I don't have big dreams, I just want peace for the rest of my life. Pen ~ Fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info dear self, happy birthday! —Epigraph

(1) Tears before a breakup are not remembrance

On the night she broke up with Dou Qin, Haoxue thought she wouldn't cry, but before the words could be spoken, tears swirled in her eyes.

Think about it, when she proposed to her friend Liang Yue to be single again, she was full of pride and said: "Hey, I'm Wang Haoxue!" How could you do such an immature and imageless thing for this kind of thing! ”

Liang Yue pouted disdainfully: "Yes, you can only cry very unimaged!" ”

The strength of the crow's beak lies in its hit rate! So, in a word.

Haoxue's tears were still easily choked out of Liang Yue's cow tendons, looking at her slightly raised eyebrows, Haoxue twisted her eyebrows and said, "It's not ashamed to cry before breaking up." ”

Liang Yue smiled, undeniable.

Because, Haoxue really cried.

(2) A lonely courage is only for you

said that the day of the breakup happened to be the first snow of the year, the year of Ruixue Zhaofeng. The fluttering snowflakes under the street lamps are light and elegant, and if there is a pair of lovers walking hand in hand in such a scene, it will feel warm just thinking about it.

The snowflakes outside the window fell into Haoxue's neck again, Haoxue dodged Dou Qin's hand that put on her clothes, and looked at the light of the dim street lamp, her eyes were as bright as before.

It's a quiet and peaceful atmosphere.

Her voice wasn't clear.

In Dou Qin's ears, it was like winter thunder.

She said: "Dou Qin, let's break up!" ”

Before the words fell, she already had some regrets. But looking at Dou Qin's frozen hands in mid-air, she finally adjusted her tone, trying to hide the indifference in her heart, she said to herself: It's just a breakup, it's no big deal.

But that little anxiety hidden in calm still leaked emotions.

She said, "Dou Qin, can you order it?" I don't like you anymore! I don't like your nonchalant attitude towards me, I don't like you to say nothing when you're angry, I don't like you to know what I'm thinking, I don't like you to disdain me when I'm crying, I don't like you to ignore me again and again because of others when you're in a relationship with me. ”

Oh, yes! Haoxue told herself: You see that he has so many badnesses, so it is good for both of them to separate early.

She raised her head and looked at Dou Qin's slightly changing face, a little bitterness spread behind her eyes, but she said in her heart: "Don't look at me so innocently, what did I say wrong?" She looked at the door of the classroom not far away and mocked, "What did you do besides standing there when I was crying just now?" You didn't do anything! Because Jin Yangxin's class is only less than three meters away from here, you're afraid that she will know that you care about me!"

Haoxue's voice was very loud, and people passing by looked sideways. She looked at the hand of the person in front of her who was clenched and let go, and couldn't help but panic: Are you right?

Haoxue closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, there was no trace of water in her eyes.

Once, those hands had wrapped her hands in the palms of her saddest moments. Its owner had promised never to let her hand feel the heat outside of his.

But what about now?

It is difficult to turn back when the bow is opened, just as the two said that Haoxue was also like this when they were together.

At that time, Ye Rongbin asked her, "Have you thought about it?" “

She was like a dead soldier who went deep behind enemy lines, and resolutely decided: "We are already together!" “

This is a misnomer, because every dead man is ready to die. Thinking about it, Haoxue smiled, as if she knew from the beginning that this relationship was a gamble that must be lost.

Later, Zhang Zerui joked to her: "I have been a warrior all my life, and I do things with my limbs and momentum." “

It was a long time later that Haoxue understood that the lonely courage at that age was only born for that one person. And that courage was crushed into the dust in the long years that followed, and it was never found.

(3) It is more difficult to say that it is to give up than not to love

In fact, Dou Qin likes Haoxue.

