"Hu Shi once said in a letter to his wife Jiang Dongxiu: 'We are not worthy of being parents, and we have never treated our sons as children.'

――Who Hu Shi is, do you know? He was a famous thinker, scholar, and poet, and was once employed as a professor at Peking University, and was the leader of the New Culture Movement along with Chen Duxiu, Li Dazhao, and Lu Xun, and then served as the president of Peking University for two years. ”

Facing Li Lin's unconvinced but already oral parents, Chu Xian first quoted Hu Shi's words to add weight to what he was about to say.

However, as he expected, this middle-aged couple, who are probably "post-70s", only have an extremely vague impression of the name Hu Shi, and Chen Duxiu and they just seem to have heard of it. Only when Li Dazhao and Lu Xun were mentioned, there was a kind of abruptness on their faces, but that kind of abruptness was that they all classified the above people into the ranks of "revolutionary martyrs", and even Lu Xun was no exception.

Regarding this misunderstanding, Chu Xian and the principal who was sitting on the sidelines and watched coldly were also too lazy to say anything. Treating the disease can't save the Chinese people, and knowing that Lu Xun can't save the Chinese people, then it doesn't matter if you don't know naturally. Chu Xian paused here for a moment, allowing the Li Lin family to quietly sort out the many titles on Hu Shi's body, until they finally established the impression in their minds that "this is a famous person" before they continued:

"Oriental-style family education generally lacks freedom, equality, and communication. Although the latter has a more direct impact on children than the former, the latter is based on the former.

It can be said that it is precisely because parents do not feel that their children also have the right to be free, and they do not feel that their children also have an equal personality status with their parents, so the parents' education method is unilateral indoctrination and admonition, but there is little communication, and there is no communication, and finally both parties think that they have done their best, but parents have a lot of dissatisfaction with their children, and children have a lot of dissatisfaction with their parents.

I see that your expression is still a little unconvinced, as if you think, 'The child is too young to understand anything, and if you let him go free, you will destroy the child'.

This is fine when a child is young, but once the child understands the causal relationship that he was punished because he made a mistake, it is no longer appropriate.

It is true that children are too simplistic in their thinking and lack the ability to express themselves, and it is quite difficult to communicate with them, but as long as they have formed the most basic logic of cause and effect in their minds, they are already sensible.

-- Isn't what we usually mean knowing a simple 'because' or 'so'? Even if this is just parroting, even if the cause and effect we identify is very superficial, and we don't know the deep-seated cause, we can still claim to 'understand' it.

So if parents omit communication and communication just because of 'trouble', how can they justifiably say that they have 'tried their best'? At most, it is more than the upper than the bottom. ”

Speaking of this, Chu Xian stopped at the right time, gave Li Lin's family time to think, and only after a while pushed his glasses to talk about the specific problems of Li Lin's parents in terms of family education:

"It's your own business whether you want to push so your studies, but you parents don't care about their children's grades because they don't have to work too hard to eat, and this is obviously a unilateral decision.

This is the real 'the child is too young, he doesn't understand anything, and if he is allowed to be free, he will destroy the child', and you never ask what you should ask.

Have you ever talked seriously about your child's ideals and his future? If your child has never thought about it, shouldn't you think with him, find a future that your whole family can accept, and then spare no effort to support him, encourage him, supervise him, and spur him on behind him?

If Li Lin really wants to be a pianist no matter what, then after you say it, you have to keep an eye on him every day to practice the piano, and you don't have to be too nervous about cultural classes; If Li Lin's dream is to be a sports star, then you have to pay close attention to his training, diet, and work and rest time, and you can't let him go out and fool around every day as soon as he becomes famous......

You must know that people are all lazy and hard-working, and if it is not a person with particularly strong willpower, no one will care about it, and they will gradually indulge - just like Li Lin wrote the name of the 'enemy' in his notebook more and more frequently.

If you supervise and spur the common ideals that you and your children have seriously considered, then your actions have a natural righteousness, and as long as you pay a little attention to the ways and means, the children will be filled with awe for you, even if they are dissatisfied.

It's a matter of learning.

And in life, strict and unshakable principles are necessary, but the right care is also indispensable.

What is the right care? It is not about giving pocket money casually, but it is not about taking care of everything, but it is about observing and determining the physical and psychological needs of the child, and then meeting these needs correctly.

To put it simply, you have to see what your child needs and meet those needs as if they were consumers, rather than putting the best set meal in front of the consumer and letting the other person eat it.

――In this case, even if you recommend the best set meal in the restaurant, the other person will still not be satisfied after eating, or even feel dissatisfied, right?

In fact, this is the same as discussing the future together, which is to communicate and identify the child's ideas and needs, and give them the right support and care.

However, not all children who are bullied and excluded outside will complain to their parents, even if you are as fierce as a tigress and defend your children unconditionally regardless of right and wrong, your children may not be willing to sue, and will even carefully hide their true situation in front of you.

Because even children know that it is useless to rely on their parents to come to school to make trouble, maybe the bullying on the surface will stop because of this, but all kinds of secret exclusion and ridicule will greatly increase, and the result is also extremely uncomfortable.

However, in a situation like this, where complex interpersonal relationships must be handled well, and let oneself change from being bullied and ignored by others to being a man of the hour in the class, children need the help of parents who have richer interpersonal communication and are more able to deal with the world.

Although it is not a good thing to teach children early how to say good things to coax others, how to buy others with small favors, and how to use intrigues and tricks to harm others, it is at least better than being bullied and excluded all the time, right?

What's more, it is also the responsibility of parents to keep an eye on their children not to indulge in these means, even if the parents simply don't say anything in order to save trouble, the children may also be quietly thinking about ways to change the status quo on their own, without the timely advice of their parents, they may act more recklessly, they don't mind any vicious means, as long as they can achieve their own goals, and it is too late for the parents to say something after the accident! ”