- Hey, what are you doing?

-- Finding the truth.

- What truth?

-- The truth that gave me the courage to continue.

One day, you will find out why you are in this world, and that is the truth that you have been searching for all your life. No matter what kind of suffering you are going through until then, please live with tenacity, you have not seen yourself, how can you bear to close your eyes.

While I was hospitalized for a bone injury, I met a young doctor from Li Jing. He wasn't my attending doctor, he wasn't my resident doctor, and he didn't even have any contact with the department I was staying in. It can't be said that there is no connection at all, he is an outpatient doctor in the Chinese medicine department, and when I can walk as usual after the operation, I often go to him to help me prescribe Chinese medicine that nourishes qi and nourishes blood. But knowing him was purely accidental.

When I met him, I was walking back and forth in the small garden of the hospital with my head down because of the operation at noon the next day, but because I didn't look at the road, I bumped into him with lunch, so he simply stood firm enough, and the lunch box was not knocked over by me. I smiled apologetically at him, ready to bypass him and continue my struggle. "Little girl, have you eaten?" When I was still struggling, I heard as if someone was saying this, and subconsciously turned around, and I found him sitting on the edge of the flower bed, waving the lunch box in his hand to me. Probably because his smile was so good-looking that it ticked my nymphomaniac girlish heart, I shook my head: "Not yet." "Then sit down and eat together, I brought a bit more today." As he spoke, he opened the lunch box.

Looking at the amount of dishes and the dishes, I guess he must have a clever girlfriend, because the lunch box is really beautiful. The first layer of the lunch box is lined with green leftovers, neatly stacked with small sausages fried in the shape of an octopus and sliced boiled eggs, the second layer of the lunch box is filled with some beautiful beef brisket, and the bottom layer of the lunch box is rice, but the bento maker carefully sprinkles some sesame seeds on the rice. There is also a stewed pot in the bento bag with steaming mushroom soup. He put half of the rice on the lid of the lunch box with his chopsticks, and then put some from each dish onto the rice and handed it to me along with the spoon. "Make up for it while it's hot, and if it's not enough, I'll go to the cafeteria to buy some for you."

"Don't bother, it's enough for me. I'm sorry, but I'm going to share it with you. "I'm sure my face must have been so red at the time. At first, the two of us just sat there, quietly eating the food from our respective dishes, and after a while, he asked me, "Where are you in the hospital?" "Surgery. "Don't you look like you were mischievous and dropped your leg?" I saw you walking in the yard just now. "No, the doctor said I had a peninsula on my bone and needed surgery to cut it out." "Did you say when you were going to have surgery?" "Tomorrow at noon." "You look nervous, I just saw you walking around here." I bowed my head and didn't speak. We each quietly continued to eat the food in our hands, and he poured the mushroom soup into the lid of the stew kettle and handed it to me.

"I was scared. In fact, I'd rather be in pain than have surgery. I know that I am quite irresponsible when I say this, obviously it is okay to have surgery now, but if I can't do it later, the consequences will be worse. But I just don't know why I don't want to have surgery. "After saying that, I took a sip of the soup, and wow, the delicious taste is delicious." But no matter how much you resist, you'll still have surgery on Friday. I frowned at the pain, "I know! That's why I'm very irritable. "Are you general or semi-anesthetic?" "Half anesthesia, although my personal preference is general anesthesia, but the attending doctor Jian yì I do half anesthesia." "That's to listen to irritability, to lie on the operating table for a long time. Do you still have soup?" he shook the pot in his hand, and I shook my head and handed the bowl back to him. "Thank you for the meal, it was delicious, I think it's time for me to go back to the ward." He took the bowl and nodded at me, "I'm pretty good, right?" I was surprised, "You did it yourself?" "I was completely shocked that a boy could take care of his lunch so carefully. Probably noticing my surprised expression, he made a slightly angry look at me, "Don't be so surprised, okay?" I do it myself, and I'm very ingenious. Okay, I'm going back to work, do you want to go together? ”

He dropped me off at the door of the surgical inpatient department, and as he was leaving, he suddenly said to me, "I'm a Chinese medicine practitioner, and after the operation, you can ask me to prescribe medicine to restore my vitality." Hehe" He smiled embarrassedly, and then the door of the orthopedic inpatient behind me opened, and the nurse inside saw him and asked with a smile, "Hey, Li Jing, have you picked up the disobedient patient who is about to sneak away again?" "Where? I just met a poor little one in the garden who hadn't eaten yet. Seeing him chatting so happily with the beautiful female nurse, I silently returned to my hospital room alone.

I couldn't eat anything from 12 o'clock that night, I couldn't even drink water on the day of the operation, and of course I couldn't think about eating and drinking because of nervousness. The closer I got to the surgery, the faster my heart was beating, and I even felt the urge to knock myself unconscious. When the surgery was about to be done and the surgery cart picked me up, I was really complaining about why I didn't knock myself out just now. The operation was a success, although it was half anesthetic, but because of the injection of sleeping pills in the drip, I still spent the second half of the operation in my sleep, and overall it was much better than I expected.

