Late at night, silent, I lay alone in bed looking at the stars twinkling in the vast night sky through the old-fashioned skylight, I felt pity for them, although they reflected each other in the most beautiful posture, but they were hundreds of millions of light years apart, if this endless sky is an all-encompassing map, then they start a loneliest journey, only looking at each other from afar, but without warm encounters.

I couldn't sleep a little, and I picked up my phone again to watch some news that didn't matter to me, and it took a long time to remember to send a message to Yu Xin, and I asked, "Does Xiao Ai want that bear?" ”

Yu Xin hadn't slept yet, and after a while, she replied to my message: "No, I'll keep it for her for the time being." ”

I smiled helplessly, and then asked, "Did she sleep?" ”

"I didn't sleep, it was like playing a mobile game."

I replied with some tears and laughter: "The farthest distance in the world, I am depressed to death, but she is playing with her mobile phone, you say that when she meets me, it is like Mars hitting the earth, and when we don't meet, I am really calm!" ”

Yu Xin replied with a smile and a crying expression, and then comforted: "Don't take it too seriously, Xiao Ai is too much to love and hate, although he has a little temper, but he is really good." ”

"She's really not a little tempered, she's just bold, do you dare to climb over the courtyard wall of your school?"

"Don't dare!"

"She dares."

"Well, she's a woman who lives in a legend!"

……

Today is the 5th of October, I finally got a little breathing space after overwork, I have 3 days of vacation behind me, but I don't have a special plan to do anything in these 3 days, I just want to rest and rest again......

At dusk, I left the company, and then bought a lot of vegetables in the vegetable market, I wanted to take advantage of the time tonight to cook a good meal for Zhao Mu. When he came back this time, I really didn't have much time to spend with him, but he followed me to do some chores at several weddings.

I pushed open the courtyard door and walked into the house, only to find that Zhao Mu was packing his luggage, I asked him puzzled: "Didn't you leave on the 7th, why did you start packing your luggage now?" ”

"I had contact with a company in Beijing before, but the main focus of their general manager is in the overseas market, so there is not much time to go back to Beijing, and he will come back tomorrow, hoping to meet me, so I have to return to Beijing before tomorrow, this opportunity is very rare!"

I nodded, feeling a little guilty that I couldn't spare time with him, but I couldn't keep it, so I asked him again, "What time is the train, and can you still have time for dinner?" ”

"At half past seven, I have to rush to the train station now, for fear of traffic jams on the road."

"Then I'll send you over by bicycle, the bicycle is not blocked, let's just chat."

"Okay."

I put Zhao Mu's duffel bag on my shoulder, and then pushed the bicycle and walked side by side with him to the alley, on the way Zhao Mu mentioned to me about work, he said to me: "Brother Qiao, I know that you are a person who values feelings, but feelings and work still can't be confused, you are now in the golden age of entrepreneurship, there are resources and experience, if you just stay in Boss Jin's company is really a pity, you should go to contact the new environment, in order to have a better entrepreneurial thinking!" ”

I smiled and replied, "I'll think about this later, you know I'm not a person who likes to plan too far ahead. ”

Zhao Mu was silent for a while, and then said to me after a while: "But you like Sister Chen Yi, don't you?" But because your conditions are not good enough and you have been suppressing the emotions in your heart, are you really not painful to live in an insoluble contradiction like this? …… If I were you, I would be very determined to change myself, and it is difficult to have results by passive waiting! ”

I sighed, but I didn't know how to respond to Zhao Mu's words, although what he said was very reasonable, but it may not be applicable to me. I'm different from him, I don't have the talent to breed ambition, so I never plan the road I want to go too far, I've been walking cautiously on a trail, so I haven't let myself be too short of money in these 6 years, and basically ensure food and clothing, but I can't tell Zhao Mu about this, because of the asymmetry of academic qualifications and the difference in the environment, there is a layer of obstacles between us that we can't understand each other, so he can't see it, and there is not much way to go in front of me.

