September 1st, fine.

Today, my colleagues in the department got married, and Xiao Na's eyes glanced at Dr. Song from time to time during the banquet, I was jealous, but Dr. Song had been toasting Director Lin's wine, after a few glasses, Director Lin saw that something was wrong, and said a reason to order the people at the same table to toast to Dr. Song respectively, who dared not listen to Director Lin's words, Dr. Song had to be dumb and couldn't speak, and was poured into the toilet to vomit, I gloated in my heart, Director Lin can you drink if you want to.

Xiao Na saw Dr. Song running to the toilet to vomit, but left the table to care about him, I was a little angry, and the public did not pay attention to the impact, after all, everyone thought that Xiao Na was already my girlfriend-to-be, I couldn't show that Xi àn was too stingy, so I had to swallow my anger in my stomach.

After the feast, I sent Cortana home, and on the way, I was going to make a formal confession to her, if she was my girlfriend, I had the right to let her not get too close to other men.

I said to Cortana very seriously and sincerely, Cortana, I asked you to be my girlfriend, will you accept it? Cortana looked down for a moment, then looked up and refused.

After being rejected by Cortana, I was very uncomfortable, remembering that she always answered me with a hint of evasion, and now I understand that she is not joking or reserved, she really has no "meaning" to me, I feel out of breath when I return home, I drank a lot of wine, climbed to someone else's balcony in a daze, and stole women's underwear to dry on the balcony, the light in the room suddenly turned on, I was discovered, the woman's husband beat me up and called the police.

I was locked up in the police station, and when I thought about what I was doing, it would go to the hospital, and everyone in the hospital would know that I was a pervert*maniac, what would Cortana think of me, and would she still be friends with a filthy man like me? I felt a chill all over my body, and I was terrified.

This night was the most painful ordeal of my life.

The next day, a policewoman came to interrogate me, she was very beautiful and heroic, and I suddenly felt the urge to kneel at her feet, and I thought that there was no more lowly man in the world than me.

The policewoman asked a few cold questions, and I pleaded guilty.

Just as she was about to get up and leave after recording her statement, I suddenly knelt down to her and begged her not to tell the hospital about it, and even I cried in front of her, she looked at me with disgust, but I could clearly see a hint of softness in her beautiful eyes.

The policewoman just said coldly: "The man has gold under his knees." "And he turned and left, yes, there is gold under the man's knees, and the hero will not kneel to others even if he dies, but I am not even as good as a bear.

I was detained for 15 days, and I asked the hospital for leave to say that there was an urgent matter in my hometown and I had returned home.

September 17th, cloudy.

I went back to work in the hospital with trepidation, she didn't report my illegal behavior to the hospital, maybe she knew it would ruin my life, I was very grateful to her, I didn't know how to thank her, maybe she didn't bother to look at me at all in her eyes.

At noon, I just wanted to go to Xiao Na for dinner, but I saw Xiao Na and Dr. Song talking and laughing in the direction of the cafeteria, my heart was cold, what happened in the half month I was not in the hospital, didn't Dr. Song like Director Lin?

When I got off work, I took the opportunity to ask Cortana alone what her relationship with Dr. Song was.

Cortana's face darkened, she was very unhappy, she ignored me, I wanted to catch up, but I wasn't her boyfriend, what reason did I have to catch up.

October 1st

In the past half a month, I haven't spoken to Cortana, from a good friend who doesn't talk about anything to a stranger, during which she took the initiative to greet me several times, but I was very indifferent, maybe I want her to know that her life can't live without me, maybe I want her to regret it, or maybe I want to prove my importance to her, after a few times of indifference, Cortana simply didn't want me to say hello when she saw me, secretly I wanted to observe the impact of the rupture of our relationship on her, but Cortana still seemed to be cheerful and smiling, This makes me feel very uncomfortable, am I a dispensable person in her heart? If the answer is yes, then what a sad person I must be!

Although I am indifferent to her on the surface, I still worry about her every day, why should I be indifferent to her

I walked down the street alone, recalling many details of shopping with Cortana, and the more I tried to forget, the more I couldn't forget it, the more I missed it.

Walking past a restaurant where Cortana and I often go to eat, I looked towards the restaurant on a whim, and suddenly the world was spinning, I saw Cortana and Dr. Song eating side by side, Dr. Song's hand was very affectionately on Cortana's shoulder, and I had eaten with Cortana countless times, but I had never been so polite, looking at Cortana's sweet smile, I suddenly understood that Dr. Song was the man Cortana wanted.

