1. Socrates said, "There is only one good thing in the world - knowledge, and only one evil thing - ignorance." www.biquge.info"Dude, you are a good person, how can I praise you?" You are knowledgeable, fearless, and do great things good and evil!

2. Beijing people feel much less addicted to smoking; Shanghai feels like drinking tap water grows meat. Beijing people: We Beijing people are the happiest, and when you open the window, you will have free cigarettes. Shanghainese: What is that, when we turn on the tap water, it is pork rib soup!

3. My wife suddenly hugged me from behind and said, "Brother, I want it." I looked back and asked seriously, "Can you wait a while?" She coquettishly said: "No, just now, now!" "Okay", I soothed her onto the couch and said softly, "It's the red bag from last time, I'll see if the price has been reduced." ”

4. The personality signatures of the first sisters: The sisters are not tall, but not every man has the opportunity, I called her after seeing it and said: "Is it okay to add the word 'Shang' to your signature?" She thought for a moment and said, "Hmm." "The next day, I saw that her signature had been changed to: Sister is not high, but not every man has the opportunity to be on it.

5. When I met you, maybe it was God's arrangement, you came from the crowd, and your deep eyes looked me up and down, until I was red-faced, and you said quietly: Fortune telling.

6. It's my girlfriend's turn to cook tonight. My girlfriend brought a tray and said, "Please flop over the brand if you want to eat." I saw four signs on the tray that read: stewed chicken with shiitake mushrooms, braised pork ribs with green onions, beef brisket with tomatoes, and braised beef. Can I say yes? My girlfriend said: Yes, I'm afraid you won't be able to eat. I said you won't give me pocket money if you can't eat! After a while, his girlfriend brought four bowls of Master Kong's instant noodles.

7. Ask: "Why does she look average, her figure is not very good, and her temper is bad, and you still like her so much?" Answer: "Then why do you say that Lao Tzu wrote the Tao Te Ching" and asked: "Why?" Answer: "Because Lao Tzu is willing." ”

8. After a sister got on the bus, she said to the driver while looking for something, master, the next stop is happy, and the driver immediately adjusted the music to the next stop happiness. My sister burst into tears.

9. What is the Spring Festival? One word: tired. Two words: consumption. Three words: big party. Four words: eat and sleep in the sea. Five words: text messages are flying all over the sky. Six words: everyone greets the New Year. Seven words: The sound of firecrackers is shattering. Eight words: Visiting relatives and traveling is purely sinful. Nine words: drunkenness, deep drunkenness, hurting the body and stomach. Ten words: return to the original position after seven days of indulgence during the long vacation. Eleven words: The Spring Festival is the National Toss Games. Have fun.

10. The mother told the child the story of the father chasing the sun, and after the story, the child said thoughtfully, I finally knew why the teacher said that the water resources are getting less and less, and it turned out that the father drank it.

11. Every festival is sucked gold, every festival is three pounds fat, every festival is a blind date, every festival is very troublesome! As annoying as the festive season is, as cheesy as the festive season is, as boring as the text messages are, I wish my friends a lot of fun.

12. Xiao Ming was a little unhappy and complained by himself sitting on the sofa chair. "No one likes me, the whole world hates me!" His brother was playing a game and encouraged him, saying, "Not necessarily, Xiao Ming. Some people don't even know you. ”

13. Once upon a time there were two pigs, one pig was extremely diligent, got up early and returned to the field to work late, and the other pig was lazy and abnormal, relying on the diligent piglet to get by. The days passed, and one day, the pig god went down the mountain and found these two little pigs, only to see the pig god roaring a thunderbolt to kill the diligent piglet: "You have betrayed the soul of the pig!"

14. The teacher said something thought-provoking: saying "don't want it" is more effective than "hurry up" when urging vegetables, saying "take a look again" is more effective than "cheaper" when bargaining, and saying "you go" is more effective than "don't do this" when retaining - if you can't keep something, throw it far away, maybe it will bounce back if you hit something.

15. As the saying goes: "The plan of the year lies in the spring". Tell you a secret to making a fortune in the New Year: no matter how old or young you are, "seize the opportunity"; Call it a ram and a ewe, "by the hand". In the end, there are good things that worry about me. Happy New Year!

