The feeling on the highway is indeed different, I can step on the accelerator to my heart's content, the electronic dog has done all the photo detection reminders for me, I just need to grasp the speed when passing through the radar detection area. The car was speeding on the highway, maybe it was the afternoon, there were not a few cars passing by on the road, which once made me feel as if I was going the wrong way, maybe it was related to my suspicious personality, every time I walked to a service area, I would stop and look at the navigation system to make sure I didn't go wrong.

In my car, there is a suicide note of mine, which I wrote before this departure, and put it in an iron box in the trunk, because, in recent times, whenever I close my eyes, I can dream of a big car rushing towards me, I can't step on the brakes, I can't move the direction, I can only watch myself collide with the big truck.

Maybe it's a bit of a nervous breakdown.

It's not that I'm afraid of death, and if I do, I won't drive, but I want my family to know where I'm going and what I'm going to do if something happens to me. Of course, there is not a single bit of information about the witch here, because I don't want the witch to be implicated in my possible misfortune.

The music in the car was still playing, but it didn't mean anything to me at all, and all I could think of was the footage of me with the witch, the witch's disappointed expression, and the dream that made me shudder.

When I arrived near the city, it was already past six o'clock the next day, and I had been running for more than a day to rest in the service area on the way out, and the sunset had already hidden behind the mountain, leaving only a red cloud, floating faintly on the horizon.

A small county town in the surrounding area, this small county town is located in a small mountain col, surrounded by a few highlands that are barely called mountains, perhaps because it is far from heavy industry, the county town is somewhat quiet, and the few cars on the street are leisurely and unhurried, perhaps because it is time for dinner, there are not many pedestrians on the road, and there are almost no diners in front of the doors of several small hotels that pass by.

Drove to a small river, there is a simple but spacious bridge on the bridge, there are two rows of artificially planted willow trees by the river, the long willow branches hang haphazardly to the water, and occasionally a few bubbles roll out from under the water.

At one end of the bridge, I stopped the car, which seemed to be an abandoned riverside park, and the dilapidated walls were littered with small advertisements that had been cut off by China Mobile. The road in front of the door is still lined with willow trees, but the hanging branches have probably been dragged away by the naughty children early, so these weeping willows cannot show their most graceful side.

Around these dilapidated willow trees, the owners who were going to do the barbecue business began to set up white beach tables and chairs, perhaps because this small county town does not often have out-of-town vehicles stop, and my license plate number became the focus of attention of those bosses, and occasionally heard from them discussing the city to which the vehicle belongs.

Although it was already evening, the air was still relatively fresh and airy, and I took a deep breath and felt a sense of relief.

I bought a bottle of water. I tried to calm myself for a while, let go of those fantasies that should and should not have as much as possible, started the car, and once again drove into this city that haunted me, and also left this small mountain town full of idyllic warmth and simple reality that I had just touched.

Outside the window, it was already on the lights, and there were more vehicles coming and going on the national highway, and I was cautiously shuttling in the bushes, and my feet on the accelerator didn't seem to listen to the call, and the speeding limit of the navigator reminded me one after another.

By the time I arrived in the city, it was already dark and I didn't know where I was going.

It was already seven o'clock, and the cars were shuttling back and forth on the street, and from time to time people of one kind or another passed by, and they didn't seem to notice me or look at me the same.

Did Lin Xi throw me on this road?

Or did you throw yourself in the city?

Finally arrived in that city.

A beautiful, enchanting and romantic city, it seems that you can get rid of some of the feelings spontaneously arise here, you can be lazy, you can relax, you can see far away without any steel and concrete obstacles, you can feel the faint fishy smell of the river and the most primitive aroma of flowers and plants with your sense of smell.

There is no wind, and it seems that only here can a lit cigarette give off its proper flavor.

'Here I am, this beautiful city, where you live. I leaned my body against the car, didn't make a phone call, and sent Lin Xi a few short words that I thought could be completely summarized.

