Cheng Lin left me with a kind of pain, but I suddenly felt that it was precisely because of this pain that I had some kind of motivation to exist.

I remember the days when Cheng Lin first betrayed me, my belief in life was very solid and clear, I just wanted to live a good life, I wanted to prove that I could live better, I wanted Cheng Lin to regret it, and I wanted her to pay for her betrayal.

At that time, I always had a kind of strength in my bones that I would not admit defeat, especially when I had nothing at the beginning, I even had a belief that I wanted to subvert my life, I vowed to make a lot of money, I wanted to live a luxurious life, I wanted to change my decadent life, and I even wanted to sleep with all the women in the world.

Of course, that kind of thinking may be a morbid venting, and to a large extent it is actually very incorrect, but one thing is absolutely undeniable, there was a force in me at that time, and it was that energy that sustained me through the hardest time of my life.

Later, my life got better and better, and I began to have no shortage of money or women, but the original energy became weaker and weaker, and now, even I can no longer feel the existence of that power, and there is obviously a lack of some kind of motivation in my life.

I don't understand why this change is happening, haven't I been moving along with my goal?

Am I trying my best to make money? Am I not playing with different types of women one after another?

Of course, it may not be appropriate to use the word 'toying' here, after all, I have feelings for them, and the relationship between men and women with feelings should not be defined by pure toying, and I am not confused in this regard.

The only confusion I have now is that I am moving forward along my goal, the direction has not changed, the process has not changed, but my mentality has changed, I am becoming stronger step by step in real life, but my inner world is becoming more and more empty, and that sense of emptiness makes me gradually blur my vision in front of me, and I can't even find my original purpose in life.

This situation is ridiculous, what exactly is the problem?

I can't figure it out, this question bothers me immensely, I start to feel headaches, and the more headaches I have, the more helpless I feel about this problem, and I walk around the room restlessly like a desperate Higi devil.

Maybe in real life, everyone has had a confusion like me, feeling at a loss for the future, feeling incomprehensible about life, sometimes not even finding a sense of existence, feeling that there is no meaning in living at all.

In this case, most people will choose to escape, or use alcohol to kill their sorrows, or seek pleasure, or plunge headlong into the busy work to numb themselves, or what else?

Everyone has problems that they can't face, since they can't find an exit, they have to find a way to escape from reality, it's a rebellion against fate, I can't let myself wander in confusion, I'm afraid of this ubiquitous loneliness.

I walked to the window, the sky outside the window was blue, I wanted to change my lifestyle, the freshness and excitement brought to me by money and women were not as strong as before, I needed a new concept of life, for example, crime.

When I think of the concept of crime, I inexplicably think of a person, Gong Jiu.

I suddenly understood the melancholy and indifferent look on Gong Jiu's face, is he the same as me, there is no pursuit in life, only to prove his sense of existence through crime?

The thought of crime came to me spontaneously, and the thought began to make me shudder, I didn't know why I suddenly had the idea of sin, was I really bored and empty to this extent?

Maybe this feeling is like an online game, equipped to the top, and there is no point in killing monsters and doing tasks, so I thought of going to PK, to bully other weak players at will, and prove my superiority through this deformed stimulation, so as to prove that I still exist.

Isn't crime more exciting than normal life? Do I really want to live like this next?

Oh no, it seems that there is another way, the opposite side of crime, which is to stop crime, why can't I make myself strong and fight against Gong Jiu?

Isn't it also a great pleasure in life to have someone like Gong Jiu as an opponent?

Thinking of this, my heart suddenly became clear, since there are still opponents in this world, I should not have the idea of sinning, because I do not have the kind of invincible emptiness and loneliness in the world, and I am far from reaching the highest point of wanton punishment of the common people.

Next, it's better to take the fight against Gong Jiu as your life goal, what I should do now is to strengthen myself as soon as possible.

An opponent like Gong Jiu is not simple, he is very mysterious, mysterious in every way, I don't even know where he came from.

But it's the kind of opponents that rekindle my fighting spirit, and it's a kind of motivation that comes from my self-confidence.

Now I'm not a simple character, I'm strong, I'm good at disguise, I'm good at empty-handed, these three aspects are enough to give Gong Jiu a headache, in terms of personal ability alone, I don't lose to anyone in Gong Jiu.

Gong Jiu's only advantage is that he is organized, and it is definitely impossible for people without organization to make a big deal like Gong Jiu, if one person wants to control key figures from all walks of life, he will be too busy to be tired, so there must be organization behind Gong Jiu.

I don't know what Gong Jiu's organization is, I don't know if Gong Jiu is the head of a mysterious organization, and I don't know what Gong Jiu is planning for, but one thing is undeniable, Gong Jiu's actions must have a purpose, otherwise why would he go to great lengths to plan everything?

All the preparations that Gong Jiu has made now are only in the dormant period, and in the near future, he will definitely surface.

And I, since I already have the idea of fighting against Gong Jiu, I shouldn't spend all my mind on looting money and playing with women, these two aspects can only bring me a short period of stimulation, if I blindly indulge in it, I will only become more and more depraved, and in the end, I will even become a person like Gong Jiu.

I don't want to be like Gong Jiu, it's not happy to make others miserable, even if it's only temporary, it's a deformed happiness.

My life is a bit deformed, because of Cheng Lin's relationship, I take the relationship between men and women lightly, and I date different types of women at the same time because of this factor.

It's just that playing with feelings doesn't bring me real happiness, I'm still empty, I'm still lonely, and I'm especially afraid of being alone, and this feeling is getting stronger day by day, and I can't go on like this.

So now I have repositioned my life goals, I want to strengthen myself in all aspects, and use it to fight against Gong Jiu, this is a meaningful life, and I believe that my choice is not wrong.