I went back to the rental house, lying on the bed weakly, thinking back to the days when I knew Xiao Na, I felt that the fruit of love that I had worked so hard to water was finally picked lightly by others, I was very unwilling, no, I can't admit defeat like a coward, I should take action to take back what belongs to me.

October 7th

For a few days, my pestering of Cortana made her disgusted with me, and even when she saw me, I could feel from her eyes that she was like seeing a disgusting fly, why did it become like this, I was extremely painful, every night I had insomnia, immersed in pain, I always cared about her, I always loved her, never gave up, lost her, what is the point of my life, my world is dark.

I miss her so much, I miss her like crazy, I cried cowardly, I couldn't help but pick up my phone and wanted to dial her, but when I thought of her disgusted tone, I put down the phone with trembling hands, she already hated me.

I pulled out the panties that belonged to Cortana that I had stolen from the locker room, sniffed the scent, and imagined her body, again and again.

I could never actually touch her body.

October 9th.

I have to become more perverted, so strict that I can't control my impulses at all, and I don't dare to go back to work in the hospital for the past two days.

It's better to live than to die in such a painful way, at two o'clock in the morning, Zhang Hai was on the night shift, and I was the only one in the rental house, I took the thick rope I bought in the morning and hung it on the ceiling, and then moved a stool, just like the one on TV, looking at the rope, my mood was very calm, and there was no fear of death.

Picked up the phone, but my hand was a little shaky, maybe this was the last time I called Cortana, I knew that Cortana would not answer my call, so I bought a new mobile phone card, the phone was connected, I didn't speak, Cortana shouted a few times impatiently, seeing that she seemed to hang up the phone, I finally spoke up, calling out her name, full of my deep love for her.

As soon as Cortana heard it was me, I could feel her face on the other side of the phone, "I warn you, don't call me again." Her voice was so cold and unforgiving, and she was so gentle and friendly at one time.

"Who's calling you so late?" Suddenly, I heard an unhappy male voice on the other end of the phone, it was Dr. Song, my heart was dripping blood, they were still together so late, naturally they were sharing the same bed, my beloved Cortana had completely thrown herself into the arms of another man, he got Cortana's soul and body, and I could only pity and humble begging to say a few more words to her.

I cried and said, "Cortana, if you don't come now, I'll kill myself." ”

"Die!" She was so decisive that before I could say another word, the phone was hung up.

It was as if I had been stabbed in the heart by a sharp knife, and I could no longer bear the torture, and I went back to my desk to write my last diary.

Jun Wuxian looked at the entire diary, and finally understood why Qi Buyang chose to commit suicide, Jun Wuxian picked up the album again, looking at the photo of the woman in the album, presumably this beautiful woman is Xiao Na mentioned in Qi Buyang's diary, Jun Wuxian can't understand why Qi Buyang is infatuated with this woman to such a degree, for Jun Wuxie who has no experience in love, this is really incredible, is the love between men and women really so magical.

After reading Qi Buyang's diary, Jun Wuxian has a deeper understanding of Qi Buyang, Qi Buyang is very ordinary, lacks self-confidence, has a somewhat extreme personality, treats problems, is not mature enough to deal with people, and has strict psychological problems, which may be the reason for the tragedy in the end, if you change to a cheerful person, you will be able to get out of this dark day after a while, falling out of love is painful, but it is cowardly to choose to end your life to escape the problem.

Jun Wuxian didn't want to give Qi Buyang the hat of a coward, after all, the dead were the greatest, and he still showed enough respect for Qi Buyang in his heart, "Friend, although we don't know each other, I am fortunate to be reborn through your body, so let me make you famous." ”

Zhang Hai suddenly pushed the door and walked in, "Why don't you turn on the lights?" ”

Jun Wuxian realized that before he knew it, it was already evening, and he was used to focusing on one thing all day without eating.

Zhang Hai saw that his expression was different, and said with a smile: "Have you figured it out after thinking about it all day?" In fact, Zhang Hai more or less vaguely knows a little reason.

Jun Wuxian stood up and smiled heartily: "I figured it out." ”

Zhang Hai said with a smile: "It's good to figure it out, then let's go out to eat together, you must invite this meal." ”

Jun Wuxian smiled: "Of course, I would like to express my deep gratitude to you. ”

Zhang Hai walked over and patted Jun Wuxie's shoulder vigorously, "Woman, I'm still afraid." "Looking at Kai Zhanghai, he seems to know something.

Jun Wuxian was a little hurt by Zhang Hai's photograph, and he was a little unaccustomed to Zhang Hai's way of expressing friendship, so he was stunned for a moment and smiled: "Yes, woman, I'm still afraid of it." ”

In the past thirty years, Jun Wuxian has really never had a woman, and he has dedicated his youth to medical research.