Not hungry at all.

Those unsearchable clues have already stuffed their whole body to the brim.

Where do I go?

There are constantly police cars passing by my car with flashing lights, and it seems that it is not okay to always stop on the side of the road, especially cars with foreign license plates, which may cause some unnecessary trouble. Wandering aimlessly around the city.

The square is a good place, there are a lot of people who enjoy the cool air, many businesses also fancy such a good propaganda position in their opinion, engaging in all kinds of promotional activities, the deafening sound in the big speaker comes and goes, the original soft music on the square is covered fiercely, and from time to time there are little girls who look like college students stuff the bells and whistles propaganda color pages into my hands.

What I wanted to find was the wooden bench, the wooden bench we used to sit on. Maybe I'm not very familiar with this square, but I only remember the general direction, in the paths between the rows of green trees, men and women hugging each other, as if there was no one around. Passing between or next to them had no effect on them.

On the north side of the square, under a relatively quiet but not secluded tree, there is a wooden bench.

It's still the wooden bench, and I've finally found it. A hint of joy and disappointment swept over my heart at the same time.

Two men and women about my age occupied the wooden bench, and although the light was dim, it didn't look like a couple of people.

This not only reminds me of my own fantasy of me walking together with Lin Xi but always not a good match.

The sweetness of memories swept over the corners of my mouth, and the bitter repression followed.

It didn't take long, but so many changes had taken place, and the originally noble and compelling witch seemed to have disappeared far away, leaving me with only a cold refusal. I know that this qiē is all caused by me, and that the witch once gave me a sincere trust that could not be sincerely trusted, pinning her own future on me, but she was rejected by my indecision and so-called reason far away.

It was I who broke her heart, desecrated her love, and defiled her body even more. Intense self-blame and regret suddenly came over me, and I was a little unsteady on my feet. I found a nearby step and sat down, not looking at the wooden bench from afar.

The scene with the witch passed before my eyes, as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

Did the witch really decide not to see me?

Or did she really not believe that I would actually change?

Or is she swaying there herself?

Hopefully the latter and not the last.

My intuition tells me that the last one feels the strongest.

It's still the same weather, and the city is still cool with fallen leaves, and it's still the same wooden bench, but there is no one to meet. It seemed to me to sigh at the moment, or to the feelings that had passed by, and in any case, I sent it to the witch, looking forward to her reply.

The man and woman on the wooden bench opposite, probably a little embarrassed by my lack of interest, left me with a look of disgust as they left.

I could read it, but I didn't want to digest their eyes and expressions deeply, it seemed to me that they should have left a long time ago, and although I influenced them, the wooden bench belonged to me after all.

Behind the wooden bench was a tree that could not be named, and even in this golden season, which was absolutely theirs, there was not a single leaf hanging from this tree, the only thing that hung was the broken moon when I looked up at the sky. The surface of the wooden bench has been abrasively smooth by the people who often come to sit here, the lacquer surface has long passed the mottled age, and the wood grain can even faintly reflect the bright light.

I sat down where we had done it, and I took out my phone and wanted to take a picture of this wooden stool, but I couldn't press the shutter anyway. It seems a little unbearable, and I always feel that if I take this picture of the empty stool, it means that I will never see the witch again.

Although this is not superstition, let alone intuition, and it is not taboo to believe, all the reasons are not.

The anxious waiting and the feeling of not knowing what to do made me unable to do anything, the mineral water in my hand had already been drunk by me, only an empty plastic bottle was pinched by me crackling, which seemed to set off my busy and helpless mood at this time.

It was already ten o'clock, and I sat here for nearly three hours without realizing it.

Instead of an empty mineral water bottle, my phone became a character that tossed and turned in my hand, and although the witch's number was already familiar to me, I was not sure whether I should call her or not.

I know that the witch doesn't have a habit of turning off her phone at night, and maybe she's thinking about what I'm doing right now, after all, I sent her a text message. Finally I couldn't help it anymore and pressed the dial-out button hard.

