I left the rattan chair with my phone and stood at the southernmost edge of the observation deck, which is no longer part of the bar, so there is no shelter from the eaves, but it gives me the widest view, I can almost see the entire old town of Lijiang, and those flickering lights are like a complaining person, like me pouring out hundreds of years of loneliness.

I crouched on the guardrail, facing the thousands of lights under me, and finally connected to the call from Chen Yi, I habitually didn't speak, just raised my hand and took a puff of cigarette, and then waited for Chen Yi to speak.

"Are you in Lijiang now?"

"Hmm."

After a short silence, Chen Yi asked again, "Has Qiao Ye seen Su Han?"

I could hear that Chen Yi's tone was a little cold, as Qin Miao's best friend, of course she would hate Qiao Ye to death in this matter. After I calmed down a little, I finally replied: "No, Su Han went abroad, but Qiao Ye told someone who could contact her that he would wait for her in Lijiang for five days." ”

Chen Yi's mind was naturally delicate, and she grasped the key point and asked: "If you can't wait in five days, I'm afraid that with Qiao Ye's character, I won't be able to control myself again, and do something out of the ordinary." ”

"I'll advise him."

"If you persuade him, if you can persuade him, you won't be in Lijiang now."

Chen Yi said the words to the point so bluntly, which made me not know how to take the next sentence, so I raised my hand and took a puff of cigarette, and at this time, the barmaid also finished singing the old dream of the empty city, she simply thanked the customers for the applause, and then began to sing the next song.

This time, she sang a song youbelongto, the tune was very soothing, and with her magnetic voice, it gradually relieved my discomfort when facing Chen Yi, and I finally changed the topic and asked her: "Is there anything wrong with the injury on your arm?"

"I'm fine, the purpose of my call to you is just to talk about Qin Miao and Qiao Ye. You know, only our friends can talk to them at this time. From my point of view, Qin Miao, I don't think she did anything wrong in this matter, she is a victim, Qiao Ye is too bastard"

"He also feels like a bastard, but he has done everything that should be done and what should not be done, in fact, in this matter, no one is a beneficiary, they are all quite hurt, including Su Han."

After a deep groan, Chen Yi finally asked me: "If I guessed correctly, Su Han is actually Yu Ya."

I was taken aback, this is a secret that I have never told anyone, I don't know how Chen Yi deduced it, and Chen Yi seemed to have seen through my doubts, and she said: "Jiang Qiao, except when I was in college, we have lived in an alley for more than 20 years, I know your circle better than anyone else, and I even know which fox friends are willing to accompany you to drink a few glasses of wine, so it is not difficult to infer that Yu Ya is Su Han in your uncomplicated network."

Listening to Chen Yi talk about the fact that we have lived together in an alley for more than 20 years, it is like being touched by a pair of gentle hands in the softest part of my heart, and my nose is a little sour. In this life, will she really find a random man to marry, and I married a woman I don't love when I was about to turn 30.

Finally one day, we met again in that old alley, she had married someone else and became a mother of two children, and I was carrying a few bags of milk powder and diapers in my hands, I didn't call her Chen Yi like before, just smiled and called her a 30-year-old woman, she didn't call me Jiangqiao anymore, but told me that this brand of milk powder is not very good

I felt a little heartache, because in this imagined picture, I also saw that in that old alley, when I was 18 years old, I stood at the door countless times and pretended to meet her casually, and she gave me a scarf that she had secretly knitted one evening.

At that most innocent age, we really loved each other

Exhaling softly, I rubbed my somewhat blurry eyes with my hand, and finally replied: "Yes, Yu Ya is the original Su Han, it is precisely because she was afraid that Qiao Ye would know the truth that she transferred the mood coffee shop to me, and she has never been to Nanjing again." ”

"In this way, Su Han subjectively has no idea about Qiao Ye, and everything is Qiao Ye's wishful thinking."

"Whether there is an idea or not, no one can be sure except Su Han himself, but it is true that Su Han avoided him."