16. Two male colleagues chatted. A: I'm getting married. B: Actually, I'm getting married too. A: Then let's go and ask for leave together. Colleague B: Okay! Colleague AB: Manager! We're getting married. The manager was suddenly in a mess.

17. [There are only two car advertisements in China] Low-end cars are always the following: Lao Tzu's family is happy! There is a wife! There are lovely children! Lao Tzu loves to take the whole family out by car! Mid-to-high-end cars are always the following: Lao Tzu has a successful career! There are beautiful women! There is red wine! There is a contract to sign! Lao Tzu likes to drive out alone and pretend to be b!

18. A boy texted his girlfriend one day: "Your hairstyle is different today" and his girlfriend said, "Oh, I permed it". After a while, he replied: "Ah! Isn't it serious?! ”

19. Why do you feel that the weekend is short? Because there is no morning on the weekend, it is past as soon as I sleep. Why do workdays feel long? Because in addition to morning, afternoon, and morning, I also have to cook and catch the car.

20, [Ten things that make people have a headache] 1 Have a job, but don't have a life; 2. There is a lover, but there is no love; 3 have **, no fans; 4. There is a place to live, but there is no house; 5. There is a passbook, but there is no deposit; 6. Have a business card, but are not famous; 7. There is overtime, but there is no salary increase; 8. Have a career, but no career; 9 There is entertainment, but there is no joy; 10I have friends, but I don't have close friends. Have you had a headache lately? Good mood every day hahaha!

21. Sometimes, we are like fish in a fish tank, we want to say a lot, and as soon as we open our mouths, we turn into a string of ellipses...... However, I still have to tell you - it's okay to bask in the sun, and be careful to degenerate into a hairy man.

22. A woman is more than a cat at the age of five, a sheep at the age of ten, twenty like a deer, a dog at the age of twenty-five, a wolf at thirty, a tiger at forty, a pig at fifty, a fairy at sixty, and a Buddha at seventy. Sisters, you are not a Buddha or an immortal, which animal?

23, those who love to talk about your sister are all small and fresh literature. Those who love to talk about paralysis are mostly irritable but cheerful and unpretentious. I love to say hehe, I love to pretend to be mysterious every day. People who love to talk about it live in their own world. I love to talk about lying down, and I obviously want to burn heterosexuals. Most of the people who love to talk about Nima are Han rice who loves me infatuatedly. I love to say haha, I am generally lively and cute, and I have a lady's heart, but I can't change the temperament of a real man.

24. Complex things should be done simply, and simple things should be done seriously. Serious things should be done repeatedly. Repetitive things should be done creatively, and the joys of the past should be remembered. Future happiness is being planned, but happiness can only be felt now. Life is an adventure, feel it with your heart, and you will have your own surprises!

25. Blindly forbearance means the loss of principles; Blindly tolerating means having no personality; Blindly forbearance means weakness and deception; Blindly tolerating means facing the danger of advancing step by step; Blindly tolerating means that you will go to a dead end. Friend, I've been "putting up" with you for a long time, and I can't bear it anymore, next time I'll invite you to dinner.

26. Take a taxi and tell the driver: Follow the car in front. Master: Korat Lak, are you on a mission? We can't stick too close to be discovered; Too far away at a red light and we'll be thrown off. Me: Master, calm down, the car in front of you can't sit down, we just go and press our feet together.

27. How to praise a woman? The demon is called a beauty, the Diao is called a talented woman, the wooden is called a lady, the wilted is called gentle, the fierce is called straightforward, the stupid is called sunshine, the ruthless is called cold, the earth is called dignified, the foreign is called temperament, the strange is called personality, the bandit is called capable, the tender is called young and beautiful, the old is called Fengyun still exists, the wave is called the stars holding the moon, the cow is called proud of the snow Lingfeng, the idle is called the pursuit of self, and the weak is called the little bird.

28, [Ten types of people in life]: 1 person who is always complaining; 2. People who are overly dependent; 3. Extremely sensitive people; 4 aggressive people; 5 unscrupulous people; 6 people who don't know how to say thank you; 7 people who have no credit; 8 selfish people; 9 Not the one who truly loves thee; 10 unreliable people. Do you have such people around you? Stay away from it, hand it over to a reliable person like me, and wish you happiness.