It rang for a long time before the witch answered.

“。” Connected, but no sound, she was waiting for me to speak.

“。” I didn't know what to say, and I didn't say anything.

Thirty seconds later, the phone was on, but neither of them spoke, as if they were all waiting for each other.

We didn't hang up, we listened and persisted with each other.

"Hang up!" Or did I break the silence.

Five seconds later, the silence on the witch's side finally turned to a blind voice.

I sat on a wooden bench, it was already cold, and the people in the square were starting to disperse.

'Witch, I feel guilty in my heart for not being by your side when you need me the most, leaving you alone to suffer the pain and pain, as a man, not being able to be by the side of the beloved woman when she needs her most is an unforgivable thing anyway, maybe, you will never see me again, maybe, I will lose you forever, maybe, I will become a painful memory in your heart and put me in some deep corner of your heart and never mention it again, maybe. There are too many possibilities, all caused by me, in any case, I would never have thought that we have gone through these long years, but in this short period of a few months, it is so hurried to end, my heart is so painful, I dare not ask for your forgiveness, let alone more. ’

It took me a long time to compile this long text message, and it also took a long time to send it to the witch's phone.

There are really a lot of things I want to say to the witch, but no matter what kind of words I use to modify them, I can't hide my obscenity and shamelessness, and self-blame is actually useless at all, but now I, what can I have besides self-blame?

After a long time, 'what are you doing there?' the witch used only a short sentence that contained too much meaning.

The flame that was about to be extinguished rekindled in my heart.

The witch is like this, whether she accepts or rejects, she has her own unique and reserved way, which can give you infinite imagination and infinite conjecture. At this moment, I stared at the screen of my phone and looked at it, not believing the witch's reply anyway.

Hands and hearts tremble at the same time. So much so that the stylus is a little hard to grasp.

Then I'll go back, right away, you wait for me. It took me a long time to write a few short words and send them out.

Packing up the things around me, I felt like I was taking three steps and making two steps, and hurried to the car.

'I won't see you' followed with a text message, and the flame just now turned into a rising flame, but the witch poured cold water on it.

'I thought you were going to come to see me. I'll wait for you. It is not denied that my words contain infinite disappointment.

I'll send it right away: Witch, I can't live without you.

After waiting for a long time, she didn't reply. Probably she's already asleep, so I thought so, and I didn't bother her anymore, let her rest early.

Starting the car, I came to the front of the hotel where we had stayed. There was no more traffic on the streets, and occasionally cars with flashing headlights hurriedly swept under the streetlights, rolling up some dust and waste paper.

I didn't walk into the hotel, but stayed quietly in the car after the engine was turned off, silently looking at the building. I can't live here, I've already told myself, there is so much joy and sweetness for us here, and I want them to keep it here, rather than letting my lonely ugly soul spoil the beauty that may never be recovered.

I chose another hotel, but it was also opposite. On the highest floor, after washing, I walked to the window, lifted the thin curtain, the building that carried so much of our joy and so much of our love was right in front of my eyes, and I began to search the window of that room from memory. The thick curtains blocked a single qiē in that room, and there was no light coming through, and the sweetness of that memory always lingered in my heart, not that I deliberately appreciated the process of our love, but that my heart fell deep into that feeling and never wanted to come out again.

I took the wine and drank it at the window, watching the cool breeze blow in the night scene.

When the ambient lights of the building opposite were gone, only the neon sign was still shining alone, and the street lights were already dim, and few cars passed by, so I turned off all the lights in the room and quietly pushed open the window. The coolness began to slowly seep in, seep into the room, into my body.

This is the highest floor of the building, and the soot has just fallen in the cold wind of the middle of the night and disappeared. Suddenly I remembered the suicide note, I wouldn't have killed myself here, would I? I have seen a lot of martyrdom stories, and I have been moved by their experiences, although some of them are just stories, but I never thought that one day I might become the hero of the story.