"Jiang Qiao, I have a little work task in the next two days, and after I deal with it, Fei Lijiang promised me that we, as Qiao Ye and Qin Miao's best friends, will help them save this marriage, okay, the helplessness that we can't be together, don't happen to Qiao Ye and Qin Miao, a couple who have known each other since childhood."

I was silent, and my silence was because I was thinking about what Chen Yi wanted to express, this was the first time she used the word helplessness to describe the result of our inability to be together, and she seemed to accept her fate

"Promise me, okay?"

I swallowed my saliva, and my voice was a little choked: "You don't need to say this to me, I also hope that Qiao Ye can go back and live well with Qin Miao, today I have always persuaded him like this because I think that he just doesn't understand it now, in fact, having a woman who grew up together by his side is the most affectionate companion"

It was suddenly quiet on the other side of the phone, and this silence made Chen Yi's low sobbing sound after that became extremely clear, but she said to me with a smile: "What are you talking about, anyway, some things have been doomed since we were born." I have a happy family in my life, a career that is envied by many people, and a few close friends around me, I am already very content, just thinking that you always live alone, I am very distressed"

I lowered my head, letting the wind on the top of the mountain blow my head ache for a while, Chen Yi and I both realized the imprisonment brought to us by fate after the passion cooled down today. We are not people of the same world, but we chose to ignore this fact in the past, but since it is a fact, there will be a day when we will face it squarely, whether it is me who woke up first, or Chen Yi who has just woken up now.

In fact, that drunken night was just a fuse for our breakup, or an external cause, and the internal cause was the most killing.

Just imagine, if I hadn't been stimulated by Qiu Zi'an, how could I have run to get drunk, and how could I have that terrible night

After finishing the call with Chen Yi, I went back to the viewing table set up outside by the Ice and Fire Bar, but I didn't tell Qiao Ye that Chen Yi would come over two days later, I opened another bottle of beer, and drank it all, and Qiao Ye didn't realize the change in my feelings, and kept holding his mouth and looking at the distance with the least lights under him. Like me, he saw through the false prosperity of this world, and all he was waiting for was the woman who was displaced in the dim light.

The proprietress of the bar had stopped singing, and a man who was slightly older than us gently put on a puffer jacket for her, and then reproached her for putting away the cigarettes and beers that were at hand, and this reproach we could all see was entirely out of the love of our hearts.

The boss smiled, she handed over the guitar to the boss, and the boss said to us with some apologies: "I'm sorry everyone, my wife has not been in good health recently, so I'll sing for her for everyone, I hope everyone can remember this wonderful night in Lijiang." ”

 Kissed the boss on the cheek and waved goodbye to us, but in her happy back, I still remembered the musician who was mentioned in her mouth, whether it was the person she once loved deeply

It should be, because I had caught her heartbreak in a moment, but it didn't seem to matter so much to her, because the heartbreak was only for a moment, and the tenderness that the bar owner had just given her made her laugh for a long time.

I suddenly envy their way of life, I feel that in this place of Lijiang, there is no shortage of cigarettes, no shortage of alcohol, no shortage of guitars, and there is no shortage of a person who loves me, which is an extremely fortunate thing, which is a blessing that can not be cultivated in many lifetimes

I raised the beer bottle, ready to take a sip with Qiao Ye, he came back to his senses and touched one with me, and when we each drank the beer in our hands, I finally said to him: "Qiao Ye, have you ever thought about it, in Lijiang, a place full of temptations and possibilities, Su Han has already had other men Let's talk about it practically, basically no one can endure so many years of loneliness, not to mention that Su Han is a woman who will make many men's hearts move, so for such a long time, she will definitely accept a certain suitor"

"You fucking fart"

"Don't fool yourself, women are sometimes more afraid of loneliness than men, both mentally and physically"

Qiao Ye's expression was lonely, he seemed to be guided by me to remember some scenes that he was extremely unwilling to face, he drank another bottle of beer fiercely, and then gasped and looked at me, the next moment he smashed the bottle on the ground, and then left here without looking back. Maybe, he wants to be quiet, maybe it's annoying me with nonsense, but I don't want to care about how he feels now, anyway, I'm talking about a ninety percent chance that it will happen, Su Han may have already shared himself with another man besides Qiao Ye on ** and mentally.

