November 14, 2015, light rain

I was so tired these two days, not physically tired, but mentally exhausted. Pen, fun, pavilion www. biquge。 info

There is a fierce ideological struggle going on every day.

I am always reminding myself that I can't treat Chu Tianhe as you, but every time I see Chu Tianhe working hard, I will unconsciously think of you, and I can't control it at all.

I used to jokingly call it instinct, but if you think about it, it should be called missing.

I thought that as time went by, your weight in my heart would continue to lighten, and I would slowly put you down and slowly forget about you.

But this growing longing tells me that it is impossible to let go of you, at least for a short time, absolutely impossible.

So, I could only continue to sink and continue to struggle.

……

November 17, 2015, light rain

Missing is a very painful thing, especially in front of my eyes, every day there will be your shadow, a living shadow that will move.

Chu Tianhe's every move, every word and deed, the way he worked hard, the way he looked when he drank coffee, and the way he looked when he stared at the rain outside the window, were so similar to you, so similar that I couldn't tell whether it was you or him.

This is a kind of torture, tormenting my heart, you and him seem to be pulling my heart alone, it really hurts.

I regret more and more my decision to stay in the first place, I should have chosen to flee in the first place, so that maybe I wouldn't be so miserable now.

However, there are no ifs in life.

Even if there were, I think I, a naïve fool, would still choose to stay without hesitation.

Because only by staying here can I feel your presence, although it is only a shadow of you, a substitute similar to you, but I am naïve, already very satisfied, even in the painful struggle, I am willing.

Angry sir, I miss you, will you miss me?

……

November 19, 2015, cloudy

The sky was overcast, and so was I.

More and more unable to keep up the spirit, whether it is work or life.

During the day, I have to restrain myself and don't associate Chu Tianhe with you, because that will only make me fall deeper and deeper.

At night, I still have to restrain myself, restrain myself from thinking about you, because that will make me more and more miserable.

I was barely able to do the restraint during the day, but I was defeated at night. Because as soon as you come to my mind, I will immediately disarm and surrender.

Even if I wanted to struggle, you didn't seem to give me a chance to struggle at all.

Angry sir, you are so cruel, aren't you afraid that I will hate you?

……

November 21, 2015, light rain

The mental pressure is getting bigger and bigger, and it's hard for me to breathe.

Now every day, I just rely on my own willpower to hold on, I don't know how long I can last, I feel like I can't hold it anymore.

The state of my work is becoming more and more unstable, and mistakes of all sizes are also endless, so I can only say that I am getting worse and worse.

Chu Tianhe didn't say much about my current poor performance, but occasionally reminded me to pay more attention to rest.

His reaction has relieved me of some of my psychological burden. At least I don't have to think about how to explain my current situation to him, after all, I'm too anxious enough to deal with him.

So be it, so be it.

November 22, 2015, cloudy

The weather forecast says that a cold snap from the north is gradually approaching, and from this evening, it will affect Ningbo.

It seems that from tomorrow onwards, the temperature will get colder and colder.

Really, my heart is cold enough, but I didn't expect that even the temperature will become cold with it, is this even worse?

But if you think about it, I should be complaining. This colder temperature is the result of the change of seasons and natural changes; And my cold-heartedness is completely the result of my own self-inflicted and willingness.

This cold heart and cold weather are simply things that have nothing to do with each other, and they have nothing to do with it, it's just my cranky thoughts.

Okay, let's not talk about that, let's talk about something a little normal.

Knowing that it would cool down tomorrow, in the evening, I specially cooked a pot of mutton soup and prepared to bring it to Chu Tianhe tomorrow.

This mutton soup is the best medicine to ward off the cold. When the cold snap comes, drinking a bowl of steaming mutton soup will definitely dispel the cold of the whole body.

Angry sir, you know what? This mutton soup is actually cooked for you.

Last year, I wanted to cook a bowl of hot soup for you, but unfortunately I couldn't use my skills at that time.

At that time, I thought that when winter comes, I must use the hot soup I have made to help you dispel the cold of winter.

But in a blink of an eye, winter is here again, but you're gone.

However, I still want to fulfill my wish last year, although it is not you who drinks the soup, just people who are similar to you, but for the naïve me, it is enough.

Mr. Angry, would you like the lamb soup I cooked?

November 23, 2015, overcast

This bastard Chu Tianhe, he doesn't sleep at night, and he doesn't let me rest well.

In the past few days, my sleep situation has been terrible, I finally fell asleep last night, but in the early hours of the morning, I was woken up by him on the phone and annoyed to death.

After hanging up his phone, I felt the urge to go to the kitchen and dump the pot of mutton soup, this guy is so angry.

But anyway, for the sake of him being so fond of drinking the soup I cooked, I won't bother with him.

Angry sir, you know what? Chu Tianhe, this guy, drank all the soup I brought here, and there was not a drop left, and I felt that it was a bit exaggerated.

It seems that last night's hard work was worth it, but it's a pity that the person who drank the soup was never you.

Mr. Angry, has the weather gotten colder in that world? Does someone cook hot soup for you to drink?

November 24, 2015, cloudy

My mental condition is getting worse and worse, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel much haggard than before.

I am still struggling with pain every day, hovering and struggling between heaven and hell, between angels and demons.

I wanted to make a choice sooner rather than later to get out of the pain of this struggle.

But the key question is, I only know that I am struggling, but I can't tell which side is heaven and which side is hell, which is the angel and which is the devil?

I couldn't tell the difference, so I couldn't make a choice, so I could only continue to wander and struggle, waiting like a lost child, hoping that someone would come and show me the way.

But who can show me the way?

Wood?

He can't. Although he was very good and knew everything, he still couldn't help me unravel my confusion and take me out of the abyss.

Chu Tianhe?

He can't either, he's just like you, but it's not you after all. Although I always feel that he has your breath on him, but if it is just this kind of breath, it will not free me at all, it will only lock me tighter and tighter.

What about you, Mr. Angry? Can you help me?

My head hurts, and I feel that my willpower is getting weaker and weaker, and I will soon reach my limit.