The cold wind outside the window is like a sharp dagger, stinging my heart of missing someone, I can't continue to lie on the bed, just light a cigarette, sit on the edge of the bed and smoke empty, and the silent flowers and plants in the room with the flowing air, caressing my fragile heart, I don't want to be so far away thinking about Chen Yi who doesn't know where at the moment, I want to get close to her.

I put on my black jacket and walked out of the alley with half a box of unfinished cigarettes, and stood on the street waiting for the taxi to come by, but I didn't dare to look into the distance because there were so many lights and sad people in the lights.

Finally, a taxi from the north of the road stopped in front of me, the driver inside asked me where I was going in a thick Nanjing dialect, I hesitated, I didn't know how to answer, the driver scolded me "there is something wrong", and then drove away, and soon drove into the far away lights that looked full of sadness, and I still didn't know where to go to find my beloved Chen Yi

After the time of a cigarette, another taxi stopped beside me, this time without waiting for the driver to speak, I reported the name of the hotel where Chen Yi stayed before, I wanted to bet, I bet on Chen Yi's stubbornness. She won't go home, she won't go to anyone, she will only silently soothe her wounds.

The taxi drove me out of Yuhuatai District and came to the more prosperous Qinhuai District, I waited in the wind, I didn't want to go to the front desk to confirm that Chen Yi was not there, I told myself, and when there were not so many cars coming and going at the door of the hotel, I would go back.

Perhaps, no one in such a big world can understand my conflicting mood at the moment, I want to see Chen Yi, but I am afraid to see her, and then she will find out: In fact, I still love her deeply. Otherwise, why can't I escape and forget, I must come here to find her

Under the lights, a figure coming from a distance became clearer and clearer, I really bet right, Chen Yi is not only still living in this hotel, but I was also lucky to meet her, but her spirit is not good, she has been walking towards me with her head down, we are getting closer and closer, my breath is getting less and less smooth, I don't seem to be ready to face her.

I looked at her a little crampedly as she stopped in front of me, but she stared at me with a blank face, and I felt her inconspicuous hatred.

She finally asked me, "What are you doing here?"

I snuffed out the cigarette in my hand, lowered my head and replied, "I sent you a message, but you haven't replied, and I'm a little worried, so I'm going to take a look." ”

Chen Yi didn't answer, and it seemed that she couldn't give a reason why she didn't reply to my message.

I looked at her again, but she had turned her back to me, as if I was the last person she wanted to face in this world, so I remembered the bits and pieces that happened to me and her in Yangzhou before winter came. At that time, our embrace was so real, and she gave me the rest of her life without hesitation, but I didn't have the ability to grasp the sincerity she gave me, so that we became a pair of most familiar strangers.

After I followed her for a long time, I finally asked her, "Is the injury on your arm better?"

"Hmm."

Her coldness made me swallow painfully, but it didn't make me have the idea of leaving, I looked at her thin body and the pair of cotton slippers on her feet that were very casually worn, and instantly had the urge to hug her fiercely, because I could feel that she had lost her love in her life state, otherwise how could a woman who once lived so delicately care so much about her outfit and even didn't want to post it again when she summarized her life every day.

I was in a trance, and suddenly I didn't understand what purpose I had hurt the woman in front of me so deeply, and what I got out of it

Chen Yi may have felt my mood, and she finally said to me again: "You don't have to worry about me, I have asked for leave with Taili, I don't have to work these days, I don't have to think about anything, I sleep when I'm tired, and I take a walk around here when I wake up, I haven't rested so freely for a long time."

"I understand."

My words seemed to stimulate Chen Yi, she suddenly turned to look at me, her eyes were full of questions: "What do you understand, can you sue me?"

I was speechless, squeaked for a long time and couldn't say a complete sentence, but my eyes were reluctant to leave her, I was afraid that she would turn her back and leave me with her indifferent back.

Chen Yi's face was full of disappointment. After a long time, she said to me with tears in her eyes: "You Jiangqiao is a man who is drunk today, you say you understand everything, but I think you are the most sloppy and selfish man in the world, because you don't understand what women want, and you always regard harm as fulfillment, and you think you have given me an impeccable gift, but you know that you can stay together with love, and you give me these messes will only make me hate you more, hate to the heart, hate to death, and don't want to forgive you"

I bowed my head and said nothing, and there was a feeling of powerlessness in my heart, but when I finally found the words to defend Chen Yi, she had already abandoned me in the night and walked alone to the most glorious place in the hotel, and behind me was still a sea of people and a bright light.

