48 Bitter coldness

Sunday came in a blink of an eye, Jiang Yi had completely insomnia the night before, and woke up in the morning, with a blue under his eyelids. The big bear on the bed had to pull Jiang Yi's hands and feet for a long section, and he was leaning weakly against the wall.

The first thing Jiang Yi did after washing up changed into sports equipment, and ran all the way to the door of Zhao Zheng's community, panting and sweating. Looking up at the window of his house in the tall building, he pointed to himself in his heart, and went to the simple restaurant next door to forage for food.

After the bread and coffee were down, she finally came to her senses, and she was even more disdainful. From the blurry face printed on the glass of the coffee shop, Jiang Yi confirmed that he was terrible like this, so he didn't care about the sunshine and quickly packed his things and walked back.

I was anxious, I looked down on this anxiety, but I couldn't hold it back. From the moment I hung up the phone on Friday to this moment, what has been swirling in my mind is how to have a showdown, how far it will go, and what kind of way it will be used. I typed countless drafts in my head, and I also assumed countless possible feedback from the other party, and rehearsed how to deal with it. When you should try harder, and when you need to turn around and leave.

Neither of them communicated with each other on Saturday, as if they were both waiting for the conversation.

Jiang Yi looked back at the time when she knew Zhao Zheng, she never expected to come to the step of confession, after all, what she valued was only his body. When we are together, we don't want to think about it forever.

She is not afraid of losing, and she will eventually lose. She tries to refuse to invest, to refuse, to refuse to pay for the pain of loss.

However, if people are not dead things, how can they say that they really don't care if they don't care? The day when he had no contact with Zhao Zheng made Jiang Yi feel a kind of gain and loss. She didn't want to lose him so much, even if reason said not to care.

Osamu Dazai once said that if he could avoid violent ecstasy, he would naturally not have grief.

Jiang Yi and Zhao Zheng have already experienced ecstasy, if they are separated, how can they not feel grief?

Back in the apartment, Jiang Yi took a bath, skin care, dressed, and put on makeup.

An hour and a half later, she retrieved herself from the mirror. Her chin was slightly raised, her lips were red with a perfect curve, and she breathed deeply, her dark brown eyes shimmered. Sooner or later, you have to face it, so it's better to go chic and generous.

Jiang Yi packed some of his clothes, stuffed them into a suitcase, and dragged the box out of the house.

Zhao Zheng sent a message that he would arrive at the apartment at noon, and he could bring food back. Jiang Yi said that she would arrange it and let him just come back.

When he arrived at Zhao Zheng's apartment, Jiang Yi put down the box, went to a nearby supermarket to buy enough vegetables for a few days, came back, sorted out and cleaned them and put them in Zhao Zheng's refrigerator, and began to prepare lunch. These are the things she rarely does now, but they are engraved in the depths of her memory, and they are easy to extract. How to pick the best quality among a bunch of cheapest vegetables, how to pair them with delicious but low-cost dishes...... These, these things she doesn't want to admit, and she can't get rid of them.

In the smoke, Jiang Yi calmed down even more. The moment the dishes were served, she sat down in the chair with some weakness, and she didn't remember to take off her apron. She suddenly realized that she hadn't really come out of those shadows, she was only healing on the surface. It seems to be good at dealing with people, long-sleeved and good at dancing, but he has never put his heart into it, erecting high walls everywhere, and being false and wronged everywhere. Isn't it because she has suffered too much contempt in the mire in the past, and she doesn't want to divulge her softness for fear that others will catch her? Her so-called strength is not strong on the outside. So even if she likes Zhao Zheng, she still keeps it and is ready to escape at any time.

The thought frightened her.

The door lock sounded slightly, and Jiang Yi was still stuck in his thoughts. Until Zhao Zheng walked into the house.

He carried a duffel bag and traveled a long way, still tall and tidy.

"I see your luggage at the door." He spoke with doubt.

Jiang Yi was lured back to the moment by his nice voice, she suddenly got up, remembered that she was still wearing an apron, and hurriedly went to pull it, but I don't know if it was because of panic, how could she find the wrong knot. He approached, put his arm around her waist, turned her around, and unbuttoned his apron with precision and ease.

She lowered her eyebrows, she hadn't seen him for three days, and at this moment his breath lingered again, and she realized that her thoughts were crazy. Involuntarily staring back at his eyebrows, she didn't want to be separated from him, she didn't want to be alien to such a man. He threw his apron onto the chair, and his gaze finally met her, and there was a thousand emotions in his eyes. He reached out and hugged her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, inhaling deeply in her soft scent.

She should say, go wash up, the food is going to be cold. But she couldn't say it, his arms were so warm and solid, she didn't want to push them away. What changed her?

Before she could think about it, he peeled off her long hair and kissed her thin neck with a little bit. Jiang thought about it and went to his lunch. She leaned sideways, cupped his face, and leaned up to kiss her lips.

She used the lipstick he said tasted good, and the faint scent of blue wind chimes lingered on her skin, and he didn't remember asking her for any answer, she was really in front of his eyes, real breathing, real skin, real emotion.

She sat on the edge of the table, clinging to him, her lipstick was completely gone, but her solid color was now more red, as if she could drip blood, and her eyes were so bright that they could drip tears.

Regardless of the lingering of a qiē, combined, wrapped, and collided, they focused on a world where there was only each other.

It turns out that when you get close enough, you can really touch a person's soul, a trembling, unstable, frightened soul that doesn't want to leave.