29. Q: "Why has the United Nations not made a statement on the Diaoyu Islands incident?" Answer: "There are contradictions between small countries and small countries, and as soon as the United Nations mediates, the contradictions disappear." There are contradictions between small countries and large countries, and as soon as the United Nations mediates, the small countries are gone. There are contradictions between the big powers, and as soon as the United Nations mediates, the United Nations is gone. ”

30. The dog said to the rooster; Rooster, the owner recently got an alarm clock, and it is said that it may be resistant. The rooster said angrily: It turned out to be its boy, and he replaced my job without saying hello to Lao Tzu, and I was laid off. Later, the rooster was amused again, and said to the dog: Tired of his boy, it is a hard job to wake up his master from the bed.

31. People are simple and happy; Dreams are simple, happiness is abundant; Love is simple, free and free. Everywhere you go, you're happy. No heart and no lungs, in order to live without tiredness! Dude, may you live freely and happily without heart and lungs hahaha.

32, Cao Cao fought in the south and the north, and got a huge family business, but he never refused to be the emperor, Cao Pi was puzzled: "Dad, you got these houses, why is the name of Liu Xie on the real estate certificate, aren't you too disadvantaged?" Cao Cao shook his head: "You don't know, I just asked him to put a name, and after I die, you can transfer the property rights to your name." ”

33. The pony crossed the river, and he didn't know the bottom of his heart, so he went to ask his friends in the forest. The old cow said: "The water is very shallow, and I just have no calves, so I can wade through." The squirrel said, "It's very deep!" If you can't get by, one of my buddies fell into this river and drowned! Later, the pony had to go back and ask his mother, who kindly said to the pony, "Son, you are stupid, we hippos can swim." ”

34. One day, my sister's niece complained that life was boring, so it was better to become a nun. Is it tasty? ”

35. After the maintenance staff helped a young beauty install the Sunshine brand water leak preventer, the beauty checked that there was still water leakage in the bathroom, and she was very angry: "Uh--if you are well, it is a sunny day, if you are not well, my house is rainy every day, and you don't want to go out with dry clothes." ”

36. When I was in high school, the teacher said to me earnestly: You have to study hard, and in the future, you will drive a car with the teacher, and the teacher will be so proud. Five years have passed, and I have finally made this wish come true. It's just that when I pressed the meter, I asked the teacher, (Flashpoint Love Talk Network) Does the teacher want a ticket?

37, you are too chic and dignified, too cool and beautiful, beautiful and extraordinary, beautiful ecstasy, simply handsome, as stupid as a wooden chicken, clever and eccentric! It seems that there is a kind of coquettish coquettish that makes people osteoporosis.

38. A sister complained like a complaining woman: Is it easy for me to be a "foodie"? I am afraid of eating too much and being fat, and I am afraid of eating less and being hungry and thin.

39. In elementary school math class, the teacher asked, "What is 8 minus half?" The student replied, "Vertical cut is equal to 3, and horizontal minus is equal to 0." Teacher: "Get out of here!" ”

40, after reading "Apple", I found that men are unreliable; After watching "Lust", I found that women are unreliable; After reading "Casting a Name", I found that my brother was unreliable; After reading "The Assembly", I found that the organization was unreliable; After watching "Mom Loves Me Again", I found that my father was unreliable; After reading "New Police Story", I found that my son was unreliable; After watching "The Matrix", I found that all reality is unreliable, and the conclusion is only reliable for myself, referred to as "I rely on".

41. You take a light boat to swim along the river, and the true color is charming and the wind is a song. Right and wrong go with the wind, and have a drink. The bad bar is drunk and the question is good, and there is a lot of leisure in the land of playing (egg) pills. (Look at the first word of each sentence and read it together.)

42, I am tired and I endure hardships, I am willing to be two hundred and five, drinking "paste" with "pickles", the heart of beauty is happy, life is divided into rich and poor, do not complain about whether fate is wrong or not, I am content with such days, "two hundred and five" sincerely send blessings, I wish you to be happy and happy, and the days are prosperous and have passed my "two hundred and five" ha.

43. The first time I invited you to be a confidant; The second time, I invite you sincerely; The third time I invite you to rejoice; The fourth time, I invite you to be brave and invincible; The fifth time, I invite you not to get drunk and not to return; The sixth time, I ask you to be smooth; The seventh time, please be the sea and the sky; The eighth time, I invited you to be hee-hee-ha; Dude, I've invited you 8 times, and if you don't ask back, I'll follow