For as long as I can remember, I've known that I was different from other kids. 『』【Big ^ Book ^ Bag ^ Small ^ Say ^ Net dashubao】This different perception comes from the attitude of the people around me towards me. They were either merciful or careful, or they deliberately behaved in front of me to be extraordinarily amiable.

This qiē disgusted my sensitive me.

I just want to be like other children, to be able to mess around, to be reprimanded by my parents.

This different, deliberately flattering treatment lasted until I was eight years old, and I realized the reason for the differential treatment.

In the summer of that year, I had a high fever for a week, and I couldn't find out the cause, and my parents were so anxious that they couldn't do it, so they carried me to the hospital every day, and went home to cool down and go to the hospital......

It was a rainy night, after a rainy summer night, the weather was cool, and the windows were open in the house. Mom and Dad thought I was asleep and whispered in the living room with the door open.

The mother sobbed quietly and asked, "What do you think is wrong with the child?" Since we were children, we were afraid of accidents, and we raised them more than other people's gold, is it really like the man said that he will not live to be twelve years old? ”

"Don't talk nonsense, it's just a cold for a few more days." Dad scolded Mom and forbade her to say anything unlucky.

I listened quietly, but my voice was hoarse when I wanted to say something.

"I'm really worried that he's like his brother, just like that...... We're just this one child, you say, ......" Mom's words didn't continue, and were muffled by crying.

I heard my dad smoking, and it was a long time before he said, "No, absolutely not." ”

I was lying in a cool room, and the heat on my body had gone down a little, but I had a high fever and dizziness for days. Listening to my parents' words, my nose suddenly started to sour. I said to myself in my heart that I would definitely get better.

I have a brother that no one has ever said. When I heard that, I thought I'd ask tomorrow.

In this way, in the air that was moving and gradually becoming comfortable, I slowly fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, I burned again, only to feel that my throat began to burn, and then my nose became hot and dry, and every breath I exhaled felt like it was lit.

A cool towel was placed on my forehead, and I slowly came to my senses. It's just that I had a splitting headache and I couldn't open my eyes.

"Every day, you must get better. Mom doesn't believe that you are a scourge, and I don't believe that the so-called twins are not easy to feed, you are you, and it has nothing to do with your brother, you must get better......" Mom whispered in my ear as she cooled me down with an ice towel.

I wanted to open my eyes and ask clearly, but my body was so sleepy that I was floating in the clouds, and I didn't have the strength to open my eyes, and the night passed in a daze.

The next morning, my fever was miraculously gone, and my mother cried with joy.

At the time, I wondered if the qiē I heard last night was real or fake. Is there something in the middle that I have imagined?

Although I am not very old, my sensitive personality since childhood has taught me that I can't ask anything directly.

Later, I slowly learned that I had a twin brother who died when he was born. I was also not hopeful by the doctor at the time, and then I put it in the incubator for a while, and I carried it tenaciously myself.

Therefore, everyone thinks that when I was in my mother's womb, I grabbed nutrition with my brother, and the guide finally saved my life. In the eyes of others, I am a naturally selfish person, and a person who has selfishness written in my genes.

Only my parents treated me as a bag in the palm of their hands, and my grandparents were also indifferent to me, because I was weak and sick.

I go to the hospital every month, and sometimes I wonder, is it because my brother and I are robbing for nutrition that I am so weak and sick now?

At that time, the first time I heard the word retribution, I felt a cold sweat break out.

As I grew older, I became more and more reluctant to meet people, reluctant to greet people, and always felt that there was something indescribable in their eyes, like I was really a freak.

If this continues, it becomes a vicious circle.

I grew more and more disgusted with the outside world, and every day I went to school and sat in my place, came home from school, and locked myself in my room when I entered.

I have my own world, and only when I'm alone can I have a moment of peace in my heart.

Really, I hate dealing with people anymore.

Eventually, I grew to the point where I didn't say a word to my parents every week. Every word of their concern turned into a meaning in my eyes.

Later, when I was in high school, I couldn't go to school.

Touching people can make me physically collapse.

After my parents showed me all the best hospitals in the imperial capital, the doctor gave me a diagnosis of severe autism.

They avoided me when they discussed my condition. The more this happens, the more I feel abnormal. Later, I opened the window on the twenty-third floor of the psychiatric clinic and jumped in while they were discussing my condition inside.

Just as I stepped out on one leg, the psychiatrist's assistant pushed the door open and pounced on me and pulled me off the windowsill.