According to Liang Mo: In the early spring of 2019, Dou Qin saw a girl looking up at the sky at a 45° angle in the light rain of early spring, and the smell of independence on her body distressed him, so Dou Qin, who was still very timid at that time, boldly gave her a coat, but ran away with a red face without even asking her name. That girl only met Dou Qin's Haoxue after the liberal arts and sciences division.

Haoxue never understood why she would miss a dark-skinned and slightly chubby boy, until one day Haoxue kissed Dou Qin like a peck of rice, seeing his flustered and excited appearance, Haoxue teased: "How is it good that my Qin Qin is always so shy and a guest?" “

It was at that time, when the kiss between the two people was like a joke that still caused sweet ripples in her heart, Haoxue realized that what she liked was the shy look of the person at that time.

However, psychological studies have shown that staying together because of the heartbeat of a certain point will not be a long-lasting love.

Probably this is the root cause of the quarrel!

Because of the wrong stay, blind love, ignoring the essential wrongness of the two people's personalities.

Haoxue is a tough girl on the outside but graceful on the inside, but she is actually sensitive.

Dou Qin is a typical representative of the "** man", the kind of taciturn who will not cry out in pain when a needle is pierced into the flesh.

So whenever Jin Yangxin appeared in Haoxue's class, Haoxue would be cold because of Dou Qin's back: did you notice her unbearable when she saw the goddess?

"Wang Haoxue." Dou Qin's voice had a calm after forbearance: "Don't play, okay?" “

This sentence should be the limit of what he can ask, right?

If Haoxue was thirty-five years old at that time, then she would turn the page of the breakup with a smile and be with the outrageously handsome Dou Qin.

If Haoxue was thirty years old at that time, then she would calmly say that she didn't play, and then completely end this innocuous relationship.

If Haoxue was twenty-five years old at that time, then she would laugh and answer with a firm and powerful high heel voice and a straight and straight back that the breakup was not a joke.

If Haoxue was twenty-one years old at the time, then she would throw the necklace he gave her on him, and tell him to roll away with what others didn't want but gave her.

But eighteen-year-old Haoxue was stunned: "What do you mean ......"?

Dou Qin knew her doubts, but he was still silent. Haoxue's tears fell without warning in his quiet gaze: she didn't want to break up.

Before she could raise her hand to wipe away her tears, she fell into a warm, familiar embrace with a faint tobacco smell.

"Wang Haoxue, you said twice to break up, and I agreed to both of them, but it was only three."

"Haoxue, don't be willful, okay?"

He asked, his voice tinged with a hint of weakness.

"But." She paused, then replied, "I don't like you anymore." “

"So......" His eyes were on her shallow face, and he hugged her arm without the slightest relaxation: "What is it for this time?" “

“……“

"Is there no excuse anymore?" His chin was buried in her shoulder socket, and his voice was muffled.

"That's a lot already said." Her body was stiff, and this might be the last bit of warmth she could covet him!

"I don't believe it." He said.

"Yes!" She suppressed the awkwardness in her heart and pushed Dou Qin away: "I don't believe it either, but I can't find a better reason." She said silently: I can't find a more justified reason than not loving to end this relationship with too much emotional suppression.

(4) Including love and hatred together

Say you don't love it?

She couldn't say anything.

If you don't love it, how can you even have a complete memory of the first quarrel.

That was when Hao Xue and Dou Qin had just been together for a short time.

At that time, Haoxue and Jin Yangxin were both dormitory students in the transfer class, so they were both troubled by their luggage. When Haoxue found Dou Qin, he said that he had promised others before. Hao Xue smiled understandingly, and moved her luggage from the sixth floor of No. 4 in the East District to the fourth floor of No. 3 in the South District. And that night, when Zhang Zerui was chatting, he suddenly Wen Haoxue: "Eldest sister, how can the eldest brother-in-law help Jin Yangxin's luggage today and not help you?" Haoxue's original smile was also frozen for a moment, but it was still beautiful: "I don't have you!" That's why she was asked to help others. Zhang Zerui looked at Hao Xue strangely and said, "But I heard Jin Yangxin's tone as if Dou Qin was without your permission!" ”

At that time, he was young after all, for example, the young Zhang Zerui still couldn't understand Liang Yue's eyes to stop it, for example, Haoxue's stubborn stubbornness was also young at that time.

