, I am also gentle and affectionate; she is suspicious and arrogant, so am I; she loves to be petty, and I also love to play with a little temper. I felt like I was her incarnation, or her reincarnation.

So, during that time, I gave myself a name, called: Zhang Daiyu.

As for how I was lovesick at that time, how I thought about women, how I imagined the happiness when I got love, I really can't remember, all I can remember is that one day in the autumn of that year, it rained, and I slept on the small, narrow bed in the side room.

I wrote a poem that quite reflects my mood at that time: autumn night autumn rain, morning light sit up and put on cold clothes, if a beautiful woman can be a companion, the pillow is wrapped around x can't sleep. After writing this poem, I casually put it on the head of the bed.

However, when my sister came back and saw the poem, she told my parents that I was sick. When my father found out, he said that I had watched "Dream of Red Mansions", so he took my copy of "Dream of Red Mansions" and burned it.

And he was a man without a city government, and spread it to the people in the village. As a result, the whole village was rumored that Zhang Jianming was suffering from lovesickness. So many people in the village hid away from me like people who had seen the plague.

I didn't dare to say anything or do anything. As long as I say something or do something, others will doubt the lovesickness.

For example, when I told my sister again a story I had read in a magazine about three brothers who married her three sisters and gave birth to deformed children, my sister thought I was speaking to her.

God, she used this psychology to wronged me, I really want to die. In addition, whether it is an old, middle-aged, or young woman, she hides away from me when she sees me. They seem to think that if they get close to me, I will beat them.

Because I have no emotional sustenance, I often frown, and my mother feels sorry for me, so she wants to make me happy. To this day, I remember that one day I came to a pond in our village with my mother, and when my mother saw that I was troubled, she came up and touched my head as I did when I was a child.

But I didn't want her to touch it, so I avoided it. My mother's tears flowed down her face, and I immediately cried. Yes, stupid and stupid Zhang Jianming, do you still love literature?

Aren't you handsome? But where is your girlfriend? Where is your wife? You can't even get a daughter-in-law for literature, what's the point of your life?

Thinking of this, I really wanted to kill myself. However, I am confident that I am so handsome, but I don't have a chance. So, I wanted to make myself more handsome to increase my self-confidence.

However, I'm already so handsome, I can't ruin this face and change it again. There is neither that much money nor that need. The only way to do that is to apply makeup.

I used to hear my sister say that there are many types of cosmetics, such as foundation cream, face cream, day cream, night cream, sunscreen, etc. I think I should learn about it. So I thought of books.

I asked my father for some money and took a car to the Xinhua bookstore in the county seat to buy a few books on beauty. After a few days of watching, I began to put on my own face.

I usually apply soap to both ends of the towel, apply it to my face, then rinse it off with water, wash it again with facial cleanser, dry it with a hand towel, and start applying makeup.

I usually use whitening cosmetics with a clear fragrance. When I need to spend time in the sun, I use sunscreen in the morning and red cream in the evening. Every other week, I wrap my face with a mask. Sometimes with a bought mask, sometimes with homemade.

What is a homemade mask? A book tells me that you can make a homemade mask by mixing honey and egg whites. I tend to rub myself all over my face with egg whites after my parents are asleep and then go to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, I washed off the masks with a towel and soap, and then applied sunscreen. I dressed myself like this all day, hoping that a girl would take a fancy to me and come to my house.

Although I was so careless about the makeup, I didn't dare to look at my face anymore or look in the mirror because I was afraid that it would be worse than before. Even if it's just a little bit, it's unbearable for me.

But one day, my father poked me in the sore spot. That morning I washed my face with the water my father had boiled. My father was angry because he didn't have hot water.

He scolded me and said, "Look at how you wipe your face every day, the more you wipe it, the more ugly it becomes." When I heard this, I became furious and threw the washbasin out of the house along with the water.

When my father saw this, he raised his slap to hit me, and I picked up a shovel. My father also picked up a half-cut brick. While we were in the middle of a tension, my sister happened to come back. She snatched the shovel from my hand and took the bricks from my father's hand.

After understanding the situation, my sister asked me to follow her to her house. My sister said to me, "What my uncle is saying is, haven't you looked in the mirror these days? ”

I had just had lunch at my sister's house when my father came to see me again. My sister said to me, "You see that our uncle was beating you just now, and now he is coming to see you, that is because he feels sorry for you!" Then she said to my father: Isn't my brother in his twenties and still in a bad mood for marrying a daughter-in-law? So my father took me home again.

This book was first published in Reading Rim