I went crazy and wanted to see Chen Yi, but another voice in my heart stopped me, so I ended up just staying in the coffee shop and desperately making pastries. It wasn't until the manager reminded me that it was time to close, and I left the café in a trance, walking down the quiet alley. The old street lamps swayed in the wind as usual, creating the illusion of flickering on and off.

Walking around a corner, I vaguely saw a girl standing at the door of my small courtyard, her appearance became clearer and clearer as I moved forward, it was Xiao Ai The pair of white flat leather shoes on her feet looked very bright against the background of the street lamp, and the purple flower on the upper of the shoe was also very beautiful.

I walked up to her and subconsciously raised my hand to look at my watch, it was already half past ten in the middle of the night. I forced a smile and asked her, "Why don't you sit down at the coffee shop since you're coming to me?"

She leaned against the wall, and kicked a dead leaf that fell on the ground with her foot a little bored, and then said to me for a long time: "Maybe I won't have the opportunity to stand at your door in the future, so let's take a look." ”

"Oh, then why don't you climb over the courtyard wall and sit down"

She took out a necklace from her neckline made of red string with a key and other embellishments, and said to me, "Since I have the key to your house, I don't want to turn it over again." ”

I looked at her in amazement

She took the key off her neck, handed it to me and said, "Well, give it back to you." ”

I took it from her mechanically, and the necklace still had the temperature of her body, which was a bit scorching and scorched my heart. Actually, I was a little scared to watch her look when she was quiet, and I liked her most when she held her guitar on stage and strummed the strings with her skillful fingering.

She took out a document bag from her handbag, which was very bulging, and said to me again: "This is compensation for your injured friend, a total of 20,000 yuan." ”

I didn't answer and replied, "Why don't you give it to him personally"

"I went with Yuan Zhen, but he didn't ask for it, saying that their boss ordered him not to compensate."

I nodded, it seems that Jin Qiu is not so unkind as she shows, on the contrary, she has a high emotional intelligence, she hopes to make a friend with Yuan Zhen, after all, things have developed so far, and everyone's position has changed.

Xiao Ai also handed the document bag to my hand, and then looked at me, I felt lonely in her eyes, so lonely that only the stars in the sky and I were friends, and everything in front of me was too illusory, both people and wind were illusory

I want to smoke, no smoke; I wanted to say goodbye, but the alley was too long, so I became a little unnatural, and subconsciously touched my nose with my hand, while Xiao Ai still leaned against the wall and moved the dead leaf from left to right, and from right to left, and so on

She finally asked me, "Do you have any plans to marry Chen Yi?"

I remembered the irrefutable words that Chen Yi's father said to me a few hours ago, and I leaned against the other wall a little depressed, facing Xiao Ai face to face, and replied for a long time: "We haven't thought about marriage yet, let's think about it when I stabilize it." ”

"Yes, you still think a lot about reality."

"Isn't that normal, and we're not living in fictional stories. As soon as I open my eyes every day, I have to face firewood, rice, oil, salt and interpersonal communication that cannot be avoided, and where there are people, there must be contrasts, right?"

Xiao Ai asked rhetorically: "Does this comparison suffocate you?"

"Yes, it's suffocating."

"Then take it as the price of loving someone, there is not so much smooth sailing love in this world."

"Are you comforting me?"

Xiao Ai shook her head, under the dim light, her face showed a little dazed, and she smiled for a long time before she smiled and replied: "It's not comfort, I just hope that you and I will encourage you, whether you and Chen Yi, or me and Yuan Zhen have a long way to go." ”

When she and I talked about the word "encouragement", I suddenly felt that we were a pair of friends who could talk to each other very transparently, but time and space gave us too many restrictions. I don't know when we can't sit on the grassy courtyard wall and chat over beer without worrying about the time

It seems that at this moment there is wine in our hands, and the wine is hurt.

I finally nodded to her and said, "Yes, what are your plans for the future?"

"My dad froze my bank card a few days ago, and since he gave me such a signal, then I won't ask him for a penny anymore, so I want to save up a sum of money that I can study abroad next year. As for Yuan Zhen, I don't know what he thinks. ”

I was a little surprised: "Don't you communicate?"