The young Haoxue asked rhetorically: "Do you think Dou Qin dares?" ”

How sure she was!

Determined and stubborn.

How could she allow her feelings to become a joke in the eyes of others, so when she was wronged, she refused to confide in others, and only asked Dou Qin to solve it privately.

But not everything is perfect if you want to solve it.

Because Dou Qin felt that Haoxue was making a big fuss.

also because of Ye Rongbin.

On the afternoon when his childhood sweetheart Ye Rongbin asked Haoxue to dinner, he noticed that Haoxue was wrong, and when he followed her gaze, he saw Dou Qin standing coldly outside the restaurant.

He asked her, "Aren't you afraid of misunderstanding?" ”

Without waiting for Hao Xue to speak, a big girl sat beside him, eating and drinking without anyone else, seeing Ye Rongbin's embarrassed face, Hao Xue, who was originally going to get up, saw Dou Qin outside with an indifferent face, and sat back in his position angrily. Seeing this, Ye Rongbin texted: Don't be angry. The corners of Haoxue's lips curled into a gentle smile: I'll leave when he comes in. Ye Rongbin looked at Haoxue, who looked like a little girl, and couldn't help laughing, and replied: "It's not the first time you've fallen in love!" ”

Haoxue glared at him, and the sentence "I'm just gambling" hadn't been sent yet, and Dou Qin's text message came: "Wang Haoxue, I have a feeling of a third party." “

Seeing the people who were originally waiting there leaving without looking back, Ye Rongbin's text message came in: "It's been a misunderstanding." “

Misunderstanding?

Then let's get misunderstood!

The snowflakes outside the window sparsely drifted into the window, Haoxue looked at Dou Qin, who was blue in the cold wind, and said calmly: "Dou Qin, originally I didn't want to tell you, I thought you were in the way, so please leave my world." “

She bit a bite of silver teeth, and somehow remembered that one day the two of them quarreled, Dou Qin pointed to the sky and said that he would stand in place until Haoxue was gone, but Liang Mo, who appeared at the right time, took Dou Qin away with a whisper and left her who was angry. And that day was Jin Yangxin's birthday party, so Haoxue accidentally sprinkled the orange juice of Dou Qin's half body between the clothes and sideburns, and chuckled: "You don't have to act innocently, you are very willing!" “

Leave her in anger.

Every time.

That night, Haoxue looked at the pale girl in the bathroom glass mirror and asked: Is this love? “

(5) The child's name is ready

In fact, it is normal for them to quarrel!

Like a few days before they became lovers.

It's ridiculous to say, because of Jin Yangxin, Dou Qin turned his face.

At that time, Haoxue and Jin Yangxin Dou Qin were still in the same class, and when Haoxue and Jin Yangxin were talking, the crazy people in the classroom accidentally bumped into Jin Yangxin, Haoxue didn't hold on, and the two fell down together.

With the support of her classmates, Haoxue stood up with difficulty, but was almost pushed by Dou Qin again, and he attacked her in an almost questioning tone: "Why don't you stand firm!" ”

If it weren't for the pain in her wrist because she had borne the weight of two people, Hao Xue really wanted to slap him, but she could only look at Dou Qin quietly: "Anyone can see that you like her to the point where you feel distressed when she breaks her oily skin, is it interesting to pester me?" ”

However, in the school infirmary, Liang Yue looked at Haoxue, who was crying because of bone or heartache, and finally couldn't hold back her curiosity: "You don't like Dou Qin, right?" ”

And what answered her was Haoxue's abrupt cry.

I guess I really like it! Otherwise, how could he be bribed to become his girlfriend because of one of his smiles.

