What does Boundless Darkness look like?

You can hear a lot of sounds, the sound of an alarm clock, the sound of a car, the sound of the wind, and so many more sounds that you can't make out yet. Everything is infinitely extended and amplified.

You grope around you, and for the first time you find that the world is so big, so long, that night and day no longer have a boundary, and appearance is no longer a distraction for your judgment.

Will you be scared? Absolutely, because everything is unknown. You don't know what's in front of you, or even what's in your hand. You are afraid of everything in the outside world, everything that is unfamiliar and you don't know and can't know on your own.

This is the world I lived in ten years ago, and this is the world I am facing now.

I'm not fully used to the darkness and still fall and knock things over a lot, but I don't cry anymore.

Does it hurt? It hurts, but it doesn't hurt, as long as you don't think about it. The human consciousness may really be able to control something. Autosuggestion can really inject some strength into yourself sometimes.

Without a shoulder to lean on, without a hand to hold you up, you have to be strong. Even though you still miss a warm hug or a reliable arm.

During my ten years as a spirit tamer, I kept imagining how terrible and helpless it would be if one day I lost my spiritual powers. But now, when all my assumptions come true, I am not as frightened and desperate as I had imagined.

At first, he would be irritable and fussy in this darkness for no reason, so disheartened that he didn't need to shed tears, and even thought of death. In those black days, I thought about all kinds of ways to die, maybe enough to write a book. But I haven't tried any of them. Because in that darkness there was still a glimmer of light, faint, but it was always there.

I want Qi Yan.

I miss Qi Yan very, very much.

I often dream of him, in my dreams, we are sitting in a classroom, he is sitting in front of me, turning his head and laughing at me, I answer, but suddenly I remember, how can he sit in front of me, he is obviously a teacher. Then the sour reality roared in, pulling me back to that day, the day Qi Yan left.

I've never been so scared of sleep, of those dreams, and even more of reality.

Lao Mi once said that there are always more ways than difficulties. I admit that she was right the first time, and maybe I will admit that she is right more times in the future. At least I've fallen less and less often, and I've had a lot of good sleep.

To be honest, I miss her a little, and I called Lao Mi a few days ago and said that I wanted to hear her scold me again.

Lao Mi, who wears ten-centimeter high heels, Lao Mi who works until the early hours of the morning, and Lao Mi, who hates students for iron but not steel, actually cried on the other end of the phone.

She cried, for me, this bad student who never listened well to the lectures.

"You need to get better soon, you still have a test to pay! Don't think about it! At the end, Lao Mi said.

"I'll go back, I really want to take another class."

I couldn't say it in the end. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to show your feelings.

Spiritual power is strong, but people are not weak. Although I don't have a second sight, I can clearly see every piece of furnishings in the house. It's just that it's still difficult to go out, Lu Qiran and He An often bring me some necessities from the outside, and they will help me as much as possible. But I want to do it by my own strength. I knew I could do it, and I had to do it, because I had to go out and find Qi Yan.

I think Lu Qiran should be a good art teacher, he really loves art. Whatever you talk to him about, he thinks of something art-related. I told him about Qi Yan, and he said that Qi Yan was not like a teacher, nor like a painter, but like a free and easy knight, only occasionally his back would be a little lonely.

But if there is a gaze that always follows him behind this back, will that back no longer be lonely. If there is a pair of hands holding him tightly, it is not considered to have given him a home.

This room reminds me of Qi Yan, Lu Qiran reminds me of Qi Yan, and a song I hear at random reminds me of Qi Yan.

He was gone, but he left everything behind. I saw a sentence in a book before: It's all him who opens and closes his eyes. Now that I finally understand, I laugh at it hypocritically when I don't understand it, and even my heart hurts when I understand it.

I really miss him.

Once, Lu Qiran and his girlfriend Ai Wen came to see me, and I told the story of Qiu Mu Hibiscus, about Qiu Mu Hibiscus, about An Yin, and about Qi's painter. I spoke slowly, little by little, and the sunlight poured into the room, gently caressing my skin, and it was a very comfortable feeling. I just remembered that I hadn't been out in the sun in a long time.

People who have lived in the dark for too long sometimes forget about the sun. thought that the sun had nothing to do with him, but when the sun shone, the whole person was jubilant.

"It's really a very poignant and very touching love story, but I think Akiki is happy, she has two people who love her so much, and she herself is so brave." Ai Wen sighed.

"Painters are really the most simple kind of people in the world, and their love is so unforgettable. This Qi family is afraid that he has loved Qiu Mu Hibiscus for the rest of his life. No, if there is an afterlife, he will probably fall in love with Akiki Hibiscus. Lu Qiran said, his voice full of emotion.

"Do you think Akiki Hibiscus actually likes the Qi family, but she doesn't notice it?" I asked.

"If she knew that the Qi family had done so much for her, I am afraid that she would fall in love with the Qi family even more. But I was afraid that she turned back, but Qi turned around and left. Lu Qiran said.

"Why?" Ai Wen and I both asked in surprise.

Once he watched Qiu Mu Hibiscus even put life and death aside for the sake of peace and security, but now that he is in love with him, Qi will only think that Qiu Mu Hibiscus feels indebted, not love. What he has always guarded with his heart is the most beautiful love, and any other impurities are blasphemy. This is something he cannot tolerate, and it hurts his heart more than not loving him. ”

After Lu Qiran and Ai Wen left, I went around and around in that memory, but I couldn't get out. I searched for all the fragments of Qi Yan's memories, whether it was the first or the second life, he always stood silently in a corner that was not noticed by the protagonist of the memory. Yes, he has been neglected all along.

However, I am neither Qiu Mu Hibiscus nor the second Lin Xuejing, but Meng Yishi! I love Qi Yan, I love him, I must find him and tell him clearly that I love him.

I'm going to find him.

I repeated it over and over again during those sleepless nights.

And I started my own plan that seemed extremely clumsy, stupid, almost crazy, about finding Qi Yan.

My heart was pounding, and nothing was trying to stop me.