Walking out of the alley, I found Xiao Ai, who had not contacted me for several days, she was standing next to the white Mercedes-Benz, and then walked towards me and Zhao Mu, but she selectively ignored me and said to Zhao Mu: "I'll send you to the train station." ”

"I'm embarrassed to trouble you so much, Brother Qiao will just send me."

"What's so embarrassing, don't you treat me as a friend? I knew you were leaving later, so I rushed over to see you off early after class. ”

Zhao Mu looked embarrassed, and then discussed with me and said, "Brother Qiao, why don't you join us." ”

I thought so too, but before I could say anything, Xiao Ai glared at me, I knew that she still had a grudge against me in her heart, so she changed her words very wisely and said: "Xiao Ai will send you away, the road is so congested at this time, so I don't have to trouble when she sends me back later." ”

Zhao Mu finally nodded, and I also handed him the backpack that I had been carrying on my body, patted him on the shoulder and said, "Call me when there is news from work; Also, when you go to Beijing, don't treat yourself too badly when you eat, you don't have enough money to spend and tell me. ”

"Brother Qiao, I'm ** now, how can I still spend your money." He paused and said, "I have been dragging you down for many years, and I hope to have the opportunity to repay this kindness in the future." ”

I replied unhappily: "If it were Zhao Chu, would you tell him this?" …… Is it true that you don't regard me Jiangqiao as a brother at all in your heart? Even such an unsightly word for repayment has been used with me! ”

"Brother Qiao, I didn't mean that, I just think it's not easy for you all these years, I really want to do something for you, it's a bit too much to say that you repay, but you should understand my feelings."

I nodded understandingly, and wanted to tell me something more, but Xiao Ai, who had been waiting over there, was impatient, and she said to us: "It's not life and death, do you two need to say so much?" Hurry up, hurry up, you won't be able to catch the train any longer! ”

Zhao Mu smiled helplessly, I waved his hand to him, signaling him to hurry up and get in the car, the next moment, Xiao Ai had already carried Zhao Mu to the end of this tulip road, and my heart was a little empty, lit a cigarette, and stood in place for a long time, although I have experienced parting countless times, but this emotion is still more or less a little troublesome, especially this time Zhao Mu came back, I failed to fulfill the responsibility of being a brother, and I felt a little regret and guilt.

……

When I returned to the small courtyard where I lived, I was not in the mood to cook, I just ate a bowl of instant noodles, and then lay on the bed alone and waited for it to get dark, until Chen Yi came to me, and I came back from my lifeless state.

Chen Yi cleaned up the beer cans on the table for me, and urged: "You hurry up and change your clothes, and we'll go to the nursing home to see your grandma later, you haven't been there for almost a month, right?" ”

"I haven't had much rest, I'm going to go over tomorrow morning."

"I don't necessarily have time to spend with you tomorrow, just tonight."

I sat up from the bed, and then looked at Chen Yi, who was still cleaning up the room for me, and my heart was somewhat moved, because since she returned to Nanjing, she has basically accompanied me to the nursing home every month, although many times she is busier than me, but this matter is rarely forgotten.

……

It was already dark, Chen Yi and I drove to the nursing home outside the suburbs, but in this not a short distance, we rarely communicated, because sending the elderly to the nursing home is not a thing that people can talk about happily, but there is no choice, so this is also a reason why I hate Jiang Jiyou, he abandoned not only me, but also his mother, and I didn't want to keep my grandmother by my side, but her legs and feet were not very good, and when I went to work, she had no ability to take care of herself at all.

Twenty minutes later, we finally arrived at the nursing home, I carried some nutritional products that Chen Yi bought for the elderly to eat and nourished with her into the communication room, Chen Yi was still very careful to hand over a valuable cigarette to the doorman, and asked him: "Uncle Wang, is Grandma Jiangqiao living here well these days?" ”

Uncle Wang happily took it from Chen Yi's hand and replied, "Don't worry, the old lady is fine." ”

Chen Yi finally smiled reassuringly, but I couldn't laugh anyway, because no old man will really live in a nursing home with a sense of happiness, and in the twilight of life, who doesn't want their children and grandchildren to be around their knees?

