Ye Ning, I have been undergoing treatment for the past few days, and there is no way to write a letter. I just read it again. In fact, I can't believe that it was written by myself, and it is full of some pale and weak and ridiculous words. Maybe it's because in a place like a hospital room, people always have a little bit of hypocrisy to give new words and say sorrow, even if it's a man.

In fact, I used to be very busy, so busy every day that I didn't have time to think about these things, and I never had these ridiculous colds and sorrows. But now, in the dreary and quiet place of the hospital, I keep reminiscing about the past.

Later, our high school years ended quickly, you are the first in Songshan Middle School, the top student in the college entrance examination, but you are still in this kind of attention, you still don't seem to have any feelings, and your face is always faint.

You may still not find my name, you just glance at the big red list, you won't even look at the name below you. Even if you take a look, you will find that Xiao Yue's name is next to Ye Ning, just below Ye Ning's name.

Later, when others donated to you, I was also on the scene, and I remember that your gaze seemed to sweep over me, and through so many people, the sunshine of white flowers, your gaze seemed to have a little disgust in its blank eyes. I don't know if you recognized me, but I was really scared at that moment.

At that time, my heart was filled with an eager longing. Hold the coat in your hand tightly, tell myself, I hope that one day I can soar, I hope I can have strong strength, I hope that one day I will hand the coat in my hand to you, to cover you from all the unfriendly eyes of this world, and never let you expose your embarrassment in front of others again.

When I think about it, I always feel an indescribable warmth and heat in my chest. I don't know when I always felt that you needed to be protected, and I seemed to have a responsibility to protect you.

Even when I swept my eyes, strangeness and disgust.

Later, the night before we graduated and left the dormitory, Huo Chen confessed to you in front of so many people, and he said frantically that he loved you.

But I was thinking, what is love.

And I, love you?

I don't know the answer myself. But I understand that I will never be able to say this love to you like Huo Chen in my life.

If it weren't for that summer twenty years ago, if it wasn't for that farce, maybe I could be another Huo Chen, who could express my inner fiery fire unscrupulously.

But if it weren't for that summer farce, I wouldn't have known the name Ye Ning, let alone been admitted to Songshan Middle School, and I wouldn't have this unforgettable concern.

And what about you, when you came out calmly and said to Huo Chen without any guilt, I don't know your courage at all?

Isn't it now that you can't say such calm words?

I stood under the poplar tree all night that night.

Later, I left S City alone with my luggage, and when the train started, I looked out of the window and saw the White Swan Hotel, the landmark building of our city. I've passed by that place countless times before on my bike from school, but I think that should be the last time I'll see that place.

I probably won't be coming back.

By that time my mom had remarried, and so was my dad.

Like you, I'm alone.

In the second-class school where I was admitted, I had a bitter beginning, and for three months, I was always dreaming that you were curled up there and shivering with only your underwear and her hair scattered, that you were waiting in line in front of the cafeteria with a red hand holding a broken porcelain lunch box, and that you were holding the enlarged check for someone else's donation, and that you appeared in the spotlight with a blank face.

Actually, I really wanted to give up at that time, I wanted to forget about jì. Because if I am brave enough to walk in front of you, then I must explain to you the beginning of this qiē, and I must tell you about the summer of the second year of junior high school.

I can almost imagine how you would react when you knew who I was.

I don't know if you have a hate in your heart, hate those who killed your mother, but I know I don't have the slightest chance.

I tortured myself like this for almost half a year, and by the beginning of spring the following year, I knew that I really couldn't forget you.

So I bought a train ticket to City B, came to this strange place, and came to this T University that passed me by one point.

I see that you are still very busy, busier than in high school, you are busy studying in class, busy going out to work to earn money, you are still wearing long pants and long sleeves, covering yourself tightly. You walk very fast, and you hardly even glance at the beautiful spring flowers at your feet.

In the evening of the day I was about to leave, I waited on the path you were bound to pass.

My hand clutched the handle of the bench by the roadside, almost pulling the handle off.

You're finally here, an old scarf, a backpack with the logo of a cold drink shop on it, and you're still walking fast, your head slightly bowed, as if something is on your mind.

I mustered the greatest luck of my life to stand in front of you and say hello to you.

You glanced at me blankly, and when you saw me, you casually said, "Ask for directions?" Maple Grove is over there......"

You casually pointed and hurried away.

The campus of T University is very large and beautiful, and every summer vacation there are all kinds of elementary and middle school students who come to visit its back garden, and there are often ordinary people who come to visit here, and there may be many people who ask for directions like this, you are used to it.

Later, as long as I had time, I would take the train to City B, to T University, and I didn't want to talk to you, just standing downstairs in your dormitory, looking at you, seeing what you were busy with, seeing if you were good, seeing if you still would never wear a skirt, and seeing if you were still reluctant to go to meat dishes.

At that time, I also studied hard, and I wanted to be admitted to the graduate school of T University, so after two and a half years of busy university career, I got my wish and was admitted to the graduate school of T University.

I've simulated it countless times in my mind, thinking that this time I'm going to walk in front of you, thinking about how to be honest with you about my heart for you.

Whether you accept it or not, at least I should fight for myself once.

But when I came to your dormitory again, I saw something. I saw Huo Chen standing beside you.

He takes your hand.