At that time, Haoxue's class was broken up and reorganized by the school. Haoxue, who was already depressed, was even more resistant to this matter. Therefore, many activities were held to try to save the fate of the class from dispersing. But in vain.

So on the day of the dinner, Haoxue played very fiercely, in the KTV box, Haoxue's mike was snatched away and began to fight with the boys, Liang Mo pulled Liang Yue and said: "Persuade her not to make trouble." Liang Yue looked at Hao Xue, who was purely angry, and said, "Let her be!" ”

So Haoxue really drank a dozen beers that day and vomited in the bathroom of the box. Zhang Zerui pulled her out for a drink, and in the summer breeze, Haoxue seemed to see Dou Qin with a serious face. She shouted at the phantom, "Dou Qin, why do you think I'm so sad? ”

Then she looked at what the shadow said to Zhang Zerui, and she smiled deliciously: "After hooking up, will I come to play with my friend again?" “

That Dou Qin didn't speak, just squatted on the side of the road and looked at Wang Haoxue. Zhang Zerui ignored Haoxue's struggle, and supported Haoxue, who was stumbling, to lie on Dou Qin's back.3. Haoxue didn't know it, and smiled happily: "Drive, ride a big horse!"

Haoxue doesn't remember what happened later, but she heard Dou Qin mention it by chance later.

"Wang Haoxue, when are you going to drink again! Although restless, but actually confessed! “

What did she say?

She said, "Hey, little Qinzi, why don't you marry me!" I will protect you from being wronged, we want two children, one is a bean and the other is a bun. “

At that time, she was so innocent, she would blush for jokes, jump for his dislike of being a man's wife, and be moved by his next words.

He said, "Haoxue, be my girlfriend!" I'm really bad, I won't make you laugh, I won't make you laugh. But I promise that when you are sad in the future, you will have a shoulder to lean on. If you want, I'll carry you on your back. “

(6) The desire for extravagance is peace of mind

At that time, a wooden boy said the most beautiful love words. But love words with promises can only be regarded as gossip, because when they break up, those promises seem to have become a joke.

"You're finally willing to tell the truth, aren't you? I'm in the way? How funny! Dou Qin smashed his fist on the wall behind Hao Xue, but he heard the sound of "Duang", someone seemed to have slipped upstairs, and a thermos fell from the empty bar of the staircase handrail Hao Xue didn't have time to react, so he fell into a familiar embrace, and when Hao Xue looked up with difficulty, he saw the folds of Dou Qin's eyebrows, and there was a girl's scream in his ears, but he still couldn't hide the almost inaudible murmur of the person who hugged her:

"I'm not breaking up."

Haoxue was stunned, this is so familiar! It was obvious that Liang Mo said it to Liang Yue not long ago, but Liang Mo still failed to keep Liang Yue's heart after the shock he gave Liang Yue.

Haoxue probably went through her youth for a long time to forget the heat of the tears that Liang Yue left on her shoulders that day, as well as her pretending to be mature: "I know that it is impossible to meet someone who is so good to me except for my parents, but the person I like is Ren Chuanlu!" I can't accept Liang Mo with him in my heart, Haoxue, I like Liang Mo without pretense, but that's in the past, I can't hurt him. ”

Yes, the girl who was liked cried after the birthday that amazed the girls of the whole grade, but what I can't forget is the back of the lonely teenager who left at that time.

Dou Qin said: "Liang Mo took a lot of trouble for her, sprained her foot, and insisted on finishing all the arrangements that day. ”

In fact, everyone around Liang Yue understands that the teenager wants to carve the most unforgettable feelings belonging to the girl in her life before the coming-of-age ceremony of the girl she likes, so when Liang Yue walked out of the dormitory building, it was a petal covered with lawn, obviously a bleak autumn scene, but it rendered a three-point spring, and the large area of vitality was a beautiful bouquet of flowers suspended in the air by hydrogen balloons, and when the sisters gathered around Liang Yue to take off the bouquet, the balloons suddenly burst and sprinkled Liang Yue's favorite jasmine. When you enter the corridor of the school building, brightly colored cards are tied under the bustling balloons. Haoxue pulled down a balloon out of curiosity, looked at the words on it and smiled, and it happened that the girl next to her was as curious as she was, and read out the words on the card: "Ah Yue, be happy." ”

What a wish that the fair-skinned boy might use the curiosity of others to make so many strangers say his blessings: happy life, joy in the world!