I hated myself so much, hated myself for being incompetent...... So I'm afraid to come to the nursing home, I'm afraid to see my grandmother's old face that still wants to smile at me, and I have to smile with her in order to make her feel relieved, but this painful smile tortures not **, but the miserable soul.

Pushing open the familiar door of room No. 16, Chen Yi and I walked in together, Grandma Wu, who lived with my grandmother, was watching TV, but my grandmother was wearing reading glasses and flipping through a whole box of disposable slippers, and these disposable slippers were produced by a nearby hotel supplies processing factory, among which the work of turning the shoe uppers had to be done by hand, so since the previous year, my grandmother has been doing this odd job in her spare time, but often she can't earn 20 yuan a day.

In the sourness in my heart, Chen Yi pulled me to my grandmother's side and said, "Grandma, Jiang Qiao and I have come to see you, can you put the work on your hand first?" ”

Grandma raised her head at this time and found that it was me and Chen Yi, and there was an immediate smile on the old face, she took Chen Yi's hand, and her lips trembled slightly: "Girl, grandma can bring you and Jiang Qiao here, I've been very busy with work recently, right?" ”

Chen Yi nodded: "Well, Jiang Qiao and I are very busy during this time, otherwise I would have come to see you a long time ago." ”

"It's not in the way, I'm glad you guys can come!"

I put the nutritional products that Chen Yi bought in the cabinet next to the bed, and then stood silently, and Chen Yi has been chatting with my grandmother, but after chatting and chatting, I talked about my marriage again, and my grandmother asked Chen Yi: "Girl, our Jiangqiao mouth is strict, and he refuses to say anything, you tell grandma, has he been with a partner recently?" ”

Chen Yi glanced at me, a little unable to answer, I replied in her place: "Milk, I'm going to have a girlfriend, why do you still bring Chen Yi here?" So there's no need to ask. ”

Grandma was a little disappointed, but whispered to me: "Grandma is not urging you to find a partner, or she is reluctant to live alone." ”

"Milk, you really don't have to worry about me, it's nothing for me to live alone, I'm quite comfortable."

Grandma sighed and said to Chen Yi: "Alas! Our family Jiangqiao is a hard life, and he is a poor boy, otherwise it would be good to live with this girl of you! The two of you have been playing together since childhood, and you don't have to run in this day, and there are not so many bumps and bumps...... What a pity! When you marry him, you really wronged you, a girl, grandma understands it in her heart...... So grandma said so, don't take it to heart! ”

Chen Yi comforted: "Grandma, don't think so, everyone has their own fate, when Jiangqiao's fate comes, maybe the girlfriend you find is much better than me!" ”

Grandma grabbed Chen Yi's hand and patted it gently, then forced a smile and said, "That's what grandma said, grandma understands what you mean." ”

I don't have a taste in my heart, many times it's really not that I'm not brave enough for Chen Yi, it's just that even my grandmother, an outsider, can see things, how can I, an insider, not know?

Although Chen Yi is very kind and cares about the relationship between her and me, this does not mean that it is love, and it is an ironclad fact that I am not compatible with her.

……

The night is so late, Chen Yi and I must also end this rare visit, grandma on crutches to see us off, when I want to leave, she took out a rolled-up handkerchief from her pocket, handed it to me and said: "Bridge, grandma doesn't need any money here, there are thousands of dollars in it, you take it to buy yourself something delicious, grandma here you don't have to worry about anything, you know?" ”

"Milk, where did you get so much money?"

"Every time you give grandma money, grandma saves it, isn't this another little bit of odd work...... Take it, grandma can't afford it here! As she spoke, she shoved the handkerchief into my pocket.

I brushed her hand away, and my heart was as heavy as lead, and I couldn't speak, afraid that I would choke up when I opened my mouth...... I asked myself over and over again in my mind: Why can't I be able to let my grandmother live a normal old age? Why is Jiang Jiyou so impersonal? What has he been doing in Shenzhen all these years? Why not come back? Even the phone is rare!