Janeway seemed to see this sunny morning as usual, she skillfully dipped a pastry in jam, then put it in her mouth, and took a sip of milk, this set of actions was so natural that she could no longer see her affection, but I knew: it was just a display of self-strength in front of me, or she was already numb to pain.

After a quarter of an hour, she finally wiped her hands with tissue paper and said to me, "You can talk about you when I'm done eating." ”

I looked at her, but my brain remembered Xiang Chen's words that classified me as low-level, he has resentment towards me for so many years, and many details can be reflected, but I avoided it and didn't want to think too much, but my concession did not change his contempt for me in his bones, my background and background really can't be compared with him, so under this obvious gap, Jian Wei chose me, which he couldn't tolerate, so he showed the distortion of human nature and did one thing after another that I couldn't do to Jian Wei, Including at Fang Yuan and Yan Yan's wedding, he gave an exclusive customized necklace, and on this basis, he courted Jian Wei, and he got Jian Wei, but also got pain.

Janeway is an outlier, her upbringing makes her pursuit of material things much weaker than ordinary people, so when she was in college, she wore the best clothes and used the best qiē items, but she always followed me, played in a band, loved the drum kit, although she didn't play well, she also liked to talk to me about those non-mainstream bands and singers who screamed in the world for freedom and light, and then put her own dreams into my dreams to pursue those fantasies that were not practical in the world

Until one day her family learned of my savings, they told her that there is a kind of thing called the right thing in this world, but she is no longer willing to change, and followed me from Shanghai to Suzhou without hesitation, and avoided her parents again and again, but family affection has always had a place in her heart, she was in pain, and wanted me to live hope for her in the material world, but I have not yet figured out the distance between idealism and social reality, and have been addicted to my own world. Until she left

Looking back on the years we have spent, I have cultivated her into a proud sunflower, but I have not given her nourishment and sunshine, making her the withered appearance she is today, but she is stretching her branches and still proudly searching

I thought about it a lot, and I delayed a lot of time, and Janeway waited patiently until I looked up at her, and she gave me a look and asked if I could do my best to show my intentions for today.

My fingers trembled slightly, lit a cigarette, forced my composure, and finally said to her: "I came to you today to tell you that I am going back to Xuzhou about the project of Lu Ku and the Road of Literature and Art, and I can only do it here." ”

Janeway raised her head, then closed her eyes and asked me in a low voice, "Did you give up so completely?" The project of Literature and Art Road embodies our hard work, and it carries your dreams, and it is commendable that it is still profitable!! You won't have a second chance in your life. ”

I felt a lot of pain in my heart, but remembering the simple life that Mi Cai and I had decided to go to, I still nodded and said: "Give up completely, leave here completely, please start my resignation process, my shares will be handed over to you to dispose of, since this project is still profitable, there are many ways to deal with it, and it won't make you too embarrassed." ”

"It seems that Mi Cai has given up on Zhuomei, and you have also chosen another way of life, this way of life, you once mentioned to me, I was not able to give it to you, I went to the United States"

Her words reminded me of a detail, on the eve of her decision to go to the United States, I had told her that eloping to the farthest town was just a wish in the lyrics, I hope she can go back to Xuzhou, I want to open a small bar, and then go to ask Ban Dad to let him arrange a job for Jian Wei in his state-owned enterprise, which can be regarded as an iron rice bowl, she hesitated for a long time and agreed to me, but it didn't take long for her parents to find Suzhou, so that she finally gave up the idea of going back to Xuzhou with me.

I still think that she didn't really make up her mind to go back to Xuzhou with me, and even consulted her parents in the middle, otherwise her parents wouldn't have found Suzhou at all, and they wouldn't have found her, because we have been living in a very secluded place, and Suzhou is very big, so it's not so easy to find.

Jian Wei said again: "Zhaoyang, do you still think that I promised you to go back to Xuzhou, but I just said it, but I hesitated in my heart?" ”

I nodded, "Yes, but I can understand that your lifestyle is not for you!" ”

Janeway looked at me and smiled bitterly: "Can you understand me?" I don't need your understanding, because you don't know the truth of the matter at all! ”

My heart was beating violently, waiting for her to continue.