When Liang Yue walked into the classroom, there was a large bunch of beautifully packaged dogtail grass on the desk, and Zhang Zerui exclaimed next to him: "Ah Yue, who is this crush on you?" ”

The flower language of the dogtail: crush.

Hidden in that bouquet was a grass-colored card: I want to love you blatantly.

In the interval of each class after that, Liang Yue would receive gifts from "strangers": favorite wallet style, most suitable perfume, signed records of idols...... Until the last period of evening self-study without a teacher, Liang Mo, who had disappeared for a day, walked into the classroom that suddenly went dark with a cake lit by candles.

He came, with a glow, lighting up the glow sticks in his hands except for Liang Yue and her friends.

He sings a birthday song, which is a bit out of tune, but anyone can hear the affection.

He asked her, "Ah Yue, is one of your wishes I can ask for not to break up?" “

(7) Walk through youth and miss

No one heard Liang Yue's answer, not even a slight nod or shake his head, but the gentle young man put down the cake in silence, and his voice was flat: "Happy birthday." “

No one could see his expression clearly, but everyone present remembered his back as if he was saying, "Ah Yue, I don't want to see you and others happy, so I don't bless you".

When the sisters pushed and laughed and returned to the classroom, they saw a huge gift box on Liang Yue's bed.

At that moment, the girl who had been smiling all day burst into tears, and she said, "Haoxue, I know what it is, why did he send me, why did he send me?" “

When everyone opened the gift box, they were all stunned, looking at Liang Yue's expression and sighing, it was not envy, but regret - it was a house built of photos, and the girls on each one had a texture that went deep into the soul.

Haoxue's heart seemed to be in a state of arrest for a few seconds, she understood what Liang Mo meant, and she also understood Liang Yue's tears.

The boy who could tolerate all of Liang Yue's emotions, on his seventeenth birthday, Liang Yue really missed it.

Later, Zhang Zerui hugged Haoxue and asked: "Sister, do those people who seem to love us forever when they are young miss them all after they go through their youth?" “

Yes, missed.

So, Dou Qin. Haoxue raised her head and looked at the boy in front of her, who had lost a lot of weight, and her vision gradually blurred: I have also loved hard, and even paid the most sincere feelings for a long time, but Dou Qin, in the future, we will still be separated. Still not of each other.

Dou Qin, forgive me for my lack of courage. It's true that I love you, but it's not enough, I'm eighteen years old, and I really want to say goodbye to that ignorant self, to say goodbye to the past, and this past, including you.

(8) Not yourself from then on

"Haoxue?"

"Huh?"

"Will you forget?"

"What?"

"Everything between us."

“……“

"I remember you saying goodbye to the past on the day you became an adult."

"I remember."

"So, will you forget?"

"Maybe, no."

"......" Dou Qin paused: "It's okay to forget, right?" “

Tears in the eyelashes.

"I'm sorry."

"Needless to say, you're free."

The first snow of the winter of that year was so heavy, and it seemed to be the accumulated emotion of youth.

"Will we ever see each other again?"

"No, it won't."

From now on, you are just you.

"Haoxue?"

"Huh?"

Over the years, you and me.

"Don't you remember what I said when you were an adult?"

Remember.

"You said, parting with you is the best coming-of-age gift you've ever given me."

"And what did you give yourself?"

At that time, Haoxue stood in the vast snow, looked at her mobile phone and said to herself:

"My dearest Gu Liangxiao, dear myself, happy birthday!"