After yelling at Jin Qiu, I brushed up all my messy hair with my hands, and then continued to look at her with a hateful gaze. She doesn't know what love is, she doesn't know what respect is, just like a machine for accumulating money, she knows how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, but in my eyes, she is just a chess piece of Yang Jin, sad, pitiful and hateful!

Instead of avoiding my gaze, she took a step towards me and said to me, "You can yell at me, or you can not treat me as a friend, or even just an impersonal machine, I don't have a problem." Because I can understand how difficult it is to untie a knot that has been stuck in my heart for almost 20 years...... I also understand how complicated your feelings for Aunt Yang Jin are. However, when these things happen to you, they always have to be solved, and there must be a result...... Blindly choose to escape ......"

I interrupted her rudely, and I could even feel the green tendons on my forehead burst out, and my tone was still full of aggression, and I said angrily: "Jin Qiu, please go through your mind before you speak...... The person who has been escaping for so many years, is it her Yang Jin, or me Jiangqiao? …… I don't want to stress about how I survived, I just want to be alone now......"

Jin Qiu looked at me, sighed in a low voice, and after a moment of silence, finally gave me room to calm down. She turned away, and the cigarette in my hand burned between my fingers again.

I lay on the grass, the leaves that weren't too luxuriant, but they obscured my view of the world. After gradually calming down, even I don't know why I missed her thousands of times in my dreams, but one day, when she was really standing in front of me, I turned her away thousands of miles away?

Is it because she has changed? Or, have I changed? I only know that I have changed from disappointment to despair, and finally I no longer have any expectations for her.

Tired of thinking, I closed my eyes, and then I missed what Tulip Road looked like in the early 90s, where there were soft, soft catkins, soft cotton, which turned into light quilts in the hands of the master, soft children, and said soft words. And my heart is like cream stored in the refrigerator, as long as the sun shines in, I can melt at any time......

I took a deep breath of my cigarette, then opened my eyes and looked at the white clouds floating above me with some scarelessness, and my heart swelled with a wave of fatigue. I want to sleep, go back to the tulip road in the 90s in my sleep, it is better to have a morning when a beam of sunlight crosses the fence and only illuminates the flowers and plants of my house, not reflecting the warmth and coldness of human feelings!

Yang Jin didn't know when she stood by my side, she whispered to me, "Bridge...... Mom wants to talk to you tonight, I've booked a place to eat at the Metropark Hotel, and I hope you can go. ”

I was still lying on the grass, but I turned my back to her and replied coldly, "I'm not going." ”

"Mom knows you have affection xù......"

I interrupted, "Please don't call yourself Mom in front of me, Ms. Yang." ”

I can't see Yang Jin's expression at this moment, but her silence can somewhat reflect her current mood, but I don't need to be responsible for her mood.

After a few moments, she finally said to me again, "Whether you go tonight or not, I'll always be there waiting for you...... Mommy won't leave you behind. ”

"I repeat, I'm not going to go, and you don't have to say anything sensational to me...... Because of the years of your absence, my heart has been cold, I no longer feel how important a healthy family is to me, I believe you think so too, otherwise you wouldn't have been gone for so long, and you don't even have the idea of coming back once in a while. You have the coldest heart in the world! ”

Yang Jin was silent for a while, and finally left a sentence of "will wait for me no matter what", and then followed her driver and left. And then I turned to look at her back, and I had mixed feelings in my heart, why did I once yearn for her so much, but I felt very strange when facing her? I can't associate her with the word mom. In my heart, my mother only lived in the simplicity of the 90s, when she had tenderness and loved family.

Now, don't mention it!

……

After Yang Jin left, I lay on the lawn for a while before returning to the hospital. Pushing open the door of the ward, the old Jin couple was still there, and the grandmother had already woken up after sleeping in the afternoon, but she didn't open her mouth to chat with them. She's a very

It's just that I don't know what she thinks of Yang Jin's return after nearly 20 years. Over the years, she never seemed to express her dissatisfaction with Yang Jin in front of me, I don't know if this is a kind of tolerance, or a kind of indulgence bewitched by kindness.

