The elevator quietly rose to the height of the 13th floor, and in the process, Luo Sumei kept holding my hand, signaling me not to be too sad, and then said to me: "Jiang Qiao, listen to me, don't tell the old lady about your illness now, you have so many things here, and then such a stimulus, I'm really afraid that she will be unbearable." When we transfer her to Shanghai for treatment, we will tell her again. ”

I looked at her and asked, "Transfer to Shanghai for treatment?" ”

"Well, I have already contacted the ward at Shanghai Fudan Affiliated Cancer Hospital, and I can transfer it for inpatient treatment as soon as the day after tomorrow."

Because I once had a colleague's father who had a malignant tumor, I have a certain understanding of Fudan Cancer Hospital, which can be said to be the most authoritative hospital for cancer treatment in the country, so the shortage of beds is unimaginable, and even if you have money, you may not be able to book a bed quickly. In the end, this friend, thanks to a lot of connections, sent his father to the hospital more than a month later, and got only a temporary bed, and when I told the news to the Lao Jin family, it was only an hour later, how did she book a bed in such a short time?

Luo Sumei seemed to see the doubts in my heart, and she said to me again: "Coincidentally, I have a friend's sister who is the chief physician of that hospital, and I have booked a bed because of her relationship......

Lao Jin took Luo Sumei's words and said: "Jiang Qiao, don't worry, for the comradeship between me and Lao Jiang, the old lady's affairs, even if I go bankrupt, I have to take care of it...... Later, comfort the old lady, at this time the mentality is the most important, she has reached this age, the body function is aging badly, if the mentality is not good, I am afraid this hurdle will really not be able to pass. ”

Because of the grief in my heart, I didn't think too much, I just felt that Lao Jin and Luo Sumei's words were like a life-saving straw, so that I would not be too godless and ownerless.

……

When I came to the ward, my grandmother was receiving an infusion, and watching her suddenly lose weight, my heart was filled with unforgivable guilt. As a grandson, I really don't give her much care and attention. When I think of the pain and suffering she has lived all her life, I feel sad and want to shed tears...... She is really working too hard, even if her legs and feet are inconvenient, she has to insist on doing some manual work in the nursing home to subsidize her life. This is where I can't forgive Jiang Jiyou and Yang Jin the most.

The sun outside the window pierced my face, and I had the urge to cry again, I didn't dare to shed tears in front of my grandmother, because this sudden vulnerability would make her perceive her condition, but if I wanted to watch her smile at this time, I really couldn't do it, even if it was for the sake of a beautiful lie, I couldn't do it. I turned my back on my body and wiped away my tears in a very covert motion, but I didn't dare say a word more, because I would choke.

In the shadow reflected by the glass window, I saw Luo Sumei walking to her grandmother's bedside, she took her grandmother's hand, smiled and said: "Old lady, you can recuperate with peace of mind, you can hand over the child Jiangqiao to us, there is nothing that you can't get over, you can relax." ”

Grandma nodded, and she said to my back: "Qiao, you turn around and let grandma see, how do you see that you have lost a lot of weight!" ”

I tried my best to think about those good pictures, so I restrained my sad feelings, and then turned my head to face my grandmother, but before I could speak, I was already choked again, and I had too much unspeakable bitterness and reluctance in my heart. In the end, he just lowered his head and said to her: "Grandma, I am in trouble again and I have made you worry about it......"

"What are you talking about...... I can't blame you for such a thing. Anyway, you remember your grandmother's words, be a real person, be stable in trouble, and no matter how bad things are, they will slowly get better. ”

I nodded, indicating that I had never forgotten the words she had taught me since I was a child.

Grandma looked around and asked me again, "Xiao Ai, this girl, why didn't she go with you?" ”

I was so sad that I couldn't help myself, but I couldn't stimulate my grandmother's feelings at this time, so I lied to her and said, "She's back to Taipei for the time being......"

"Back at this time?"

Seeing my grandmother's somewhat puzzled expression, I hurriedly explained: "She was in the house when the fire broke out, so it left a big psychological shadow, and her mother took her back to Taipei to recuperate." ”

When I heard that Xiao Ai was in the house on the day of the fire, my grandmother counted me down, saying that I didn't take good care of Xiao Ai, and I was glad that there was nothing wrong in the end. After a moment of silence, she said to me again: "Qiao, you can go to Taipei tomorrow...... Go over there to accompany her for a while, you can't let her stay alone at this time, your feelings can't withstand such a snub! ”

Listening to my grandmother say such things, I felt sad again, my grandmother taught me to "be a real person, and be stable in trouble", but I still can't be true, and who in this world can be completely true? We always become hypocritical and insincere because of this or that kind of suffering.