This night, Qiao Ye didn't stay in an inn with me because he was disgusted with my speculation about Su Han, and of course I didn't bother to inquire about his whereabouts, because he would definitely not leave Lijiang these days, but I enjoyed the relaxation of being alone at the moment.

I asked for a pot of hot tea, sat on the balcony of the inn, calmly looked at the stream flowing by the side of the inn, and there was a rotating waterwheel opposite me, reversing a qiē light that appeared in my sight, making me feel as if I was in a bewitching world, but sipping a pot of light tea, it was really a wonderful experience.

I smoked a cigarette and took my phone out of my pocket again, and I saw many people leaving messages in my WeChat circle of friends, and they all teased me for being single for too long, so I came to Lijiang to find an affair.

I smiled helplessly, and then I realized: In fact, many people don't know that I have ever been in love with Chen Yi, but this is not my regret, because I just want to share the past with Chen Yi with myself, just like the cup of tea brewed with ancient tree tea leaves in front of me, a character, in order to calm down and taste the most innocent taste left after the baptism of the years.

"Jiangqiao, do you know what kind of people can live in Lijiang without pressure forever?"

I was a little surprised that Xiao Ai took the initiative to send me a message in such a late night, there seems to be an innate tacit understanding between her and me, and I also thought of her last moment, and remembered her guitar that can be unimpeded in Lijiang. I envisioned that whenever she wanted to come here, every bar would welcome her for a drink and a song.

I replied, "It must be someone like you." ”

She didn't give me an answer, but replied, "I spent a month in Lijiang when I was admitted to university, but I don't think it's a good place. ”

I realized that it had been a long time since I had chatted with Xiao Ai in such a calm mind, so I asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Because I forgot to bring a guitar that time."

I smiled, but suddenly I didn't know what to say back. After a while, I remembered that at noon today, I asked her to go to the "Mood Coffee" to eat the omelet rice I bought for her, but in the end I left her alone in the alley, so I sent her a voice message with apologies: "I'm quite ashamed of what happened at noon today, did you go to eat that omelet rice later?"

"Eat, why not"

"That's good"

"Jiangqiao, maybe we'll meet in Lijiang, maybe not."

I was taken aback: "Are you coming to Lijiang?"

"Yes, but I won't deliberately go to you as big as the old town of Lijiang, if you can still meet by chance, you will definitely say something to me, right?"

"I'll treat you to a glass of wine and listen to you sing a song."

"Whatever you want, I didn't expect to actually meet you anyway"

I looked at this conversation with Xiao Ai on my phone, and then fell into a state of distraction, as if I saw a kind of interdependent warmth approaching me, but I had to look for it with 100% energy.

Yes, if I really want to find it, no matter how big the old town of Lijiang is, I have a chance to be able to find it, and it just depends on my own decision.

I remembered the love that I and Chen Yi had already given up in the depths of our spirits, and Xiao Ai was not with Yuan Zhen at all, so we are all free now, and we seem to have infinite possibilities.

But did I ever love her, and did she really love me?

I can't give an exact answer. Sometimes I also suspect that Xiao Ai is not in love with me, but that she is too dependent on me, and then mistakes this dependence for love.

In fact, I don't rely on her, otherwise I wouldn't often think of her when I am vulnerable and lonely, but because I love Chen Yi, I realize more clearly than her: this kind of dependence is actually not love, but just treating the other party as a shadow of myself in this world, afraid that the other party will be sad, afraid that there will be less of the other party, but once there is no sunshine, I can also accept the fact that the shadow will inevitably leave