If I take a jump, it is destined to stir up huge waves and make the city remember deeply. However, it is destined to harm the witch for the rest of her life.

As you can imagine, if I take a leap, then in a later period of time, quite a few police cars and police will come to the front of this building, block all the exits, check everyone's identity, and even close the hotel.

The items I left on my body and the communication records of my mobile phone will point to Lin Xi sooner or later, and at that time, Lin Xi will be interrogated by the police countless times, and her future will be shrouded in an indelible shadow, and there will be an more dirty soul entanglement in her dreams. No one is not afraid of death, and I am no exception. Those who say that they are not afraid of death are the kind of torture that they have not really reached the edge of death and cannot appreciate the torment between life and death.

Still, I felt the urge to take a leap, but these imaginable sights pulled me back with ease.

I shouldn't have thought of you anymore because I wasn't worthy. But I have been defeated by myself again and again, my heart is as uncomfortable as being stabbed by a knife, recalling our past, I can't use words to tell myself that I can't shed tears, you see, how hypocritical I am, even if I lose tears, I have been crying for your departure in my heart. You sentenced me to never forget you for the rest of my life, and sentenced me to life imprisonment and made a prison. Where are you at this time? Are we destined to always be two parallel lines? Tears slid down his face to the ground, and there was not even a shadow to be found on the ground. I don't dare to bow my head, I dare not bow my head.

This night, I should have been like this, to give myself the opportunity to get drunk, but I can only do this, at this time, I want to burn myself, let myself be in the shade and forest in this night. However, it is always so hesitant, hesitant, hazy. It is often like this, longing and despair, inferiority and pride, hesitation, thinking about it, and always lacking the courage to be calm. However, you can't always forgive yourself like that. You're not the one who stays by my side. In order to take a look at the moon in the suburbs, when we climbed to the top of the mountain in the middle of the night, we silently held hands and silently watched the flow of people and lights under the mountain. These, how far away from us, are like a dream, a good dream, but they do not belong to us.

During the day, in the midst of the crowds, the road was also full of shadows, and I felt lonely. There were so many people on the street, and none of them could stop and listen to what was on my mind. In the vast sea of people, we are lonely islands, you are on that side. The memories in the dream are no longer yellowed letterheads, something that has passed forever. In this way, I suddenly had a heart of attachment and found that it turned out that the one qiē in my dream was so beautiful. My dear, please wake up and let me forget us, our dreams, the roads we have traveled, and the songs we have heard. The anticipation of dusk, and the immersion of the early morning. Simply, eternal parting, while it can still be forgotten now, it will pass sooner or later, unforgettable love and memory, and the call to look back.

By the time the sun was shining into my eyes, it was already eight o'clock in the morning.

I didn't turn off my phone all night, hoping that maybe the witch might have something to say to me.

But, nothing.

Somewhat disappointed.

After a night of tossing and turning, the hairstyle became like Lei Zhenzi, and he simply washed it down, but found that he didn't bring any toiletries, his face was dry, and his hair became fluffy after washing. Poor rest and unshaven beard, my eyes in the mirror are red like a gambler who has just lost from gambling C.

Walking out of the turnstiles in the hotel lobby, the street is already bustling.

Maybe tomorrow is a holiday, and it feels like people coming and going seem to be deliberately speeding up their walking. The doorman told me that the nearest supermarket was more than a kilometer.

The road is not very familiar, and I don't drive myself. The air here is much fresher than in Huping City, which is considered a pleasure.

The actual distance to the supermarket was farther than the doorman told me, and I turned back when there were still a few hundred meters away, because the supermarket had not yet opened, and there were a lot of people waiting at the door, and there were still twenty minutes before half past nine. Not in the mood to wait.

I turned around and went into a small shop next to it, and I only found a bottle of gel water. I will use it, because there is nothing else.