I stood by the bed, my grandmother looked at me, and no one immediately spoke.

The sunlight changed an angle and fell on the white sheets, a bunch of lilies raised in the water seemed to be blown a little sleepy by the air conditioner, in this extreme quiet, I even forgot that this was a ward, and I forgot that my grandmother was living unhealthily, and outside the window corresponded to the largest city in the country, showing the appearance of a peaceful and prosperous world everywhere, and the birth, old age, sickness and death of one or two people were insignificant in the face of such prosperity, like a grain of dust that could be blown away by the wind at any time.

Yes, my grandmother and I have lived cheaper than dust all these years, so we don't ask for much.

After a moment of silence, my grandmother finally said to me, "Qiao, your mother is back...... Grandma was able to go to this hospital for treatment and live in such a good ward, thanks to her! ”

The thorn in my heart was too deep, so I just nodded, not wanting to say a word.

Grandma asked again, "You just met her, didn't you?" ”

"See."

My answer, which was obviously difficult to answer, made my grandmother stop talking, I exhaled softly, and then leaned back in the chaise longue next to the bed and closed my eyes. I didn't plan to fall asleep, I just wanted to close my eyes for a while.

Maybe tonight, I will go back to Nanjing, I don't want to go to Yang Jin's appointment, plus I came in a hurry in the morning, and I forgot to bring my Taiwan permit, so if I want to go to Taiwan to find Xiao Ai in the next few days, I have to go back again, so it's better to rush tonight.

Thinking of Xiao Ai, I felt another heartache that I couldn't express in words, she got married in such a short time, and she didn't even give me a time for the reincarnation of the four seasons. I don't know how to save it except for feelings. So going to Taipei is more like an instinct, I can't be sure if I'll see her at all, but if I can meet and make it clear, it's the best!

……

Towards evening, I drove Jin Qiu's car onto the highway to Nanjing. I calculated that I would be back in Nanjing at about 8 o'clock, which was the time when Yang Jin asked me to meet at the hotel for dinner.

She loves to wait, even if it waits until tomorrow morning, I won't treat her as my own mother and give her a little bit of distress. Anyway, this qiē was her own choice, and she didn't respect my thoughts, just like she chose to leave more than ten years ago.

When I returned to Tulip Road, I found that the old alley had changed from before I left in the morning. The houses closest to the intersection had been demolished, and I stepped on the broken tiles, avoiding the broken bricks, and walked towards my house step by step. I know that it won't be long before it will fall victim to high urbanization, just like the houses that were demolished first.

Yes, such a big city can't tolerate such an old alley that has been baptized by the years after all.

I lit a cigarette and sat alone in the old alley for a while, and I walked alone on the tulip road, the leaves blown off by the wind, sometimes very close and sometimes far away. And I leaned against the street lamp and thought of her again......

I finished the last puff of cigarette in my hand, threw away the cigarette butt, and said to the vendor with a trap toy next to me, "Give me a ten-dollar ring." ”

"Ten dollars for ten yuan in the small circle, five dollars for ten yuan in the big circle, do you want to be big or small?"

The peddler said and pulled the ten dollars out of my hand. I didn't talk nonsense either, and took five large circles directly from him. By the way, he took out a red plum cigarette from his cigarette case, and then lit it in his mouth......

There were a lot of valuable things on the floor, but I just wanted the corn puppet because it reminded me of Xiao Ai holding corn in front of a convenience store last winter. I don't want to let such a scene go too far from my memory!

Five laps, none of which hit, and I bought another 30 large laps in one go. Finally, in the last five, one was thrown.

The boss, who only makes money and doesn't lose money, gave me the corn man with a smile. I couldn't laugh at all, so I leaned against the lamppost and stared at it for a long time, and then took a picture of the dirty corn man with my phone.

I found the WeChat account that may never be used by Xiao Ai again. I looked at the chats she hadn't had before she left, and was silent for a long time before I sent her the photos I had just taken