I couldn't speak, because it was impossible for me to leave Nanjing at this time to find a Xiao Ai who didn't know where to go. As much as I hate to admit it, the truth tells me that the days I can spend with my grandmother are getting fewer and fewer.

At this time, Lao Jin and Luo Sumei also looked at me, especially Lao Jin, he always hoped that I could marry Jin Qiu, but my grandmother put all her thoughts on me and Xiao Ai, which made them a little uncomfortable, but they didn't express anything in the end, because nothing is more important than grandma's current love.

After a few more words, Russell Mei was afraid that my feelings would get out of control, so she broke me away and asked me to come back in the evening. She and Lao Jin stayed in the ward to accompany their grandmother, and they were really like family at this time. I can't imagine what a state of collapse I would have had if I had been alone in this city without them.

……

Jin Qiu drove me back to Tulip Road, and when I got out of the car, I didn't want to go anywhere, so I sat alone on the curb and smoked a cigarette...... And after Jin Qiu drove the car far away, he turned back.

She got off the station next to me, I looked up at her, and then asked, "Didn't you say that the company was busy, why did you come back again?" ”

"I'm not worried about your ......"

I wasn't in the mood to pay attention to who was around me, and what to say to her, I just lowered my head and smoked a cigarette, and what swelled up in my heart was a burst of fear that I couldn't overcome, I was afraid that I would not see Xiao Ai again in my lifetime, and I was even more afraid that my grandmother would come to the end of her life one day, but I didn't have the ability to fulfill what she wanted most.

My fingers holding the cigarette trembled a little, and I held back more and more feelings in my heart that could not be released, and Jin Qiu, who was standing beside me, also took a cigarette and lit it. She said to me, "It's so hard to hold back in the hospital...... In this place, you can cry if you want to...... A man can't cry without a rule. “

I looked at Jin Qiu, but the tight string in my heart never let go, I just took a deep breath of cigarette and tried to empty myself. After going through so much, a big cry can't soothe the feelings in my heart, I just want to be quiet for a while.

Jin Qiu was silent with me, until not far away, there was a roar of bulldozers, and she said to me, "Do you want to go to the textile factory?" …… This afternoon, all the houses will be demolished and the textile mill will be a thing of the past. “

I shook my head and replied, "In my mind, the textile mill has long been a thing of the past, and whether I go there or not, it is no longer what it used to be." "But have you ever thought about it...... What will it look like in the future? And what it will look like in the future, compared to the textile mill, does it mean a kind of progress, and if it is progress, why can't you open your heart to accept it? …… In my opinion, only those who are not having a good time now will frequently look back and recall the little pitiful beauty of the past......"

I pinched the hot cigarette butt with my fingers, and under the pain in my heart, I looked at Jin Qiu, and then said: "If the person you care about the most in your life, she is gone, then what are you going to talk about the future...... I don't have a future, and I don't have the guts to think about it. "You're still so negative!" "You sue me, how am I going to be positive...... Once, I thought that Zhao Chu's unexpected departure was the last pain in my life, and if life was merciful, it would not give me such a heavy blow again. But now...... Jin Qiu, you stand by my side and look back for me, what kind of road have I walked over the years? …… I can't forget how Yang Jin and Jiang Jiyou completely left my life, and I can't forget how much I doubted this world when Zhao Chu died...... I can't forget that I love Chen Yi deeply, but for so many years, I can only carefully accept the warnings from his parents, intentionally or unintentionally, and finally engrave humility in my bones. If you tell me again, how do you want me to be happy...... Why don't I collect the few joys I had in the past as treasures and look back when I'm not happy? “

Jin Qiu fell into silence, she looked at me, turned her gaze, looked at me again, and repeated it three times before finally saying to me, "I don't know you, and I haven't experienced your life...... I'm really not qualified to make irresponsible remarks about you...... I just hope you can cheer up, and I hope you believe me, everything will be fine...... Just like Qin Miao, the pain she has suffered is no less than yours, but she is also recovering a little bit, right? ”

I took out the cigarette case from my pocket, took out a cigarette from it, looked at it for a long time, put the cigarette back into the cigarette case, and then said to Jin Qiu: "I won't despair enough to forget how to live, because of my determination to rehabilitate my grandmother, I want to wait for Xiao Ai to come back, seeing that she is still the original Xiao Ai, she has never experienced these nightmares, and her eyes are clear and moving!" “