Ane finally understood that no matter how grotesque and chaotic the thoughts and how inexplicable the sadness was in the past, they did not arise out of thin air. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 info is all from the outside world's bad descriptions of him and sad hints.

These bad hints are forever confined to the "you and me" conversation. As dark as it is, as dark as it is, as disgraceful as it is......

For example, he often felt that he was sick and incurable, and he fell into despair.

It actually originated from a doctor who said to him when he was far away: "After my examination, I found that your blood is born with a lack of XX element. Doomed...... results. ”

In the future, as if he had fallen under a spell, he could not escape this physiological fatalism.

The reason was that at that time, the moment he went to check, due to some accident, he forgot that his mother had accompanied him.

It is an extremely subtle and hidden disorientation - the root of all the cruxes.

The subtlety lies in the fact that before his examination, the description of outsiders was "Mom, they say ......";

After that, the outsider's description becomes a "you and me" conversation.

As a result, visual memory has changed qualitatively.

Before the inspection, the outside world is hazy, safe, and fearless; It's just that mom is familiar and unique.

After the examination, the outside world is dazzling, exposed, and uneasy; Mom's impression is far away.

This epiphany is anything but simple - it is not the result of any authoritative book or the guidance of a wise man - it is just an external description.

Rather, it comes from the instinctive memory of the blood connection and the inexorable chime stone.

With this hazy memory, Ane felt as if something long-lost and important was returning, merging, wonderful and safe. And no longer divisive.

This convergence encompasses all.

He is no longer so deliberately isolating urban life, work and family life.

No longer so deliberately suppress yourself and disguise yourself.

He began to trace the city back to that familiar and hazy impression in his memory.

The shuttling crowd no longer disturbed him; High-rise buildings no longer have that unattainable sense of oppression; The plaza is no longer the discomfort of intense exposure and diffuseness......

When he does this, a critical impression inexplicably appears in his mind: "Do you think the outside is like your home?" Don't bring the ease and freedom of home to the competitive modern city......"

In the past, he would have succumbed to such rhetoric, disguising himself, suppressing himself, and silencing.

Even if someone advised him to relax, he was still subject to the hints and influences of outsiders. And that led him to go to extremes -- too indulgent.

It seems that all kinds of remarks from outsiders, whether critical or inclusive, can only make one person go to extremes.

And only when he has the only dialogue with his mother, and treats the remarks of outsiders as "they say ......", that kind of blood blending can make him stable and calm inside.

Sometimes, sadness is mostly caused by circumstances.

The environment seems to be able to evoke sad or pleasant memories in a person.

Ane is a person who is extremely susceptible to environmental influences.

At that time, when he was still a security guard, he was confined to a corner of the unfamiliar security room.

Suddenly jump to a familiar scene in the classroom at that time.

Carrying a thick schoolbag, coming and going in the wind and rain, listening to lectures and homework......

What is it for?

Is it for this unchanging security life?

The feeling of his dream drifting away was as sad as saying goodbye to his loved ones.

Now, working in a relatively free warehouse, although not much has changed, it is better after all.

However, from time to time, he still thinks of his parents, who worked hard to raise him.

Ideals and parents seem to be a community.

The ideal is far away, as if symbolizing that his parents are far away from him.

So, he made the most of his weekly vacation time to go home to visit his parents.

With a salary of only more than 1,000 yuan, he did his best to buy supplements and clothes for his parents.

Every time he went home, he had to pass by the elementary school where he studied as a child.

Every time he passed by, he almost ignored it.

There were too many seeds of his dreams planted.

He couldn't bear to look back.

This time, when he passed elementary school, it was time for them to make up the lessons.

Watching a group of lively elementary school students playing on the playground is like seeing yourself carefree at that time.

When the class bell rang, the sound of reading aloud came from the classroom, and he seemed to see himself again at that time.

Changed.

Sadness welled up in Ane's heart again.

Many lamenting words about youth poured into his mind at once: "We are all old; sacrifice the lost youth; The girls we chased in those years; If you don't go crazy, you'll be old......"

Some of these sad lamentations were said by his classmates, and some were seen and heard on TV and in songs.

That's the person I love day and night

How do I express it?

Will she accept me

Maybe never say that to him

I'm destined to wander the world

How can there be care

Dreams are always out of reach

Is it time to give up

It is the rainy season when the flowers bloom and fall

Spring, where are you

Youth is like a rushing river

If you don't come back, it's too late to say goodbye

Only the numb me was left, and I didn't have the blood of the year

Look at the flowers floating in the sky

Wither in the most beautiful moment

Do you remember the story here

Life is like a merciless carving knife

Changed the way we look

Do you wither before it blooms?

I had dreams......

Youth is like a rushing river

If you don't come back, it's too late to say goodbye

Only the numb me was left, and I didn't have the blood of the year

Look at the flowers floating in the sky

Wither in the most beautiful moment

Who will remember that the world once came

Did you get your original wish?

Do you have to pay tribute to it now?

Let the years dry, and the ideal can no longer find the real me

Look up at the starry sky

The one that accompanied me at that time

Do you remember the story here

If there is a tomorrow bless you dear

When he heard such a song of remembrance of youth.

It was as if he had lost his most precious youth, gone and never to be recovered.

It felt like a piece of flesh had been cut from his heart; Or maybe it drained a piece of his soul - it was extremely empty.

can only anesthetize the glittering city life.

However, that unknown secret seems to have a magical "resurrection" power.

His memory suddenly jumped to the scene when his mother first took him to school in a distant hazy period - "Mom, what is this place?" Ane asked curiously, wide-eyed.

"This is the school." Mom replied.

It was just these two simple lines of dialogue that pulled Ane away from the classmates who lamented the loss of his youth—back to the curiosity and haze he had when he first met his classmates.

He no longer gets acquainted with them too well, but always keeps a sense of freshness.

Those sad words of sacrificing youth seemed to be like a vague vision, and they had no effect on him. (To be continued.) )