I come here almost once a month, and I can see you every time, I don't know when Huo Chen appeared and when you started. All I knew was that I was standing there as if I had inadvertently stepped on a vibration zone on a conveyor belt, and a generator was buzzing below, my ears were ringing, my mind was blank, and for a moment, the whole world seemed to be out of touch with me.

I must have looked ugly because a girl looked at me curiously and asked me if I needed help.

I shook my head, declined her offer, and slowly but easily walked to the stone bench next to the bauhinia and sat down.

I looked over from afar, and saw you looking at him with a smile on your face, and when he said something, you lowered your head, and your white face flushed.

I could feel all kinds of cold and terrible thoughts coming out of my heart, and I stared at Huo Chen as if I were staring at the enemy of my old world.

I hated him so much at that moment that it was as if he had snatched what was supposed to be mine.

I hate you, and I hate myself.

I shredded the T University acceptance letter and threw it in the trash can downstairs in your dorm room.

I had a serious illness, and after that, I became addicted to the game.

This depraved time was soon over, and it was time for me to leave the school dormitory.

After graduating, I started a company and started a business, I was desperate to succeed, and then my career was finally on the right track, and I took a breath, and at the same time, I couldn't help but want to see you.

After a nineteen-hour flight to your city, it took me a few days to figure out where you lived, but when I finally got to see you, I saw you holding the phone and crying profusely.

Actually, I really hate Huo Chen, I don't like you together, but seeing you so sad now, I can't wait to beat him up. How can he not cherish you so much.

I still remember an indescribable pain and despair in your eyes, which is rare for you, who are usually always quiet. You said with difficulty, this love with Huo Chen, you have accumulated four years of courage, but the breakup with Huo Chen has consumed the love of your life.

At this time, I suddenly didn't dare to look you in the eye.

That trip to the United States made me completely hopeless.

I began to reflect on one thing, what am I to you, and what are you to me.

You are a dream that I have not been able to dispel since I was a thirteen-year-old boy, a concern of my countless nights, and a place where my gaze will involuntarily stop.

Twelve years have passed, and you have taken root and grown in my heart, and have been attached to my blood and engraved in my bones.

But what about me, I'm just looking back at a passer-by A, passerby B, who is an alumnus of the same school and a different class in high school, and an accomplice who forced your mother to death twelve years ago.

Either way, even if you can think of me, it's not a very pleasant memory.

It was nineteen hours and twenty minutes of flight from the Western Hemisphere to City B, and I kept my eyes open and stared fixedly at the seat in front of me. It was early in the morning when I arrived in City B, and I took a taxi and went directly to the company in Zhongguancun.

Two of my partners who started the business with me were shocked to see me like that.

They said that when they saw me at that time, they thought that the company was bankrupt, that my father was dead, that my mother was dead, and that my family was ruined.

I smiled at them and said that it was fine.

I'm trying to forget about you.

Because I know, it's useless to remember, you are you, I am me, and we are parallel lines that can never cross.

My company is getting better and better, and my business is booming, attracting angel investment and starting to expand the scope of my business. At that time, the company already had three or four hundred people, and they were all well-known on the Internet.

My companions and I are ambitiously planning to open a chain, expand the scope of e-commerce, do online B2C and C2C, and go public in the future.

At that time, although I was only twenty-five years old, I was still very young, and after experiencing the despair of extinction, I began to feel that there was nothing in this world that I did not dare to do, and what if I failed, I could still get up. There is nothing in this world that pains me more than the distant place of nineteen hours by plane, under the gorgeous maple trees, and your light and distant refusal.

That year, you came back, you started a blind date, maybe you want to get married, you don't want to be lonely, so you get married on a blind date.

You are my magic barrier, the magic barrier that I can't escape, and I am addicted to it again and cannot get out. I don't know how many times you've been on a blind date, I don't know if you remember the faces of those men, and of course, I don't know if you remember that clumsy me.

Yes, I am so ridiculous and naïve that I should appear in front of you in such a shoddy way.

I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time before I set out to do this childish and ridiculous thing.

Actually, in the eyes of many people, I don't look ugly, but I know you don't like me.

I have observed those blind date men who have met you for the second time, and they all have one characteristic without exception, wearing glasses, Sven, delicate, reserved, and peaceful.

Maybe deep down in your heart, such a man is not aggressive and will make you feel more secure?

Don't be surprised that I think so much about your heart, because I've read some books on psychology over the years, and I probably understand that maybe what happened back then was tantamount to a violent incident for you when you were only thirteen, and it made you afraid of a man with a sense of power.

I compared it very ridiculously, Huo Chen, although he is tall, he is white and clean, and I, maybe my facial features are too profound, I don't like to laugh too much, and I don't talk much, so it will give people a feeling of cold and alienation, and even make people have a deep feeling?

Regardless of the outcome, though, I decided to make myself one of the many alternatives, going through the conveyor belt that you'd scan and see if there was even a glimmer of hope.

Maybe you don't remember it anymore, after all, you've dated so many people who are on one side or even on both sides. But I remember very clearly, it was a Saturday afternoon, and we met at two o'clock in the afternoon, in a teahouse.

I actually arrived early, but instead of going to the teahouse, I lingered outside for a long time, watching as we approached our appointed time.

You're obviously in a bit of a hurry, and your long black hair is blown by the wind and isn't as smooth as usual. You are smiling and talking to me as you comb your long hair with your fingers.

That was the first time I saw you smile at me, and even though it wasn't sincere, I thought it was beautiful.