After the surgery in a daze, and in the extremely inconvenient situation, I did post-operative care with the help of my family, and I was discharged from the hospital one week later, and I went back to the hospital regularly to change dressings. My communication with Dr. Li, who is very good at cooking, also began to increase during that time. In fact, the day after my surgery, when I was able to eat, he asked the nurse to bring me pork rib soup. Because of the hospital's regulations, family members can only visit relatives from 4 to 7 p.m., so I originally wanted to order a meal from the hospital at noon, but I am still very grateful to Dr. Li for asking someone to send me soup. The pork ribs should have been treated with clear oil before stewing, there is no oil slick on the surface, the soup color is very bright, the kelp cooked with the ribs is soft and delicious, the cinnamon should have been soaked in advance, poked with chopsticks, the touch is very cotton, and the cabbage should be the last, so the color is very fresh and green.

When my father came to see me in the evening, he was surprised where the thermos pot came from, and I had to lie that a good friend had sent it to me at noon, and I could hear that the little nurse who came to change the drip next to me was snickering all the time. Seeing the nurse's teasing and my perfunctory, my father didn't talk much, but I guess he would have gone to the nurse's station alone to ask. However, looking at his reactions in the hospital a few days later, he obviously didn't ask why, so I was relieved. In the next few days of hospitalization, a delicious lunch would be delivered at noon every day, and I was very thick-skinned from the initial embarrassment to a small anticipation at noon every day.

I was young, and the surgery itself was not very big, so after more than 2 months, I was able to walk on my own without crutches. The first thing I did was to go to the TCM department of the hospital to thank him (of course, in the end, my father still came up with a rather romantic story about my hospitalization). It was the first time I saw him in his office, and my last patient was an old woman who seemed to have a problem with her lower back and always felt cold in her back.

He saw me come in and said hello to me, "Look how good you look!" "Thank you for bringing me soup, it's troublesome." "No, I cook every day anyway. I'm pretty good at it, right? I nodded, "It's delicious, I've eaten it all carefully." "You're coming to me today to prescribe medicine?" "Well, thank you for showing me, and then I want to prescribe a little qi tonic medicine, I seem to be prone to motion sickness now." As I spoke, I handed over the bag of fruit in my hand. "Can't you bring something to Ang next time, speaking of motion sickness, did you feel this way before the operation?" I shook my head, "I've always had a good sense of balance. He touched my pulse, looked at the coating of his tongue, and wrote a prescription, "You yourself have a slight liver meridian disorder, and the prescription written for you can replenish qi and blood, but I think your motion sickness may be due to psychological reasons." ”

I looked at him puzzled, "There are many people who have this experience after surgery. Some children will be very reluctant to wear a pullover after a broken arm, and they will feel that the pullover gives him a feeling of suffocation. Some children will cry incessantly after being forced to wear a pullover. Many parents will think that the child is crying at this time because he has reached a certain rebellious age, but in fact, it is not, this is the normal psychological reaction of some children after surgery. The jumper would make him recall how he felt when his arm was dangled around his neck after the surgery, causing him to feel a sense of fear inside him and make him recall the moment he was hurt. Even the act of wearing a jumper may remind him of the bandage that needs to be fastened to his neck, and he will subconsciously feel like he is suffocating. His crying is a rebellion against harm, and if the child is not properly guided out of this fear, the child may develop into a phobia in adulthood. ”

"Then you think I'm suffering from post-operative anxiety?" The reason why I was able to say this word so directly is that I really did a serious investigation into my postoperative motion sickness, but it still feels awkward to say it from other people's mouths. "Don't get me wrong, I just think a lot of your motion sickness is due to the psychological pressure caused by the surgery." Any idea why I'm stressed? "Eating on time, going to bed on time, exercising every day, eating a balanced diet, living a completely regular life, which can even be called a textbook lifestyle, is diagnosed with a disease that requires surgery, and in your mind, this disease can only happen to a stupid person who doesn't care about himself at all. This is a denial of yourself, so you will deny the diagnosis before the surgery, even after the surgery. ”

"I can't refute the scientifically based denial." "So there will be restless feelings, your subconscious self-denial, and even you think that this medical diagnosis is a social denial of you. You follow popular belief, but you end up unequally. You want to be affirmed, but you don't want it, and that's the source of your stress, and arguably the source of your anxiety. He blew the white smoke from his teacup.

"I hate conceited people. You still have patients waiting, so I won't bother. "I left his office with a poked hastiness. He was right, the biggest blow to me from this surgery was not that I was sick, but that it was a denial of what I had done to cater to society. The doctor's diagnosis was undoubtedly a bad review of all my efforts.

I hate conceited people because I'm a conceited person too. It is easy for conceited people to spot their kind, so I hate you kind. Conceited people have low self-esteem at heart, they are sensitive to their surroundings, they like to live in the affirmation and praise of others, and I am the same. So when the quick-eyed, cook-savvy little doctor took off my mask, I ran away because I saw my lies exposed.

But to be able to point out my weaknesses in such a real way, doctor, I believe that you must not be good, what is the darkness in your heart? You know, when a conceited person is hurt, his stress response can be scary.