"Communication, how can you not communicate but talk about music, he can sometimes stay in his studio for days." Xiao Ai said and gestured with his hand: "The guitar string that was broken by him is so big"

The way she spoke seriously made me smile, but I didn't know what to reply, and after a moment of silence, I finally said to her: "The cigarette is gone, I'll go outside the alley to buy a pack of cigarettes, just to send you out." ”

Xiao Ai shook his head, took out a pack of cigarettes directly from his bag and threw it into my hand, saying, "Red Nanjing, you often smoke." ”

I remembered that she had prepared cigarettes for me in her bag before, but I didn't expect her to have them in her bag at the moment, and she seemed to see my surprise, so she explained: "I bought one last time, and then I didn't think about meeting you again, so I put it in my bag and prepared to give it to the male classmates in the class to smoke, and I haven't been back to school yet." As she spoke, she took out seven or eight more boxes of cigarettes from her bag, bent down on the steps at her feet, and said to me, "It's all for you." ”

I walked up to Xiao Ai, bent down to pick up the scattered cigarettes, and stuffed them into my pocket, while Xiao Ai had already turned and walked out of the alley

I felt as if I hadn't finished speaking, but I couldn't keep her anymore, so I listened to her footsteps getting farther and farther away

I sat down on the steps, unwrapped my cigarette, lit one for myself, and looked at the starry sky, which might be even lonelier than myself. At this moment, I realized how much I needed to be quiet, instead of impulsively going to Chen Yi for comfort.

I sat quietly in the night and thought a lot, thinking about my own way out, thinking about Chen Yi's mood in my position, and thinking about Qiu Zi'an's refusal to give up

I don't know how long later, the sound of dragging suitcases came from afar in the alley, and a minute later, Chen Yi, dressed in a white robe, appeared in my sight around the corner. I watched her coming, but I couldn't see joy or sorrow

I got up from the steps and then confronted her, only to notice that her eyes were a little red and swollen, and it was obvious that she had cried before she saw me, and she was crying very sadly

Just when I thought I knew something, her hand let go of the lever of the suitcase, and then hugged me, leaning on my shoulder and crying: "Jiangqiao, why is it so difficult for us to be together, why is there so much resistance to force me to make a choice"

My body froze a little, and it took a long time to hug her and ask softly, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sad, really sad, I don't want to lose any of you, but I have to make a choice"

In Chen Yi's painful crying, I already understood what she had been through in the past few hours; I also found that every time I was in pain because of love, Chen Yi's pain was even greater

I finally whispered in her ear, "Let's not say anything, just hold me, we'll still live here." ”

In the old house where Chen Yi once lived, I cleaned up with her, but after all, it was already space, and there was only one bed left that I couldn't move out because of space problems, and even the quilt and blanket used on the bed were brought from home. No one could have imagined that Chen Yi would return to Tulip Road and this alley again in this way, but she came back for me after all.

After tidying up, Chen Yi and I sat on the edge of the bed together. I smoked and she looked at the window silently, but one thing was for sure that we were all thinking about a future that was troubled and difficult for us, and we were looking for a solution.

After a long time, I gently put my hand on Chen Yi's lap and whispered: "I'm sorry, it's my inaction for so many years that has caused you so much trouble."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and shook her head after a long time: "Jiangqiao, we should never say sorry between us, let alone anyone who owes me, I just think that the city of Nanjing makes me feel very tired and tired, but there is no way to escape, my job, my family is all here, these have become the source of my unhappiness now, I can't change, I can't change"

My nose was sour, but I didn't want to shed tears in front of this woman I loved the most, but also the most pitiful, how could I not face these inextricable troubles, my spiritual world has long been unable to find an outlet in the weight of reality

I didn't say anything more, just went back to my small courtyard and moved my favorite pots of flowers to Chen Yi's room, I hope these can make her room more fulfilling and make her happier, and this is only what I can do for her at the moment.

The smoke was still burning between my fingers, Chen Yi hugged me behind my back, we were facing the pots of flowers that were still blooming in late autumn, no one spoke anymore, and there was no emotional expression, but the tenderness of mutual warmth took root and sprouted in our bodies

I wondered: if one day, the cruel reality forced Chen Yi and me to the point of nowhere, would she give up everything she had now and leave Nanjing with me to go to a strange city, or a border town where value measurement is not prevalent?