They leaned on each other's shoulders, the pleasure of extinction slowly receding, her long hair like a fine silk blanket draped over her and his. Maintaining a combined posture, they did not make a sound for a long time, and the sunlight spread on the floor in layers.

When reason came back to her mind, she asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you hungry?" ”

He left her collarbone and chuckled, "Half full." ”

Jiang Yi pushed him away with both hands and squinted his eyes: "Eat!" ”

The meal was reheated, and the two men ate with their own hearts. Zhao Zheng cleaned up the dishes and chopsticks, noticed that the sink was still soaked in fresh vegetables, opened the refrigerator, and the empty grid was also filled, thinking of Jiang Yi's suitcase at the entrance, Zhao Zheng rose in his heart with various possibilities.

He walked out of the kitchen and saw that Jiang Yi had already poured the wine and was waiting for him in the living room.

Jiang Yi sat on the sofa, her hands clenched into fists and placed on her knees, and before Zhao Zheng could sit down, she had already poured herself half a glass of whiskey.

"It's really a conversation." Zhao Zheng sat down beside her, staring at Jiang Yi's slightly nervous side face.

Jiang Yi didn't look at him, yes, she had already prepared her words, how to start, how to start and how to start and close, but the first sentence of this beginning is still so difficult.

Zhao Zheng didn't urge her, just drank silently on the side.

After being quiet for about five minutes, Jiang Yi finally spoke: "Let you have my readiness to leave at any time, because I am really worried, I have never really felt at ease since I can remember." As I said, my grandmother and I lived together, and she raised me. Poverty is my background, but it's not all my background. ”

Jiang Yi clenched the wine glass and poured himself a few more sips: "I ......"

"If you're embarrassed, you don't have to force yourself to say it right now." Zhao Zheng wrapped her hand that was clutching her knees, "I was anxious on the phone that day, and I said I would give you time." ”

"Nope." Jiang Yi shook his head, "This is not something that can be delayed. If I don't talk about it in the past, I really don't have a long-term plan. Now it's different. ”

She may not have realized it herself, but it was much more important than a "I like you" sentence, and she was saying that she wanted to have a longer plan with him. His eyes suddenly swelled, and she clasped his hand behind him, and he noticed the violent heaving of her chest.

"The last time I went back to my grandmother's funeral, I went to see my mother." When she mentioned the word mother, she lowered her eyebrows, stared at their clasped hands, and said softly but clearly, "My mother is in prison." ”

She didn't dare to look him in the eye, she was afraid that she would find something other than surprise, such as ...... Contempt.

"When I was eight years old, my mother was sentenced to 25 years in prison."

This sentence wrinkled Zhao Zheng's brows, twenty-five years, is a felony.

"The charge is: negligence causing death. And the person she manslaughtered was my dad. Jiang Yi's lips trembled and said this secret that pressed on her heart, in this city, no one knows. Even Cheng Ke, she didn't confess everything.

Yes, she works in a glamorous foreign company, she writes colorful public account articles talking about fashion trends, she carries tens of thousands of leather bags given to her by the brand, she smiles brightly, goes in and out of high-end restaurants, and her life seems to be lively.

But her mom was a murderer, and her dad ......

"My dad used to be a scholar, pretentious but talented, and he could only be the most grassroots employee, and he was called by the leaders. He was a heavy drinker, and when he drank too much, he came back and beat my mom and, of course, me. My mother was uneducated, and marrying that man at that time was attracted to his so-called culture. In the small building we live in, outsiders can hear any noise, but domestic violence, domestic violence is a family matter, someone else's family matter, who cares, who is willing to care? ”

"My mother escaped and went back to her parents' house. In such a small city, in an uncivilized era, starvation is a small matter, and a loss of festival is a big thing. Divorce is not possible. The man also kept saying that he would be good to my mother and would not beat her in the future, and even, knelt down and begged her to go back. She relented, and she went back. But the dog couldn't change his □□, and after drinking, he still beat it. He took his incompetence out on me and my mom, who were even more incompetent. He could drag me by the hair on the floor, and he would stomp on my mother's head and scold. Dignity, we have no dignity in front of Him. ”

Jiang Yi clenched her fists, as if caught in her own memories, her speech continued to speed up, Zhao Zheng shouted at her in vain to interrupt her, but she didn't realize it: "That night, that night I remember." He drank too much again, he slapped me, and he beat my mother, and my mother protected me, but the more she protected me, the more angry the man became, and he smashed it down with a beer bottle, and it was blocked by my mother, and the beer bottle broke, but he still had to beat, and he wanted to beat me with that cracked beer bottle that stuck to my mother's blood. They scrambled, and every qiē was messed up, and they twisted together, and everywhere there were broken sounds, great cries of pain, and then, quiet, dead silence. I couldn't stand up, I crawled over and I saw a knife stuck in the man's chest. I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was dead, he was dead. ”

"Do you know how I felt at that moment? I'm so happy! I'm so happy! My mom just sat there, stunned, but I laughed. ”

"Jiang Yi, don't think about it anymore." He hugged her who was trembling unconsciously, and her eyes flashed with madness.

Jiang Yi couldn't control her own words, and forgot to whitewash and keep, once the mysterious mood she forced in her heart found an outlet, she couldn't stop. She only grabbed his arm and asked him in the most desolate voice: "Zhao Zheng, my mother killed my biological father, but I laughed, I hated to be as happy as firecrackers." Such a cold-blooded pervert, will you still be with her? ”