I smiled helplessly, then closed my eyes and whispered: Only with love can we stay together, and only by staying together can we have a home.

But after all, I was just a gust of wind that didn't know where to go, blowing away the sand and blowing away the home, leaving only loneliness and my own constant company.

On this night, I didn't get anything from Chen Yi except being reprimanded, but I didn't regret that I came to her so recklessly, because I really saw that her body was fine. For a moment, I wondered if her injured mood was also recovering

This question really hurt me, so I tried to divert my attention, just stood at the door of the hotel, took out my phone from my pocket again, and then paid attention to the Moments post I posted yesterday about the marriage proposal ceremony.

Everyone heard that the drinks were free, and the enthusiasm for participating was very high, and they left messages below, promising to go to the party, but there was no response from Chen Yi and Xiao Ai, they seemed to be trying to dissociate themselves from my world, even if it was a marriage proposal ceremony that I carefully planned and represented the realization of happiness, they were not willing to care.

The night was dark, I took the empty ** back to the old alley where I had lived for more than 20 years, and I actually saw the figure that was still remembered in my mind just now at the door of the house, she was still carrying the blue piano case on her body, and it seemed that she had just finished the performance.

It wasn't until I faced her that I realized: what a complicated night this was for me, I had already met Jin Qiu and Chen Yi for different reasons before I met Xiao Ai.

This time, I took the initiative to open my mouth with Xiao Ai, who was facing me, and I asked her, "Why are you here?"

Xiao Ai's expression was even colder than Chen Yi just now, and she frowned and said to me: "Can you take care of your brother, I have made it clear to him that there is no possibility between us." I hope he doesn't pester me anymore, and even less send me inexplicable messages when he's drunk at the bar."

I always thought that Zhao Mu had come back to rest, but I didn't expect Xiao Ai to bring me a news that he was drunk in a bar, and I was even more shocked that Zhao Mu, who had never been in love, was so affectionate to Xiao Ai.

I finally asked her, "What message did he send you?"

Xiao Ai took his phone out of his pocket and showed it to me.

"Although about love, you know, I know, but I'm still sad, isn't there really a fate between us Xiao Ai, right now, I'm willing to use a big drunk to exchange a smile for you, a smile that doesn't annoy me so much, okay, I'll wait for you at the Twilight Rain Bar, see you soon"

This message sent by Zhao Mu to Xiao Ai reminded me of my feelings when facing Chen Yi, so that I was silent for a long time before replying: "He is not inexplicable, but he is really emotional about you, but it is a pity that the person you love is not him, and all the pain can only be borne by him."

"Yes, the person I love is not him, I don't understand his pain, just like some people don't understand my pain, you go to the bar and pick him up, you sue him, no matter what he does, there is no possibility between us, because a woman's heart is very small, and all she can hold is the person who first enters her heart."

I nodded but didn't say anything.

Xiao Ai seemed to have finished saying all the things she wanted to say, she looked at me again and then turned around and walked outside the alley, I also followed her footsteps, but the purpose of leaving was different, I just wanted to go to the bar to pick up Zhao Mu, who was already drunk, and she had to leave here, because there were two men here who had been causing her trouble and trouble.

In the bar, when I found Zhao Mu, he was already drunk and unconscious, and after I paid for him, I carried him on my shoulders and walked towards the road leading to the alley

Feeling his weight, I can't help but worry about him, I don't want the results of his hard work for so many years to be ruined in an impossible love, he should make good use of his knowledge and make a career in this society full of pressure and helplessness, so as to live up to the expectations that Zhao Chu and the dead Zhao Chu placed on him.

Zhao Chu and I are not very capable people, so we deserve to suffer in this world, and Zhao Mu is really different, his life pattern should definitely not be so small as it is now, but how should I guide him with the identity of a brother

Am I still qualified to sue him, in fact, love is not everything in our lives

It's like I love Chen Yi, but I crushed the one between us with lies, and then turned all those seemingly unbreakable promises into nonsense, satirizing my present.

I was a little depressed, and I couldn't help but think about the proposal plan that I was going to implement for my client tomorrow, and if this plan could be successful, could I inject a little source of life into my life that was about to dry up, or maybe a little revelation would be enough.

I'm really fed up with the mess I'm in right now