Mozhi:

Although I know that it is not polite to ask you this question at the beginning of the letter, I wonder if you are still bothered by the same thing? When I wrote this letter to you, I was hesitating about the meaning of this trip, whether my perseverance was meaningful, and what the results would be in the end. Pen ~ fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info Since I started this blind pursuit, I always feel like I am living in a dream, and I feel restless. Every day I question my decision, and I know that such a friendship is meaningless, but I can't help myself with my anxiety about whether I should really take her word for it and accept this trip. Although I always regret accepting her invitation, I always encourage myself for no reason when I hold back, igniting an impulse that I can't explain, preferring to believe that this trip, or the change that is about to happen, is the only way to get me out of my current predicament. I needed to get out of my bad mood so badly. I don't know if you'll ever get a chance to open this letter, because I don't know what kind of time I'm going to spend or what kind of experience I'm going to have since tomorrow, but to tell you the truth, I'm already getting nervous as I write these lines.

As everyone said about me, I've always been a coward who is afraid to face reality. I'm not even sure that tomorrow I'll board the station wagon that takes me into the unknown, and if I try to give up, will she kill me? Or do I want to go to someone for help, and it's better to tell the secret now? I think you'd better carry this letter with you, at least if you do get into trouble, it can also be an excuse for you to excuse yourself. At least, you haven't thought of another solution.

Before I wrote this, in order to suppress my thoughts, I visited a tarot soothsayer, hoping that she would be able to guide me through the power of certain positions and tell me whether or not I should embark on the same mysterious journey of Sucrose. That's how I am, always looking for a reason to make a decisive decision instead of being hesitant. I'm a pessimistic person, so I subconsciously hope that the tarot soothsayer will stop me from embarking on this journey. You see, I'm like that, I even want someone to make a decision for me if I refuse. I don't know if I'll be able to get rid of this problem after embarking on this journey. But the tarot cards did the opposite, and the soothsayer told me to leave immediately, saying that my choice was a chariot in position, which was a sign that it was a difficult but beautiful journey. This reminds me of the fortune cookie that the practitioner I met in Singapore gave me, and the language note that the cookie left for me also told me not to be too pessimistic about fate, that everything has a cause and effect, that if you plant good causes, you will get good results, and even if you go through hardships, you will hope for a good ending. But even with the blessings of the gods around me, I still can't find peace in my heart. I don't know if when you read this letter, you will have a different attitude towards life than I do, and I hope you are experiencing a good ending at that time.

After coming out of the soothsayer, I decided to walk home along the road, even though it wasn't really close to home. My mind was a mess and I needed to clear myself up. When I was about to get home, I happened to pass by a lotus pond, and looking at the pink and white flowers on the water, I suddenly remembered that this place was the moat of the city a long, long time ago, even before my grandparents were born. Time has passed, and now this place has long lost its original value, the city wall has been replaced by residential buildings, the stone road by the pond, the reeds swaying in the wind, and the pink dots in the ratio, so that this place has quietly become a landscape of the city, but there are too few people like me who have nothing to do, it is gradually being forgotten, but even so, I believe that the sand and gravel deposited at the bottom of the river will be able to remember every story that happened here. I walked slowly along the river, my mind was still blank, and now that autumn was approaching, I could already see the small lotus canopy in the middle of the lotus flowers, and the tender green 'little funnel' hidden in the middle of the small goose-yellow stamens. I leaned on the railing and looked at the scenery in front of the pool, and suddenly remembered the poem I memorized in high school: "You look at the scenery on the bridge, and the people who watch the scenery look at you from upstairs." The moon decorates your windows, and you decorate other people's dreams." I don't know what kind of scenery I will encounter on the next trip, or what kind of scenery will become in the eyes of my peers.

Although I was resisting the approaching future, in fact, I was ready to go. Today was my last day in the city, and in order to say goodbye to the city, I decided to go to my favorite visit to finish my last dinner in the city, and even thought about having my first meal in the same place and restaurant when I returned to the city at the end of the trip. But with some misfortune, I found out that the day before I came was already the last day this restaurant was open. The sublease on the door made me feel a little embarrassed, especially when I heard the people around me say that the restaurant was still open yesterday. You see, the beginning of this trip was so unpleasant, who knows what kind of trouble I will encounter when I leave the city? I didn't have time to say goodbye to my old life, which made me feel sad. But that's the reality, life never goes according to your plan, and there are always some surprises that catch you off guard.

However, even if the pace is disrupted, people still need to move forward in order to get out of the sudden difficulties in life. Just like now, even if I can't have dinner at my favorite and most familiar restaurant, I still want to have a full stomach, so for the first time, I went downstairs to the new restaurant to settle dinner. I have to say, it's really a good choice. The delicious taste even comforted me who had been a little nervous since the beginning.

Now I'm back in the apartment and I'm starting to write to you. I have written so many unattached things, but because of my timid personality, I am afraid that the unknown of this trip will make me never return to this city, the most important city to me. I wanted to leave some traces here, and handwriting was the only thing I could leave behind. I hope you still have a chance to come back and read this letter. I'm even starting to imagine now that you opened this letter and your eyes widened in shock, thinking to yourself when you had ever left such a childish thing? You see, I've been mistaken again, and I've started imagining that you don't like the letter. Sure enough, I am not confident and timid, and I am the biggest natural enemy in my heart.

So, Mozhi, I really hope you can get rid of this bad fault and believe that nothing can defeat you and nothing can stop you from moving on. So, even if you open this letter with an unconfident expression, still with a cowardly and hesitant mood, when you close this letter, I implore you to bring a smile, to smile for yourself, to believe that fate will give you the best arrangement, to believe that all good things will come to you. Just like me now, although I am afraid of the next journey, I still force myself to move forward with courage and confidence. Running away won't solve anything, so even if you're afraid, move forward bravely.

However, when you unfold your letterhead, you don't need to say so much to become a very courageous and confident person, after all, this next trip will make you a bold person, and you must have had a lot of interesting experiences. I say this because the tarot soothsayer said that he saw the ending card with the right 'judgment', which means renewal and awakening. Although the purpose of this trip is not very beautiful, if it can get rid of the problems that have been bothering you and give you peace of mind, I think it will be a good trip.

I'm looking forward to seeing you with new stories, so I really hope that when you unfold this letter, you're on a meaningful trip and not a deserter halfway through. Well, it's really not early, and I need to rest now for the trip that will start tomorrow. I didn't expect that it would take me more than two hours to write this letter, and I don't know if you will have a chance to open this letter, but I am looking forward to the news of your triumphant return. May you solve your psychological problems and stop being sad.

Now, I'm really starting to look forward to this trip, and I'll be praying for you a happy ending.

Mozhi from the past