My parents ran out of the room in a panic, and when they saw me, everyone had a big surprise written on their faces.

We never went to that psychiatric clinic again, and when they took me to see a doctor, they deliberately chose a low-floor or simply a bungalow.

Before my grandfather died, he gave us the big yard of the family, saying that it was my grandson, so I would take care of the child slowly and leave a queen for the Liu family.

I have become a tool that can only be left behind.

In order to cure my autism, my parents sought medical advice and took me to many hospitals at home and abroad.

It's just that every time it is fruitless.

I think maybe it's because I have a monster in my heart, I don't want to be in a crowd, I don't want to deal with people, I hate all physical contact.

When I was the strictest, except for myself, when others touched me, I would vomit until the bile was spit out, and when my mouth was full of bitterness, I would feel better.

Later, it was a cousin who came back from studying abroad, and when he saw my situation, he said to his parents that it was better to let him slowly adapt to normal life, and it was okay if he didn't want to contact people, at least he should look at him with the eyes of normal people.

My parents feel very embarrassed, they are not normal people in the first place, how can they treat me with the attitude of normal people?

My cousin came up with an idea to let me choose what I wanted to do and what I wanted to do. For example, take me out to eat, participate in normal socializing, go to the park, go swimming, go sports...... Go for activities that don't require physical contact with people.

My parents began to try tirelessly, and with their deliberate efforts, I slowly dared to face the bright sun and was able to walk in the crowd. But when in contact with people, there will still be a strict physiological reaction.

In the process of treating me, my parents discovered that exercise is a good remedy, and only exercise can relieve my condition a little.

At that time, I was 1.83 meters tall and weighed 210 pounds, so fat that I didn't have any body shape.

By mistake, my parents reported me to the most expensive physical center, where I met the first ray of sunshine in my life that could shine into my heart - Lin Leyi.

Her appearance is like a golden seed, indifferently priing open the small dark room that has been closed in my heart for more than ten years, and then the hard black shell peels off little by little, and I will feel happy when I see her.

Maybe this is fate, the first time I met her, she was a little untrue to me.

Maybe she was in a bad mood that day, and when she saw me follow the person from the body center into the body classroom, she pointed at me unceremoniously and said, "Don't go forward, you are right there, the land is bigger." ”

Mom and Dad were watching from the outside, and they wanted to rush in.

But I listened to her and stood closest to the door.

She was serious, with a gentle smile on her face and a meticulous expression. That kind of smile only floated in the eyes, the corners of the mouth were tense, and the eyes were swept so gently when they looked at people, and they swept over like feathers.

After the normal class was over, she picked up a towel and wiped the sweat on her forehead, and said to me, "That new student Liu Tian today, I'll give you a recipe later." ”

She stopped me without warning, and I actually stopped obediently.

After everyone left, she half-bent over, wrote a recipe for me with her hand on the small table against the wall, and said as she wrote: "I took a look at your course, it is every three days, during these three days, properly control the diet, remember to eat more vegetables and fruits, staple food can not be less, it is best to eat coarse food, eat less rice and fine noodles, promote intestinal peristalsis, and clear the stomach first." ”

When she said this, she didn't look at me, but wrote on the paper with a pen in her hand.

Her hair was half-curled, coiled into a bun by hairpins at the back of her head, and only a few strands of messy hair hung down disobediently, leaving a few shallow and chaotic shadows on her face, but taking advantage of her unusually round and beautiful face.

The setting sun shone through the glass window and cast a light on her face, a thin layer of fluff that seemed to glow, making me feel unable to look directly at her face, and the light stabbed me so hard that I could barely open my eyes. In front of me, she was like a goddess who had stepped down from an oil painting, holy and beautiful, and I couldn't breathe.

At this moment, I suddenly felt my heartbeat, and it thumped and thumped to my chest.

When she finished writing, she looked up and smiled at me.

That smile made me feel dizzy in front of me, and I held on to the railing next to the wall to stabilize my body.

"You come over and go to class directly, there is no warm-up in the early stage, you may be a little unbearable, just come on time next time, our class is one hundred and five minutes, don't be late." She said with a soft smile.

I took the paper she handed me, and as if I had been electrocuted, I couldn't say a word, and I ran away from the classroom with the glare of the sun.

After I went out, my parents saw that I was blushing so badly and asked worriedly, "Is it too strong to bear?" ”

I shook my head and got on the bus without saying a word, and the first thing I said when I got on the bus was, "I want to change the course to come every day." ”

My parents were surprised, this should be my first request after I became sensible.