Janeway lowered her head, she was in pain, she was hesitating

"What the hell is the truth?"

Jian Wei finally raised her head to look at me and said slowly, "Do you know why my parents found Suzhou back then? Hehe, go ask your good brothers Fang Yuan and Xiang Chen! ”

"They ?!!"

"It's them, it's Xiang Chen who found Fang Yuan, Fang Yuan told him about our residence, and even told him about our trip to Xuzhou, and then he told my parents all these things, so they found me on the afternoon of December 11 four years ago!"

My heart beat even harder, as if it was about to pierce my chest for a long time before I said, "You're still shaken after all, otherwise why would you go to the United States?" ”

"Zhaoyang, is there a way for me not to waver? If I go to Xuzhou with you, not only you and me, but even your father can't keep the iron rice bowl of the so-called state-owned enterprises, and we don't want to get a marriage certificate, these my parents can do it lightly, in front of their will, just I love you, what can I resist? ”

I was so depressed that I was able to guess that Janeway must have rather die than obey, and his parents had no choice but to use this delaying tactic to send her to the United States first, trying to use time and distance to break our love, Janeway firmly believes that none of us will waver, so in order to save me and my family's livelihood and work, she chose to go to the United States.

Everything began to become reasonable, otherwise why would Janeway be willing to be self-reliant in the United States rather than accept her parents' living expenses, she hated it, but she had to compromise.

"Zhaoyang, my parents once promised me that as long as I can see your progress in the past three years in the United States, when I return to China, I will accept that we will be together, if they don't give me this promise, I will not leave no matter what, even if I wander with you all over the country and the world, I will not leave, but" Janeway couldn't say any more, she couldn't cry anymore, too many things and grievances were hidden in her heart, and it had become a disease!

I choked up and asked, "Why didn't you talk to me about this when you left?" ”

"Did you hear that from your self-esteem at the time? I only dare to tell you that going to the United States is for us to have a better future! We all love to be like this, does it matter if we say it or not? At least, I never wanted to betray you! ”

What was my self-esteem at the time?

I really remembered my self-esteem back then, and even Janeway would make me feel uncomfortable wearing a luxury brand dress! I hated the obstacles caused by the wrong household, I was really afraid of losing Janeway, scared to the point of vulnerability, scared to the point of sensitivity, so I had that lowly self-esteem!

I gasped violently, my heart was already unable to bear the fluctuations of emotions, and for a long, long time, I finally gathered the strength to ask Jian Wei: "We are all in love like that, why, why do you dare to break up with me?" Why? ”

Jian Wei was even more painful, as if she remembered an unbearable experience, she covered her face with her hands and whimpered, finally raised her head, looked at my body, and asked: "I can sue you, but after I sue you, I want you to be with me, we are as we said before, get married, have children, do you still dare to ask me to say?" If you don't dare, if your favorite thing now is Mi Cai, it doesn't make any sense for me to talk about the past, it will only hurt each other, embarrass each other, and make each other unable to recall the beauty of being together! ”

I swallowed my saliva in pain, I had wanted a result for the original breakup countless times, but every time under the pressure of Janeway, I dispelled the idea of wanting it, because what she said was the truth, since I had decided to pursue that ordinary and simple life with Mi Cai, why should I go against the original intention and entangle the past and the future? And I simply don't have the ability to unlock the karmic barrier between the past and the future!

Jian Wei looked at me and smiled, she seemed to be no longer in pain, and said to me who was silent: "Zhaoyang, I, Jian Wei, am a person who counts by talking, I said that I will not disturb your feelings again, I will definitely be able to do it, you don't need to worry about what happened in the past, from now on, you raise your head and look ahead, I don't hate you, and I don't want to hate myself anymore, because I'm really tired and I have accepted the fact that the fate between us is not enough, so when I went to the United States, we kept misunderstanding because of distance and time, It's not the same to miss you and Mi Cai in the yin and yang, she can also make you love to death, someone wants to break you up, but you can't split it, then please cherish this fate, but, you must remember that I will always be the woman who loves you in the world, but, in the wrong way, love at the wrong time!! Let's go! Walk cleanly, and I'll take care of the rest. ”

・・・・・